I shut my apartment door close, putting my suitcase down and dropping my backpack on a chair nearby. My head hurt more than ever and I genuinely felt like passing out. At least I'm home now. My home. No one can make me feel bad here.

I've kept my emotions for the whole flight back here, and by now I didn't even have the energy to be angry anymore. I felt exhausted.

No one, except Jack, knows I'm back home, but I will text Johnny and Elsie later in the day, after I get some sleep. It's about 5 am now and I don't even feel real.

I dragged my feet up the stairs and to my bedroom, in meanwhile taking off my jeans and the jumper. I've thrown on some t-shirt and fell right onto the bed.

I groaned pleasantly from finally being able to do it, and closed my eyes with an intention to fall asleep.

But I couldn't.

My lashes felt like they were on fire and I had this weird eyes ache when I closed them, probably from how much I was tired. Ironic.

So I just laid there staring straight at the ceiling. I felt empty. Or more like disappointed. Very disappointed.

Stupid, you thought they would change?

I promised myself to never cry over them again, it's just not worth it. Not a single tear deserves to be dropped at the thought of them, yet I could firmly feel waterfalls forming in my eyes, ready to pour. It didn't take long for them to blurry my vision.

I felt it. My heart breaking. Over and over, still because of the same people. As much as I tried not to care about it, they were still my parents. Literally the closest people to you. And they are the ones who hurt you the most.

I chuckled to myself, ignoring the tears that now slid down my cheeks,

"What a world we live in."

To even make the situation more dramatic, for some reason, I remembered what my mom once said to me when I was crying because of our fight.

"Don't be such a cry baby," she said. "Everything's fine."

It wasn't fine, not even okay. I could feel it in my eyes burning from the crying and in my whole shaking body.

But I always, somehow, made it.

That's true, I did. I've never really had their support, yet I managed to be happy. I think that's because parents are not the whole world. There are people who you consider your world, and that's important. Not them.

I stopped crying by the time I realized it, and now I only felt sleepy again, this time for real.

Fuck them.

And with this beautiful thought I sailed away into the land of dreams.

----

I opened my eyes to get greeted (blinded) by sun pouring itself inside. I even smiled, looking at the blue sky outside the window.

I felt a lot more better now, and the only thing troubling me were sore eyes, but I'm sure it will go away.

According to my deductions the hour is: noon or later. I mean, 7 hours of sleep is still good. Especially if I gotta do some stuff today. I need to unpack + take a look on the to-do things Elsie sent me yesterday. I love how this woman gets my shit together.

Work might be actually a great way to erase the bad feeling from last night. Not like it still bothers me, but I just need something to cheer me up. And I could always somewhat loose myself in the projects.

All of a sudden, I felt some tingling right above my upper lip. I automatically rose up my pointing finger to scratch it a little so the feeling would stop.

But I panicked faster than I was even able to give it a good look, when I saw the tip of my finger covered in blood. What the hell?

In a matter of seconds I was on my way to the bathroom, almost bumping into the dresser out of the hurry. I felt terribly dizzy and sort of like the character in cartoons when they get a hit in the head and stars appear above it. But why? I was totally fine while laying down. Totally.

I got to the mirror, only to see a strain of blood going down from my nose. I got some of it already on my lips, and a bit on my cheek, I won't even mention my hand. I cursed really badly while grabbing some toilet paper and putting it up to my nose. I bowed my head a little, letting blood go freely. I've read somewhere that it is what you're supposed to do in this situation.

Read, but never experienced, and that's why, along with tiny panic, I also felt confused. Why now? Does it have to do something with yesterday's anger? Because I genuinely think I've never gotten so angry before.

In a perfect timing, I heard my phone ringing downstairs. I've actually been wondering where I left it, and my theory of dropping it along with my keys might be the answer.

The blood only tickled one of my nostrils, so it wasn't that bad and maybe I won't die on my way to answer the phone. I quickly replaced my, already all red, dressing with another pile of toilet paper and jogged out of the bathroom and made my way down the stairs.

I grabbed the phone to see caller ID, and found out it's Johnny.

Long story short, he called me to say that tomorrow at 11 am, sharp, I need to show up at the studio, because there's gonna be a bunch of guys arriving so we can record the music video for Heroes. Which was kinda strange, given that this song isn't supposed to come out until like 2019, from what I've heard.

Anyway, he was surprised when I told him I'm home already, but I quickly explained. Not the whole story, just that everything went very wrong and I had to go back. He didn't ask a lot of questions though, probably because he knew about the strained relationship with my family. We've once talked about families and it turned out we did have some things in common in this matter.

By the time we've finished the call, I couldn't feel any more blood flowing, although I could taste it in the back of my throat. I went back to the bathroom to just clean myself up. I hope something like this won't happen again. It might be not that deadly but it worries the hell out of me, especially if it's never happened to me before. Oh - I didn't tell Johnny about it either. I knew he had more important things on his mind than thinking 'bout me.

I was starving all the way since yesterday, so the next thing I did was breakfast and tea. I texted Elsie and by the way checked the to-do list. I noticed there's only maybe 1 month of work left, and then I'll have all the time in the world to do whatever I want, or more like to mentally prepare myself for leaving to Vancouver. I know I've said it before, but I literally can't get over the fact I'm in an actual movie.

"What time is it?" I asked, hurriedly packing myself into the car.

"11:11." Jack replied, looking at his wrist watch.

"Shit, I'm late." he sighed, shaking his head slowly. "If anything.. We were organizing a funeral for your cat." I said, fastening my seat belt.

He frowned, "Lucifer is fine, and they know it!"

"Not important. Can you, please, drive?"

"That attitude of yours," he mumbled, proceeding to start the engine.

--

I basically ran into the studio, receiving a few strange looks, but I quickly focused on only finding the right room, where, I'm sure, everyone has already gathered. I hate being late to something actually important. I know it pisses people off and it makes me feel bad, yet I know I'm the only one responsible for it. Ha, another how ironic thing.

Let me at least explain myself. So yesterday I was getting completely lost in the work, as you know, but I got a major breakdown halfway through. I'm not even sure how it happened, I just started thinking and thinking. Like, sick amount of thoughts. I stayed up like this until late night and unexpectedly fell asleep. Thereupon I totally forgot to set an alarm, which was needed after the little imbalance of my sleep hours. I had to forget for a moment about my mental health as I hurried around to get my shit together, and thanked my body for not creating another nosebleed this morning.

Johnny texted me the details, and one of them was that the thing will happen in Record Room 3. When I finally found myself in this huge, white corridor, at which I used to look almost every day for the whole September, I quickly spotted the tall wooden doors, surely leading to my destination. I checked the time again.

I carefully opened the door to immediately see a group of guys I've never seen before, and I guess they were the bunch of people that Johnny mentioned.

Oh, what a great first impression.

They were just hanging around, drinking water or coffee or whatever, sitting by what looked like a command center, with laptops and all. I saw that behind them, on stage, everything was already prepared. Guitars, microphones, our drums, a camera and at least million of black and white, just all type of wires tangling on and messing the peace of shiny floor.

There were also four headlights, one in each corner, most likely to get the best light in the video. To get that they even closed all the giant curtains. Guitars were already hooked by cables into the guitar amps, and black Marshall medium-sized speakers were placed all around the room. Which wasn't small, oh no.

Everything was put in a beautiful, artistic mess. Through all of this I fell in love with music, and with the way it makes me feel. I never even thought of making music myself instead of just listening to it, but things somehow turned out this way. Just being in the studio was like an oasis of peace for me. And the people here - the coolest creatures on the planet. Right, speaking of them.

I first met gazes with Alice, who was currently talking with Matt (Sorum), the drummer of Hollywood Vampires. Anyway, he had an imaginable face expression, seeing me sneak in and close the door slowly. I poured a river of soundless I'm sorry's while approaching him. The other people in the room noticed me, but didn't stop chatting. Well, it would be incredibly awkward if they did and just looked at me.

Before I even had a chance to say hello, from behind Alice appeared a tall man- Wait, is this Johnny? Oh my god.

If I didn't take a look at the necklaces and his signature heart-shaped lips, there might've been a possibility I wouldn't even recognize him. The eyes didn't count since he had black sunglasses on.

His hair was all different, the sides were shaved almost completely and the rest of the hair in the middle was combed back. I noticed a little braid at the end of it, and a simple, white feather attached to it. It swung carefully from side to side when he has moved his head to exchange characteristic looks with Alice.

There was also the other thing. He looked horrible. I don't mean less handsome or ugly, but tired and worn out. The sunglasses didn't help his sorta pale skin, which used to shine and be full of life only 3 days ago. He looked like he has skipped two nights of sleeping, replacing it with smoking cigarettes, one after another.

It seemed to me that he has definitely lost weight. I don't know why, or is that even possible, but his body looked so thin and kind of fragile. Only looking at him got me worried.

What happened to him?

He seemed to notice my change of hair the same as I noticed his. Alice frowned, exchanging looks between us.

"What is this, who changes his appearance more competition?" he asked, confused. I chuckled and turned to Matt, shaking his hand and saying a quick hello.

"Anyway," Alice continued. "Care to explain yourself?" he asked me with an expectant look on his face. Johnny smiled ever since he approached me and Alice.

"Yeah, you know, kinda a delicate matter," I said, smoothly pretending to be sad. I wasn't joking with the dying cat plan. "Jack's cat has passed away this morning and I wanted to help him with the funeral."

I know lying is bad and I shouldn't do it, but it will be a fun thing to see them finding out Lucifer is still glad and alive. Plus, I could get away with it and also the 'Johnny has a competition in showing up late' kind of jokes. Alright, it's no excuse but you know what I mean.

"Oh no," Matt whined. "He was such a cool cat." he added, caressing his forehead with his fingers in worry.

"Tell Jack we're sorry." Alice said, also with worried look in his eyes, and dead serious. I tried to keep my smile inside, and the fact that I stole a glance at Johnny didn't help.

He had his head bowed, almost visibly hiding his smirk. He cleaned the invisible dirt off the floor with his shoe while having both of his hands behind his back.

"Alright, we start in 5 minutes." Alice informed us, him and Matt slowly walking away and leaving me and Johnny alone. I nodded.

The second they were gone, me and Johnny looked at each other before bursting out laughing. Not too loud, of course. I smiled at him before pulling him into my embrace. Oh, how I missed that. He whispered something in my ear, so no one would hear. His lips touched my skin.

"I know the cat isn't dead." he said, lowly.

"I know you know," I whispered back. "But don't you dare to say a word to them."

I heard the teasing smirk in his voice, "Yeah? Or what?"

The first thing that came into my mind and, since I had the perfect angle, I decided to do, was sink my nails firmly into his neck. He let out a hiss,

"Okay, okay, I got the message,"

I didn't really have time today to be anxious about all this thing, and now it hit me. I mean, not the playing part, but mostly that someone will be looking at me and recording it with the camera while I do it. But I guess I'll live through.

--

"Alright, I think we've got it. We have to check it so y'all are free for 15 minutes at least." The main of the cameramen guys spoke, briefly looking at us while typing something on the laptop.

I breathed a sigh of relief. We recorded for an hour at least, with no break, and a lot of times starting over because something wasn't right. But mostly they would just let us play or practice right before while recording it, so the atmosphere here wasn't very strict. I bet this whole music video will be dope, I mean, let's be honest, I don't think it can even be a bit bad. It was a great fun to play this soul-touching song again. It just kinda gets my mind off things.

I pulled the guitar's strap over my head, placing the instrument on its stand. I watched others do more or less the same thing as me and ran a hand through my hair in the process. I spotted one of these comfortable chairs placed randomly all over the room and approached it, plumping down heavily. I leaned my head backwards and the back of it rested against chair's backrest.

All of a sudden, I felt something hard and small hitting my chest. I yelped and caught it before it slipped down my body completely. I frowned and looked at my hands, holding a Snickers. I looked up.

"Snack time," Johnny said, eating up his own.

"I'm not hungry." I replied, turning the chocolate bar in my hands.

"Sugar boost." he simply answered, which actually kinda convinced me. "Oh, by the way, do you want coffee or tea or something? I'm collecting orders."

I noticed Alice, Joe and few other guys also eating sugar boosts and I bet Johnny's got a combat task to take care of the drinks.

"Are you going to the bar?" I asked. There is a place like that, it's like a mini cafe but everyone calls it bar because in the evenings you can also get a drink. It had definitely not common-place vibe and it was beautiful there.

He nodded.

"I'm going with you." I said, quickly standing up from the chair. I didn't feel like sitting down 15 minutes. I mean, I wasn't that exhausted.

Before we exited the recording room I took off my cool fastened sweatshirt, leaving me in a white tank top, combined with black, baggy jeans. I didn't really have time to pick something so I just went simple, but I had time to put on some jewelry, so the outfit wasn't very boring.

Tank tops weren't exactly my thing, but the one I own is actually more thick, so you can't see a lot. Yeah, like there was something to look at. Anyway, I'm not a fan of showing everything I got, so I rarely make such brave outfits, more like only in my life's phases when for two days I feel like a bad bitch and then it simply passes.

We headed down the huge corridor, the white floor shining. How do they keep it always so clean?

"So, how do you feel? What do you think about all of this? I know it's the first time you're doing it." Johnny asked.

"Well, I mean, I love doing it but the cameras made me feel kinda weird. But I think it all went just- great." I replied and he agreed. "And you? How do you feel?"

"Honored." he simply answered. "That I could sing this song yet again."

We made it to the door and he opened it for me. I could scream and cry of what a gentleman he is. He was about to walk in behind me, but suddenly called my name, making me stop and turn around. He had an excited smile but a surprised face expression, his gaze clued to my left collarbone. I looked where he did and noticed that my star tattoo peeked from under the top.

I got it made after I learned to play the guitar. It's not very big, but very, very meaningful to me. It shows a simple star, however all around it are lots of little stars, kinda traveling into the big one. I thought of it as a metaphor of people's personality. Not only mine, but everyone existing. It reminds me that humans aren't all simple and the same, but complicated and interesting as every person is built out of different little stars. Something similar to a human tetris. I also kept it a secret.

"You have a tattoo?!" he asked, pure bliss and excitement dancing around his handsome face.

"Yeah-"

"Why didn't you say anything?" he questioned with furrowed brows, raising his gaze to look in my eyes.

"I don't know, I guess I thought it's not much of a big deal." I replied and Johnny asked if I have any more tattoos. I said that I don't, which was true, and that it's my first.

"I love it," he murmured, mesmerized. "Does it mean anything to you?" He raised a hand and I thought he's gonna trace it with his fingers, and he did, but only in the air, never touching my bare skin. Oh maan, does his gentleman-ness have any limits?

I thought for a while of how to put it all in simpler words. "I got it to, just no matter what happens, remember who I am, aand kinda keep it forever as a tattoo, right above my heart."

"So, you're a star?"

I chuckled, "I didn't think about it in this way, but I guess now it is - a star."

He raved about my tattoo a little more before we actually went in and ordered coffees.

"By the way, this hair on you is stunning. Just absolutely pretty." he commented as we sat on the bar stools, waiting for the waitress to make our order. He suddenly raised a hand and ruffled my hair with it. I giggled but still smacked his arm away. I ran my fingers through the hair, trying to make it look less like I've been just hit by a lightning.

I got a quick parallel, when Alex didn't say anything about it. Like he haven't even noticed. Or I'm just exaggerating, that's all. I'm sure he was maybe just shy to say what he thinks.

"Thank you." I replied, earning a bright smile. I'm not sure, but I think I blushed a little. "Why do you say that to every haircut I get? You know, you are allowed to not like it."