Van:

It was weird to be traveling with just Martin and his assistant, so I invited Larry down to Los Angeles with us. He agreed quickly.

Once the plane landed, I felt a sense of relief wash over me. Something about being back, and being so close to her was oddly relaxing. So what if she didn't want anything to do with me?

We were set to perform tomorrow night, and for now we were checked into our hotel, Larry, Bondy, and I watching a movie while Bob and Benji were exploring the lobby, probably camping out at the bar to watch some basketball game.

I scratched my neck, reaching into my jacket for my cig pack. I remembered I'd thrown the empty carton away before our flight, making a mental note to buy a pack here. I stood up, feeling the guys glance at me.

No time like the present. "I'll be back."

"Want company?" Bondy spoke up.

"I'm good." I walked out the room, grabbing one of the keys and sliding it into my pocket. The sky was turning dark, that light blue with wisps of the sun decorating it.

I spotted the liquour store at the end of the street, it's bright red sign standing out from the places around it.

I moved inside, glancing at the girl standing at the counter. "Can I get a pack of Marlboros too please?" My stomach dropped, my teeth digging into my tongue. She ran her hands down her red dress while she waited, still not even noticing me staring at her back like an idiot.

She put the pack in her bag and turned, her eyes freezing on mine. I began to open my mouth, trying to say something, anything. She swayed, blinking slowly, and then crumpled to the ground right in front of me.

"Carmen!" I was at her side in seconds, holding her up. She didn't stir, her skin looking pale. I touched the side of her face, bringing it up to mine. The lad behind the counter had come out, he stared at me uncertainly as if waiting for me to tell him what to do. "Call an ambulance!" I said harshly, grasping onto her. She seemed so fragile in my hands, her lips parted and her eyelashes fanned out against her skin. I sighed, adjusting myself to make sure she wasn't bent oddly. My stomach twisted as I willed her to open her eyes again.

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Carmen:

I felt a hand on the side of my face, warm air fanning onto my forehead as lips pressed against it. I opened my eyes quickly, sitting up. The hands yanked away from me, and I took a deep breath, breaking out into a massive coughing fit.

"Carmen." Van stood up. He hadn't been an illusion. He was here in front of me, hands at his side, his face a mix of worry and confusion. I felt jittery looking at him, the same feelings I'd had for him washing over me in waves. My heart beat so fast it almost hurt, and I rubbed my temples, feeling hot.

"The ambulance is on their way." The guy at the counter spoke up, looking at me and then Van.

"An ambulance? There's no need for that. I have to get back home." I muttered, grabbing the ice from the ground.

"Carmen. You just passed out, let them look at you." Van spoke up. I looked at him, shaking my head and walking towards the door. "It's nothing."

"What's wrong with you?" He followed after me.

"What's wrong with me?" I asked defensively.

"You need to go to the hospital."

"I just need to eat something. I haven't eaten much." I mumbled. Silence settled between us. I needed to go, but my feet stayed rooted to the same spot. "What are you doing back?" I asked.

"I'm just here for a couple of days. We're gonna be guests on James Corden." He smiled briefly and my heart swelled up.

"That's good." I said. "That's fantastic, I'm glad."

"I really think you need to go to the doctors. Get checked." He said, ignoring my comments.

"I'm fine." I held the ice under one arm while I reached for my bag, rooting around for the keys.

"Here." He stepped forward and I tensed, but he reached to take the ice from underneath my arm.

"Thanks." I held the pack of cigarettes in one hand while I grabbed the keys, reaching back for the ice.

"I got it." He said stubbornly. I rolled my eyes and turned to walk towards the car. He followed behind me. I felt as nervous as if we were on our first date again. "And you're not driving." He said matter of factly, taking the keys from my hand in one motion.

"What? Van."

He shook his head, "I won't risk it." I looked on open mouthed as he walked towards the drivers seat, sliding in with ease. A wave of anger rushed over me, because how dare he decide to come and act with such authority?

I walked around to the drivers seat, where he glanced at me with a somber expression. "Van, give me my keys."

"There's cars speeding by, you're practically standing on the street. Don't be mad and get in the car."

"Van, enough. You don't get to just show up and decide you're going to tell me what to do."

He faltered. "Then call Zach and tell him to come get you. I'm not going to let you put other people at risk Carmen."

"I don't talk to Zach anymore. I don't think he'd appreciate me calling him for favors anytime soon."

"What happened?" Van asked, resting on the steering wheel.

I ignored his question. "Van, come on."

A car whizzed by behind me. Van suddenly threw the door open and reached, yanking me forward into the car and onto him. He shut the door, his hands awkwardly suspended in the air around me. I was sitting on top of him, feeling the warmth of his body, and my legs shook. He glanced at me, his eyes trailing down my face.

I finally reacted, sliding towards the passenger seat and pulling my dress down as I sulked. He started my car, checking over his shoulder before pulling out of the parking space.

"So what happened with Zach?"

"So how's Abby?" I asked pointedly, staring ahead.

"She's well." He said simply. I glanced at him, soaking him up unashamedly while he kept his eyes on the road. He glanced at me and we locked eyes. I crossed my legs, staring ahead. Multiple questions and explanations built up in my chest, so many things I wanted to tell him, yet nothing seemed to make sense.

All I could do was rip the carton of cigarettes open, grabbing one and plucking it into my mouth before rolling the window down, digging my lighter out with another hand.

"Since when have you...?" Van asked, surprised.

"A couple of months. It's very relaxing, I can see why you did it." I pressed the top of my hand against my mouth. "I still haven't gotten used to the taste." I admitted.

"That means you don't really like it then." He said.

I glared at the dashboard, ignoring him.

"I went to the store to buy some, completely forgot to. Bum me one?" He asked innocently. I gave him the cigarette. "Light me." He said muffled. I reached over, flicking the lighter and drawing it to the cigarette. I was so close. I glanced at him, he looked at me from the corner of his eye. I lit it and drew back, willing the thudding in my body to slow. He pulled to a stop at a light, rolling the window down and expertly blowing out the smoke, digging one hand in his hair as he did so. I took another drag, looking ahead. "When was the last time you ate?" He asked.

"A while ago."

"Can't even remember can you?"

"I was helping Jesse get ready for her graduation." I said defensively.

"Did you graduate?" He asked.

"No, not yet." I responded.

He didn't say anything else, accelerating when the light turned green. We pulled into the lot of my apartment building, and I looked at him. "I'll put the ice down and then I'll give you a ride back if you want."

"Yeah, but eat something first." He turned off the car and handed me the keys, throwing the door open and sliding out.

He opened door behind me to get the ice, waiting for me. I walked next to him, finding myself drawn to him like always, our bodies practically bumping. I threw the door open and smiled apologetically at Jesse when I locked eyes with her coming out of the hallway. "Sorry for being late. You remember Van?"

She nodded, taking the ice from Van. "Good to see you." She looked at me after, and I could practically see the thoughts running through her head.

"You too." Van looked at me. "Are you gonna eat then?"

"You want something?" I asked. He shook his head.

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Van:

She walked towards the table with food, grabbing a paper plate and smiling at the people next to her while she grabbed something. I stood awkwardly, but I couldn't help watch her. She always looked changed when I saw her. But she still remained so achingly beautiful.

She turned back towards me, walking to me slowly. "Let's go."

I didn't protest, following her back outside. She ate quickly, throwing the plate in the dumpster before we reached her car.

She slid behind the wheel and started the car, taking a deep breath while she checked her mirrors.

"So how's work?" I asked.

"I'm not working right now." She responded.

"What? Why?"

"I just didn't feel comfortable there anymore."

"Was it Zach? What did he do?" I felt a hot pulse of anger run through my head.

She remained quiet, pulling to a stop. "It wasn't just him, it was other things." She replied simply.

The light turned green and she moved forward.

"Why didn't things work out with you and him?"

She gripped the wheel tightly, slowing to another stop. "Because they didn't."

"Carmen"-

"Van, not now please. They didn't work out and that's that. And I know I said I thought it would be different and that I wanted things to work but they didn't." She said quickly. I crossed my arms. "What hotel is it?" She spoke quietly.

"That one." I pointed to the one up ahead. She pulled into the parking lot, parking but still leaving the car on. I took a deep breath, taking my seatbelt off. I looked at her, she was staring at the radio, her mouth turned down. "Carmen." I spoke up. She looked at me, her eyes glistening. My chest tightened, my mouth going dry. There was no one in this entire planet who could get through to me like she did. Even with just a glance at her expression now, as she sat in front of me with her arms crossed and her eyes welling with tears, I'd never felt as much anywhere else. She knew how to push me, make me mad. But ultimately, she knew how to save me.

I grabbed her face with my hands, moving my mouth to hers. She grasped onto me like a lifeline, her lips desperate. She broke away from me, burying her face in my neck. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." She whispered, her body trembling underneath mine. I held onto her, feeling my throat tighten. "I'm sorry. I love you. I love you so much." She looked at me, her tears spilling freely. "But you don't have to make me feel better. I know what I told you about Zach....I wouldn't want to forgive me either." She turned towards the wheel, straightening up.

"Ok, you don't get to do that." I said loudly. "You don't get to kiss me and then shut down again."

"You're with Abby now right? I'm sure she'll treat you better than I will." She said defeated.

"What I have with Abby...is nothing compared to what I feel for you. These feelings are too strong for me. They're eating me alive, and it's not normal and it's not healthy."

She turned the engine off, leaning back. "I can't sleep because of you." She muttered. "I can't close my eyes without seeing you."

"Good." I responded.

My phone vibrated.

Larry: Went to grab some grub with the guys, are you ok? We'll be at the 101 if you want to meet us

I was gonna type an answer when Carmen said my name.

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Carmen:

"Van." He looked up at me, and I grabbed onto him, melting onto him. My entire self sagged with relief, his warmth and his hands intoxicating. "I love you. I love you." I whispered raggedly, wanting to grab onto every inch of his skin.

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He grabbed my hand and led me out of the elevator. I stumbled behind him, the dimmed lights of the corridor making everything darker. My heart thudded wildly as I followed him, watching him fumble with his key. It was almost like old times, if I tried hard enough I could place us there, but we were different now. Although I wanted him even more now than I did then, if that was even possible.

The door opened and he pulled me in with him, shutting the door behind me. He pushed me against the door, locking his hand in my hair and studying my mouth. I pressed against him, wrapping my arms around his neck. "I can't think of anything else but you." I admitted.

"I know. I'm glad." He grinned, pressing his mouth against mine. His leg was in between both of mine, his hands pulling me closer onto him. One hand ran down, grabbing my thigh and pulling it up while he pressed closer against me. I wasn't thinking anymore, my legs jelly and my hands eager.

We stumbled into the living room area of this massive room, my breath catching in my throat as we crashed onto the sofa, his lips pressing against my throat. I brought his face up to mine again, desperate to make up for lost time.

His hand brushed my hair back, the other one bringing my chin up to press my lips against his. My dress pushed up as we moved against the couch, and when his hand rested on my inner thigh I thought I'd lose my mind. He put both hands on my stomach as he kissed me, and I slid out of the dress, grinning as he tossed it to the floor carelessly.

His shirt came off, and my skin grew even more warm as we pressed against each other. I grew desperate, reaching for his pants. He laughed into my mouth, his hands fiddling with my bra clasp.

I shoved my hands into his pants and he groaned. "You with those hands." He gasped slowly. I pressed my legs together, but his hands reached in between them as he pulled them apart. His fingers played with the band of my underwear, his mouth running down my neck and biting softly into my shoulder. I felt close to exploding.

"Please." I moaned out, feeling his fingers go inside me.

"Please what?" He asked innocently, burying his tongue into my mouth while his fingers slid inside me. I bit his lip, arching my back while he yanked his fingers out and reached to undo his pants. I shut my eyes for a second, rubbing my hands against them while I tried to control my thoughts for one second. I looked at him, and I felt an emotion so powerful overwhelm me. This was love, this was bigger than love This was something bigger than both of us, and we had no other option but to go along with it if we wanted to breathe easier. "I love you." He whispered into my neck, moving my underwear down.

"I love you." I responded back.

"Say you're mine baby. That's all I want to hear you say."

"I'm yours." I said breathlessly, feeling him move against me.

"I'm yours. All this time, I've always been yours." He moved inside me. I bit into his shoulder, feeling the air leave my body as we moved against each other. I dug my fingers into his skin, thinking of nothing else. He moaned softly into my ear, grasping my hair. My legs stiffened, my entire body clenching. I moved against him urgently, sounds trailing out of my mouth while I clawed at his back. Soon, the knots in my stomach untwisted and my body gave out, black circles dancing across my vision.

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Van:

She put her clothes on again, rolling her eyes at my pout before leaning in to kiss me. I held on to her, afraid that she'd slip away the minute I let go. Her face was flushed, her smile bright. I put my pants on, slipping her onto my lap and intertwining my fingers with hers. It felt so right, and for the first time in a long time I felt completely and utterly at peace.

My phone vibrated from my back pocket, making me wiggle a little to reach, never letting go of her. I saw Abby on the screen, feeling Carmen slide off of me and move onto the couch, tucking her legs underneath her.

"Hello?"

"Bloody hello to you. I've been calling, why haven't you picked up?" She asked shrilly.

"I've been incredibly busy with something very important. Listen, I have to tell you"-

"You can tell me in person. Guess who caught the first flight to Los Angeles!"

I felt my stomach twist. "What?"

"I'm here! In the airport, looking for a bloody taxi. I'm afraid someone's gonna jump me to be honest. What hotel are you staying at?"

"Abby?"

"What?" She asked.

I looked at Carmen. She was looking right at me, expectant.

I gave her the name of the hotel and hung up, looking at Carmen. "Carmen"-

"Is she here?" She asked.

"Yeah, but"-

"Did you agree to meet here?"

"Of course not." I reached for her again but she stiffened. She relaxed, moving towards me. I wrapped my arms around her.

"What are you going to do?"

I put my chin on her shoulder. "I'm going to break up with her."

"I have to ask you this or it's going to bother me." She said after a minute.

"What?"

"I called you, a couple of weeks ago. Abby answered."

"What?"

"And she said you told her to. You didn't want to talk to me. Is that true?" She asked, her eyes meeting mine.

I frowned. "I never told her to answer any call for me, especially yours. I'd told her way before, what I still felt for you."

Carmen nodded, bringing her lips to mine. We fell back onto the couch, but she stopped, bringing a finger to my mouth. "I should go. I completely ditched Jesse and I have to go back and see what I can do. And you," she stood up. "Have to talk to your girlfriend." She cringed. "That sounds so bad." She stood up, walking towards the door. "You know where to find me when you're done." She smiled, shutting the door after her.

I leaned against the couch, giddy. Shit, I forgot to tell Larry anything. He probably thought I'd gotten jumped. I texted him an apology and whatnot, then stood up and walked to the bathroom. I studied myself in the mirror as I washed my hands, taking a deep breath.

It was time to break things off with Abby, and knowing how she was I didn't even know what to even expect as a reaction.