Yes, yes, I know that there is a whole cast of characters called "the Zodiacs" in HxH, but today's rumination is focused on the actual Zodiac. You know, like astrology and shit.

We know the birthdates of several Boyfriends, so I've been musing about how they fit their specific astrological sign (and how they don't).

For the Boyfriends whose canon birthdays are not confirmed (yes, yes, I know there are popular theories for all of them, I write HxH for a living--just kidding, not really), I took it upon myself to make a guess at their birth month and sign.

There are a bunch, actually, but two big ones stand out. Number one, when he knocks Hisoka out and then hands him his badge. It's a cliche, but Tauruses are generally calm people until we are riled to our limit, and then we totally lose our SHIT. We also are single-mindedly focused on a goal once we make our mind up to do it.

Number two, the scene in Greed Island where he is porking down on a massive plate of spaghetti. That's so Taurus.

Shoot. I don't think he's ever out of Taurus character. He does that "push it to the limit, then lose the shit" thing a lot. I think he wins hands-down as the most pure astrological character in the series.

His entire infatuation with Gon is textbook Cancer (plus, Taurus and Cancer are perfect matches for each other). Befriending Canary although she protests. Refusing to fight Pokkle because he thinks it's a lame match. Sweating bullets and stuttering and finally just walking away quietly when faced with Illumi's big reveal. When he breaks down and sobs in front of Palm. The "I'm sorry for being a bad big brother" tearjerker.

A Cancer would never stab his mother and brother; they're too empathetic. They also are homebodies, and running away from the Zoldyck mansion--despite its fucked-upped-ness--would be difficult for a Cancer to do.

Quintessential scene(s) that proves he's an Aries: Like Gon, there are many he fills the bill with--but the most intensely Aries scenes are in the car with Chrollo when he punches the living shit out of him after confronting him about the Kurta massacre...followed by the equally badass shooting the Judgement Chain through Chrollo's heart.

A good minor scene is when the Phantom Troupe has captured Gon and Killua, and Kurapika is negotiating with Phinks on the phone, and simply hangs up when Phinks tries to fuck with him. Click!

The scene where Neon discovers she missed the auction and has a hissy fit. Kurapika controls himself admirably, but any true Aries would at the very least roll their eyes and perhaps mutter something under their breath.

When he flashes back in his memories, thinking of his sick friend, and how that trauma made him want to become a doctor (1999 only, I believe). When he calls Kurapika repeatedly at the very end, trying and failing to get a hold of him. When Melody reads his heartbeat and says he has the "most pleasant" one in the city.

Leorio is overall too earthy to be a water sign, and there are many scenes that support this. My two favorites? When he punches Ging. And he is canonically the only character in the series to outright verbally insult Illumi, right up in his face.

When he takes a shower and peels the Spider tattoo off his back, proving that he's been fooling everyone and just doing his own thing all along. That's the kicker. But Hisoka is very Gemini in general: He's extremely intelligent, quick-witted, a talented liar, and has complicated/mentally-rooted kinks.

Extra credit: His entire dynamic with the Zoldyck brothers, which is one big mind-fuck.

It's heartwarming, but he is not acting very Gemini in the Greed Island volleyball scene. Too much teamwork.

Fandom seems to think Illumi is 9/9, due to it being the opposite of Hisoka's 6/6, which would make him a Virgo. I can't argue; too many scenes support this. My favorite one is when Hisoka calls him up and asks him to help out by being his decoy in the Phantom Troupe. Illu says okay...then adds "It'll cost you, though." Second fave is his calm, meticulous explanation of how Alluka's powers work and acting incredulous when Hisoka points out that Killua is closer to Gon than anyone.

In 1999 version, on the ship during the Hunter Exam, Illumi removes his Gittarackur disguise and walks around in plain sight as himself on deck (you can tell it's him by his long black hair). A perfectionist Virgo would never do that.

I've seen lots of theories that he is a Scorpio, which makes sense in a way since spiders and scorpions are both arachnids. My theory, however, is that he was born 1/1--first day of the year. That would make him a Capricorn. He is cool-headed, businesslike, and responsible--he took on the role of leader even though he never wanted it (canon). So virtually all his scenes fit this. Probably my fave would be when he fights Zeno and Silva, and the fight gets aborted due to Illumi's phone call, and Chrollo is like "Oh, okay. Cool. By the way, who do you think would have won?" to Zeno.

It's HIS BIG scene and I love it, but a Capricorn would never conduct a fake requiem on the balcony of a high-rise. That would be too dramatic. Cringe-level.

Feitan actually confirms he doesn't know his birthday. I have seen online that it's 1/21--where the hell did that come from? I'm going to guess he--not Chrollo--is the Scorpio, so let's make him 11/11. Scorpios are notorious for being the dark, kinky, mysterious ones in the Zodiac. Let's see: Feitan is the master torturer, goes around in a mask and long black coat, speaks in his own language and he is shown reading Trevor Brown books. Checks a few boxes. He also famously disses Hisoka, saying he has no idea why Chrollo likes him--to which (canonically Virgo, practical) Nobunaga replies "He's good"--which is so Scorpio of him. Fighting Zazan, he famously loses his temper like FUCK after a long drawn-out patient period, another Scorp trait.

"Girly girl." Probably the only one.

I do not know. I am out of juice. Chrollo?