《What If Bowser Died?》Epilogue: If Bowser died...everyone would PARTY!
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(scene: Bowser's Castle. Bowser's bedroom)
(Bowser suddenly shoots up in bed)
: *wheeze, wheeze* (blinks) What the... (glances down at himself) Holy...I'm alive! Still alive! I really didn't die! So what was that? Some kinda bad dream?
(Footsteps; the Koopa Kids bust into the room)
: Mornin', Pa!
: What? You guys are still here?
: "Still here"? What do you mean?
: Were we supposedta go somewhere?
: Did you plan a vacation for us?
: Uh, no, just... (rubs his chin) Wow, it really was just a dream.
: Dream? What dream?
: Nothin', nothin'...
(Morton and Roy jump up on the bed and begin poking at Bowser)
: C'mon, tell us, tell us, tell us, tell-
: (clods them on the head) Shaddup, you rats!
_____
(later; breakfast table)
: (saluting) Good morning sir!
: Wow, it's great to be alive. If that dream said anythin', it's to not leave you in charge.
: What was that, sir?
: Nothin'.
: The King Boo is here to see you, sir!
: Enough with the saluting! (goes into the dining room, where King Boo is sitting at the table, drinking tea)
: Bowser, my friend! Good morning to you!
: Uh, yeah, nice to see you not doin' other people's dirty work.
: Dirty work? Why I never!
: Uh, yeah, ignore me, I'm feelin' a little under the weather today... So, whatcha here for?
: Well, I hear that Princess Peach will be personally attending the Star Festival this year, so maybe you and I can...
(King Boo babbles; Bowser pretends to listen)
: And blah blah blah and maybe blah blah blah blah blah blah blah... Bowser, are you listening to me?
: (wakes up) Huhn? What? Oh, yeah. Somethin' about enchiladas this afternoon, right?
: No, actually. (stares at him) You're completely spaced out, friend. Whatever could be troubling you?
: Um, well...
: Come now! Can't you even tell your good friend King Boo?
: Well, it's kinda this dream I had last night...
: Dream?
_____
: And that's what happened.
: Luigi?! KING?! And me, doing that wimp's dirty work?
: Are you actually getting offended? It was a dream for Pete's sake!
: Perhaps...
: Whaddya mean, "perhaps"?
: In my family, it's well believed that dreams are portholes to the future.
: What to the what?
: (sighs) Meaning that dreams can sometimes give you a glimpse of things to come.
: Gimme a break. You tryin'ta tell me that my stupid dream was actually of... (suddenly looks anxious)
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: As I said, perhaps, perhaps not. Who knows?
_____
(later)
(Bowser's on the balcony, staring at the horizon)
: So maybe it wasn't just a dream? Maybe it was showing me the stuff that's gonna happen in the future? If I die? So does this mean that I am gonna die?
: ... .... ... ....
: Curse it! Why couldn't da stupid dream tell me how I was gonna die?! Why'd it hafta show me stuff that's gonna happen afterwards?
: Hmm...maybe it don't matter? Maybe even if I knew how I was gonna die, I'd still die anyway? Meaning...
(Imagines Luigi on his throne, cackling and ruling over his army, and begins panicking)
: Your lunch is ready, sir!
(clods him on the head) Don't scare me like that, you fool!
: Sorry, sir! Just wanted to let you know that your favorite lunch is ready: steak-style cheeseburgers with onion rings!
: Forget that! I've got orders for you, Captain Bro!
: Your wish is my command, sir!!
____
(later still)
(Mario's running through the Koopa Kingdom, heading towards Bowser's Castle)
: That a-brute...this a-better not be-a some kind of a-joke! (Glances down at the paper note in his hand. It reads:
: This has-a got to be some of a-trick. I-a bet he's got-a Peach stashed in the-a castle somewhere, and is-a waiting for me to-a save-a her.
(Mario reaches Bowser's Castle. The main gates are guarded by two Koopas wielding Shell-Blasters)
: Invitation?
(Mario knocks them aside and flies into the main courtyard. There's a huge stage there, some weird tube-shaped device and its mechanical apparatus is mounted onto the stage. Bowser is standing beside it, talking to a couple of Goombas in lab coats)
: Bowser! (skids to a halt)
: Yo, Red 'Stache! Ya made it!
You-a fiend! What have you-a done with a-Princess Peach?! Where-a is she?
: Um, right here?
(Mario nearly leaps out of his skin)
: a-Peach! What are you-a doing here?
: Well, it looks like we all got an invitation.
: Pauline-a! You're-a here too?!
: (holds up an invitation like Mario's) Do you know what this is about?
: Some-a new crazy scheme, maybe?
: Gyah! Luigi?! (Looks around; Daisy, Rosalina, Luma, the Koopa Kids, Yoshi, Dry Bones, Waluigi, Wario, half of Bowser's Army, and many others are there, holding invitations and looking confused)
: What-a is a-going on?!
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: No idea. I have a feeling we're about to find out, though.
(Bowser moves center-stage, carrying a microphone)
: Hey, everybody, thanks fer comin'! Why don't you guys pop a squat and I'll tell ya why you're all here?
(Everyone sits on the cobblestones)
: So, you guys are probably confused by why I invited all of ya to this little shindig. Well, this may be hard to believe, but last night I had a revelation. An epiphany. A mid-life crisis.
: Do tell?
: It came to me in a dream. In a dream where I, the omnipotent, all-mighty Koopa King...died.
: Say what?
: a-Really?
: What happened?
: A lotta crazy stuff. Stuff you guys wouldn't even believe. (Glares at Luigi) And while I tried to convince myself that it was just a stupid dream...well, what if it waddn't? What if it was a... (glances at King Boo)
: (stage whispering) "Porthole to the future".
: What if it was a porthole to the future? Tryin'ta warn me about what would happen if I died?
: Is he a-serious?
: It certainly looks like it.
: So I've come ta a decision: it is... (glances at King Boo again)
: (stage whispering) "Imperative".
: It's imperative that I don't die. Sorry guys, but I can't leave you all to that fate.
: Uh...?
: So I'm gonna make sure that I live on...so that you guys never have to live in that crazy future! (glances at a Goomba specialist) Are ya ready?
: Quite, sir.
(Bowser moves towards the tube-shaped device and climbs into the inner chamber. The Goomba specialist closes the door)
: Hey!! a-WHAT is going on?!
: You've never heard of Cryostasis before?
: Cryostasis?
: It's when they deep-freeze your body enough to preserve it, but at the same time keep you alive.
: You mean...Bowser's going into hibernation?
: Precisely. I've set the timer for 50 years.
: So-a basically...Bowser won't be around for fifty years?
: Correct.
(Silence engulfs the courtyard. Then...)
: PAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
: I've got the sodas!
: I got the cake and ice cream!
: I've got the karaoke!
: We'll get the food!
(Seconds later, the courtyard is strewn with streamers, and balloons fill the air. Food and drinks are passed around, and everyone is hi-fiving and laughing at their good luck. The only ones not happy are the members of Bowser's Army and the Koopa Kids; the latter are bawling their eyes out.)
: (calibrating machine) Jerks. I can't believe they're responding to Bowser's noble sacrifice with...partying!
: (clicks glasses with Mario) Man, what a relief! I feel like a weight's been lifted!
: You said it! We've suddenly got our whole lives ahead of us! So, what are you guys gonna do now that Bowser's not gonna be bothering us?
: Go on vacation.
: Guess I'll stick with the bike club for now.
: I'd like to get my teaching license. Maybe open a counseling practice. A ranch, maybe, for bad kids.
: I like counseling too, but I think my strength is psychology. Maybe I'll go into therapy. Psychiatric therapy.
: Hmm, maybe I'll...
: Er, Daisy?
: (looking behind her) Waluigi! Wh-what do you want?
: Well, ah, sorry ta bother ya... I just... I just wanted ta give ya these.
: (surprised) Flowers?
: Oh, uh...thank you.
: (knocks Waluigi upside the head) a-What do you-a think you're a-doing?
: What? Cain't a man give a pretty lady flowers?
: How-a dare you?!
: What, ya wanna fight, Green 'Stache? I don't like pickin' on wimps, ya know!
: I'm-a not a wimp! I'm-a...awesome!
(Bowser suddenly busts out of cryostasis tube)
: No, no, no, no,
Ack!
: Dad!!
: a-Bowser! It hasn't a-been 50 years yet!
: Shut up! (Grabs Luigi and Waluigi by the collars) You MORONS!!!! Here I go, trying to prevent that stupid future from occurring...and you guys just ruin everything!!!
: Huh?
: (throws them down) Ugh, forget it!! I knew you idiots would mess something up!
: Uh, Bowser? Can ya, like, sit down for ten seconds and tell us what the heck you're talkin' about?
: Ugh, ugh, ugh! You know what? Forget the hibernation!! Dead or asleep, it looks like you guys can't live without me. (Leaps into the crowd and grabs Princess Peach) So let's just get things back to normal! (runs, carrying her over his shoulder)
: EEEEK! What do you think you're doing?!
: (shoots up) I a-knew it! I a-knew he was tricking us! Luigi! (Both run after Bowser) Get-a back here!!
: (sipping a soda) It's turning into one of those days...
: When does it ever not?
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