~ August 14th 2019 ~

"So I was wondering if you would like to come to the cinema with me and my friends tonight? It'll be like a double date - but they don't know I'm dating you." Nobody knows that I'm the one who is dating Dan...they just know that he is a cheat.

Dan groans as he lays half on-half off of the sofa. He's stretched out like a octopus. This month he hasn't done anything except pretending to sleep, avoiding eating, and watching a bunch of bad TV shows. "Is that a yeah...or a no?" I put both of my hands on my hips as I stand at the end of the sofa over looking him.

He needs a shave...or a bath. But I'm not complaining, it's been the hardest month of his life. I'm just thankful that he is here and...that he is my afraid to let his emotions be seen in front of me. I've even with so many toxic guys who...cover their emotions.

Dan's different to most - and if not - all guys.

"I'm going to watch...this." It's a fucking Blue Planet repeat. This is the third time I've seen him watch this exact episode this week. It's the weird 'kissy fish'. Dan makes a comment every single time these two fish 'properly go at it'. I live for his random comments tho, it makes watching the program much more tolerable.

"Okay" I falsely smile as I get my phone out of my pocket before I take off my cardigan. "What are you doing?" He mumbles as I shake my head, "I didn't want to go anyway." Dan then makes a subtle 'oh' sound while I sit on the sofa besides him. "Why don't you go home?" Dan suggests. I know that he feels guilty for keeping me locked up in his new apartment...but I don't mind it.

Every single time I go back to my apartment I feel weird - I feel like I should be with Dan. Maybe this sounds weird but I kind of - really - get a bad feeling that if I was to ever leave Dan...that he'd try to do something stupid. I've never seen this type of behaviour before and it's scaring me.

"I want to stay here." I whisper with a false smile while I literally lay on top of him. "You've been going on about this film for like two months." I know I have...but my boyfriends mentality means more to me than some 'certified fresh' movie. "I know..." I whisper as Dan almost laughs. I guess he knows that I'm also a pretty stubborn person. I just want the best for him, it's the least I can do.

"Anyway that site you showed me...has a pretty good HD version and I was thinking maybe me and you can watch it." Dan makes a long 'mmm' sound. "And I've got paid which means I can finally repay you back and get a takeaway. I was thinking Chinese. You like Chinese right?" I go to sit up but surprisingly Dan bursts into life and grabs me, pulling me back on top of him. "What's this for?" I laugh as he kisses me. It's only a innocent kiss on the lips.

"For being supportive." He smiles. For once it's a genuine smile which makes me feel good. I haven't seen much of that smile - and of course I miss it. "Thank you for not running away the first time I farted." I've been in relationships where I've had to hold all of my farts and burps in. Dan doesn't give a shit. I caught him shitting with the door open - honestly we're a 'live in the moment' type of couple.

"I mean out of all of the gross shit you've done and you pick that as a thank you?" We both puked our lungs up into the bathtub a couple of months ago - we got very drunk to say the least. It was a gross thing to wake up to and clean...but it would be a lie to say that even cleaning it up wasn't fun. The bathroom has now got mould since we kind of soaked each other with water.

"Thank you for all of it." I whisper feeing like a teenager in love. Dan makes me feel giddy and special. "I love you." He whispers softly before holding my cheek and kissing me against. This time is a much slower kiss. Passionate and warm...so nice.

"Did you just say you love me...Mister Smith?" God I sound something from one of those so-called 'Hallmark' Christmas movies. Pure loved up sickness. "Oh shit." Dan bits his lip as we more or less press our foreheads against each other. "Sorry. That's stupid. All of this is way too sudden...even for my standards and-" of course I cut Dan off. I'm obsessed with this man. I love all of his flaws...all of his arsehole comments. He is one of the kind. Stern - sure- but he is also kind.

"I fucking adore you." I whisper before we kiss again. This time Dan sits up while I roll off him and onto the sofa...it probably looks awkward but this is a steamy kiss. Obviously it's wrong - considering that Dan isn't in the right place now. But maybe some love is what a guy like Dan needs? Before Dan can take my pretty yellow dress off - his phone violently vibrates on the glass coffee table.

We both pull away from each other's lips. "You should...yeah" I mumble under my breath as Dan then picks it up and sits back down next to me. Dan of course holds my hand while doing so. It's official - we can't be apart or keep our hands off one another.

He treats me so good.

Dan then picks it up, he goes from smiling to looking at me with his eyes wide open in shock. "What?" I quickly say preparing for bad news about someone he dearly loves again. I feel like a bad omen. He doesn't deserve this. "Baby?" I quickly say sitting up.

This time I'm ready to push his arse out of the door to be with his loved ones. I'll even fucking drive him there considering that he hates driving in London. Dan then puts it on speakerphone. "I fucking hate you. But Maisie...she's doing something weird man! She texted me this note...saying that if she gets find washed ashore or some crazy shit at this place called Southend then I shouldn't be surprised." I hit Dan on the shoulder hard.

"What the fuck did the text say?!" Dan says as we both stand up at the same time. 'You drive' Dan mouths as I nod my head. Even though if we do happen to hind his ex...we're the last people on earth that she would like to see. I guess I can stay with the car and keep out of the way...like I did with the funeral. Plus I wouldn't like to meet the guy who turned my boyfriends face into a stranger...he wants me dead.

"It was a suicide text you goddamn moron. She's going to jump or drown and-" reassuringly Dan cuts him off. "She won't." He almost certainly whispers.

"How do you fucking know that!" The guy...who must be 'Ali' laughs. "Because she's already tried killing herself this month you dick!" With that Dan closes his eyes. "She's at Southend...probably the pier?" Southend is the closest beach from here. The closest...real beach. Not unless she is going to throw herself into the Thames?

"She better fucking be there." Ali threats as he hangs up the phone while me and Dan look at each other in shock.