"Carmen." Van spoke softly, his hand resting on top of mine.

"Hm?"

"I like you. I don't know how many times I have to say that."

"You shouldn't be obligated to feel like you have to." I started to rise away from him, but he held me down gently.

"Hang on. I like having you like that. It's very comfortable."

"Not for you." I curled my feet underneath me, still pressing my face against his arm.

"I don't want you to hate me."

"I don't."

"I might have to go back soon, to London. There's been some talk with this company."

"That's great." I tried to voice my enthusiasm to the fullest extent. But I already knew what that meant; Van leaving for god knows how long.

"It is." Van didn't deny it. He looked at me, his eyes crinkling. "But I'm being very selfish."

"What do you mean?"

"I want to be your guy I guess is what I'm trying to say."

I opened and shut my mouth. Van had known for me two weeks at the most. But during that period of time we had gotten to know each other well, and though there were more aspects of each other we didn't know, the thrill of hearing Van say these words made me ready to dive headfirst into anything he proposed.

"My guy." I repeated those words, studying the fabric of his sweater.

"Yes ma'am. You know, the one you call when you're drunk, when you're sober, tired, sad, happy, anything." He rubbed his face with his hand, turning to look at me. "So whattaya say? You wanna be my girl?"

"Can I think about it?" I tried to stay somber, but I couldn't keep a straight face.

"Sure. Alright those were a couple of long seconds." He kept smiling, his hair falling all around his face. He looked so effortlessly boyish.

"Yes."

"Yeah?"

"Yes!" I wound my arms around his, turning to look up at him. "I want you to be my guy."

"I'm glad we reached that agreement." He pursed his lips like we'd just been discussing business, then kissed me lightly on the nose, laughing lightly. "Sugar I'll be smiling funny all night if I'm with you." He spoke in a funny accent,earning an eyeroll from me.

"Let's turn the television on, it's too quiet." I leaned forward, grabbing the remote from the table.

"Yeah, there's some good television shows here. My parents never let me watch much back home."

"Oh yeah? Which ones have you watched here?"

"Only reruns, but there's one about detectives I watch at night when I can't sleep. What's that show called?" He looked up while thinking about it, looking extremely adorable. "Law and Order, something unit."

"SVU. I love that show. I think I've seen pretty much every episode. Any others?"

He tapped a fist against his forehead while thinking. "The one with the doctors? Grey's?"

"Grey's Anatomy! I've never watched that one."

"That's about all I can think of. I'm not much good with shows. I like movies."

I started flipping through channels, when Van suddenly spoke up. "Wait, go back!"

I went back a couple of channels, until he told me to stop. It was an old black and white movie.

"I've seen this one before, have you?"

I shook my head. "Nope."

"It's good." I dropped the remote back on the table and leaned into him again, trying to pick up on the plot. "See that guy? So he's mad for this lady-that one. But she's married so he's plotting to kill her husband and run away with her." His hand felt warm through my shirt, pressing me against him. I inhaled deeply as I watched the screen.

No more than twenty minutes in I began to feel my eyes get heavy. I tried to keep them open but they kept dropping against my will. And Van made the perfect pillow.

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

"Pst. Pssst. Babe."

I groaned a little, burying myself into Van's arm. I had barely closed my eyes about five minutes ago.

"Carmen. Caaaarrrmen." His fingers tickled my ribcage, making me jolt away from him.

I blinked slowly in the dark, my eyes aching with tiredness. "I'm sorry."

"What for? It was quite nice having you sleep on me like that. I just figured you'd be more comfortable in bed. Come on then." He stood up, offering me his hand. I took it, walking aimlessly in the dark clutching his hand. It's almost like I'd forgotten the layout of my own apartment. I bumped the coffee table, Van leading me.

"Probably not the best idea to turn the television off and leave us stumblin in the dark like that." He muttered.

"Probably not the best idea to let you lead when you don't know where my room is either." I murmured, moving towards the hallway. I got to my room and threw the door open, the room pitch black except for a few slivers of light coming from the streetlights outside.

"Why don't you stay over? It's too late for you to be driving now." I whispered to Van's silhouette, moving in the dark towards my bedstand where I flicked the lamp on.

"If you're trying to get me in your bed all you had to do was say something." I shoved Van lightly while he laughed, walking over to my dresser. I took a shirt and a pair of shorts out, fighting another yawn as I looked over at Van. "Right. I'll just use your bathroom really quick." He disappeared out into the hallway, and then poked his head back in. "Where's your bathroom love?"

I directed him and then shut the door, quickly changing out into my sleeping attire. Shaking my hair out of the braid I'd had it in, I yanked the door open and stepped outside in the lit hallway. Van was just walking out of the bathroom when he stopped to let me pass.

I did my business and walked back to my room. "Hey I"- My words were cut off when I saw Van undoing his belt, pulling his jeans down.

"Yeah?" He looked at me.

"Nothing." I said quickly, walking over to the bed and throwing the covers back. I heard the rustling of clothing and then Van was walking around the opposite side of the bed, his chest bare and a pair of boxers hanging low on his hips. I felt myself grow hot, I don't know if it was really sexual, I mean I knew for certain I was infatuated with Van, but this was because everything seemed more serious.

I slipped in just about when he did, our knees knocking against each others. I was relieved I'd decided to shave my legs last night, but as I flipped the lights off and the room was bathed with darkness, I still felt greatly self-conscious.

Van whispered "Good night love." His lips brushing against mine, and then I was forced to turn my back to him to fall asleep comfortably. But a few minutes later he'd wound himself around me, his face resting into my hair. I breathed deeply, trying to get used to having a warm body pressed against me after so long.

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

I jolted awake because I felt the heaviness in my bladder and speed-walked to the bathroom while rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I walked back into the room and was momentarily stunned by the image of Van sleeping so peacefully, eyes shut and hair fanned over the pillow, mouth partly open.

And then I snapped back to reality when I read the clock and realized my class started in twenty minutes. "Shit, shit, shit." Was all I could mutter as I slipped on a pair of jeans and reached for the first shirt that came into my vision. I looked at Van. I really didn't want to wake him, he looked so peaceful. I walked to my desk, grabbing a piece of notebook paper and slowly ripping it out. I scribbled a note explaining everything to Van and quickly bolted out of the room, grabbing my keys from the coffee table.

I found it very hard to focus in class when I thought of Van tangled up in my bed. Part of me hoped he'd still be there when I got back. But I don't know how possible that was.

I said goodbye to a friend and rushed out of class, sliding into my car and gunning out of campus. I was grateful I didn't live that far from campus, and that I only had one class today.

I threw open the door to the apartment, listening in for anything. Jesse had slept over at her boyfriend's place and she had afternoon classes, so she would probably show up towards the evening.

I walked into my room and tried to fight the disappointment when I saw the empty bed, but my spirits lifted when I read the message Van had left me underneath my note.

Babe, wish I could've been here when you got back. But my breath smelled and I wanted to brush my teeth so you wouldn't have to face that. I'll talk to you later tonight, and I definitely wanna have another sleepover. -Van, your guy

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

"Knock knock!" Katherine's voice rang outside the door. Jesse looked at me and then looked back at her book. I knew she couldn't stand Katherine and only tolerated her for my sake.

"Finally, get dressed we're going out." Katherine strolled in wearing a little black leather dress, her hair in a high ponytail and her lips bright red. She smiled, leaning against the couch.

I hadn't spoke to Katherine the last couple of days, so to have her come out of the blue like this was not expected.

"I have class tomorrow." I tucked my hair behind my ear.

"You can skip class one day Carmen." Katherine rolled her eyes.

It's not like I had a problem with skipping class, there were times where I'd rather be doing anything but go to class. But I was paying for a big chunk of tuition through my job and some loans (my dad couldn't work, my mom did and she sent me a bit of money for tuition and other costs), so when I thought of missing class I thought of my financial loan statements and quickly had to shut that idea out. I hated loans and wanted to pay them off quickly.

"Katherine."

"Come on, just this one night. You owe me." She pouted.

I hated having her twist my arm like that. I looked at Jesse, who still hadn't bothered to look up from her book.

"Come on, please? You're one of the only friends I feel comfortable going out with." Katherine squeezed my shoulder, smiling a little.

"Just tonight." I finally sighed, heading towards my room.

"Got it, I love you!" She called out from behind me. I shut the door to my room and scanned my closet, grabbing one of the few dresses I had. I changed quickly, putting my hair up and swiping some lipstick on. "You look hot." Katherine sounded partly surprised.

Jesse looked up. "You should wear that shade more often Carmen, it looks really good on you."

"Thanks Jesse." While Katherine walked towards the door I grabbed my phone and my keys, tucking them into my bag.

"I'll wait up." Jesse spoke softly, turning another page in her textbook.

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

"So what's been going on with you and that Van guy? He's not from here is he?"

I pulled to a stop at a red light, instantly feeling defensive. "We're good, and no, he's not."

"What does good mean?" She smirked, putting her legs up on the dashboard. I saw her from the corner of my eye, accelerating once the light turned green.

"It means we're good."

"Oh come on, give me a little more. Has he professed his love for you or something? Have you done the deed?" She laughed lightly.

I felt my face warm. "I um"-

"Aw, you haven't! That's a shame. If I were you I wouldn't letting too much time pass. The guy's hot, I'm sure he wouldn't have too much trouble in that department."

"Why are you telling me this?" I pulled to a stop again, this time turning to look at her. She was really starting to bug me. She held her hands up defensively.

"Hun, I'm just saying. I mean, you're cute, don't worry about that. But if you keep being too much of a prude and leading him on like that, he's gonna get bored. I'm just looking out for you."

Surprisingly her words didn't bug me as much as they would have a couple of weeks ago. Maybe it was because I knew Van and she didn't. "Whatever." I muttered, turning into the street. The club was right ahead so pretty soon Katherine would get distracted inside and leave the subject alone.

I parked and Katherine practically leapt out of the car, her ponytail swishing as she walked towards the entrance. "Come on Carmen!" I walked slower, the smell of cigarette and perfume invading my nostrils. The bouncer checked our IDs and we entered the dimly lit place, music blasting and bodies packed tightly together. "Let's get something to drink." Katherine grabbed my wrist.

"I'm not drinking." I said firmly.

"You're no fun!" She leaned against the bar, looking positively indignant.

"I'm driving!" I yelled over the music.

"One drink won't do much to you. Plus it'll wear off after an hour, come on!"

"I said no!"

Katherine rolled her eyes, turning her back to me and ordering loudly. I looked around, crossing my arms and tapping my foot to the music. Katherine bumped into me, holding a glass with green liquid. "Let's dance." She held the glass up as she weaved through the crowd, me following her. She began to dance, grabbing my arm and swinging me around. I unwillingly smiled. Katherine could be fun sometimes, when she wasn't picking every aspect of me apart.

I swayed to the music, Katherine laughing gleefully. She took another drink and looked past me, her smile frozen on her face. "Cutie right behind you!" She leaned into me when she spoke. I shrugged, I wasn't interested in anyone at the moment. Except for Van of course. "Seriously, he's looking right at us." Katherine kept dancing, the biggest smile appearing on her face. "I'm going to go talk to him. Come on!"

"You can go, I'll just go sit down for a few."

She finally waved me away, walking towards a tall raven haired guy standing by the bar. I tried to keep an eye out for her but the mass of dancing bodies blocked her from my vision. Resigned, I walked over to some of the tables against the wall, taking a seat and whipping out my phone.

Van: I miss you

I miss you too, come sleepover soon

I set the phone down, feeling the biggest smile come over my face. This boy.

Van: Is that a promise sugar?

Of course

Van: What are you up to?

Just out with a friend

Van: Have fun, but not too much fun

I'll try, where are you?

Van: Just left this place we're gonna play a gig at Thursday

Ooh, sounds fun. Do I get to come?

Van: I'll get you the VIP treatment :)

What does that entail?

When my phone vibrated and I read Van's answer, I practically choked. I looked around to make sure no one was around me or had gotten even a peek at his answer. Not that anyone would've gotten it out of context of course.

Van: You get to enjoy an extra dose of my oral capabilities :)

"Carmen!" I jumped because I had been engrossed in reading and rereading Van's message. Katherine was leaning against the guy she'd mentioned earlier. He smirked at me, I could feel his arrogance just coming off of him. "This is Zach."

"Hi." I greeted him. He didn't say anything, just kept smirking. Okayyy.

"So Zach is going over to a friend's right now. They're having a little get-together. Do you think...?" Katherine trailed off, a small smile creeping over her face.

"Katherine. I have to get back home. I have class tomorrow and"-

"You said you'd skip! Come on, don't be such a buzzkill."

Now Zach finally reacted. He let out a low laugh.

"Well then you can hitch a ride with Zach. I'm sure he wouldn't mind."

Katherine turned to Zach. "I'll meet you outside. Just hold on a second."

She waited until he'd left then turned to me. "Carmen! You can't just tell me to go off with that guy. What if he's a serial killer?"

"Well then why do you wanna go to his friend's house? That makes no sense."

She sighed. "I just wanted us to go together Carmen. I feel like we don't hang out as much anymore. And since you met Van it's gotten worse."

I looked at her in disbelief. "What?"

"You are moving on and meeting new people. I feel like we're drifting apart." She looked at the ground. I couldn't tell if she was being sincere or not.

"I-um. Katherine, you know sketchy parties aren't my scene. Let's just get out of here so we don't run into your friend there."

"Fine." She followed me out towards the back exit. Once the cool air hit my face I felt better, like I could think clearer.

Katherine was strangely quiet as I started the car and drove out. "Are you hungry?" I asked cheerfully.

"A little bit."

I pulled up to this burger place, ordering through the drive through. I parked, taking a sip from my lemonade.

"I'm sorry for bringing that Zach guy up. He was sort of weird." Katherine spoke up, still holding a fry to her mouth.

Katherine apologizing just did not happen. At least sincerely. "Yeah, he was weird." I bit into my cheeseburger.

There was silence between us and then she spoke again. "I did mean what I said back there though. You are my closest friend and I don't want to drift apart."

I swallowed. "Katherine, you have plenty of friends."

She laughed dryly. "Those are people I get high with. You, you've been around since forever ago."

"Like when you had those big purple braces?" I grinned.

"I hate you. But yeah." She laughed, shoving a fry in her mouth.

It was almost like Katherine had done a complete 360 in her personality. She was genuine and had admitted her own truths to herself.

"I know I'm a bitch." She said. "So thanks for putting up with me."

"You're welcome."

We drove back to my apartment building, and once I shut the door and she was digging in her bag for her car keys, I spoke on impulse. "Van is playing a gig on Thursday. I don't know where yet, but if you want to go, let me know. I don't work that day thank god."

"Oh." Her face looked momentarily stunned but then she smiled. "Um yeah, that sounds fun. I'd like that." I waved goodbye to her and watched her slide into her car before turning around and entering my building.

"It's not too late yet. What happened?" Jesse asked as I shut the door behind me and dropped my keys back in my bag.

"Nothing. We were just tired." I said goodnight and walked into my room. I changed and slid under the sheets. I grabbed my phone from my bag, opening Van's text message. I'd never gotten to reply.

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