I grab my phone to open the snap from Billie and I can see that she's sent a chat, not a picture.

We keep chatting for a while, just to know each other better. Something about her just makes me want to know her. I want to now everything about her, I don't know why. She's so chill. I can't stand being around people who always ask questions or want to know everything. Like, it's my choice if I want to tell you my life story, not yours. Julia is okay. We've known each other since forever, so she already knows about my past. The funny thing is that except her, no one really knows about that september day almost three years ago. The reason to why I don't really tell people is because I don't want them to feel sorry for me. Everything that happened is my fault, I just know it and I don't want people to feel bad for me because of something I did.

I don't know if i'll ever tell Billie about it, though. She seems to be nice but it could just be an act. There are so many stupid fucks who just wants to know shit and then they betray you and tell everyone everything you told them. What if Billie is like them? How could I even be so nice to her? Fuck. Now I realise something. Billie made me take my defenses down. I didn't snap at her, I should've done that. What should I do?

I decide to stop answering. She probably just wants information so she can laugh about me with her friends on her tour bus in a week or whatever. She sends another snap but I don't open it, it would be stupid. It will be a bit awkward tomorrow though because I have to work with her about the fucking penguins again, but I try not to think about it right now. I'll probably just act like I always do when i'm scared and be rude. That's the only way to be safe from getting hurt.

My mum's not home yet, so I guess that she's getting drunk with her friends or something. With friends I mean other evil mothers who hate hate their kids. I enjoy being alone, but it's scary too. When i'm alone, I always start to think about things that I shouldn't think about and it always ends up in me overthinking and starting up another problem that was never there in the first place. It sucks.

I walk down the stairs to get something to eat. Sometimes when mum isn't home, I eat a bit, just to make sure that my body doesn't collapse because of the lack of food. A sandwich with turkey and salad, that's the dinner for tonight. I open up the fridge to get some butter and salad before putting two slices of bread in the toaster. When i'm done cooking, I sit down by the table and look out through the window while eating. If mum comes home, I can just get up to my room. I don't want to talk to her when she's drunk. Well, I don't really enjoy talking to her when she's sober, either.

I wash my plate and walk up the stairs to my room, laying on the bed. I deal Julia's number and press the ''call'' button. She answers almost immideately.

''Hey, Em! What's up?''

''Hi, Julia. I'm bored", I sigh.

Julia is really nice, but she's just a terrible friend when she's drunk. She has always been protecting me for as long as I can remember. Remember when I said that people are scared of Mr. Wilson? Well, people are more scared of Julia. One time her friend got punched by another girl because she stole her boyfriend or something. Julia then came and hit the girl in the face and since then, no one is messing with Julia or her friends. After a while, Julia starts to talk about Billie.

''I heard that you're getting along with Billie. Didn't you work with her or something?''

''Yeah, Mr. Dick put us to together to do a project about penguins.''

''Really?'' Julia laughs and I hear how my mum opens the door, probably to yell at me.

''Shit, Julia I've got to go. Mum's coming home", I whisper yell. It feels pretty good that Julia knows about my mum so I don't need to explain or come up with an excuse.

''Oh, okay. Promise me to take care, okay? I love you'', she says, a bit concerned.

''Yeah, I will. I love you too", I say before hanging up.

The door opens up and my mum stumbles in. She is really drunk. REALLY drunk. She tries to approach me but slips on the way, almost falling to the floor. I grab her by her arm to steady her.

''Wait, take it easy'', I say, not wanting her to get hurt but she just push my arm away.

''You... You were the one who killed my husband. And my son. Who are you?'' she stutters slowly, barely finishing her words.

This has happened before. I'm used to mum calling my a killer by this point and it doesn't really affect my anymore. Trust me, I know how crazy that sounds.

''Mum, please just go to bed", I beg her. I don't want to use an attitude with her. That will just give her a reason to say something worse, and I don't want that to happen. Her mood suddenly switches and she gets really angry.

''Don't tell me what to do! Evan wouldn't like that!'' She yells. The last part of the sentence makes my blood boil and I can feel the pain in my eyes. I'm about to cry.

''Don't fucking involve Evan!'' I yell with a sob.

''You feel guilty, don't you?'' She says, in a creepy, convincing way. ''I guess that you know why?'' she continues. I keep quiet, biting my bottom lip and looking away, still trying to keep the tears inside of me. I can't show my weakness.

''Answer!'' She screams, making me back away. Suddenly, I feel a sting on my cheek. I try to run away, but she grabs both of my shoulders harshly befoore looking right into my eyes.

''Say it! Tell me what you did to your brother!'' She yells while looking at me in an insane way. Not wanting another slap, I give in.

''I... I killed him", I cry out before starting to sob. She releases her grip around my shouldes, making me fall down to the ground before leaving the room and slamming the door. I just lay on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably. It's not always this bad, only when she gets really drunk. Why can't my mum fucking love me? What did I do to deserve this? Oh right, I killed my family. I don't deserve anything good in this world. I feel worthless.

After crying on the floor for several hours, I crawl back to the bed with the small amount of energy that I have left. I slip under the covers and bury my face in the pillow, which is wet from my tears. I feel more and more tired and after a while, I finally fall asleep.