Hiya lol. Happy Reading- this part is like half of one lol. But it's long. Whatever.

Anyway. Shout out to because I appreciate you and your paragraphs xoxo

I woke up in a much better mood. The anger towards Rayne still there but also- every time I thought about it I just reminded myself that everything that has been happening is not my fault.

Maybe I was just playing the victim card, but honestly, I don't think I have done anything wrong.

I didn't even break up with him.

This week was slow to come to Wednesday. But it was finally here and before I was to start getting ready to go out with Luella, I was painting.

Which is sort of unlike me.

I don't know, I fall in and out of love with paining. But I visited my mum's gallery after work this afternoon and well- I got inspired.

So that's what I was doing at the kitchen table when my dad and August walked through the doors.

He was in a mood.

I could feel it before I even looked up to see them both.

"Hi." I smile, making my dad jump slightly and he turns to me.

"What are you doing now?" He laughs. "I thought you had work today?"

"I had work from nine till two. And just painting." I smile, putting my paintbrush down and pulling my legs up, looking past him and I focus in on an angsty August.

"Hey." I say and his eyes lift to mine, his eyes look tired, he looks stressed.

He nods once. Not replying.

"I thought you were going to visit your Nani today?" I ask.

Nani was a Caribbean term for grandmother, I looked it up the other day, after remembering the way he said it.

That's their family background, their mum was half Caribbean. If I remember rightly.

"Went yesterday." He clears up and I watch curiously as my dad walks around the kitchen and gets August a glass of water, no communication being exchanged when August takes a sip.

His hands are shaky.

I ask.

Before my brain realises it's not a good idea.

"Are you okay?"

His harsh glare makes me turn back to my painting.

Well okay then.

I slightly pout to myself, putting my earphones back in and I continue with what I was doing, which was mainly just messing around with colours and textures. I was painting the fields of flowers. But let's just say I have taken an abstract approach.

My mum is good at realism, if she wants to. Her paintings can double as photographs if that is what the customer wants. But she's incredible with water. Water paints, water and inks, just something about that material and her just match.

I liked acrylics. I like the boldness. I liked textures and layering and I like adding random shit like glitter or magazine cut outs or for example as I ignore Augusts and my Dads presence I stand up and head to the kitchen counter, grabbing the flowers out of the vase and I shake the water from them over the sink.

August and my dad were sat at the kitchen counter, my dad had a coffee and August has a glass of water. They were talking but honestly, I was just minding my own business, bobbing my head a little to my music that was flooding straight into my ears.

And then once the bunch of wild flowers weren't dripping anymore, I grabbed some scissors and headed back to the table.

I thought about sticking the flowers in lines over the painting. I just liked the idea. I should probably wait until the paint is dry but who has the patience for that, plus I need to get ready to go out with Luella anyway.

So I also slide off my chair and crawl under the table, finding the plug and managing to plug the hot glue gun in.

We have a room in this house, that is just full of random art that mum and I do. My mum's stuff that isn't what she wants for the gallery and I just put my shit there too, it's fun. I probably do something like this once every couple of months so...

Anyway as I start gluing I can feel eyes on me.

But unsure whether they are my dad's or Augusts I just try and focus.

Which is a little difficult.

And my growing nervousness indicates that it's not my dad watching me. So I look up and my dad's back is to me but August is looking past him and watching what I was doing.

"You are distracting me August stop."

His eyes snap back to my fathers and then he cringes when my dad turns around to me.

He looks at me and then back at August and he shakes his head to himself.

"You are distracting her. I suggest you stop the staring." My dad is amused, his voice edging on curious.

"Sue me." August mumbles, taking another sip and my dad laughs.

"I will do."

I put my earphone back in, running glue along a lavender strand and then I smile when it works to be stuck down.

I can hear my dad and August faintly talking, I don't think it's about anything serious. In fact I think my dad is purposely just making small talk with August, asking about swimming, training. If I was smart, I would say my dad was trying to distract him, but honestly I have no clue when it comes to Leo.

He is mysterious.

I laugh a little to myself. I think I have a hint of a crush on August, as silly as that seems. I mean, I still don't like him very much, but sometimes I think I am crushing slightly.

Which is sorta hilarious.

It's not a serious thing, obviously. It's more just a little secret thing I have going on with myself, like when I look at him I visually have a good time.

He's sorta hot.

Plus his hands are a lot. Like the other day. What was that even about?

What is it to him if Rayne has touched me or not?

My amusement at myself falters when my thoughts go to Rayne and I just more angrily now stick the flowers to the canvas.

"You know, you could change your degree to half English lit, half art." My dad says and I startle a little at the sudden attention as both of them are now stood behind me, looking at my work.

I take my earphones out.

"Too bad I don't wanna do that." I say, leaning my head back on my chair and sending my dad a little grin.

"It's just tragic. I like your art."

"Well thanks." I laugh but shake my head, leaning into my dad's hand a little as he squeezes my shoulders and heads away from me.

He walks to leave the kitchen, leaving August still behind me and then my dad pauses, turning around. "I will be back."

August snorts, amused at my dad's warning and he stays still, watching me.

And the silence is heavy, or I just feel heavy, my hands unsteady as I try and glue another stem to the painting.

"This isn't watching them morbidly die Emersyn Rose."

"Technically it is."

He walks closer, so close that I can feel his presence behind me in terms of atoms pushing on atoms. It's intense.

My hands are shaking, and I know he's watching them. And then of course his voice startles me.

I don't even know what he says because I drop the glue gun, letting it fall onto my bare thigh and then I wince, the burning glue spreading across my skin and he immediately lets out an annoyed noise. But as I snatch the gun back up, putting it on the table, August wipes the burning liquid immediately off my legs with his fingers and wipes it on his trousers.

"Why are you so clumsy?"

"You made me jump." I mumble and frown down at the growing red mark as it continues to sting.

August walks goes over to the sink and I watch him as he runs the cold tap on one of our kitchen towels and walks back over to me, crouching down and he presses the wet material against the mark.

I am just silent.

I have a fun crush on nasty August, nice August makes me uncomfortable. I don't know how to think when he's around.

I stare down at him, annoyed because honestly my thigh hurts and annoyed because his hand is holding one of my legs as if it's not utterly strange for us to be this close.

And I stare at his hand and then my eyes trail over his skin. My eyebrows furrowing as when his right arm is turned open to me, pressing the cold material against the burn, I see his own.

Not burns.

Scars.

And I stare at them. Even though I know you aren't supposed to. Even though I know the norm is to look away, to lower your eyes, to pretend you haven't seen.

How hadn't I seen them before?

The lines.

They were all faint. Healed. Apart from one. One line that was new.

My hand grabs his arm, holding it there and he suddenly realised what I am staring at and August tries to pull away.

But my grip is tight.

My other hand drifts forwards, fingertips slowly brushing the scars and then I stop just before the new one.

All the rest seem years old. Months at the very least. What happened?

"Does it hurt?" I whisper and I look to meet his eyes, him still lowered, crouched besides me. And I watch it. Him trying to decide how to act. Whether to slam his walls back up or whether to stay open.

"No." He whispers back. "Can't even feel it."

I frown, looking back down and I trace the cut with my finger. "What about now?"

"Yeah it doesn't feel great to be touched."

"Sorry." I say. "It looks like it hurts."

"I fucked up." August offers. "Haven't done it for a while. My coach is going to go mad."

I frown, moving my eyes to his face again and I cock my head.

"He'll be mad at you?" I say.

Leo nods. "He won't let me in the pool."

"That helps I am sure." I mutter sarcastically and Leo's lips tug up. He seems so vulnerable right now. He's never, ever, I've never seen him like this before. He's never shared like this before.

"Usually does to be honest. Gives me a reason not to. But then I fucked up."

"You didn't fuck up." I whisper, covering his scars with my palm. I wish I could absorb the pain these tell the tale off. "Just tell him I did it."

Leo laughs, falling to his ass but he doesn't move from sitting on the floor besides me. My hand is still on his arm and his is still holding the wet cloth to my burn.

"Tell him you did it?"

"Mhm." I smile and show him my nails. "These can be rather sharp."

He chuckles, shaking his head and I feel his eyes searching my profile as I stare down at the lines.

"August." My dad says, he was leaning against the door frame, watching. I wonder for how long.

I half expect August to startle away, but instead he just turns his head, meeting my father's eyes.

"Son we need to get going."

"Where are you going?" I ask and August shakes his head, pulling his hands out of my grasp and standing up.

I take that as an indicator of enough sharing today.

"Is your leg bad?" He asks and this catches my dad's attention.

"What the fuck have you done now Em?"

I frown at him, lifting the towel off and I shake my head, it wasn't bad.

"I dropped the glue gun." I say and my dad bends and takes a look.

"I see." He says and then his eyes meet mine. "How?"

"What do you mean how? It was in my hand and then it was on my leg I don't know-"

"Alright." He laughs. "Right I am going out, what are you doing tonight?" My dad asks.

"Going out with Luella." I say. "We're going to a club."

His nose scrunches. "Don't tell me that."

I roll my eyes. "Me and Lue are going to watch dream girls in our pyjamas with some popcorn." I correct myself.

My dad nods. "I am glad to hear it. Have fun."

I laugh, shaking my head at him and he just flashes me a smile.

"Be safe." He presses a kiss down on my head and then tuns to August and smacks his shoulder, getting him to start walking.

"If I come downstairs again and witness your hands on my little girl's thighs; you will die."

"Dad." I exclaim at the same time August just rolls his eyes, they both head towards the kitchen door and I huff a little to myself at the same time August replies.

"Cole not my fault she wants my hands on her thighs."

"You are really testing my patience." My dad snaps and I just shake my head at their disappearing figures.

Embarrassed.

As always.

...

"So you are Rayne are fine?" Luella says slowly, her eyes scanning my face and I just smile and continue to straighten my hair.

Smile.

Smile.

Smile.

"We are good."

"Well you shouldn't be."

We aren't really. But I-

"Lue." I say softly. "It's not making it easier you being against him, please just support what I am doing?"

She sighs and lies back on my bed, her arms spread out in annoyance.

"But I don't support what you are doing."

"Can you try?"

She shrugs, sitting back up and then she nods.

"Suppose I can try. What are you wearing?"

"I dunno." I say. "Something not too tight."

She rolls her eyes. "You have to wear something tight to a club it's part of the fun."

I just shake my head. "I have eaten so much bread today something tight and the extent of bloating I have going on right now is not-"

"Urgh." She groans. "Bread I miss you."

I stand up and head to my closet. "You don't eat bread?"

"No I do." Lue says. "But this week I am doing a no carb diet."

"Why?" I laugh, pulling out a few possible options and I toss them behind me.

"Because Trev is also not doing it and now it's a competition."

"I see I see."

"Have you eaten dinner?" Luella asks and I nod.

It was eight o'clock and I was almost ready, Luella was sat on my bed, a black dress and some fishnet stockings gracing her body and a bottle of wine in her hand.

"Yeah why?"

"Don't want you passing out on me is all."

I roll my eyes. "I can handle my drink."

"Mm we will see."

I laugh at that, turning around to her and holding up a few dress options.

"Purple." She says immediately and I just crinkle my nose as it's the most I don't know, slinky one.

"It's the best one so you have to wear it."

"Alright alright." I laugh and grab it, pulling it over my robe and slipping my robe off underneath it.

I turn around and look for underwear, what'll work with it.

"I dare you not to." She says, amusement in her eyes when I look up at her confused.

"Huh?"

"No underwear."

"No." I laugh, grabbing a white set and I shake my head, knowing it'll show through.

"Seriously. It's so fun, exhilarating." She says and she narrows her eyes at me. "I have been kind to you, the only slightly reckless thing I have made you do is smoke and that was your idea sort of anyway. Come on. Go commando."

"Lue." I panic, shaking my head and she sort of just grins, watching me curiously, challengingly.

Should I?

Is it not just asking for trouble?

And then the little feminist in me roars at that thought, annoyed that I have to think it. And I shove the underwear back into my draw and stand up.

Okay whatever.

"Brave Emersyn." Luella grins and she claps her hands together in excitement and then holds up her bottle of wine for me to take.

"You need some courage."

"I have all the courage I need." I laugh and Luella grins, nodding.

"We love to hear it. Now, put some music on Em. The taxi is booked at half nine so we have a lot of time to kill."

So I do, I put some music on to get us in the mood and I grab my own bottle of wine, making my way through it as I finish getting ready.

And before what feels like very long, it's just us in a crowd of people, in the dark flashing lights and we are dancing. And jumping and singing along to every single song.

It's hot and sweaty and my dress is so short it's frightening but also exhilarating and every time a couple of guys try and make it into our little circle we just turn away, and every single one of them get the hint, leaving us be.

And I don't think I've ever had so much time where my brain isn't in overdrive, where I don't have to think, where I don't even have to even be that present. I just sing and we shout the lyrics in each other's faces, our hands connected, and our bodies close in the packed club.

And it's just fun.

It's just a good ass time.

A drunk time.

A drunk time, especially as we continuously take tequila breaks.

What? We were thirsty...

"You know..." Luella slurs slightly, grinning widely. "I love you."

My eyes grow wide, a smile on my face as we wait at the bar. "Yeah?"

"Yes." She nods. "I don't think you are pretending to be nice anymore. I think you are just nice."

"Love you too." I laugh, wrapping my arms wide around her and she hugs me back, a few people laughing next to us as they hear us.

I decided then I wish this night would last forever.

I was so happy.

Easily happy.

She pulls her phone out and starts typing and I stare at it, trying to focus and when I see it's to Trev I gasp and pull her phone away.

"I don't think that's a good idea."

She giggles, turning her back to me and she orders four tequila shots.

Goodness.

I might end up sick.

I shrug, it'll be worth it.

She turns back to me. "It's about him coming and getting us, don't worry I am not that drunk."

I hand her phone back and she continues to type.

She attempts to.

She shows me it.

"Does that say what I want it to?"

I read the message.

It doesn't say anything. I don't think so. It's just letters. Goodness.

"Voice note what you want to say." I suggest and she gasps, slapping my arm and turning around to pay and then she pressed record.

"Trev!" She exclaims. "Emersyn is so so so so so smart. Anyway. Hi."

She sends it and I laugh loudly, shaking my head and we move closer to the bar so we can take the shots.

"You need to get kicked out a club." She says and I frown.

"Huh?"

She laughs, pulling me away from the bar, I grab the four shots and follow her.

"Another thing. You've never been kicked out a club before have you?"

I shake my head.

She tuts.

"I am only 18, I have had-"

"Shush Emersyn I am planning."

Then she gasps and looks down at her phone. "Did I say to Trev a time?"

I shake my head.

She opens her phone again and she sends him another voice note. Practically shouting for him to come and get us now.

I sway, eyeing the tequila and she laughs. "I don't need anymore. They're all yours."

"I cant-"

"You're going to need it."

My eyes narrow and then I think why the fuck not.

So I hand her two, and I brace myself.

We count down and I take the first two, shuddering as it burns the back of my throat.

"I can't do two more." I shake my head, feeling my throat sting harshly.

"I dare you to climb up on the bar and dance."

My lips part, slowly looking back to the bar and there are so many people waiting at it.

"Lue." I whisper shocked and she giggles, taking one of the shots and I take the other one out of her hand. I agree, I needed it.

And then the song comes on. Just one silly ass club one but the club vibe changes, everyone's energy levels rise and I look back at Luella and I nod, pouring the liquid courage down my throat and Luella claps her hands together in excitement.

Oh god.