Me and Lana get on a bus home after going to the local pharmacy. Lana takes the test out of the bag and rests the back of the box. She doesn't take her pretty brown eyes off of it. I on the other hand want to make a joke - but even I know that I shouldn't. This is fucking traumatising for the both of us.

No matter what the result is gonna be...I'm not going to fucking runaway or abandon her. I've learnt my lesson from Maisie.

The test that we've got is the most expensive one in the store...we brought two just to be sure. I mean...it's a small price but at least it has the best accuracy to detect whether she's having a baby this early. I mean she has got to be at least a week...or maybe two? That is of course if she is actually pregnant. There's still a possibility that she just might be ill and needs to take some paracetamol and get a good nights sleep.

"God no..." Lana mumbles under her breath. I pull her close, just so she ignores the test that she cradles and hugs me. "It's going to be okay. Everything is going to be fine and-" I get my reassurance cut short when both mine and Lana's phones go off at the same time. "Huh?" I whisper in confusion. In unity we both get our phones from out our pockets and look at the screen...

Maisie's released a new EP by the looks of it.

I mean...that's good for her. At least she is back in the music game. "Do you want to listen together or...?" Lana sniffs as I nervously laugh. "You want to listen to my ex?" That's a point - how comes Lana is even following Maisie?

I guess it could be that she was before we met? Maisie has an amazing voice. Even though we're not together anymore, I'll never not dismiss that fact. "I want to listen to it with you. Just in case if she brings up something deep...like Bee and you might feel like shit and need a shoulder to cry on?" I need a shoulder to cry on right now. Lana might be pregnant. I cannot handle it if this baby - if it is even a baby - happens to pass away. Nor can I forgive myself for making Lana suffer another doomed pregnancy.

I feel like the barren of bad luck.

"Okay..." I whisper as Lana puts her phone away. I on the other hand untangle my white Apple earphones and plug one into my ear, and one into Lana's. We sit in silence while I open my Spotify app.

We don't talk while it's loading up. I type in 'M' in the search bar and of course her name is the first thing to come up despite not creating any new music since her...Bee song. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. She must've signed into a new label. I'm happy for her.

Of course she's named her EP 'Bee'. I look at the first track name and close my eyes. I don't think Lana knows the day me and Maisie first met...she probably doesn't care.

31/01/18

Pathetic

Bee's Lullaby

Not Okay (Spoken)

Perfect Girlfriend

So I listen to the first song. The song 31/01/17 is about when me and her first met. Somethings changed in Maisie's voice. While she sort of sung in a baby like tone in past - she now fucking belts it out like Adele. Both me and Lana look at each other in shock when she hits vocals I never thought...Maisie could do.

The song is raw. About how much she loved me. She thought I was cool...that she fell in love with this 'bad boy' persona. One lyric from the song that gets to me the most is...

I'm an American girl with blue, white and red in my head

He is a British guy with no colours in his head

I guess that's how our love ended up dead

I'm not exactly sure what she means by these. But when she repeats it like ten times in the bridge it's like I want to call her up. She's making a big deal out of it, her voice is so painfully raw. It sends a shiver down my bad. Lana just looks out of her window tapping her foot.

It's clear that when Maisie sings shit about me. True shit. Lana doesn't care, either that or I guess they both see me differently?

When it comes to Bee's Lullaby I hold myself together. She sings about what her dream life was going to be with her...with me. In the end it's like her voice tearfully breaks down when she sings about Bee not being here to live that life Maisie wanted. I catch Lana as she concentrated on the pregnancy test. Tears fall down her face.

When the bus stops for a second to let someone on I put my arm around her as she rests her head on my shoulder.

The song ends with a beautiful instrumental and Maisie humming. It end fades into the short spoken track. Maisie sounds unholy and totally done with life. Lana puts the pregnancy test away in the bag while I close my eyes.

The song that immediately comes on after is a upbeat song. Really upbeat. Pop at it's best. Maisie sings pretty fast too, which is another first for her vocals. Maisie Chain is full of surprises. The song is 'Perfect Girlfriend', but I don't think she's talking about herself...

"No way is this song about me. How does she know that about me?" My eyes widen at Lana's comment. She sits up and looks at my phone in confusion. "What do you mean?" I whisper since a woman and her kids sit in front of us.

"What do I mean? Seriously Dan! She is describing me." I must admit I haven't been with any other girl who has brown eyes - and a gentle smile. Maisie then goes into sing about how this girl saved her and how she is the 'lucky one'. Maisie basically reversed what Lana said to her on the pier that night. "I feel bad." Lana whispers, but of course being fangirl of the year she is trying not to smile.

I guess no one has ever made a song about her before. I know I should change that and not let my ex be the only person...but I'm afraid that if we was ever to break up I'll regret it. Like I regret Flowerbed.

"Shit!" I loudly whisper as I gather my bearings. If I didn't wake up from the song induced day dream then I would've forgot to ring the bell. "What?" Lana says as I point out of the window while standing up after I press the bell. "The next stop is ours." Lana nods her head and stands up after making sure she's got everything. Now to go home and ruin her birthday even more with pregnancy tests.

Maybe next year I'll take us on holiday to Amsterdam instead?