We drove in silence the whole way home.

I realized my mistake. Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, you don't realize what you are saying and how much it can hurt the other person.

When we got back Jay got out of the car and headed up the front steps toward the door. I saw that he was lingering. I then got out of the car and followed him. He closed the door behind me and rushed upstairs.

"Jay?"

He ignored me.

I sighed. I had really messed up.

I just recalled how Levi was telling me about his college plans. He was part of the same friend group as Jay, yet he seemed to have his matters all handled well. It just seems that Jay is making bad decision after bad decision and that he's throwing all of his potential away. He's smart, whether he realizes it or not, and it just seems as if he has nothing figured out. Regardless, I don't know what I was thinking throwing all of those insults at him. I was annoyed and PMSing quite hard, but it's no excuse.

I decided I would apologize tomorrow. I needed to give him time to cool down.

I was headed upstairs to my own room when I overheard yelling coming from Jay's room.

"Where the hell were you? I said I wanted to have a family dinner!" I heard Mr. Von Baron say.

"All I fucking did was go out. Get off my case." Jay had replied. I didn't want to eavesdrop but it was almost impossible not to.

"Excuse you?"

"Excuse who? Why do you give a shit, dad?"

"Because I told you we were having dinner and you left! And you dragged that poor girl with you! Also, what is on your face?"

"Nothing, holy shit!"

"I'm sick of you." I could barely hear this part, as they were no longer yelling.

A muffled "great" was all I heard in response.

I then heard footsteps coming toward the door so I quickly entered my room and shut my door.

My heart ached for Jay.

"Dang it!" I groaned under my breath, realizing how badly I'd messed things up. I needed a really good apology for tomorrow, and a way to cheer up Jay. He'd apologized after each time he hurt me, and done so many nice things for me.

This was probably the second most absolutely shitty day of my entire life.

I was hurting physically and emotionally. First those motherfuckers rocked my shit in my own house. My head hurt so badly but I didn't want to be home, plus I wanted to see my buddies, so we had set off. When we got there it was like my headache had worsened tenfold. I didn't want to tell Alina, though, as she'd insist it was concussion. Maybe it was.

That was why I had wanted to leave, although I could've taken it had I not seen Alina and Levi flirting it up in the kitchen. That pissed me off.

Then all that unfolds, Levi berates me, Alina goes off on me, and then my dad yells at me when I get home.

Now it's 2 am and I have the biggest headache and I've puked like three times and I can't fucking sleep. I felt like a piece of shit. Plus all of what Alina had said was true. I was a fuck-up.

I thought I would be up all night, but eventually drowsiness hit and I finally managed to close my eyes and fall asleep.

------------------------------------------

The next morning I woke up feeling worse, somehow, if that was at all possible.

When I finally lifted my head up to look at the time, it was 11am. I thought I had woken up bright and early, although I was relieved to have gotten a full night's sleep.

I decided to smoke to relieve the nausea, but I only took a few inhales before deciding I couldn't take it.

Now I had to puke again. I got up and dashed to the bathroom.

I quickly brushed my teeth and washed my face before heading back to my room. I nearly jumped when I saw someone on my bed.

"Alina?"

"Jay? Can we talk please?"

I looked into her eyes. She looked to be really upset.

"Yes. I just need to lay down my head is killing me."

"Are you okay?" she asked, concern written all over her features. "You look pale."

"Thank you."

She sighed. "That's not what I meant. You just look like you aren't feeling well."

"Truthfully, I feel horrible. I looked up concussion symptoms and I think you were right, I might be concussed."

"I'm not going to say I told you so." Alina chewed her lip and started fiddling with the strings on her hoodie. She had these cute little habits that I've noticed. "Is that why you wanted to leave the party?'

I nodded. "For the most part, yeah."

"Jay, I'm really sorry for last night. I-I don't know why I was so annoyed, but it wasn't your fault. I didn't mean what I said, either. I was being so so mean for no reason at all, and you didn't deserve that, and I hate that you saw me like that, because that is not who I strive to be, ever. While I was being snappy, my reasoning was that you have so much potential, Jay. You're smarter and worth more than you give yourself credit for-"

I started shaking my head.

Alina looked at me and sighed. "Yes, Jay. I just feel that you are throwing away what could be good by getting involved with things like dealing drugs. This time you have now is precious and can set a foundation for the rest of your life and allow it to go by wonderfully, if you'll let it. I also know that those around you have so much to be proud of you for."

Now it was my turn to start fidgeting with a loose thread on the covers. It was nice to hear that someone had faith in you. Especially if it was someone you loved.

"And what I said about you being a crybaby, I did not mean that at all. Real men cry. If I were you, after having had such a rough day, I probably would've broken down a hundred times. You know you can open up around me, right?"

I knew. I did not feel comfortable around anyone but her, and I knew that I could always trust her. Last night was an exchange of harsh words. And while they still stung, I knew a sincere apology when I heard it. But I still wanted more attention. "I don't know..."

Her bottom lip quivered. "Jay, I'm really really sorry. I know I messed things up, but I hope you know I'll always be here for you."

I knew that as well. And I'll always be here for you, too.

"Are you mad at me?" Alina asked, now meeting my eyes.

I took a deep breath. "Of course not."

I saw as she visibly let out a breath and relaxed. "I thought you would hate me."

I shook my head and smiled. "Never. You've forgiven me each time after I've said and done a bunch of shit. I know you didn't mean what you said last night. You were right about all that you said, so I can't really be upset at you. I am upset, but only because of my reality. Not at you."

"I'll be here for you, and I'll help you, Jay, if only you'd let me. And you really should get that concussion checked out."

I managed a small smile. "Thanks. And no thanks."

She sighed at the last part. "Come here." Alina pulled me into her arms. She smelled like clean laundry with a hint of citrus and hair shampoo. Like the homeliest home I've ever known.

💀💀