It's not good.

After the most awkward reunion ever and the most uncomfortable time in the locker room since the boys first discovered I was bisexual and that doesn't mean I wanted to be with everyone I meet, boy or girl.

It's funny how there's this misconception about bisexual people like somehow we're undecided. Like we have too much to choose from the buffet and for that reason we're never satisfied with just one gender.

That's completely ludicrous!

Being bisexual doesn't mean you can't settle with one of the genders. Or that you want everyone all the time. Or that if I stay with one, I'll miss the other.

It doesn't work that way. Not at all.

Yes, I do have more options. But whether I am with a girl or boy, they become my focus and get all my love. I don't look for another gender to "complete me" or to fulfill any sort of "gap".

Not in the slightest. We have the same capability for monogamy than any other person. More options don't equate to inability to be with just one.

Although now, to be perfectly honest, I kinda wish I was this player everyone thinks I am.

Yes, I played the field. But I've never deceived anyone. Or stayed with more than one person at the same time.

Without their knowledge, at least.

But seeing Felix and his mate getting hard for each other in the shower was the lowest point of my life so far.

Even though that had nothing to do with me.

Now, after Felix apologized for basically calling Elliot a breeding mare or something, they're back on track to soon complete the bond.

Gross!

I can't even imagine that. But they can't escape it either. It's part of life. The mated life.

Actually, it's surprising they haven't done it yet. Though if you factor in Felix's "heterosexuality", it's not that shocking. It's a twist, for sure.

Anyway, now they're on their date and I'm here, alone and in hell. Thinking about stuff I shouldn't be thinking about. Just because.

And with more than a month till my birthday, this isn't gonna be over anytime soon.

Not nearly as fast enough for me to get this over with. And get over them together. Or at the very least, get over Elliott.

This is really fucking me up.

I wish there's a switch I can flip to turn me off of him. I wish to Goddess that existed. I guess this is why teen wolves shouldn't date before mated.

Right. Who can wait until 18 anyhow?

I'm climbing up the walls as it is.

But worst of all, at this point after my high profile relationship, I should be radioactive.

That means no one will want to start something with me this late in the game, which is why I was glad I was dating someone whose birthday is way later than mine.

Fucking Felix. You ruined my life and I can't even blame you. Damn it!

Even so, tomorrow is Sunday and we'll spend the day together. I mean, we always had . We just stopped because of the... birthday party.

But I'm trying to normalize our friendship again: because if I don't, then I won't have anyone. At least, I still have Beta to look forward to. Apart from my upcoming mate, I mean.

Which I have no idea who it can possibly be.

None whatsoever. Specially with Ash being already mated. Lucky bitch. I wish her the best, honestly. And now Patrick picks her up every day for school. So she doesn't need me to give her a ride anymore.

I even lost my ride along to school.

Fuck! My! Life!

"Are you alright, honey? You seem tormented." - Mom asked me over dinner at our house. My dad and brother are here too, of course.

"I will be eventually. It's just that now that Ash got mated, I have no idea who's gonna be mine." - I replied in a troubled tone.

Dad and mom frowned at this. Johnny is too young to care. And the baby is on her nursery.

"I understand, honey. But have faith. The Goddess already have them set aside for you." - Mom consoled me in an empathetic tone.

I smiled weakly at her.

"Thanks, mom. I wish I didn't care so much. But with Elliot mated to Felix and now Ashley mated too. I guess I have nothing else to do but to think about it." - I blurted in a depressed tone.

They both worry about this state of mine.

"First of all, it's normal to wonder about your mate. Every single werewolf that has ever lived worried. Second, you have plenty of things to do... you have school and on top of that, you have to learn the Beta business." - Dad told me emphatically.

I offer him a weak smile at the prospect.

"I know, dad. I guess I'm frustrated because I thought my life was so well planned at this point. I had an amazing best friend, a hot boyfriend and a great career. Now..."

"You still have most of those things. Felix is still your friend, your career is secured and you'll find your mate in no time who's gonna be even hotter than Elliott." - Dad interrupted me with an empathetic smile.

I laughed at this. He's trying too hard. But bless him for trying.

"Thank you, dad. You're right. Besides, there're people much worse than me. Most of the boys from the team don't even know if they'll make it as warrior next summer. At least, I have job security." - I counted my blessings.

"Most? I thought all the boys had to fight their way to get a spot as warrior." - Mom commented, sounding surprised.

"They do, mom. But Delta Huntington gets to pick the warriors. So, who do you think it's gonna be his number one selection?" - I smirked, letting her in on the irony.

"Hey, don't look at me. My son is getting a job because of me too. I'm not one to judge." - Dad snickered. Mom and I laughed. Even Johnny did too.

It's so good to spend time with my family. They've been my rock trough this whole ordeal and I could never survive without them.

On Sunday after breakfast, I restart the tradition I had since we're kids to spend every other Sunday together with Felix at the pack house.

I had stopped going after his birthday for reasons crystal clear by now. But I'm determined to make it work. Make us work.

Plus, I don't have anything else going on at the moment. So, it's either this or taking up knitting.

"Good morning, Felix. How was your date?" - I asked him after I barged into his room. Another tradition (only I am allowed to enter it without knocking first. And he never locks his bedroom).

Felix looked distracted. Head in the clouds, but not like he's so in love his mind is busy thinking about him. No, this is something else.

"Hi, Simon. I'm so glad you could make it. I have missed you so much." - He told me and then he got up from his bed to hug me.

After a five minutes hug, he stepped back and lay on his bed again.

"We don't have to talk about him. We can talk about something else. Anything else. I know it's difficult for you. I don't wanna be insensitive." - He said in a troubled tone.

"I get that. Thanks for concerning yourself with my feelings." - I replied as I took my seat on a chair inside his room.

His room had a chair and a table where his laptop was kept for school activities. It's also where he kept his class notes and books. It's a nice bedroom.

"We can talk about whatever is keeping your mind busy right now." - I suggested, though I'm pretty positive that's Elliott too. It's very clear to me.

Felix looked scared at me for one moment. His eye are widened and his eyebrows are shot up.

"No! We can't talk about THAT!" - He nearly shouted.

"Why not? What happened? We've always talked about everything!" - I inquired, worriedly. Though my instinct is telling me: something to do with Elliott.

"We did. We do. But somethings are too embarrassing to talk about..." - He was blushing hard already.

"Right. More embarrassing than the time you couldn't find Ashley's vagina and you thought her breasts were play dough?" - I snickered, making him gasp at the memory.

"I was 15! It was my first time!" - He shouted, exasperating.

"I'm not judging you! I'm telling you: there's nothing too embarrassing for the two of us." - I argued, albeit giggling at the memory. Though my first time wasn't exactly groundbreaking.

He took a big breath and exhaled.

"You're right. I just don't think is fair for you to hear about Elliott and me. Not yet, at least." - He replied in a defeated tone. I could tell he's frustrated about it. But more important, he felt guilty for some reason.

I looked at his pained expression and felt bad. Though I shouldn't. But it's not his fault any more than it is mine.

"I get that. But I want to know what's ailing you. So please tell me... without saying his name." - I insisted.

"Can I ask you something instead?" - He redirected the subject, but I could tell he's troubled. So I nodded.

"When you had sex with him, did it hurt?" - He asked me in a disturbingly embarrassed tone. Then it hit me. I looked at him wide-eyed. He gasped already in anticipation.

"Oh my Goddess! He wants to top you too, doesn't he? I thought he wanted to bottom for his mate!" - I gasped at the realization. I'm gobsmacked.

"That's what I said!" - Felix blurted out loud.

We looked at each other in quiet shock for a moment, then burst into laughter. We laughed for a few minutes at the enigmatic omega.

"I'm so hopeless. I really thought this would be easier. Now, on top of having to face sex with a boy, I'm the one who's taking it. I just never really saw myself in that light." - He admitted, though he's blushing very hard.

"Well, neither did I. But to answer your question, it hurts at first. Then, soon enough you're enjoying yourself too much." - I informed him, feeling embarrassed myself.

He giggled at this.

"Funny, I always thought you're crazy for agreeing to his demands. And now here I am... Hypocrite much?" - He confessed in a deeply vulnerable tone.

"Listen Felix, no one is judging you for it. Not that anyone has the right to. But my point is: he's your mate. If this is what he wants to feel connected to you, I guess you need to ask yourself what are you willing to do to make it work." - I advised him, surprising even myself by speaking from the heart.

"However, if this is too uncomfortable for you, he needs to be aware of it as well. He can't demand something of you that you cannot give it to him. But you need to face the consequences of your decision." - I continued in a somber tone.

He looked worried at me.

"What consequences? Do you think he'll reject me if I don't do this?" - He asked me with a deep frown.

"No, not at all. If he were to reject you, he would have done so by now. I just meant that it could take a while for you to complete the bond. That's all." - I elaborated, trying not to escalate things in his mind.

"How long is 'a while'?" - He looked at me puzzled.

I thought about it for a moment.

"Well, his next heat is in 5 months..."

"5 months!?" - He gasped loudly. - "Fuck that! I'm not waiting 5 months to complete the bond! I'll be climbing up the walls by then!" - He shouted enthusiastically.

He got up from the bed and started pacing inside the room.

"Do you really think it could take that long?" - His voice is distraught.

"I have no idea. I just loved him enough to try it even though it scared me. I wanted that connection with him." - I replied, sighing at the thought.

Suddenly, Felix stopped pacing. He comes near me with a saddened expression on his face.

"I'm sorry for all this. I'm being selfish. I shouldn't be discussing this with you. I forgot about it for a second." - He was worried for me.

I smiled weakly at him.

"It's fine, Felix. You're not being selfish. I offered. I will only say this: it has to be one hundred percent your decision. It can't be forced. So whatever it is that you decide, it'll be fine by him. It has to be." - I told him with an empathetic tone. He smiled at me.

"I've missed this. You have no idea how much I've missed my best friend!" - He admitted, back on his bed.

"Me too, Alpha. It's been hell without being able to talk to you." - I confessed in a vulnerable tone.

We hugged each other for another five minutes. It's nice. I've spent Sunday with him as planned. We had some painful conversations but it was necessary for us to move forward.

We can't run from our past. Least of all escape from our present. All we can do is try to move on somehow.

On Monday, I arrived alone and earlier to school since I don't have to pick Ash up anymore. I walked inside the school, got to my locker and saw a student alone nearby.

"Hi." - I greeted him.

"No." - He said with an eye roll.

I gasped at this.

"No what? I haven't asked you anything. Can't I say hi?" - I snapped at him.

"Of course you can, Simon. You could have said 'hi' to me for the last 10 years since we've known each other. But you didn't. Even when I befriended your ex-boyfriend, you still didn't say 'hi' to me. So now you're here greeting me literally like never before." - He ranted, sounding peeved.

I gasped at all this.

"Okay, I guess I need to be friendlier." - I conceded, blushing for being called out like this.

"You are very friendly, Cortez. You're just never really interested in any omega before Elliott. You never gave us the time of day. We weren't worthy of the mighty future Beta. And now that you've seen that not only we ARE worthy, but we can even be mated to an Alpha, you're looking for your next fix. But no, I won't be your replacement omega. Good day!"

And with that, he left me reeling after that scorching rant. Damn! No wonder it took me a month to get Elliott. I'm a snob. Jesus!

Is that the image omegas have of me?

Fuck!

We're so stuck living in our own world that we take several things for granted. And I have severely underestimated omegas for all my life.

It's only fitting that I'm now miserable because of one of them.

It's ironic how I never got my heart broken before - not really - and it took an omega of all people to get it done. It's fucking precious.

And now I can't even say hi to people anymore!

Fuck. My. Life.