I took a long shower. I hated wasting water like that, but I couldn't pull myself out from the warm water. As relaxing as it was, I was still uneasy. It might've been my fault that Buddy got sent to the hospital, and I can't believe what Jay said to me. We occasionally bickered but he'd never said anything like that to me.

Eventually I realized it was time to step out or I'd become a prune. When I walked out of the bathroom, I got so startled I dropped my stuff on the floor.

Jay was sitting on my bed, looking down at his phone. He looked up and saw me, and immediately put down his phone and came over to me.

"Alina, I'm so-" he took a deep breath. "I'm sorry."

I was on the verge of tears again, so I stepped back. His hands, which were on my shoulders, dropped to his side.

"Why are you apologizing?" I said. His eyes softened and he bit his lip. "You're going to end up saying something again or doing something and we'll be back to square one. So why bother."

"Back to square one." He laughed lightly, defeat clear in his voice. "You talk like an old person."

"Can you leave?" I said. Even though, deep deep down, I wanted him to stay. I wanted to forgive him and to sit down and talk and even laugh.

"Okay." He said, and picked my stuff up off the floor and handed it to me before walking out, and gently closing the door behind him.

I'd known him for such a short amount of time, and yet somehow I knew he didn't apologize very often.

Dinner was extremely awkward. When the Von Barons finished telling us about their trip, we ate in silence.

"Alina, is everything alright?" Mrs. Von Baron asked me, setting down her fork. I nodded.

"Just tired, that's all." I mustered a smile.

I finished eating as quickly as I could and thanked the Von Barons for dinner, and told them I was so tired and didn't feel well, and excused myself from the meal. Jay's parents wished me good night and to feel better. I smiled and headed back upstairs.

I lay down in bed but my eyes wouldn't stay closed. I pulled out my phone and checked my messages. I didn't notice any other messages except for Jay's and Jacob's, so I checked for those.

I don't know why I ever broke up with you. I really do miss you. Where'd you go? I haven't seen you all summer...

He typed extremely grammatically correct, which made me think of how much time he spent writing messages.

i miss you too...even tho ur the one who broke up w me...and I've been in ct all summer. im not coming back until the very end of august

"Who're you texting?" I heard someone say.

It was Jay, leaning against the doorframe. I rolled around so I was facing the wall.

He walked in and closed the door. I felt the mattress dip when he lay down.

"I used to be smart, you know." He said. "Straight A's, clean record- all of that." He began. I listened but didn't turn around. "I had my life together. And then-" he stopped. "And then everything changed. I even enjoy what I do- but I know I shouldn't do it. It's like I'm stuck. Stuck in dried cement. I got myself into the situation, and even though I want to stay I know I should leave." He sighed. "What I'm saying is, I used to be nice. The old me would've never gotten drunk and said what I had to you."

I think I knew what he was getting at, even though he was rambling.

"You have the power to change your own life. Nobody else will do it for you."

"I know." He said. By now I had turned around and was laying next to Jay. "I enjoy it, though. Not giving a single fuck. But I'm afraid I'll lose a lot more than I bargained for."

"Everything ends one day, sooner or later. There's a new beginning at every end, though. No matter what. You make the decision when the end comes, but the beginning will come on its own. It's inevitable, in a way." I really didn't know what I was saying. I couldn't exactly tell what Jay was getting at.

He sighed and closed his eyes. "I guess." Here we were, back to normal. I was glad in a way. I didn't want to hold a grudge, even though it was what most people wouldn't done. It was nice talking to Jay, to get to know him in slightest bit. He was so guarded, but I had just gotten a taste of the real him. I wanted the moment to last longer

My phone, which was in between us both, buzzed. Jay opened his eyes, and raised an eyebrow. "Who's Griffin?" He looked at me. "Alina, you don't know how much-" I snatched the phone up and he stopped reading.

"He's a friend." I said.

He winced, the slightest bit, but managed a small smile. "Doesn't seem like it." he wiggled his brows and smirked.

"Why do you care?"

"I was just wondering."

"If you really want to know, it's my ex boyfriend." I found myself admitting. "He broke up with me, and now he says he misses me. He's messed with my head so much, yet every time I get to talk to him, my heart skips a beat. He's nice, but-"

His whole demeanor changed. "Find a guy who has eyes only for you, and who treats you the way you deserve." With that, he left the room.

Just like that, the moment was over. I don't know what had happened. I missed Griffin, yet a small part of me wishes he wouldn't have texted.

It was getting late, and I wasn't all that tired. I stayed up all night texting friends. My phone was the only means of communication I had with them. I debated texting Erin. She'd been getting on my nerves lately, and I was still sort of mad about what she had said when we were face timing earlier. I ended up sending a quick "hey" and setting down my phone. Even though I'd gotten sleep today, I forced my eyes closed and drifted to sleep.