I woke up with a headache that felt like an earthquake, my body trembling a little. It was still dark out and I concluded that I had only been asleep for a few hours. Sure enough, the clock read 6:30 AM. I moved around in the bed, not recognizing the feeling of the comforter. I reached out for another pillow, but was met with a body. Their head was covered, I knew it was a twin, but I just didn't know which one. That's when I realized what I was wearing. I was wearing the sweater Jake had tried to put me in and nothing else except my panties. The twin next to me was shirtless and in boxers. He looked too tan to be Jake, so I came to the conclusion it was Josh. Snuggling back under the covers, I tried my hardest to fall back to sleep.

No matter how warm it was, I just couldn't manage actually fall asleep. I felt Josh moving around next to me, so I moved a little. He groaned, his body shuffling closer to me. I opened my eyes knowing for sure sleep wouldn't be an option anymore. "Josh." I whispered to him. He didn't budge. "Josh." I tried a little louder, but still nothing. I lightly touched my finger to his nose, but he just rubbed it and went back to his state. "Joshua, wake up." I said not worrying about being to loud anymore.

"Whyyy?" He whined.

"Because I can't sleep. You shouldn't get to either." I said blankly.

"That's not fair." He said, opening his eyes to look at me. I smiled down at him.

"Hi!" I said looking at him like a happy puppy.

"You're so annoying you know that?" I giggled at him, letting my hair fall on his face. He sat up a little, not much, but enough that he wasn't buried with sheets. "So you had fun last night." He stated, clearly amused. I rolled my eyes.

"I don't really remember much. The last thing I know I did was taking my shirt off in front you guys." I said, my face turning a whole new shade of red.

"Well, there was more." He said looking me in my eyes directly. I nodded at him to go on. "Well, Jake tried to get you to put the sweater on, but you refused and started taking off your pants. You kept getting mad at Jake and he told you that you should talk in private, but you told him that if he had something to say he could say it in front of me. Then Hannah came up wondering what was happening and she was concerned for you, so you two went inside and she took the sweater from Jake. I'm not sure what you talked about, but you both came back crying and hugging, you were wearing the sweater. Then she said it might be best for you to sleep in my room, in case you got sick. Now we're here." I looked at him a little shocked, what had I said to Hannah? Why were we crying? I nodded.

"So we just went to sleep?" I asked, hoping I hadn't embarrassed myself further.

"You sobered up a little, but not a lot."

"What does that mean?" Fuck, what had I done? He laughed a little. "Joshua, what does that mean?"

"Well, you kissed me a couple of times. More like we kissed for a while and things escalated quickly, but I stopped you before anything more could happen." I stared at him, my mouth open a little. Quickly, I pulled the covers over my head, not wanting to look at him.

"I'm so, so, so sorry Josh, I don't know what came over me." My muffled voice said. "You know how I get when I drink tequila." He pulled the covers down.

"You don't have to be too sorry." He said like he wanted to say something else, but he stayed quiet. I hugged him, pulling him under the covers with me.

"Why are you so good to me?" I said, frowning with shame.

"How could I not?" I pulled him closer and closer to me, resting my head on his chest. Soon, I was in a peaceful sleep. The warmth from the covers and from Josh radiating on me. It was nice, Josh felt so safe to me, a safe I'd never really experienced before. He was home.

I awoke a few hours later to no Josh in the bed. I looked around, completely out of it. I went over to his dresser, slipping on a pair of his boxers over my underwear and some of his chunky socks. I looked in the mirror and saw a mess. My hair was all wavy, so I put it into a ponytail. My eye makeup was smudged, but that was to be expected. I had sleep lines all over my face from a good night sleep and I was still in Jake's big sweater.

I walked down the stairs quietly, not wanting to wake anyone or annoy anyone. I crept into the kitchen and was met with a Jake's gaze. I awkwardly laughed at myself. "Good morning." I said. He didn't respond. "Did you have fun last night?"

"It was alright I guess." He said, his voice dry.

"Is everything okay?" I asked.

"I'm not really sure, but I think we should probably talk." I nodded, knowing he was right.

"You want to go to the garage?" He just stood up off his stool and started walking out to the garage without a response. It was cold outside and I only had boxers on my legs, so I had a hop in my step. We made it inside and to the couch. Jake took a blanket that was hanging over the back of the couch and put it over me seeing that I was cold. "Sooo.."

"Soo.. Thomas? Really?" That's what he wanted to talk about?

"What do you mean?"

"I just didn't think that was a thing."

"It's not a thing, he's nice and we were drunk. Besides, it's not like I could go and sit on your lap." He looked hurt. "I didn't mean it like that, I'm sorry, I'm just all over the place."

"I get it, I wanted you to be with me and I know that makes me a bad person, but I did." He was searching for something in my eyes and I wasn't sure what it was. I wasn't going to tell him that when I kissed Thomas I pictured him under me.

"And then there was the whole roof thing, I'm sorry about that too." I hooked my fingers on the hem of the blanket, playing with the fringed ends.

"I just didn't know what to do. All of sudden you were.. well.. naked and then yelling at me. I just didn't think it was good for Josh to see us fight when we aren't really anything yet." My heart panged when he said that. We aren't anything, we kissed, but we aren't really anything. "Then Hannah came and she told me you too had a long talk after you threw up. She said that you were talking about loving some guy and that no one could ever know because he was like family. She just assumed it was Josh." He reached out for my hand, noticing my eyes getting watery.

"You're right, we really aren't anything I guess. I mean we kissed, but that doesn't make it any different from kissing Josh."

"It is different because I have feelings for you."

"Just think about this: Hannah was the one who took me inside last night, she was the one who held my hair back, she was my shoulder to cry on. She's beautiful and funny, perfect really and if you want me to be honest.. I just don't think I can have these feelings for you while you're still with here. I love the both of you too much and I don't want anyone to get hurt." Jake hung his head and I moved my hand to touch his cheek. I felt tears coming to my eyes, "I think it's probably best for me to go home. I don't know if I should stay the week."

"No, don't be silly. You have to stay, we don't want you to go home." He smiled at me awkwardly. He stood up, my hand falling from his face. "I think I'm going to go inside." He said, walking away from me.

It was just me, alone with my thoughts. My heart was hurting, so I did the only thing I knew to make it better. I picked up one of Kelly's old acoustic guitars and started to strum the chords to Kathy's Song. Soon, I sang along...

"I hear the drizzle of the rain

Like a memory it falls

Soft and warm continuing

Tapping on my roof and walls

And from the shelter of my mind

Through the window of my eyes

I gaze beyond the rain-drenched streets

To England where my heart lies

My mind's distracted and diffused

My thoughts are many miles away

They lie with you when you're asleep

And kiss you when you start your day

And a song I was writing is left undone

I don't know why I spend my time

Writing songs I can't believe

With words that tear and strain to rhyme

And so you see I have come to doubt

All that I once held as true

I stand alone without beliefs

The only truth I know is you

And as I watch the drops of rain

Weave their weary paths and die

I know that I am like the rain

There but for the grace of you go I"

I finished the song with my eyes closed, tightly so tears wouldn't fall, but they slipped through anyway. "He-hey.." I heard a voice say. I looked up to see Josh standing there with his hands in his pocket, I hadn't noticed him come in. I smiled at him as a tear came running down my cheek.

"Hi."

"Are you alright?" He moved over to the couch so he could be next to me. He sat where Jake had just been.

"Why is life so shitty, Josh?" My ugly crying face was on full display. "I can never get anything right." He pulled me into a hug, noticing how worked up I was.

"Hey, shhh, it's okay." He kissed my head, heat radiating over me. "Tell me what happened?"

"Nothing, it's just I wish the world wasn't so cruel. No one loves me and no one will ever love me."

"That's not true... I love you." I looked up at him and smiled, knowing once again someone loved me like a sister.

"It's a nice sentiment Joshy, but I mean really love. Head over heels, resigning love." His eyes were focused down on my face, he was questioning what I had said. Josh pulled me up, so I wasn't pressed against his chest anymore. He held my head in his hands, touching the bruise on my eye. I flinched a little, but it felt nice. Slowly, he moved his face closer to mine, pressing his lips right under my eye. He was home, home was good, I really loved home. I moved up so I could look into his eyes and then I kissed him. One sweet, warm kiss that sent shivers through my whole body. His kiss felt like kindness. "Woah.."

"Yeah.. woah.."