Carmen:

"It's me again. I don't know what else to say. Call me." I hung up, tapping the phone against my bottom lip and looking out into the campus. Waiting for my last class, I'd figured I would call Van.

And straighten out the mess that'd happen two days ago.

It felt like we'd had an argument. Even though it wasn't like a screaming match or anything, when I thought of him I got nervous. And not the good kind of nervous either.

Maybe he was avoiding my calls. Maybe he'd gotten tired of my attitude and decided it wasn't worth it.

Maybe he was with that Abby chick right now. My hand gripped the phone until it actually hurt. I studied the concrete in front of me, looking around at all the milling students.

The phone rang and I quickly looked at it, fighting disappointment when I saw it wasn't Van.

"Carmen?"

"Yes?"

"It's Stacey. From Thredz."

"Hi Stacey."

"I was just calling to let you know about the internship. Congratulations, you got it."

My stomach dropped. "What, really?"

"Yup. Could you start tomorrow?"

"Yes of course. What time?"

"Ten."

"Yes sure, that sounds good. Thanks Stacey."

"See you tomorrow." She hung up. I felt like I was floating on air, then immediately backtracked. I wondered why they'd hired me. The ideas I'd presented weren't exactly innovative. Oh well. I felt another weight lift off my chest as I realized this might even guarantee I graduate one semester earlier. An internship out of the way and a couple of classes to go, I might get my diploma sooner.

I would've started dancing right then and there if I was a little less self-conscious.

I looked at my phone, all thoughts of Van flooding my brain. I would've loved to tell him about the good news, but I just couldn't reach him.

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

Van:

"She's not mad."

"Well she did basically tell you to stop wasting your time and get to work on the album." Bondy swung his feet up on the coffee table. I gripped my pen, placing it against my mouth.

"It's just the distance that's all."

"Maybe it wasn't the best idea for you to start a relationship if you knew what distance would do." Benji spoke up.

"What about you and Katherine?"

He shrugged. "We settled on not talking about it until I got back. But then again I haven't spoken to her in like a week so she's probably gonna rag on me later."

"I mean, I don't want to break up with her. I'm trying my best. She sounded mad, but about something else."

"Maybe she finally found out about you and Abby."

"How would she? And Abby and I aren't anything!" I threw my pen at the table, sitting up. "Stop doing that Bondy."

There was a knock at the door. "Ten euros it's Abby." Bondy muttered.

"Bug off. It deffo is not Abby." I walked over to the door and peeked through the eyehole. "Abby."

"You owe me." Bondy declared, pulling his cap off and throwing it up.

"Abby what are you doing here?"

"I came to see my best mate in town." Something was off. She staggered forward, practically tripping on her own two feet. I caught her, trying to straighten her up. She clung to me. "Van McCann." She said in a singsong voice, her fingers digging into my neck. She brought her mouth close to my jaw, letting her head fall back and laughing.

"Jesus." Bondy and Benji both walked over, unsure of what to do.

"If ya could grab her, that would be swell." They listened to me and grabbed her by the arms, walking her over to the couch.

"You're trashed aren't ya?" Bondy let her fall onto the couch.

"Just a teeny bit. Who are you?"

"Why bother? You won't remember my name when you're sober."

I stood at the door, unsure of what to do with the girl lying on my couch. As if on cue, my phone started ringing from the coffee table. Before I could get to it, Abby reached and grabbed it. "Ello? Who is this? I'm Abby. Van? Van McCann is here. Who's this?"

I grabbed the phone from her, looking at the caller ID and feeling my throat tighten when I saw who it was. "Carmen I"-

"Who is that? Abby, your friend Abby?" Carmen cut over me, sounding quite pissed.

"How did you know about her?"

"It's her then."

"She's drunk, I"-

"Oh so you were at the pub huh? She's who you go to the pubs with then?"

I walked out, squeezing the phone to my ear. "Carmen, it's nothing. She's just"-

"Forget it Van."

"Don't do this now. Come on."

She hung up.

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

Carmen:

"S-Stupid! Stupid stupid!" I threw the phone across the living room, sinking into the couch and digging my nails into the cheap material of it. I felt cheated. Everytime Van was out at some pub, it must've been with this girl. I If he hadn't mentioned her to me before, there must've been a reason why. I buried my face in my hands, lying on my side. There was a pain in my stomach like I'd been punched.

The phone rang and I knew it was Van. I rejected the call, and the one after that. Just thinking about his face made me want to scream.

The phone rang again and I answered, feeling the anger trickle up my throat. "Don't call me. I don't want to talk to you so why don't you just go back to Abby."

"Hey....this is Zach. From Thredz."

Fuck. "Zach, oh god. Sorry." I opened and shut my mouth, trying to come up with a reasonable excuse.

"I got your number from Stacey, hope you don't mind. Um I guess I just wanted to personally congratulate you about the internship, before you're swamped on the job tomorrow. You stuck out from the other candidates for the job. And I'm glad James picked you."

"Oh yeah, thanks a lot. Really, it means a lot that you guys picked me and I won't let you down." I tried to swallow a lump that was forming in my throat. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah. I hope everything's alright." Zach paused. "I'll see you tomorrow then." I hung up, leaning against the wall and shutting my eyes. The phone in my hand rang again and I answered without checking who it was. "Hello?"

"Carmen, don't hang up! Please." Van lowered his voice to a normal volume. "I need to talk to you. And I need you to listen and let me explain."

"Well you've got a lot of explaining to do then, don't you think?"

"Abby's just a friend. That's it. Do you think I'd do that to you?"

"What did you want me to think? I heard a conversation between you and Bondy. And then this happened."

"You heard a conversation? Well then why didn't you just ask?"

"Because, I can't just ask you stuff like that."

There was static on his end and then he spoke. "She's just a friend. That's it. The end."

"Sure Van ok." I said tiredly.

"Carmen, you're getting placid on me again. What, are you still doubting me?"

"I have to go."

"No you don't. Carmen, I swear, Abby"-

"I don't want to talk about Abby anymore! Ok? I don't want to talk about her. And I don't want to talk to you right now."

"Carmen don't tell me that."

"I got an internship." I laughed dryly. "That's why I called you in the first place."

"....Carmen"-

I hung up the phone, sliding against the wall and letting the phone drop on the carpet. My lungs felt heavy and my eyes burned. The phone rang again and again, but I didn't answer.

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

I woke up the next morning with a dull headache.

I don't know if I cried while I slept, cause my eyes were red when I looked into the bathroom mirror. My whole body felt immensely heavy.

I raked my hands through my scalp, taking a deep breath and picking up my phone from the ground. It needed to charge, but I could still see the notifications of missed calls and text messages.

I plugged it in and changed into what I hoped was formal attire. Formalish at least.

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

"There she is! Our new intern everybody!" I walked into an office filled with people, who were all clapping politely and some even whistling. I attempted to smile and really hoped it didn't look like I was in pain.

I met Ella and she was the sweetest thing. She was tinier than me and super loud, quickly reaching to put her arm around me and take me to the office. "I will tell you everything you have to know sweetie. I love this top by the way, where did you get it?"

Zach followed us into the office. I was still a bit embarrassed by last night's phone call, but I still managed a weak smile at him.

"Ella chill. Before you bombard Carmen with questions about her life, why don't we show her the stuff we've got to do today?"

"Zach you're so boring. But yeah, ok. Alright Carmen, I've got a meeting with a potential clothing line collaborator. You could come to that with me and take notes or whatever. Maybe even help me with some negotiations. Or"-

"You could help me completely remodel the new website for Thredz."

"James is letting you?" Ella looked surprised.

"He asked me to." Zach said smugly.

"Wow. Maybe Carmen should help you with that instead. That's too much work just for you."

"I mean, if she wants."

"Sure, that's fine." I smiled at Zach.

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

My phone rang while I was listening to Zach. "Sorry, I thought it was on silent."

"No worries." I shut it off and hovered over him. "Ok, what do you want me to do?"

"Well I got the basic layout of the website." He brought it up. It looked incredible.

"Wow, you designed this on your own?"

"I don't like to brag but yeah."

I laughed, studying the website. I was so engrossed I didn't even notice I was hovering too close over him. "Sorry. That looks amazing. But what about the header?"

We worked on the website for a bit. "I think a break would be nice. I'm gonna go get a coffee, you want anything?"

"No I'm good thanks." I waited until he left then walked to my phone to check it. More missed calls. More texts.

Answer the phone.

Come on, I'm losing it

Carmen, PLEASE

If you don't reply I swear

I LOVE YOU AND I WOULD FUCKING RATHER GO BLIND THAN HURT YOU, JUST LETTING YOU KNOW

The door slid open, Zach walking in. I set my phone in my bag, walking over to my little desk. The window outside offered a view of the city, which I focused on for a bit while thinking.

I could only hold out on Van for so long. I knew maybe I was being wrong, maybe immature. But thinking about him and that girl and him not telling me about her...it was hurtful.

My mind was conflicted, my stomach twisting at the thought that Van was upset, but I was upset too.

"You ok?" Zach's voice broke my thoughts.

"Um yeah." I waited a bit. "Listen again, about last night."

He waved a hand. "Don't worry about it. I just hope you're not losing your mind over some douche."

I reddened. "No, I'm not."

"I'm glad. So what got you into PR?"

We spent a bit talking, and it was actually pretty nice. Zach was funny and he didn't take anything too seriously.

"No." I laughed, listening to his story.

"I swear I'm telling the truth. It was insane."

"That's so dumb though why would you do that?"

"I wanted the job." He shrugged, tucking his hair behind his ear. "And I just couldn't think of anything else."

"Well that's very determined of you. And also really dumb."

"Thanks." He laughed.

Ella walked into the office. "Hey you two look like you're having fun, is the website done?"

Zach leaned back on his chair. "Yup, how'd the meeting go?"

"It was ok."

"Just ok?" Zach leaned forward, locking his hands together.

"They seemed kind of bored."

"Whatever. I'm sure you did great." Zach typed away for a bit on his computer, then stopped to look at both of us. "Alright I think since it was Carmen's first day, we should go out and have a PR celebration. Who wants cupcakes?"

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

It was abut eight pm when I was finally pulling up to my building. I was full of sugar and my throat felt weird from laughing at all of Zach and Ella's stories. I was glad I'd agreed to go with them to get cupcakes, even though I'd compensated the cupcakes for real food and now my stomach was not enjoying it.

I marched up the stairs with my keys in hand, stopping when I saw the figure standing in front of my door, smoking a cigarette. He looked up at me and I felt my heart palpitate when I saw those familiar blue eyes of the boy I'd been dreaming about for the last few weeks.

"What are you doing here?"