《》I'm With The Band
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Musicians are perverts. Wanna know why?
The drummer sits in the back beating it. The guitarist is always fingering. The bass player is slappin' it. And everyone loves the pianist.
Want a HxH rock band? Let's detail the lineup, groupies.
-"I wanna be the drummer, dude"
-"The drummer? Did you smoke some more of Kite's weed? Nobody wants to be the drummer"
-"Why not?"
-"Drummers don't get laid"
-"We're only 14, pervert"
-"Well, what if the band gets really successful and it lasts for years and years? Then you'll be shit out of luck"
-"Whatever. I'm about creative process, not sex"
-"What do you call a hot chick on a drummer's arm?"
-"What?"
-"A tattoo! BWAHAHAHHAHH"
-"Look, I'm not the one who got all hot and bothered at a Greed Island card that had a girl in a bathtub on it, so save it"
-Says he has no musical talent
-When pressed, sighs and says, "Tell you what. I'll work security at the gigs, how's that?"
-When you say that's not good enough, he offers up this: "I have this friend who is seriously, like, the next Lizzo...she shreds on flute...want me to see if she's interested?"
-Wants to be the frontman
-But he knows you know who is going to bitch and whine and throw a fucking fit if he doesn't get his way
-Settles for lead guitar
-After all, he likes fingering...AHAHAHHHAHAHAHHHA
-This is Hisoka we are talking about okay? What do you think
-Of course. He has to be the frontman or nobody will have a moment of goddamn peace
-Demands the band be called "Elastic Love" (which is actually not a half-bad band name, if you think about it)
-Everyone wanted Illu to be the frontman, because he's got, like, the total headbanger's dream hairstyle
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-He politely declined saying it isn't his thing
-It really isn't his thing--but he also mostly doesn't want to have to deal with Hisoka's hissy fit
-He says he'll manage the band's social media or something, just leave him out of this
-Also would make a good frontman, but he can't do it because he's the leader of the deadliest gang on earth and everyone would recognize him. It would be extremely embarrassing if he got stung at, like, Lollapalooza or Coachella or some such large music festival
-Settles for being the band's manager
-Is evil and corrupt and takes way more of a percentage than he should, but Hisoka is such a narcissist and busy being an obnoxious rock star that he doesn't notice
-Leorio actually does notice the unfair cut, but not until the band breaks up (due to Hisoka's raging cocaine addiction and subsequent stint in rehab)
-Currrently reading The Dirt: Confessions of the World's Most Notorious Rock Band for pointers
-Tells Gon he can go ahead and be the drummer if he wants; nobody else wants to do it
-Chrollo at first commands Feitan to play bass--another instrument that nobody wants to play--but because he is so small he can't really slap it
-After some thought, Chrollo nixes the idea of having him in the band at all, and instead recruits him to pickpocket all the drunk screaming fans at Elastic Love shows
-You guessed it, he gets stuck with the bass
-However, he has no size issues and no trouble slappin' it
-In fact, he is so engaging on stage that he actually steals some of the fan fire from Hisoka
-Hisoka gets pissed and, while high on coke one night, kills him
-It becomes a huge legendary music history story and they make a movie about it called No Encore For Bungee Gum: When Elastic Love Goes Wrong
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