《Loved Like a Psycho》24: Hate me
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Siddharth woke up with a pounding headache. He looked at the clock it was 2:00 in the After Noon. Of course Bhavesh didn't wake him up because it was Saturday. Nobody studied on Saturdays except Avneet, in library at 2:30 Pm.
He jumped off the bed and hurriedly dressed up, he ran through the corridors and reached the library. Thanks goodness Avneet wasn't there. He went to the washroom and waited there for Riya. Which she came in no time. She entered the washroom in same tiny skirt and button up shirt. Siddharth felt disgusted at her attire, her legs were sexy to others but he felt like gagging.
"Smear your make up and open first two buttons" Siddharth ordered coldly. She nodded and went up to the mirror, she smeared her lipstick and little bit of mascara too. She opened first two buttons of her shirt. Siddharth didn't look at her, he was gritting his teeth while staring at the floor.
"Is this enough?" Riya asked looking at him. Siddharth looked at her.
"Pull that left tucked side of your shirt out" Said Siddharth in a business tone. He was leaning against the slab staring at the washroom doors ahead. Riya untucked her shirt and messed her hair up.
"There's still time, we could actually make out you know" She said while messing her hair, Siddharth glared at her. She got scared so she turned back to mirror. Siddharth took her lipstick and painted himself on jaw line then he opened his first two buttons and messed his hair. He looked out from the library washroom and saw Avneet sitting on her table near the windows absorbed in books.
"Riya, go out and make sure Angel sees you" He said, she groaned but nodded and walked out. Siddharth watched her go, she smirked at Avneet. He could see the horror etched onto her face, she turned to look at the washroom door and he closed it. It was his cue to go out. But his heart was hammering against his ribs, he couldn't do this. He froze to spot rethinking this all, should he really go in front of his Angel like this? All messed up when he really did nothing at all. When he didn't actually let her down but was just pretending that he did.
He opened the door slightly and found her eyes fixed onto the door. He had to go out now, he took deep breaths calming himself down. He walked out, pulled on a coldest face ever and walked past her, he didn't want to look at her but he had to so he turned and smirked at her. The face, the pure angelic face of hers had turned hollow. She felt betrayal, she felt used and heartbroken. There was someone continuously stabbing her. Siddharth melted for a while, he slowed down staring directly into her eyes. She was pulling him towards herself. He shook it off and coldly turned away from her and left the library. He was going to club now.
Avneet knew it wasn't him, it was all staged. It didn't seem real, there was no crease on the girl's shit and the lipstick looked deliberately smeared with her own hands. Why was he doing all this? She had to know the reason! He couldn't just leave her hanging like that. If he said that he doesn't love her anymore then it was nothing but simple lies, he was lying to her. There had to be a reason behind him going all weird.
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She took her books and left for Ashnoor's room. She dropped the books there and left ignoring all the questions Ashnoor bombarded her with, about the tear marks Avneet didn't know were there. She left and found him standing with his group. They were talking about something while Siddharth stood there silently staring at the floor with his hands buried deep in his pockets. She heard along the lines of "club" "... Yeah let's go"
Avneet returned back to Ashnoor's room. And fished her bag finding something to wear. Avneet tipped her bag on her bed spreading her clothes everywhere. She took the same blue jumpsuit he had bought her and those same silver hoops which she had worn with that dress.
"Where are you going?" Asked Ashnoor crossing her arms.
"Spying, on Siddharth" Said Avneet as she entered the washroom. Ashnoor sighed.
"Avneet, if you don't love him then why cant you let go?!" She shouted standing in front of the closed washroom door.
"I don't love him, but he's keeping me hanging and I have to know the reason" Avneet shouted back from inside. Ashnoor's hit her head slightly on the door.
"Avneet that's not a reason. You love him admit it" She said out of frustration. The door opener and Ashnoor stood straight. Avneet glared at her.
"I don't, now move" She said as she pushed her aside, she wore the hoops and tied her hair in a ponytail. Ashnoor crossed her arms and stood leaning on the wardrobe while Avneet did her make up.
"You are insufferable, I don't know how or why does Siddharth even love you" She said and left the room angrily slamming the door. Avneet froze for a while, Ashnoor was right Avneet didn't deserve him or his love at all. She shrugged and left for the club.
Siddharth sat on the bar while the rest like Manjul And Ritika, Arishfa and Lucky were dancing. Bhavesh and Jannat were talking in one corner. Siddharth ordered a large whisky he was at the club after a long time, he was there to drink down his sorrows. While he sat there, many girls came to hit on him but he ignored each and every single one of them. The drink came he gulped it down starting from slow to chugging it.
He sat there cursing each and every moment he had to hurt his angel, like earlier that day he had seen that expression. He wanted to go and apologize and bow low in front of her until she forgives him for breaking her heart. Siddharth gulped down the whiskey He sat there almost drunk still not stopping, there were two questions on his mind, why can't she love him? And why can't she love him?
He, at this point of life wanted both, but as they say you can't force someone to love you but you surely can make people hate you and once she hates him he can happily disappear. Because it will hurt less knowing that she completely, truly and fully hated him. Then he can go to his mother.
He never really loved anyone in his entire life of 20 years except his mother and his angel. One of them left unintentionally and other one was planning on leaving him once she was done curing him. He scoffed at the thought of him being nothing but a patient for her.
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Was he that bad of a human? that no one actually stayed in his life? nobody really cared for him? Nobody really gave a damn weather he was alive or dead? Living or not? Breathing or not?
His breathes were only going to work till his Angel hated him. He had to make sure of it. Living without her was like someone was forcing him to live while they excavated all the reasons of him to live. He had nothing to gain and nothing to lose at this point of his life anymore.
He was thinking of tricks that could make Avneet hate him when his eyes fell on someone, she walked inside in the blue dress he had given her long ago. Butterflies flutterd inside his stomach knowing that she kept it and wore it. His brain recognised that figure, those features, it was his angel. Buckets of peace and relief were tipped on him when he saw her dresses up as the angel she was.
She was finding someone there maybe it was probably him. He stood up and passed her, she tried to stop him but couldn't. He had planed a perfect act in his mind to make her hate him. He walked to a girl who previously tried hitting on him.
"Hey baby" He said to her, watching Avneet out of corner of his eyes.
"Oh hey, finally saw me now did you" She said as she wrapped her arms around him. She started grooving with his steps, he acted as if nuzzling over that girls neck, the girl was also responding him trying hard to kiss him, he ignored and pinned her to a nearby wall still leaving just hot breathes over her shoulder, never touching her skin. She enjoyed but wanted some more, Siddharth looked at Avneet, he saw her fuming with anger was his plan succesful? She hated him now. He took another step and made the girl sit on a seat in bar, he faked a make out session with her. The girl was trying to actually kiss him but he was resisting.
Avneet froze on her spot when she saw that. She was shattered, tears started streaming down her cheeks without permission. She let out an inaudible sob, she ran out of that place crying and caught a cab for college. She knew he wasn't making out but why was he trying so hard?
Siddharth's immediate action was to push the girl away when he saw Avneet turn and leave. The girl looked at him in confusion.
"What the hell was that?" She retorted.
"It was an act" He said simply as he rolled his sleeves.
"What the.. what do you mean by an act?" The girl yelled in a high pitched tone slamming her hand on the bar table.
"BY an act I mean I used you for something, you don't need to know. Thank you very much for that I must add, if you think we are going to sleep together then you're wrong. I'm taken, committed, marked and all of above" He said in coldest tone possible. The girl froze.
He took a whiskey bottle and got out of the club with Bhavesh running behind him. They were here by bikes, Siddharth took his bike and left for somewhewre in that drunk condition. Bhavesh was on the verge of dying out of fear, first Siddharth was drunk, second he was on bike, third he was driving it, fourth he had gone completely insane. Bhavesh also took a bike and followed him but couldn't keep up with his speed.
Siddharth drove faster than ever, he was now out of his control he drove far out of sights. The roads had crazy silence and darkness, he lost the control of bike and fell off it. The bike went flying far making a screeching noice until it hit a pole with a loud thud. Siddharth's forehead was bleeding through the tiny bruise. He looked at the dark night sky and yelled. His shirt was torn and he had a small bruises all over his body.
"Why can't she love me?" He yelled finally letting his tears lose "Why can't anyone stay when I love them with all of what I have?" He yelled, his eyes went red and his veins started bobbing. He buried his head in his hands and shook violently with sobs.
"I'm useless" He sobbed shaking his head "Why was I even born? Nobody needs me here!" He yelled pressing his palms on his eyes hard. He sobbed. He got up and sat on the walkway resting his back against the streetlight. He cried he had hiccups his breathe hitched, he decided it's final now he will see his angel the last time maybe hug her and vanish from all sights and kill himself "I am coming to you mom" He cried like a kid as his face met the dust of road he didn't care. His cheeks wet, his dress soaked with the tears, he was going dizzy.
He could see his mom just in front of him he was getting gimples of his angel laughing, he was getting gimples of the moments he spent with his mother. Images of him and his angel flashed before his eyes. How he had tied an anklet on her ankle. How she had kissed him to stop him from going to Vrushali. Images shifted to him setting fire on his mother saying his lasts goodbyes and then to Avneet saying she was going to leave him. He blacked out
Bhavesh drove his bike, frantically looking here and there for any signs of Siddharth. He eventually found him passed out on the footpath against the street light. His bike lying far from him and near a crushed pole.
'Take him to some mental asylum for God sake' Bhavesh internally groaned as he carried Siddharth to the bike, after a lot of difficulty he took him to college, he entered the room and laid him on the other bed, he texted on the group 'Siddharth' yeah they now had a group where they talk about him, Avneet and their conditions. Both of them were excluded in the group chat.
Hey hai Hallo!
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