𝘾𝙖𝙪𝙨𝙚 𝙄 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙞𝙩'𝙨 𝙙𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙩𝙚

- 𝗧𝗮𝘆𝗹𝗼𝗿 𝗦𝘄𝗶𝗳𝘁

~ November 10th 2018 ~

"Whoa whoa whoa!" Mum shouts in disbelief. Acting as if my break up is the end of the world.

"You alright there darling?" My father asks as he enters the room with his normal Cheshire grin. "No I'm not alright, Rod. Daniel and Maisie broke up!" My dad reacts in a rational - yet not melodramatic way - unlike my mother who is fucking besides herself.

"I'm truly sorry to hear that. I really thought Maisie was the one for you." Before my dad can give me more pity mum interrupts. "Don't be sorry!" She hisses before angrily throwing forwards the red and white plaid tea towel towards me. "He got her up the duff!" With that dad smiles. "Way-hey! About time." Dad being the embarrassing dickhead that he truly is holds up his hand for a high five.

I on the other hand leave him hanging.

"Why are you both miserable! We should be celebrating, you're going to be a dad at long last. It's only taken you 36 years!" So many things is wrong about the sentence. "32. Rod. Our son is 32." Mum hisses under her breath while dad make a long 'oh' sound. "Since when has he been 32?" Dad points towards me like I'm not here. Instead of correcting him about my age I let him humourlessly look shocked - it's better than talking about Maisie or my unborn baby.

"Since I gave birth to him 32 years ago. You're fucking loosing it. You really are." My eyes widen when she swears. I even laugh, Dan just grind shaking his head. I wish I had a relationship like my parents. They always pull through - even at the darkest of times. They're each other's light.

"Mate you gotta ease on the smoking, drinking and partying...do you do drugs? You should take a rest on that too" Nice to know that my dad thinks I look old and rough. "Dan! Don't answer that. I don't want to know." I roll my eyes back.

"Since Bastille are on the brink of not being a band anymore - I have nothing better to do other than day drink..." mum rolls her eyes back looking mildly frustrated. "What's wrong with you?" She looks at me and laughs. A shame and sarcastic sound. "What's wrong with me is that my grandchild is going to have nothing to do with me." I shrug.

"I raised you up to be a good man. I raised you up to not get a girl pregnant out of wedlock, I raised you up to love all - especially those older and younger than you. What the fuck went wrong? Enlighten me, Daniel. Please." She sits her hands on her hips giving me a very stern look. I hate disappointing her. Maisie was right about one thing - I am a mummies boy. I mean everyone I know loves their mum's.

"What went wrong is that I love my career. I love Bastille. I love making music, and to be honest - I love my fans. I don't think I'm capable of looking after a baby. I want to. I really want to. But I don't feel attached to it...at all. It's just a bunch of cells at the moment for all I care." That makes mum tear up. I don't mean to sound like a total arsehole - I'm just telling my truth.

"It's a baby...Dan. It's your baby." I shrug. "It's Maisie's. She is moving to Italy out of all the places in the world. She is going to bring the child up. She's a better parent than I'll ever be. It's for the best." Mum shakes her head. "Maisie has no family...the girl doesn't even have friends. How is she going to coupe moving to Italy whilst pregnant or with a newborn? Dan the most you can do for your child's mother is to help her. I'm not asking you by the way. I'm telling you." I stick my hands deep into my pocket and anxiously crush a minty polo sweet.

"Like you said mum. I'm 32 years old. I'm not 18. I don't need you or anyone else telling me what to do when it comes to my family. They're better off without me and I know that in the future it's going to hurt but at this moment in time - I wouldn't give a single fuck whether she got an abortion. It's her body...and her life. If Maisie is keeping the baby then I am going to avoid it." With that mum throws her hands up in the air and walks out of the room.

Dan gives me that look of disappointment. "You have no idea how much I was terrified of becoming a father. But then I saw Fran. A beautiful little baby. Wide blue eyes and a loose smile. I knew with ever fibre in my body that I must protect her for ever. You need to see your little one...even on a scan. You helped creating it." He then leaves the room silently, as suddenly I'm all alone in the kitchen.

I don't think I've fucked up entirely...have I?