The first thing I did once I barged my way out of the apartment complex was march towards one of the nearest convenience stands on the street corner and buy a pack of Marlboros.

I felt slightly guilty about this, as it’d been a considerable amount of time since I’d last inhaled any type of smoke, but smoking was the one thing I knew that would almost instantly calm me down.

I definitely needed to calm down.

It felt like my insides were being tossed through a blender and I was hit with vertigo.

Of course Mom had been right. Of course Mom had been right. Weren’t mothers always right, anyways?

So Hadley really was…

Oh, hell. Now that I actually knew this was frighteningly real, I couldn’t even think of the sentence without shuddering.

I wasn’t so sure if I was about to lean over the sidewalk and throw up everything I’d eaten in the past twenty-four hours.

I slipped one of the cigarettes out of the pack and lit up, almost inhaling half of the entire thing in one drag.

My feet unconsciously began to carry me towards Central Park, even though it happened to be several blocks away from the apartment.

Even at twenty-six, Central Park was still the one place where I always went for a long, hard thinking session.

But I didn’t think all the cigarettes in the world and a stroll through Central Park would remedy what was going on inside my head.

There was one thing that was gripping me like an iron vice and wouldn’t recede.

It was fear.

I was frightened. Actually, more than just frightened. I was scared shitless.

How was I supposed to do this? How were Hadley and I supposed to do this together?

Having a baby wasn’t just some joke. A baby was a shock of reality, something that proved your life was no longer yours, because from the moment that little life takes its first breath, it’s your responsibility to love and care for the thing.

A baby was frighteningly, unbelievably, completely real.

I, Archer Incitti Morales, was going to be a father.

I could not fucking believe this.

Weren’t you careful, you idiot? I mentally berated myself as I started down a pathway in Central Park. You’re not stupid. You know if you have unprotected sex, you’re gonna wind up with a screaming, snot nosed brat.

Well, when had been the last time Hadley and I had actually had sex?

That question made me stop and think for a moment.

It wasn’t like there was a lack of spice or romance in our relationship. We’d been at it numerous times right after we were married, and up until recently, a year and a half later, it had still been that way. With my photography business taking off and Hadley getting more and more patients at the hospital, we’d just both been so busy lately that we barely got any time alone together.

So, it had been awhile since the last time. And now that I thought about it…more than enough time for symptoms to start showing up.

How could I have possibly not noticed it sooner?

Hadley had definitely gone up a cup size, and then with the extra sleeping, the random cheery moods, and the McDonald’s, it could’ve equated to her being pregnant.

The one factor that would’ve immediately raised a red flag was morning sickness, and as far as I knew, she hadn’t thrown up at all or gotten nauseous or complained of headaches.

Trust that Hadley would be the type of woman that wouldn’t even get morning sickness.

You don’t really want to know why I’m happy, Hadley had said.

She was right.

She knew as well as I did that I wasn’t all that thrilled about the prospect of having children.

But I knew she was. She might have fiercely tried to hide it, but it was so obvious. She wanted to be a mother. She was excited about it, about the baby growing inside her and being a mother.

Just because I didn’t care for the idea of having children didn’t mean that she shouldn’t be allowed to have one of the things I knew she wanted most in this world.

Then to add insult to injury, I’d run out of the apartment immediately after. Like an asshole. God.

I settled myself down on a bench by a clump of trees off the pathway and lit up another cigarette. I’d lost count of how many I’d blown through, but it had to have been at least my fourth or fifth. At the rate I was going, I’d be done with the entire back within the hour.

My head was starting throb with the information of everything that had just happened in a short amount of time.

I was beginning to feel like a massive selfish jerk.

What right did I have to stop Hadley from having the one thing I knew she wanted most in this world? With her sweet and compassionate nature, the amount of love she was able to give to anyone that needed it, I knew she would be the best mother any baby could ever hope for. And after everything that had happened to her, she deserved to get what she wanted.

I was the only thing standing in the way of that.

You’re scared you’re going to turn out like your father.

The thought occurred to me out of nowhere and with the sickening realization that it was very much true.

That was exactly the reason why I was so hesitant to even discuss having children.

Everything that bastard of a man had put me and my mouth through when I was kid was enough to make me never want to have my own children for fear of the cycle continuing.

I hadn’t seen the man in fifteen years and I’d wanted nothing to do with him, but what if that didn’t matter? What if his detestable and cruel nature was already deeply ingrained within myself and would surface right after the baby was born?

I shuddered at the thought and yanked my jacket more tightly around me.

Baby.

That felt so…weird to even think.

Talking about Hadley being pregnant was another thing entirely compared to actually having that be the truth.

This was going to take some getting used to; there was no denying that.

But I didn’t know if I would be able to handle it. I didn’t know if my mind, as messed up as it already was, would be able to take to the knowledge that there was a baby that would shortly be coming into this world that was half mine, something I had helped create.

“You okay, mate?”

I looked up in surprise at the voice that had just spoken and saw a man with slick blonde hair, dressed in slacks and a button down shirt standing in front of me, hands tucked casually into his pockets.

“I’m fine.”

The man only smiled at my cold, harsh tone, and I realized then that he had different colored eyes – one dark brown, the other a very bright blue, like a sapphire.

Talk about creepy.

“You sure?” the man said, raising his eyebrows, unconvinced. “That’s the seventh cigarette I’ve seen you blow through in the past twenty minutes.”

His smooth British accent just made his appearance all the more…unnatural.

“You’re watching me smoke,” I said. “Because that’s not strange at all.”

The man shrugged an indifferent shoulder. “Why else would I come to Central Park but to people watch?”

“Er, right.”

He still stood there, looking at me expectantly, as if waiting for me to say something.

I had nothing to say to this man. Quite frankly, I just wanted him to get the hell away from me.

But maybe if I put on a show of being polite, he’d go away. Manners did matter, apparently.

“Want one?” I said, shaking the pack of Marlboros at him, noticing the way he’d been eyeing them with interest.

The man cocked a smirk and happily accepted one, catching my lighter with ease when I tossed it his way.

He took a seat next to me after handing my cigarettes and lighter back and sighed, taking a heavy drag on his cigarette.

I noticed out of the corner of my eye black symbols of all shapes and sizes tattooed all over the man’s hands and fingers, and they looked oddly familiar for some reason.

“That’s some ink,” I said before I could stop myself.

The tattoos shouldn’t have been familiar to me for some reason. This city was covered in tattoos, and even I couldn’t be positive that I’d actually seen them somewhere before.

The man’s smirk grew as he glanced over at me. “London’s the best place for ink. If you know where to go.”

I’m sure it was.

I lit what had to be at least my seventh cigarette – shit, I was on my way to developing a lung disease – and took a drag, leaning back against the bench.

What was I supposed to do now? It wasn’t like I could just stay here for the rest of my life, smoking cigarette after cigarette.

I needed to go home. I needed to apologize to Hadley. I needed to tell her that everything was going to be okay, that our baby was going to be okay.

Even if I didn’t feel that way myself.

“Rough morning, eh, mate?”

I pulled away from my thoughts and glanced over at the man with a scowl. “Is it that obvious?”

The man laughed, inadvertently blowing a waft of smoke in my face. “Your face is going to get stuck in that expression if you keep it up for too long.”

I fought back a snort of laughter. Like I hadn’t heard that one before.

“What seems to be troubling you, mate?”

Why was this guy asking so many questions? Why was he suddenly so interested about me?

Wasn’t that just the slightest bit out of the ordinary?

“My wife is pregnant,” I blurted before I could stop myself.

Oops.

The man raised his eyebrows, unfazed. “And that’s a bad thing?”

My insides started churning with guilt again. What was this guy doing, reading my thoughts?

“No,” I ground out through my teeth. “It’s not. It’s just…”

“You’re afraid of being a horrible father.”

I almost inhaled half of my cigarette and coughed violently. When I finally managed to regain my breath, I glared over at the man with narrowed eyes.

There was no point in trying to deny that statement, because it was totally and completely the truth. This creepy man had no right knowing that, however.

“I’m sorry, can I help you?” I said angrily. “Was there something you wanted?”

“You know, I think that’s your problem, Archer Morales,” the man said, ignoring me, a thoughtful look on his face. “You’re afraid to open up. You don’t like sharing your feelings with anyone else because you’re just the silent suffering type, aren’t you?”

I let out a curse when my cigarette burned too low and singed at my skin. I threw the leftovers on the ground and stamped it out with my shoe.

What the hell was this guy talking about? And how the hell did he know my name? I didn’t remember introducing myself at all.

“A smart guy like you should know what I’m talking about, right?” the man continued, giving me a look.

He gave me a smile when I just stared at him in shock.

“Clearly, I don’t,” I snapped, my irritation taking over. “I don’t have a damn clue about what you’re talking about.”

I wanted to reach out and slam my fist into this guy’s face.

I’d never been okay with someone invading my personal space and my personal business, and this guy was quickly crossing the line. There was no telling what I would I do if he kept doing whatever game he was playing at.

I was not finding it very humorous at all.

And even though I was twenty-six and looked intimidating enough to have people avoid me on the streets – my tattoos probably helped – I had an uncomfortable feeling that this guy would follow after me regardless.

What the hell was going on?

The man heaved a sigh, shaking his head. “Shame, really. You’re a smart guy, aren’t you, Archer? You’ve got enough brains to know when to stay out of trouble, don’t you?”

“I don’t – “

“Of course you do. So, tell me…why the bloody hell would you go and get mixed up with a girl like little Hadley Jamison?”

“What?”

It was as if I had just been sucker punched in the stomach.

I sucked in air through my teeth and clutched at my knees to keep from falling off the bench.

Knowing my name was one thing. Knowing Hadley was another thing entirely.

Maybe I just had an overactive imagination, or maybe I was too fiercely overprotective of my wife, but I was not about to let some guy get away with talking about her.

I once spent a summer in Sicily with my grandma’s aunts and uncles that most certainly had strong ties to the mafia. I could handle some random man on the streets claiming to know Hadley.

“What are you talking about?” I demanded, trying to keep my voice steady.

The man’s eyebrows shot up his forehead so high they were about to disappear into his hair.

“You mean little Hadley didn’t tell you?” he asked incredulously.

“Tell me what?” I snapped, gritting my teeth. “Look, I have no idea what the hell you’re talking about, but if I don’t know you, then my wife certainly doesn’t.”

The man stared at me blankly for a moment, and then threw back his head and laughed. He laughed so loudly and so hard that a few pigeons on the ground beside us took off flying, people walking by glanced over our way.

I just sat there and tried to convince myself that slamming my fist into his smug face wouldn’t do any of us any good. God only knew how many cops or security strolled through Central Park on a daily basis.

“Oh, isn’t this rich?” the man said in a breathless voice once he finally stopped laughing. “Hadley’s totally kept you in the dark, hasn’t she?”

There was no doubt now. This man had to be an escapee from a mental hospital or something. That was the most logical explanation I could come up with. I’d heard about patients becoming obsessed with their therapists before and going to extremes to get close to them. I didn’t want it to be true, but it was a better than any alternative.

“Look,” I said flatly. “You’re insane. I have no idea what you’re talking about. You – “

“Well, you know, that might be very possible,” the man said thoughtfully, taking a drag on his cigarette. “In fact, I probably am insane.”

No shit.

“I think if you asked your dear wife about me, she’d agree that I am insane.”

Oh, I was sure Hadley would.

“As much as I appreciate your sage advice,” I said sarcastically through clenched teeth. “I think I – “

“You love her, don’t you?”

I was caught off guard by the man’s abrupt question. It made no sense, not with what we were talking about earlier.

“What does love even have to do with anything?” I asked distractedly. “That’s not even – “

“Oh, I assure you, love has everything to do with this,” the man said, cutting me off. “In fact, I really think love is the reason you’re still sitting here. Why Hadley’s still alive. Damn shame she is, too.”

“Excuse me?”

The man grinned widely, showing off his creepy white teeth. “Oh, I think you heard me, Archer. You heard exactly what I said. Of course, I wouldn’t expect you to know about Hadley and my past if she’s kept you in the dark about everything.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” I clenched my hands into fists on my thighs, grinding my teeth together, rage starting to smolder underneath the surface. I didn’t want anything else to do with this man, but I had to know why he was claiming that he knew Hadley. “Either explain what’s going on, or I’m going to – “

“It all started your junior year of high school.” He chucked his cigarette on the ground, stamped it out, then clasped his hands together in his lap as if readying himself for a long story. “Remember when shy, awkward little Hadley Jamison just burst into your life, started messing with your head, said she wanted to get to know you and to be friends? Juding by the look on your face, you know exactly what I’m talking about. You actually found a friend in Hadley Jamison, didn’t you? And after a while, she fell for you and you fell for her. You probably thought it was just a stroke of luck, something good that happened in your pathetic, miserable life, meeting her. But see, that’s where your wrong, mate. Let me tell you something.”

I found that I couldn’t move when the man tossed an arm around my shoulder and gave me an affectionate, friendly squeeze.

“Hadley Jamison only got close to you because she was told to.”

It felt like my tongue was covered in sandpaper and glued to the top of my mouth. I wanted to scream at this man everything that was wrong with what he was spouting off, but I could not say a single damn word.

There was no way what he was saying could be true. I’d been with Hadley for years and while I still wasn’t even close to figuring out how her thought process worked, she never would have gotten close to me because she was told to.

The man ignored my internal conflict and just kept on talking.

“A mutual friend of ours gave Hadley the task of getting close to you, you see. You and I both know there was a time in your life where you wanted to kill yourself, and little Hadley was told to stop you from ending your life. You know, you really don’t give your dear wife enough credit, Archer Morales. She’s the reason you’re still sitting here, and yet you think she’s too frail to look after yourself. She just about gave her life to make sure you kept on breathing, you know…unless you’ve forgotten, of course.”

I flinched, memories that I’d tried to repress over the past nine years coming flooding back through my mind at the man’s words.

Of course I hadn’t forgotten what had happened to Hadley. Of course I hadn’t. I never would forget the sight of her broken, crumpled body lying in that hospital bed, bruises and cuts all over her skin, the doctor telling us that there was a good chance Hadley might not make it. That had been one of the hardest things I’d ever had to see in my entire life, and I had seen more than most ever would.

“Ah.” The man looked at me with a knowing glint in his eyes. “I thought you might still remember.”

But as much as Hadley being in that car accident had been horrific, the knowledge that this man knew that I had wanted to kill myself was just as disturbing.

That was not something I was remotely proud of. I didn’t even like admitting it to myself that I had actually had those thoughts in the first place.

It was a weakness to me – a weakness nobody needed to be aware of. It was something even my mother didn’t know, not even Hadley. And I didn’t ever plan on telling them that.

“And you know, at first I thought my job was cut out for me,” the man said, giving me another shake. “Hadley was a little whiner, always complaining about how she didn’t know how to save you, how you were such a jerk, but how much she was in love with you. I thought getting rid of her was going to be a piece of cake.” He let out a bark of laughter, tossing back his head again. “Imagine my surprise in discovering that little Hadley Jamison was made of much stronger stuff than I thought. D’you even realize how much that girl loves you?”

I had known from the beginning that I never deserved Hadley. Nine years later, and I still didn’t deserve her. This man didn’t need to tell me that.