When I first met Alina she caught my eye in the most heart-wrenching way possible. She was really pretty. Not in the slutty Megan-Fox lookalike, with pushed up boobs and too much makeup. The type I usually went for. She was stunning- small nose, large lips, brilliant smile. Her blonde hair looked like the sun was hitting it even though we'd met in my basement. And she had the bluest eyes I'd ever seen- looking at her was like diving into the ocean from your childhood. I'd never admit this out loud, of course. But Alina was beautiful.

And Alina Hadley was the biggest sweetheart, just like my mom.

That's why I hated her when I first met her. I normally wouldn't mind an attractive girl in my house. But Alina wasn't the easy type I would hope to seduce into my bed.

I didn't expect such a stab in the gut when I saw her kissing that blonde fuck. I was about to intervene because I saw where he was going and maybe he forced himself onto my girl, but then I saw she was kissing him back. I remember drinking a shit load of the alcohol I bought.

"Hey- save some for the rest of us!" Someone had called out when I grabbed the whole bottle of fireball.

I nearly threw it at his head but I intended to drink it. "I fucking bought it." I said, calmly. My emotions were all over the place.

I don't remember what happened after. Just a screaming match and going into bed with someone. I don't recall the people. I just remember Alina crying on the dock. But that was about it- and I didn't know what to make of it.

I rolled around in the bed and felt someone next to me. I saw a head of ginger locks against the pillow. It was the ginger friend- and we were both naked.

Oh fuck. I ran a hand though my hair. What had I done? Was this consensual? I hope I didn't force her into it but I was so drunk last night I don't remember anything after seeing Alina kissing Griffin.

For the first time in my life, I wasn't sure if I enjoyed a hook up. I used to love it but now I feel as if a weight were on my heart. I slipped out of bed and hoped I wouldn't wake the girl. I managed to pull on a pair of boxers before she rolled around.

"Hey handsome." She smiled, rubbing her eyes.

"Hey...you." I replied, pulling my jeans on. I needed to talk to Alina. Yes I was still fucking pissed she made out with blonde fuck but I had just slept with her former best friend who she now hates.

She got up and stretched before getting up and pulling on her clothes. By then I was about to leave but turned around to make sure of something.

"Did we sleep together?" I asked, furrowing my brows. I think I knew the answer but I had to make sure. I prayed she'd say no.

"We did."

I tried not to groan out loud. "Do you remember? Were you sober?"

"Yes and yes." She said, pulling her hair up in a ponytail. Her makeup was all smudged. While usually I wouldn't notice this, lately I've been more attracted to a different type. Clean-faced, bright-eyed Alina Hadley type.

I didn't know what to make of this. I couldn't remember and wasn't sober. But I still had sex with the girl Alina hated. And just a few hours before I'd been giving Ali hugs and playing with her hair. Fuck.

But she had kissed that blonde. And I knew she was most likely sober because Alina didn't get shitfaced at parties.

"Where are you going?" Erin asked as I was walking through the door.

"To talk to Alina."

She rolled her eyes. "Why do you care? She pretty much cheated on you with Griffin."

Cheated on. That made us sound so official.

"I don't know." I went back inside the room and put my head in my hands. I wasn't about to vent to her- I rarely did that with anyone. But I wasn't ready for commitment to one girl. But I felt something for her. A feeling deep in my heart and chest and gut, one I hadn't felt in so long. And the pang I felt when I saw her kissing the blonde fuck- I couldn't explain that.

This girl was driving me crazy. I think I'm in love with Alina Hadley.

"She cheated on you. And you don't want to be official. Especially not with her." Erin leaned on my shoulder. "The single life is so much more liberating."

Love just hurts. I couldn't love someone when I had none left to give. The feeling was there but in the end it would just leave me empty. I couldn't love Alina. She was kind to me and had this caring aura about her--a reminder of my mother and I loved my mom with all my heart. It just ended in a road of self-destruction for me. And the pain- I'd rather stab myself with a fork than lose someone I love. I'd rather unlove someone then have fate make that decision for me.

Besides, like Erin said, being single was so much better. No commitment, no jealousy over other people. I could go on with one night stands and hookups and everythign else without a tinge of regret. I wanted that. I couldn't let one girl drive me insane. Love is like getting into a car with no brakes.

I had to let go of these feelings. I wouldn't chase Alina down. She can have Griffin. Better to end it while you're slowly falling in love, instead of when you're drowning. Because then, no one can pull you out.

Erin kept talking, and just like that, I began to change my mind. Alina ended it first, so that's how it would be.

I'm not going through losing someone I love again.