Jay was slouched against the wall. He could barely move, much less think rationally.

"Come on, Jay. You know you want to." Erin said, leaning against the door frame.

This wasn't right. I realized Jay was unable to give consent and here Erin was, taking advantage of him in his drunken state. I wondered how many times this has happened, where Jay didn't want to sleep with someone. I just really hoped he didn't ever force a drunk girl into sleeping with him. I was disappointed in Erin. I didn't think that she was capable of this.

I had to stop this. I quietly tiptoed out of the library so that they didn't think I was spying on them.

"Erin, can't you see that he's drunk?" I snapped, feeling heat rise to my cheeks. I was getting angry.

"And?"

Either she was indifferent or didn't realize.

"You can't give proper consent when you aren't sober!"

Erin rolled her eyes. Her mascara and eyeshadow were smudged. "Shut up feminist. He wants to sleep with me. He might not be sober but he knows what he wants."

"Look at him." I gestured to Jay, who was still on the floor. He looked up at us, his dark brows knit together. "He can't even walk. He doesn't want to sleep with you. Right, Jay?"

He looked up at me, his grey eyes softening for a moment as he appeared to think. But then an angry look crossed over his face. He looked at me with this cold, hard look before standing up.

"Actually, I can make decisions for myself." He made his way into the bedroom. "Bye, Alina."

Erin gave me one last smirk before closing the door. I went back into the library and sank to the floor.

I needed a William who will send me books instead of sleep with my former best friend.

All my friends were either drunk or nowhere to be found.

I felt guilty for what happened with Griffin but Jay took it to a whole nother level. The only thing that made me feel better about myself was the fact that I didn't go back to kissing Griffin just because of what Jay did. I didn't hop from guy to guy to make the other jealous. Kissing Griffin was a mistake. But mistakes are one-time things.

Now here Jay was, about to hook up with Erin. And there was nothing I could do. My mind was swirled with emotions- anger, sadness, jealousy, love. I couldn't do this. And Jay and I could never be the same again.

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When the party ended I had to help clean up. Kyle didn't want to leave it a mess. Even though the last thing I wanted to do was clean spilled drinks and vomit when I was so nauseaous myself.

Erin and Jay still hadn't emerged from the bedroom, and it was now 3 am. I just wanted to sleep. When Jenny asked me if I'd seen Erin I just shrugged. I didn't feel like talking. And it didn't help that Griffin kept trying to talk to me.

There he was, still being sweet to me, after I ditched him when we kissed. I didn't deserve him.

"Can we talk tomorrow?" I said, looking up at Griffin.

"Alina are you okay?" He asked, his brows knitted together in worry.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired. And I need some time to think. I'm sorry." I said. "I just want to be left alone!"

He bit his lip and nodded. He turned before I could see his expression and I was glad, because I didn't need anything else to feel bad about. I didn't mean to snap at him.

We moved all of the furniture back after cleaning the house. It was 5 am and I was mentally, and physically exhausted. It wasn't fair that Jay and Erin didn't have to do anything, but I certainly wasn't going to go up there and remind them.

After we finished everything I was about ready to pass out. I went into the closet where Kyle had stuffed all of our bags and fished mine out. It wasn't my suitcase, but the purse I'd brought. I had my pajamas, clothes for tomorrow, hairbrush, and toothbrush.

I went into the downstairs bathroom to change out of the tank top and tight denim skirt I was wearing. I slid off my adidas and tossed them aside- I'd get them tomorrow. I washed off my makeup and tied my hair up into a messy bun that was just so messy I decided to leave my hair down. I changed into my sleeping clothes and put the purse back into the closet.

Hannah was asleep on the couch. She was so out of it and the only cleaning she did was throw away three red cups before sitting down on the couch and then not getting up again. Kyle had changed all the sheets on the bed. He hadn't thought to lock the bedrooms and now planned to get rid of everything.

I was sitting at the counter having a cup of water when I saw Darin gently lift Hannah off the couch and carry her upstairs. I mustered a sad smile. That was sweet and I was happy for Hannah- but it was just a reminder of what I'd lost a few months back, and just now.

I was supposed to share a room with Jay but that clearly wasn't happening. Hannah was off with Darin, and Jenny and all of the other girls were all sound asleep. I'd been at this counter for a while and by the time I realized it was time to sleep everyone was already shut up in their own rooms. They offered but I told them I wasn't ready to sleep.

Griffin offered for me to stay in the room he had- there were two bunk beds. I politely declined. I couldn't lead him on any more. Plus, I didn't really want to. He had nodded and then went to his room along with Kyle and a few other guys.

Here I was, sitting at the kitchen counter, all alone. I wanted to go home. I wanted to lay down in my own bed in my own room. I wanted to go out for ice cream with my dad and then sit in the livingroom with my mom and have her braid my hair while I talked to her about all of my problems.

I sunk my head onto the counter and sighed.

Then an idea popped into my head. Instinctually, I sat up abruptly and went to grab my purse. I could go home. My parents always hid the key in the birdfeeder, since under the doormat was too obvious. I could take an uber and go to the train station and then go home and stay there until it was time to go back to Greenwich. It was 6:30 and it'd be seven by the time I got to the train station.

Jay could have fun with Erin.

I ordered the uber on my phone and quickly changed back into my clothes and put my hair into a high ponytail to get it out of my face.

I texted Hannah to tell her I went home. Just so nobody would worry why I suddenly disappeared.

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