❝ fast food restaurant chair ❞

i remember myself

sitting in a fast food restaurant chair in a noisy saturday afternoon

i remember myself

tapping my nails in the table 

it was a habit of mine whenever i would wait for someone or whenever i get nervous

i remember you

sitting in front of me, you said hi with that stupid wide grin of yours plastered in your face,

 and telling me we should order something.

oh, and do you remember too, bokuto?

when we had a hard time trying to pick for a perfect choice of fried chicken,

we fought for a bit because i wanted drumsticks and you wanted chicken thighs,

hell, you were so annoying

but, we settled with an ice cream instead.

ha, i guess you never cared about lunch at all,

and you were happy with just an ice cream, what a simpleton

but of course, i knew it wasn't the chicken we were there for.

i already knew it was something else that we were there for.

i remember you,

finishing up your ice cream,

we talked for a while,

and of course, volleyball, 

it was always a part of our conversations,

and we were okay with that,

we were content with that.

i remember you

staring deeply into my eyes in such a guilty way, 

as if you did something wrong,

but i didn't care, bokuto

other than what you had said to me next.

 i remember you

saying these words that eradicated me,

❝you know what akaashi, i think we should remain as friends.❞

❝ just friends. ❞

❝ we should not be close as much anymore. i'm sorry, akaashi. ❞

the next thing i knew,

i laughed.

i laughed at those words,

as a reply to what you had said.

then i spoke something, words that left heavily from my mouth.

amusing, because i laughed at that same time too.

do you remember that too, bokuto?

❝ w-wait, what? what do you mean, bokuto? i never liked you in the first place! ❞

remembering your face,

 confusion was the first emotion that you've shown.

weird

was probably the first thing that popped into your mind, wasn't it, bokuto?

you might think what i did was weird,

but you know what?

that was the opposite reaction to what i felt.

i felt regret from saying those words

but as soon as the sigh of relief came out from your lips

guess i didn't anymore

i mean, risking myself to tell you that i loved you for three years?

hell, i'd rather die first.

i've been in love with you for three years, bokuto, 

and i never risked myself from telling you the truth.

instead,

i only uttered denial statements, 

and lies.

i might be stupid,

a coward,

or might be smart, i don't know.

i don't really know.

but it did hurt, yes.

did you care? 

i don't know

you then just left me, sputtering some shitty excuses,

❝um, i need to go, my cousin's waiting for me. i am sorry akaashi.❞

yes, you did left me, bokuto.

do you remember that too?

you left me,

all alone,

shattered and defeated.

♡