(Scene: Peach's Castle, royal dining room. Peach is sitting at the head of the table, and Waluigi and Daisy sit on either side. Rosalina sits by Daisy)

: (claps) Oh, this is so exciting!! I can't believe that we're already at your anniversary!!

: Yes, congratulations, you two!

: (blushing angrily) This is so dumb.

: (looking hurt) Whaddya mean, darlin'? Ya mean to tell me that I ain't special to ya?

: You're acting as if we're married! Which we aren't! We haven't even been dating for a year! This is our six month anniversary! Why are we even celebrating?

: (rolls her eyes) You are such a loon, Daisy! Of course we're celebrating your six month anniversary! That's what we in the dating community do! We celebrate our unions frequently.

: (beet red) Union?

: So, what're we eatin', anyways? I'm starvin'!

: We're having salad and seafood today! And strawberry shortcake for dessert. The serving toads should be out shortly.

(A knock comes from the far door)

: Ah, here they come!

(Door bangs open - instead of serving toads, Captain Bro stomps in, followed by a group of toads)

: Oh my. What's Captain Bro doing here?

: (pulling on Captain Bro's arm) What do you think you're doing?! You're interrupting Princess Peach's private dinner!

: Their dinner can wait! This is too important!

: That's not the way things work around here, buster! You've gotta schedule an appointment!

: This concerns the safety of the Koopa Kingdom! And the Mushroom Kingdom!

: It's all right guys. Captain Bro, welcome.

(Toads give Captain Bro a nasty look before reluctantly exiting the chamber)

: Captain Bro, what're you doing here? And what's this about the safety of the Mushroom Kingdom?

: (hurries up to the table) Guys, we're got a problem on our hands. And I mean a problem, else I wouldn't be here asking for my rival kingdom's help.

: (leaps to his feet and pulls out his tennis racket) What is it? The Shroobs? Antasma? Bowser back from da grave?

: Uh, well, it's actually a little more complicated than that...

--

(sipping on some tea) So, around a week ago, the Dark Star started acting kinda strange.

: Whoa, whoa, wait! The Dark Star? Like the Dark Star Dark Star? The evil entity that used to be buried under the Mushroom Kingdom?

: The one my grandparents gave to the Koopa Kingdom for safekeeping decades ago?

: Yes that one. It's stored in the lowest level of the Castle's deepest dungeon, under lock-and-key and twenty-four-hour surveillance. But a week ago, one of the Goomba technicians reported that he was getting some strange readings from the Dark Star on its alchemeter. (blank stares) The machine that measures its energy fluctuations.

: Okay, I'm wit ya so far.

: So I had him take the Dark Star out of holding for some tests. We found out that it was reacting to something, to some unseen force coming from outside the Castle.

: (impatiently) What does this have to do with the safety of the Mushroom Kingdom?

: Okay, okay, well while we performed some more tests on it, we kept the Dark Star in one of the labs in the Castle's northernmost tower, in a secondary holding cell. The night after we moved it...somebody broke into the tower, trying to steal it!

: Stars. Did you catch the thief?

: No, the guards chased him off, but not before he blasted some of them unconscious! And the next day, he broke in again!!

: I'm still waiting for why this affects the Mushroom Kingdom.

: Don't you see?! This thief is trying to steal the Dark Star! With that kind of power in his hands, he could take over the Mushroom Kingdom, Sarasaland, and the Koopa Kingdom! We've got to stop him.

: I have an idea. Put the Dark Star back in its original cell.

: (annoyed) Look, I could do that, but what's the point? The thief would still be out there! No, I want to catch him, and put him where he belongs: behind bars.

: And your guards couldn't do that?

: He was heavily armed when he attacked. We were lucky to just drive him off.

: Or y'all are just incompetent.

: (huffs) You don't have to rub it in. (gazes around) So will you help me?

: (twirls his tennis racket) My last tournament was three months ago. Guess I need some exercise.

: (elated) So you'll do it?

: Why not? I bet that the five of us plus your guards will be more than a match for this thief.

: I a-don't think so.

: What? What did you say?

: (looks confused) That wasn't me.

: I'm a-certain that you will a-fail without me on your a-side.

: (looks frightened) Who is that?

: (stands and looks around) Who's there? Show yourself!

: a-Certainly! But prepared yourself. Because you now stand before the a-awesome might of...

(figure suddenly drops down from the rafters; he tries to land on both feet on the tabletop, but slips on a doily - he crashes to the floor in a green heap)

(awkward silence)

: (leaps up) The a-Green Thunder!!

: (impatiently) Luigi, what're you doing here?

: a-No, no! I am the a-Green Thunder, here to offer my services to a-you.

: Quit playin'. (snatches off Luigi's mask)

: (shrieks) a-My disguise! Give that back, you a-thief! (swipes mask and puts it back on before sweeping his cape and striking a dramatic pose) When evil a-knocks, there's only one a-hero competent enough to a-answer the door: the a-Green Thunder! (turns towards Daisy) So a-where is this a-villain who needs vanquishing? I shall put him to the blade - my a-blade of awesomeness!

: He's not serious, is he?

: (striving to be patient) Luigi, this isn't a game. This thief that Captain Bro was talking about is serious business. If we don't catch him, the safety of our thee kingdoms could be in jeopardy.

: (looking put out) What, you a-don't think I'm a-good enough to take him on?

: I didn't say that, just... (pause) What're you doing here, anyway?

: a-Well, since Peach didn't invite me to your a-anniversary party, I thought I'd a-sneak in.

: I would've invited you if you didn't have such a bad jealous streak!

: a-Jealous! I'm a a-hero! I don't a-get jealous!

: Yeah, whatever. Anyway, pal, I don't think yer cut out for taking on a villain 'o this magnitude. Why don'tcha leave this to more qualified candidates? (puffs out his chest)

: (snarls and launches himself at Waluigi) I'm a-qualified enough to take you down! a-Lady thief!

: Bring it!

(two minutes later, Luigi is unconscious)

: Haha! Cap'n Bro, how'd I do?

: (checks his watch) 1 minute, 57 seconds. A new record.

: (annoyed) Peach, have Luigi taken to the infirmary. Captain Bro, arrange us an escort to Bowser's Castle.

--

(5 hours and one bumpy jeep ride later)

(Scene: Bowser's Castle, northernmost tower)

: (leads them inside a huge lab) So, this is our research laboratory, state of the art.

: Whoo-wee! Must've cost ya a pretty penny to set all this up! (taps a HUD, a chamber that is currently storing beakers and micropipettes)

: I didn't think the Koopa Kingdom produced anyone smart enough to use a laboratory this fancy.

: (tic) That's MK prejudice for you. (points) Anyway, there's the Dark Star.

(There's a transparent chamber underneath the floor: a dark black rock is currently spinning gently in the middle of the little white box, pulsating an evil, black energy that is being stabilized by an assortment of pulsars. A star-like hieroglyphic is etched into the rock's surface)

: (shivers) Ech, just being near this thing is making me feel weird.

: Captain Bro, you said it was giving off strange energy readings?

: Yep, check it out. (Opens a binder labeled "Dark Star Log") Here's a comparison. This sheet shows the normal electrical output of the Dark Star on any given day of the week. (Paper shows a graph of the energy rays) And here's how it's been looking for the past week.

: (lifts her brows) That's quite a spike. Any idea of what's been causing it?

: Don't know, don't care. My only concern now is using the Dark Star to catch that thief, before he causes anymore mayhem.

: Well, what're we waitin' for?

: Well, the thief usually attacks around 10 pm. So we should hide, or something, and stand watch until he comes.

: What!! It's only four o'clock!

: (sheepishly) I'll get snacks.

--

(6 hours later)

(Waluigi, Daisy, Peach, Rosalina, and Captain Bro are hiding in various corners of the lab, waiting. Daisy is watching a rerun of the Striker's Cup on her phone)

: (hissing) Will ya put that away? You're gonna draw attention ta us wit dat light!

: Man! The Bowser Monsters are slaying!

: Shh! You're being too... Whoa! (jaw drops) Did that toad just make a goal from mid-field?

: How did the goalie not see that coming?

(scratching noise - Daisy and Waluigi look up. Daisy stashes her phone)

: Hear that?

: Yep. Comin' from da window.

(Indeed, a scratching sound is coming from the window - a scrambling silhouette is visible on the other side of the shadowy pane)

(Waluigi creeps forward, tennis racket in hand; Captain Bro comes from the other side of the lab, bearing a hammer. They approach the window from either side: Waluigi straightens and, with a glance at Captain Bro, shoves open the window. It smacks into the figure outside)

: a-Hey! Watch it!

: (drops his racket) I shoulda known. (glares at Luigi) Whaddya doin' here, numbskull?

: (hanging in the air on a rope) You may have a-defeated me, Waluigi, but heroes a-never give up!

: (hissing angrily) Luigi, you idiot! What're you doing here?

: I'm here to a-stop the bad guy. Obviously.

: And you climbed up the side of a tower to do so? Why didn't you just come in the front door?

: I'm a a-hero! I have to think of a complicated way to a-get in!

: Of course you do.

: (looks down and pales) Uh...do you a-mind? My palms are a-getting sweaty.

(They pull him inside)

: Well, what now? Ain't no thief dumb enough to try and steal the Dark Star now that we're all crowdin' the lab. Should we call it a night?

: (looking sullen) I guess so. We should probably turn in and try again tomorrow.

: a-What? The a-thief only comes when there's a-no one to oppose him? (scoffs) Craven!

: (irked) Look, Luigi-

(Window suddenly shatters behind Luigi as a figure swings through the glass. He slams down on top of Luigi, knocking the Green Thunder unconscious.)

: FAWFUL HAS ARRIVED!

--

: Whoa. Didn't see dat comin'.

: (eyes wide) Fawful! What- (turns to Captain Bro) He's the thief that's trying to steal the Dark Star?

: (in disdain) The one you couldn't defeat?

: Hey, he's hardier than he looks!

: Do not talk about Fawful as if he is not here! Fawful does not like that!

: (raises his tennis racket) Yeah, yeah, okay fine. So what's the deal this time, Fawful? Here ta try and snatch the Dark Star now that Bowser ain't here ta stop ya?

: Yes, you are right, Fawful says! You are absolutely right! When Fawful hears that Bowser the Koopa King is dead, Fawful says, "Yummy! It is mine! Like a mega buffet of super evil, the Dark Star is all for Fawful!" (draws a blaster out of his belt) And now I am at the mega buffet of super evil, and have come for the Dark Star of evil yumminess!

: Gad, my ears.

: (growling) This fool hasn't changed a bit- talking to him still makes me want to reach for the headache medicine.

: (hissing) Meanness! (points blaster at Peach) How dare you speak of Fawful so rudely!

(fires, but Waluigi whacks the beam aside with his racket)

: Yer the one who's rude, bud, attackin' an unarmed woman. (crouches) Why don'tcha take on someone yer own size?

: Fawful never backs down from a challenge!

(Aims the blaster up at Waluigi, but he knocks it aside with his racket, and Fawful accidentally shoots a canister of carbon monoxide sitting on the far side of the room. CO spews in the air)

: Ack! (hurries over to extinguish the gas flow)

: Hiyah! Take that! And that! (fires twice more- Waluigi deflects the shots, and they strike two more canisters of carbon monoxide on the opposite side of the lab)

: Eep! (hurries over to extinguish the gas flow)

: Take this! And that! AND THIS AND THAT AND THIS AND THAT AND THIS AND THIS AND THIS AND THAT AND THAT AND THAT AND THISANDTHATANDTHISANDTHATANDTHIS!!!

(Waluigi dodge-rolls several beams and then lips into the air, spinning his racket like a fan. He deflects the rest of the beams like a Jedi Master- all around him, beakers and glassware shatter, and several more canisters of carbon monoxide explode as they're peppered with bullets)

: (tic)(tic)(tic) Will you cut that out?!

: (in the air) HIYAH! (hurls tennis racket at Fawful- it smacks the blaster out of his hand. Waluigi's racket ricochets like a boomerang and lands back in his hand)

: Haha! Give up, pipsqueak! Cause cain't nobody defeat-

: (pulls out a secondary gun and blasts Waluigi with purple energy)

: (jitters) ACK! (collapses)

: Waluigi!

: Haha! What were you saying to Fawful?

: (crouched by Waluigi) Captain Bro! Do something!

: (still trying to staunch gas flow from punctured canisters) Kinda busy here!

(Peach shoves a huge red button on the opposite wall. Alarms blare)

: Oh no! What is that loud noise? Is something coming for Fawful?

(Lab door is kicked in, and a large squadron of security Koopas march in)

: Hut hut hut hut hut hut!

: (in relief) We're saved!

(Koopas take aim at Fawful)

: Foolishness! (blasts Koopas with purple energy)

: Gyack! (they all faint)

: Oh no!

: Haha! Now to eliminate the rest of Fawful's enemies!

(Fawful shoots rapidly at the princesses. They dive behind the lab counters)

: (terrified) What do we do now?

: Run! What else? The lab door's two seconds that way!

: We can't run! Fawful will get the Dark Star! We've got to stop him!

: How? With our feminine wiles? We'll never defeat him!

: Now, Fawful takes his prize!

(The girls peek over the table and watch as Fawful uses a laser to cut open the Dark Star's holding cell. The pulsars shut down, and it floats up into his waiting hands, emitting a sluggish, purple aura)

: Such nastiness! Such evilness! Such badness! And all for Fawful! (holds the Dark Star above his head triumphantly) Where are you now, Bowser the Koopa King? Where are you to stop Fawful? Stop him from taking over the Mushroom Kingdom and becoming the king of maliciousness?

(Behind him, Luigi stirs)

: Ugh. a-What happened last... (sits up and sees Fawful)

: a-Hey! What're you doing?

: (spins around) An enemy! How is it that you still breathe, while standing in the aura of my evilness?

: (hissing) Luigi! Run!

: (jumps up) Are you a-joking? He's a villain. I'm a a-hero! I can't run!

: Please, Luigi, he defeated Waluigi! Save yourself and run!

: (snorts) Waluigi is a a-weakling. (cracks his knuckles) Watch me a-show him up! (turns in time to get blasted by Fawful's gun)

: (jitters) EEEP! (collapses)

: Numbskull!

: Wahahaha! Fawful is all-powerful! Fawful cannot be defeated!

(Luigi twitches and heaves himself to his knees)

: He's still awake!

: You can still move! How? Fawful knows that this is impossible!

: Maybe you aren't as a-all powerful as you a-think.

: Impossible! There is nothing that Fawful cannot do!

: (scrambles to his feet) a-Nothing, eh? I bet I can a-prove you wrong.

: (points his blaster at Luigi) You dare to challenge Fawful the Almighty's authority?

: a-Sure. Let's have a little contest.

: What? Contest?

: Yes. Don't you a-want to prove that you're the greatest a-being to ever walk this a-earth? After all, if you're going to a-rule the Mushroom Kingdom, a-Sarasaland, and the Koopa a-Kingdom, you have to prove that you're a-worth following.

: ...Hmm, I suppose that you're right. Fawful must be seen as a god if all of those minions are to follow him. (steps closer to Luigi, eyes sparkling) What will Fawful do?

: a-Simple. You say that you can a-do anything, right? So if I find something that you a-can't do, then I win. If I a-can't, then you win, and you can keep the a-Dark Star.

: What!

: What is he doing? What is he talking about?

: Shh! Hold on. I think he might know what he's doing.

: Are you kidding? He's going to let Fawful walk out of here with the Dark Star!