*****

Saturday

I had a great sleep that night.

As I woke up I felt refreshed and ready for the day, maybe because I had more hours of sleep as it was the weekend. I'd agreed to meet John around ten in the morning, since my brother in law was coming over later to drop off Hugo so I could spend the weekend with him.

I picked up my phone and turned it on to see the time, immediately blushing when the lock screen flashed at me. It was a picture of Benji all up in the camera smiling goofily. He must have taken it when I went to the bathroom at the match. I shook my head, smiling but didn't change it.

I didn't take long to get ready, after completing my hygiene routine and changing into cute dark blue tracksuit I was ready to go.

I grabbed my purse and left the house, locking the door behind me and practically skipping down the street.

I used this time to try and think about why John had called me over. The texts seemed pretty urgent, and at one point I'd even considered going there last night in case it was really bad. But with my bed calling my name it was a lost cause.

Once I arrived I nervously knocked at the door. Even though John had assured me it wouldn't happen, I was scared his mum would answer the door. That woman seriously had it in for me, even when we were younger.

The door swung open before I could drop my fist and showed a dishevelled looking John. My mouth almost dropped open as I took him in. Messy hair, his clothes worn inside out, dark circles and hard eyes. Yikes, this really was bad.

"Hey." I greeted tentatively when he didn't move. He nodded, moving aside and gesturing for me to enter. I did so hesitantly, my eyes widening when I took in the state of the house.

It wasn't dirty per say, but it was a mess with all sorts of items littered on the floor and from what I could see one of the curtains in the living room ripped.

"Sorry about the mess." John said gruffly behind me. "We'll talk in my room."

I nodded, stepping aside so he could lead me upstairs. I was surprised to see his room was absolutely spotless, looking the neatest I'd ever seen it. A direct contrast to the mess a step outside of it.

John sat on his bed and I sat on a spinny chair next to a desk not too far away, clasping my hands and turning to him. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed.

"As you can see, I'm not doing the best right now." He started in a gravelly voice. I nodded in agreement.

"I'd say that's an understatement." The words came out of my mouth before I could stop them and I immediately gave him an apologetic look. "Sorry. Shutting up now."

John shrugged, leaning back on his headboard. "Its fine, you're not wrong. Completely honest, actually. It's one of the things I've always admired about you, Chloe."

I nodded awkwardly, not sure where he was going.

John's dark blue eyes appraised me. "Actually, there was that one time you weren't honest. Do you know what I'm referring to?"

My stomach twisted uncomfortably. "Um, there's been more than one occasion when I haven't been honest, I'd say." I chuckled nervously, shrugging.

John leaned forward and I involuntarily leaned back, his intense gaze making me feel wary.

"Nah, I don't mean the little lies here and there," He waved his hand dismissively, not taking his eyes off me. "I mean the bigger ones, dare I say, life-changing ones. Well, it certainly changed my life."

I felt like the air was knocked out of me. I knew perfectly well what he was referring to. And judging by the hardened look on his face he knew I was aware too.

I bit my lip and looked down guiltily, examining my hands. I felt like his gaze was burning a hole into my head.

"I'm assuming your silence means you have no idea what I'm talking about. In that case, I'll jog your memory." John said quietly. "Just over two years ago, I woke up one morning, Saturday morning I recall, to go to my best friend's house. I knocked and knocked and knocked but there was no response. I didn't see it as a big deal. So I sat down, on the front porch, and waited. It was bright and sunny when I arrived at the house. Pitch black when I left."

I sucked in a breath, not daring to meet his eyes.

"I got home that day, confused and worried. I wasn't sure if something had happened, or if you simply weren't home. But when I saw my mum sitting in my room with the smuggest damn smile on her face I knew."

"Do you want to know what she told me, Chloe?" His voice had risen slightly now. "The same thing she told me last night. That you'd abandoned me because I wasn't worth staying for. That my supposed best friend didn't even care enough to say goodbye. That I drove you and everyone else away because of who I was. Who I am."

"That's not true John." I whispered.

In a flash he was in front of me and the sharp sound of his palm smacking the wooden desk drove me out of my seat and my heart almost out of my body. "Yeah? Then why did you leave?" John screamed, his booming voice echoing in the room.

I stared at him in terror as I started towards the door. John's face immediately softened into one of hurt and regret as he held his hands up. "No, Clo, please don't go again. I'm sorry; I'm sorry, please don't leave, not again. I won't shout again, I promise..." He pleaded his voice cracking.

My body was shaking, adrenaline coursing through my blood and my brain screaming at me to get out. If he could switch up so quickly, who says he wouldn't do something worse?

But as I stared John's wounded expression and his sad eyes that were earnestly pleading for me to stay, I knew I had to be a monster to deny his request.

I let out a deep breath, my hand dropping from the door handle and slowly walked back to my seat. I pushed it closer to the door. John shook his head.

"You don't need to do that Clo, I won't get angry again, I'm telling you." John said quietly, his voice almost child-like. I nodded but didn't move closer to him.

Dave had promised to love and care for me as if I were his daughter. He taught me promises were simply lies disguised as pretty words.

"John, I'm confused." I started my voice gentle. He sat back down on his bed slowly. "What's brought this on? Why did you want me to come over last night?"

John sighed. "It was my mother, as usual. The catalyst for all the shit things in my life." I almost winced at his language. It sounded foreign coming out of his mouth.

"I came home from Cyrus's house, expecting the house to be empty but she was there. So I used the opportunity to ask her about moving to stay with my dad, like I've mentioned to you before. Her excuse as always was that he's too busy with work to look after me, yet she's barely at home. So I didn't have it this time."

John scratched the back of his neck, not meeting my gaze. "I kind of blew up. In hindsight, I shouldn't have, even if she deserves it she's still my mum, you know?" He shrugged. "I dunno, I just remember you telling me that and it stuck. So I tried to be more respectful to her, for you. Didn't last long."

"What did you say?" I prompted.

"That her excuse was a load of bull. That she didn't want me to stay with my dad because she was using me to punish him. That she didn't love me as much as she claimed she did."

"My mum snapped at the last one." John took a shaky breath. "She said she loved me more than any other person in my life. I disagreed aggressively."

John quietened down and I could tell this was the bit that had hurt him. The way his shoulders hunched and his knees were slightly bent inwards, as if he wanted to curl in on himself. His head was down and he was refusing to look at me. He was an over a head taller than me but looking at him you'd think he barely reached my hip.

I moved to sit next to him on the bed and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Hey," I said quietly. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

John nodded slowly, still not looking up. It's only when I saw a teardrop fall from his lowered face and land on his thigh that I realised why.

I bit my lip and hugged him, my head resting on his shoulder. His body shook slightly as he hugged me back and I felt tears drip onto my neck. We could have been sitting there was half a minute or half an hour, I couldn't tell.

Once John had composed himself he pulled away from me. I shifted back so I was sitting next to him, watching him quietly. His eyes were red and lips turned downwards. My heart ached as I looked at him.

How could one go from so vibrant and full of life to this? Did I cause that?

"She told me to take a good look at my life." As John spoke, his voice thick with emotion, it was almost as if I was transported to last night in his shoes.

"No really, take a good look at the people you claim love you. I'm assuming your dad would be one? Then why did he move halfway across the state and leave you with me? Oh, and Chloe. Chloe Woods." She let out a sardonic laugh. "You'd think the girl created the stars and moon in the sky with how you see her. Was two years not enough to get into you silly little head that she doesn't care for you? If she loved you she wouldn't have left, simple as. Forget halfway across the state, she moved halfway across the world to get away from you. Yet they love you, right? And me, who's right here in front of you, who hasn't left your side since birth, supposedly hates you."

She picked up a vase and threw it at the wall his back was facing. "Open your eyes John! I will be the only person who loves you and never leaves you! You're stuck with me and you need to get that into your damn head!"

I was speechless. Before I could say a word John sprung up from his bed, facing me with a tortured expression and shaking fists.

"I-I can't be stuck with her, Chloe. I can't." His voice was shaking as hard as his clenched fists. I shook my head, approaching him as if approaching a wounded animal.

"You're not, John, you have me. Okay?" I said softly, standing in front of him. He flinched when I took his fists, but they relaxed and I entwined our hands. He let out a deep breath, his eyes never leaving me.

The way John stared at me terrified me. He looked at me like I was his whole world.

"Are you okay to finish?" I asked softly and he nodded. We sat back down but he didn't let my hand leave his.

"So afterwards she left, probably to take a drive and cool off all something. I was so hurt, so furious, I just wrecked the house. That's why its so messy. I wasn't sure when she came back; I locked myself up in my room and um, took something to calm me down." Drugs. "Then I decided to text you, and here you are."

"So I'm guessing you wanted an explanation about why I left?" I asked with a small smile. Bad idea. His face contorted and his hand left mine.

"Of course I want a fucking explanation Chloe." I flinched as if he hit me, his mood change confusing me. "I'd like to know what's so wrong with me for you to take my heart and crush it to pieces. I felt empty when you left, Chloe. Hopeless. But you didn't care, not one text, no form of contact with you for two whole years. And you have the nerve to show up like you didn't ruin me!"

I'd had enough.

I shouldn't have left without saying goodbye. That was completely wrong on my part and very selfish. I was too concerned with how I'd feel saying bye to my best friend that I didn't consider how he'd feel. I preserved my feelings over his, and instead of doing good it did the opposite.

But for him to sit there and throw false accusations? I wouldn't have it.

"I wrote to you, John, everyday!" I shouted, standing up and staring down at him. "Every day for a year I wrote to you. Praying I'd get a response. Praying for some normalcy, some comfort after what happened."

John scoffed, standing up at the opposite side of the bed. "How do I know you're not lying? You're not just saying that."

My voice turned cold and I looked him in the eye. "If there's one thing I'm not, it's a liar. We both know I wrote those letters. You have no right to accuse me of that. Yes, I left you without saying goodbye and I regretted it every day. I regret it now, and I'm sorry John! But you're the one who never responded to me! I needed you and you-" I cut myself off, turning away so my back faced him as I tried to keep it together.

Memories of Dave that'd I'd tried so hard to repress came flooding back. I lifted my hands to my face, surprised when I felt tears running down it.

"You really did write to me?" John's voice was closer than before. I nodded, not moving my gaze.

"I never got them Chloe, I swear I never did. I would have responded, hell, I would have flown all the way to where you were if I saw them." That got a choked laugh out of me. I sniffed, wiping my eyes and turning to him. John frowned, and then his expression turned into one of fierce rage. I immediately took a step back.

"That-" He cut himself off by picking up something on and throwing it at the wall. I screamed.

John paid me no mind as he stormed out of the room. Without thinking I followed him, watching from the hallway in a paralysed state as he tore through his mother's room. When John reached a large chest, without difficulty he broke the lock and flung it open.

After one look inside he threw his head back and let out a hysterical laugh.

I didn't move from where I was. I wanted to so badly run but I had the image in my head of him chasing after me and tackling me if that happened.

John picked up one envelope, tearing it open and producing a sheet of paper. I recognised my handwriting.

"Dear John," He read with a crazed smile. "I miss you so much. I have no clue why I didn't tell you I was leaving, I just couldn't bare to see your face when I told you, and I'm sorry. Please reply to my letters. Love, Chloe Woods."

He kept that one down and opened another. "Dear John. It's been months since I last wrote to you, I don't even know why I'm writing this one," I felt tears well up in my eyes. I remembered writing this letter as clear as day.

"Something bad just happened to me. Really bad. Dave said I shouldn't tell anyone, and technically I'm not since I know you won't see this. He hurt me, John. My heart hurts so badly and I'm scared it won't ever go away. Will it ever stop? Beating or hurting, I don't care which comes first..." John slowly kept the letter down, staring at me with a stricken expression.

I tensed, knowing what was coming. "What happened to you in Australia, Chloe?"

I told him. Everything.

At least three times when I was talking he'd gotten up to punch a wall, and I had to stop him. Four times he'd sworn loudly and kept his face in his hands. Five times he'd glared silently at the wall, murder spelt out in his eyes.

But not once did he comfort me.

I finished my story; my knees pulled up to my chest as I sat on the floor and stared at the wall opposite us. I turned to John who was dead silent, and oddly enough an expression of pain and guilt plastered on his face.

"Are you okay?" I asked. He shook his head, not meeting my eyes.

"Nowhere near it. Are you?"

"Far from it."

There was a pause. He was probably shocked at seeing me so down. Went to show how much we both had changed.

"I'm sorry, Chloe, for everything." John said with his head down, his voice thick. I shook my head.

"I'm sorry as well, John. I never meant to abandon you, you're my best friend. I love you."

I really did. Not romantically, but that didn't diminish its value. I'd grown up with the guy; we'd been together through thick and thin. He went to me when his dad promised to show up and never did, I to him when Amber first moved out to college and I felt alone. He was my best friend.

John finally looked up at me, blue eyes glistening with tears. "Do you actually?"

"With my whole heart. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

Suddenly I was in his arms. As quickly as he held me he let me go, standing up and moving to the opposite side of the room.

"You shouldn't, Chloe, I-I'm so sorry." John looked disgusted with himself. "I'm sorry, I need some fresh air."

"Oh, um okay." I swallowed, standing up and looking for my purse. I got that he needed space and honestly I was happy to be leaving, I felt too overwhelmed.

I grabbed my purse, running a hand through my hair and approaching him. "Okay, I'll call you later? If you want me to?" My voice was small.

John nodded, staring at the ground. "Yeah, of course."

"Okay." I nodded back. "I'm, uh, happy we've got everything out in the open now. Complete honesty between us, and no more lies, right?" I said with a small smile. John's expression turned more pained as he met my eyes.

"Right."

"Cool, see you later." I said, stepping forward and hugging him. He returned it stiffly. With one last look at him I left.

On one side I felt liberated. I no longer had to hold in the ugly secret of what happened in Australia, and I found out John wasn't ignoring me all that time.

On the other hand I felt so bad for him. I'd known his mum was bad but never that bad. She was manipulating him in such a cruel way, thank God he saw it.

But what bothered me was he looked even more burdened after everything was out in the open.

Shouldn't he be happy?

*****