"we kissed before didn't we?" I heard a sound from behind me and i turned to see Sooyoung, i gulped turning my head back to the front, trying to make everything calm and trying my ultimate best to not mess anything up,

"no, what makes you think that?" i spoke with confidence overflowing in my voice and i was mentally glad that i didn't stutter,

"t-that day at the party, i knew i kissed someone and you know when i am curious i try my best to find and shit, and with the numerous times i kissed seulgi i was one hundred percent sure that it wasn't her, i don't know why i have a feeling that it was you, nevermind it probably sound--"

i suddenly felt bad, she kissed me and she has the full rights to know, i then did what could possibly ruin everything, everything.

"it was me, it's fine though it was just a kiss" i said my heart not agreeing to what i was saying, i looked at the sky, we were currently at the rooftop and today the sky was unusually black and dark, 

"yeah it was a mistake, it doesn't matter" i felt my heart drop at that, i don't even know why. i convince and tell that to myself like everyday but why does it hurt when it is her saying that? 

"h-heejin why a-are you crying?" she asked and i quickly reached out for my cheeks and felt the wetness, i smiled and said

"its probably because you are leaving, you know i will miss moments like thi--" i made up the quick lie but to be honest it wasn't even a lie, i was mad sad that she was leaving,

"stop lying, i have been planning to shift since we were basically 15 and we are used to that. we have literally pressed that onto our heads that i will go and you will come to america after 2 yea--"

i mean yes we had the plan and we digested the fact but did she expect me to see her leave happily?

"SO YOU EXPECT ME TO BE OKAY? OF COURSE I SAID THAT TO SUPPORT YOU BUT IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT I AM HAPP--"

"SO NOW YOU DON'T WANT ME TO GO?"

i calmed myself and noticed that i was standing and i went and sat down,

"i am sorry, i don't know what's happening to me either" i said brushing my fingers through my hair, i needed that. yes i definitely needed that.

"you know you can talk to me right" she said looking at me sitting and rubbing my back,

i can talk to her right? about whatever is settling in me, i can talk right? if its too awkward it doesn't matter she will leave anyways

"a-after that day at the party---" i started but was interrupted quickly,

"what happened that day?" i figured that she wanted to know what happened from the start and i took a deep breath and began,

"t-that day"

flashback

"come on Heejin-ah, don't be so sour" i heard Sooyoung cry drunk and i at last gave in to her and joined her on the dance floor,

we started dancing and suddenly the song became way too slow and sexual,

"oh yeah this is my favorite" she smirked at started to hold me pushing me close to her, i didn't mind that, we have been friends for 20 years, there's nothing to be embarrassed of,

"are you seriously hitting on me, Ms. Ha?" i asked chuckling and she nodded,

"i am bored and when i am bored i flirt, Ms. Jeon" she said with the same tone as me, i grinned 

"so i am just a cure for boredom now huh?" i said trying to act sulky, she smirked and leaned forward,

"you could be much more though, not like i mind" her face was so close just if i move forward our lips would touch,

without thinking about the consequences that would occur after today i leaned with utmost confidence and crashed our lips, she immediately responded holding my head firm

it started out slow and soon she moved her hand down and that's when i thought,

Taehyung.

i immediately pulled back, tasting the liquor from her lips, not glancing at her i quickly turned away and ran to the washroom,

"i wasn't even drunk, what was i thinking?" i said looking at the mirror frantically wiping my tears, looking at myself in pure disgust, 

i just cheated...

end of flashback

"i seriously reached out for your ass? wow" she said smiling and i immediately got pissed, how can she be so calm?

"why are you not calm?" she said and i immediately thought did i just say that out loud?

"h-how can i not be?" i asked back with curiosity,

"it was a mistake and we both regret it" she said casually sipping on her soda,

it is a mistake, How can she just say that? does she say that to everyone out there the same thing?

"a mistake, yes a mistake" i mumbled out quietly and got up, dusting off the dust from my pants i started making my way to the room, Sooyoung quickly grabbed my hand,

"wait where are you leaving? are you pissed again? stop being pissed hee!" she said still holding my hands,

"HOW CAN I NOT BE PISSED?" 

"LAST TIME I CHECKED WE WEREN'T DATING AND WE WERE FRIENDS FOR ALMOST 2 DECADES"

"YES SURE WE WERE BUT HOW CAN YOU SAY ITS A MISTAKE?"

"YA YOU YOURSELF HAVE A BOYFRIEND SO OF COURSE YOU MADE IT CLEAR YOU REGRET IT"

"WHO SAID I REGRET IT?"

did i just say that? i immediately scanned her expression and she was completely shocked

"what did you just say?"

"nothing let's go down, we simply started this conversa---"

"NO YOU WILL TELL ME RIGHT NOW" she screamed tightening her grasp on my wrist, tight but it didn't hurt,

"I THINK I LIKE YOU"

with that everything stopped, the reason why there were no stars were clear now, tears were drenching our both faces, both of us breathing deeply harshly,

"what? i-i am so-sorry i don't like y-you like that" she said leaving me there alone in the roof, as she made her way running out of the balcony, i immediately got down on my knees and bawled my eyes out, i suddenly felt warmth from behind hugging me, i leant to the warmth and turned my face slightly to see who it was,

"taehyung?"

<><><><><><>

"let's break up" i said quietly, not daring to look in his eyes,

"what no, you probably think you like her just because you kissed her, it's completely fine Heejin-ah" he said hugging me tight, his head inside the crook of my neck

"Taehyung i literally cheated---"

"so did i" as soon as he said that i pulled away and looked at him waiting for him to say, say anything

he gulped and straightened his posture just to hunch again breathing heavily,

i hoped for a way that he wouldn't have cheated consciously or when we were in mad love, that's all i prayed for. i want to end this with no regrets and most importantly i needed to end this

"that day at the party jungkook and I got drunk, really drunk and as last we had s-sex"

i had my mouth wide open, h-how can he just say that so casually? he just explained his entire BIG problem in one SMALL sentence,

"w-what who? i think i misheard yo---"

"no it's jungkook only, please don't say anything to him, he is sleeping in his bedroom now"

i sighed and looked at him again with the sorry eyes,

as much as we loved each other i knew my love and his were fading away, he is just not able to see and understand it, he deserves better and so do I. 

"Taehyung-ah this just gives us more reasons on why we should break up" he looked at me immediately and all i could do was give a small smile and hold his hand. i have no right to use him just like that and neither does he,

"what no! we love each other and if your love for me is fading we can revive it! love please i can't" he said tears rolling down his cheeks,

"taehyung our relationship would become toxic, you and I we both are maybe not meant to be-"

he looked back at me,

"don't you dare say that" he said slightly growling, i shaked my head and said

"not meant to be in a relationship but better off as friends, like how we were before" he looked at me with tears, us both drenched in tears,

he knew that there was no more dragging to this, he knew that i couldn't stay and most importantly he knew i was telling nothing but the sour truth, he just didn't want to adapt to that,

"i loved all my moments with you, i would never regret giving you my first neither would i of loving you. thank you for bringing the best, all though this has to end here i know we will find happiness. i will never stop loving you, Jeon Heejin" i smiled and wiped my tears leaning to give him a final kiss, he hold me close and kisses me, we later pull away as he kissed my tears as i did the same for him,

"i loved loving you Taehyung-ah, let's break up" he nodded at me,

"let's break up"

maybe we'll love again in another life and in that life i will ought to kick jimin and instead i will be your soulmate, Taehyung-ah. 

<><><><><><>

[ it is never selfish to love yourself before anyone else, instead its our sole duty to do so. sometimes some relationships seem too good to be true and it ends with a fault of no ones, never blame yourself for that. never say that they deserve better because you both deserve better.

also it is never a crime to like someone, as long as you do care the most for their happiness.

i wish you all a happy day and hope you all are taking care of yourselves, hope you all understand that there's always someone who loves you, no matter the distance they'll love you.

with love,

hobisbravery ]