~ February 14th ~

Doctors...again.

This time it's for Lana. Which makes me nervous as fuck. I know I probably shouldn't even be thinking this, and I don't want to 'jinx' it or whatever, but she is having the same symptoms Maisie had when she. found out...that she was pregnant. Obviously I'm not ruling it out, but it's possible. We're a loved up couple who doesn't think about the consequences before it's too late. Obviously the plan B pill or whatever didn't help.

Either that or Lana has got a sickness bug. That's all she needs for her birthday to be honest. Thankfully this isn't her thirtieth or anything important. I mean obviously it is fucking important because it's her birthday. It's my girlfriend's day...and we're going to spend the next two hours of it waiting to see a doctor.

"Maybe we should come back tomorrow, you know? We'll go and get more paracetamol. That should do it? Make sure you take two, yeah? Every four hours innit?" So I may or may not be desperate to get out of this place. I don't mean to sound selfish but a tour is coming up and I really fucking need my voice - I don't want to loose to some old woman with a chesty contagious virus or whatever.

"I know how to fucking take paracetamol, Dan." I think Lana has gone over every possibility this thing might be. I'm praying for both of our sake it isn't...what I think it is deep down. She hates kids. My sister made her old my little nephew the other week and Lana didn't even shut up for one single second about her feelings. The poor little guy did fuck all and she was calling him names. I must admit both me and Fran was pissing ourselves while Lana looked like she wanted to cry.

Obviously, I remembered why she might hate kids - and that monster did to her when she was just a kid - so I saved Lana's life by holding him instead. Lana then hissed at him before walking out of the room like that didn't even just happen.

It's still funny though.

"If you know how to take paracetamol then great! Let's go home." I whisper under my breath as I feel this big butch guy staring at me for no precise reason. I mean...not to judge or anything but he doesn't look like the type of guy who would know or listen to Bastille. Maybe he is so dosed up he is out of it?

Fuck knows. I try to not have any eye contact just in case if he is a looney. Gotta be streetwise in a fucking doctors surgery now...what his London came too?

"I'm not going home until I find out once and for all what is happening to my body. Because I feel like actual shit for your information." Well she's got a point there then. "I'm just saying..." my voice trails off as someone walks past us. I guess I stop out of embarrassment - I'm being a complete dick and I know I am.

After what happened with Bee I've just been put off by doctors and hospitals.

"You're 'just saying' what?" Lana snaps as she looks at me seriously. "I'm just saying you look amazing...and like...it's probably nothing and resolvable by paracetamol. You only threw up like three times..." admittedly that's not a lot.

"I've still have been throwing up - and feeling worse for wear - since when the fuck has that been normal?" I shrug my shoulders back. "I'm just saying because you ain't normal in the head probably means that you're body ain't normal either. Nothing you should be too worried about." With that Lana looks at me like she either wants to kill me or destroy me. One or the other.

"Fucking wow. That's truly the most nicest thing you have ever fucking said to me." Before I can apologise for maybe being a little too much arsehole the nurse calls out her name. "Do you want me too..." I point towards the nurse while Lana quickly stands up. "Fuck yes. You know I hate this place. I need support." How the fuck am I supporting her when I feel like I'm pushing it?

I'm probably like one of those dickheads who make doctors visits a hundred times worse. Instead of saying anything else, or making another queasy comment for Lana to digest, I say nothing for the first time ever. I just follow my girlfriend and her doctor down the long white hall and through the open door at the end.

"Hello" the doctor kindly says as soon as I sit down. I give a shy and slightly blunt 'hi' back. "Are you partners?" The doctor asks as we both both nod our heads. "And is it okay for him to be here, Lana?" Lana nods her head. She falsely smiles in nerves. I've seen her trying to be brave at least a thousand times already.

"Good, good." The doctor then checks her computer. "So what brings you here today then?" She asks while glaring at her screen. I see Lana's name on it - she's probably checking in on why Lana called just in case if she misses out any detail probably. I hate it when they do that. "Well...um..." Lana anxiously plays with her black winter coat zip.

"I've been getting this sickness...it's only happened a couple of times this past week and it's spaced out. So I don't throw up every single morning." Which makes me think she caught a virus on the tube or some shit. "Is it just sickness?" The doctor asks. Just like I originally thought, se doesn't seem fairly concerned about that. The woman even takes her brown eyes away from the screen.

I told you paracetamol fixes everything, Lana.

"Yeah. I've been getting headaches. I'm a little more achy than usual...and tired...and hungry..." Lana kind of zones out for a few seconds. I can't say that I've ever seen er look like a mindless zombie until now. I guess she's fed up and wants to feel better. "Also it's going to sound really messed up or whatever but for some reason I cannot stand the smell of eggs...like what?" Lana looks at the doctor totally weirded out by herself. Lana even cracks a laugh of uncertainty.

I think the doctor has been told these symptoms many times before. I'm guessing that by the doctor nodding her head with a warm smile on her face. "What you've described to me are in fact pregnancy symptoms." With that I don't even bother to look at Lana. I can almost feel her negative reaction radiate off of her.

"W-what?" Lana stutters as I look up at the doctor in shock. I guess looking at the doctor is easier than looking at my girlfriend - who is possibly pregnant. The doctor nods her head with a smile. "Of course I cannot confronting anything yet until I get a urine sample for HGC levels...but I suggest on you getting an accurate reading pregnancy test in the meantime. Or you can wait. But I advise you not to go out on a bender or do anything unhealthy...just in case."

This cannot be happening. Oh my god.