**A/N- trigger warning- miscarriage :(

Two days later, I lost the baby. I started having pain again that was even more severe and this time, it was accompanied by bleeding. Again, Jimin had to stay behind while I went to the hospital because we hadn't made any other arrangements for house calls. We both thought we had time. Jess took me to the hospital and held my hand while the doctor gave me the devastating news. There was no heartbeat. I was heartbroken. I couldn't catch my breath so the nurse gave me something in my IV to help me sleep. They admitted me for the night. The nurse told Jess that they usually don't but since I was so distraught and, at least in their minds, alone, they felt it best to keep me there to monitor me.

I was discharged the next afternoon with strong pain meds and instructions for how the next few days would go. Jae-Ho took us home and as we were driving back towards the house, I begged him to drive to a hotel instead. Jess thought I was being crazy and maybe I was. But I couldn't face him.

I couldn't see him. I couldn't even think his name. We had so many talks in the last two days. We dreamed up what our baby would look like, who he would act like, what his name would be. He kept saying it would be a girl. I knew it was a boy. I couldn't tell him that we would never know. I was being a coward. But seeing him right now would break me beyond repair.

Once I was checked into the hotel, I begged Jess to leave and go back to the house. I just wanted to be alone. I reassured her that I was okay. I wasn't. I didn't know if I ever would be. But I wasn't a danger to myself or anything. I just needed time.

I climbed into the huge bed and cried. I cried for me. I cried for him. I cried for the child that we would never know. I cried for the dreams and the plans that we made. I cried until there was nothing left inside and then I fell asleep.