Now don't get me wrong.

I do not want to write about him.

Gregory.

James.

Onision.

Shitstain.

I don't want to write about him, but I think I should.

When I write about Him. I write longingly, unknowingly. Delusionary.

But Greg I know... In a way... Almost intimately.

Almost.

I remember Him asking me why I'm after him. That put me in a stutter because truly, at the time, I did not know.

I have to go back in my memory bank. Dial back the circa and timelines.

The first video I remember watching was "Is Incest Taboo?" It was under his OnisionSpeaks channel, I think. The video's been long wiped off the face of cyberspace. Also known as the internet. Couldn't even find it on archive.org and go figure. That was in Cleghorn Lane. Years ago. My vine members and I left there when I was about 14. So, it had to be prior to then.

I mean, I started obsessing over his binge worthy videos when I was 13. Greg was prior to Him if I'm remembering correctly so... I could've been 11 or 12 when I first started watching his videos.

Yikes.

Being the alarmingly sex crazed and boy hungry little girl I was. I would binge through his videos talking about sex. Then that turned into binge watching his videos on relationships. And he had many. As I got a little older, I started watching his videos about God and religion. He would always express how much he despised both. I still remember a joke he made. Something about having faith in God or gravity when standing near the edge of a rocky cliff. The candid way he described a person's body exploding when hitting the rocks below made me bellow with laugher. Take that God. Gravity 1 - God 0.

I didn't care for his "Rate Me" videos. That's where mostly young girls would post pictures of themselves on his forums for Onision to rate their facial features and physique. And thank God I didn't. I've seen so many horror stories of young girls developing eating disorders and full-blown anorexia from him criticizing their bodies. And matter of fact. I didn't really know about them until the fallout in 2019.

I was more interested in learning about him. His thoughts and opinions pertinent to his beliefs. What he thought was right and wrong. Top it off with his good (filters) looks and dark humor. I was sold.

I was attracted to him but oddly enough I never fantasized about him the way I would with all the other One Of Thems. I never stayed stuck on him in that manner either. He was in the rotation but eventually fell off. And this was before I started to figure out what a sicko he was and still is. I'd check in every now and then. See what was going on in his life. I heard things every now and then. Particularly with Shiloh. How he filmed her seizure and memory loss. I didn't know the full scope of the situation and I was already a fan by then. All I saw was what was then and there.

His comedic commentary, the skits, his beliefs. The happy marriage he (seemingly) had. All laced with humor that a teen girl like me would find funny. I remember checking in when Cuddlegate happened. That's when he invited a young teen into their marriage as their "third". My documentation would show that the relationship was heavily based around sex trafficking her. And he's such a poser with that video he made crying about betraying his wife. At the time I just thought to myself oh no he's sad, he made a mistake, their marriage would be okay. I didn't think anything was wrong with the relationship dynamic.

Polyamory?

Polygamous?

Poly?

Sex trafficking was far from my mind in the description of what was happening. To me it just seemed like an out of the norm relationship choice.

And that was okay.

Fast forward to 2018. I came across Repzion's YouTube video. "Onision Wants You In His Basement".

I thought it was a joke at first.

That was the last straw of me being a fan.

That was also when I started digging.

Hunting.

And what'd ya know. He wanted their "third" to sign a contract to be tortured in their basement for smoking weed.

I felt like I was lied to for years with how seriously I took this man.

It was like he was an adviser.

A friend. Some of his videos were that personal. As if trying to connect to you.

I was also so angry that someone so out in the open could get away with shit so vile for sooooo long.

I was angry that I was ever a fan of his.

He became to me what Love and Hip-hop is to Daniel.

So, I started stalking him. I'll admit. I created a few accounts. Started speaking out against him. Started talking to him directly. Via email at one point. Under the name Geoffery Winger. Nicknamed "Jeff". He made two videos, and I was responsible for them. His rebuttal videos. I fell off again when I started focusing on my modelling career. Fell off even more in the aftermath of that ordeal. I picked up again in August 2019. In the oddest of ways too I'll admit. I didn't go with the intentions of looking into things too deep. But I did anyway. Thought there would be no harm in it. Until I found what I found. And as if Karma was out for blood. The fallout soon followed.

I remember the sigh of relief I gave when Chris Hansen was on the case in 2019. His case. I wonder if I'd have done something sooner had it not been for his false intervention in the matter.

I was gonna let things go up until I heard about Onision and Kai (now Lucas) having threesomes with their child present.

On the bed with them.

This happened more than once according to Sarah's statement. She's the young woman who followed their "third". Was a minor when she started living with them. They would then start having sex with her soon after she turned 18. With their baby daughter right next to them.

Sorry for the repitition.

Just hoping you guys heard that correctly.

It was then I knew Sarah wasn't their final victims. There were still two in the house.

Troy and Cloey Avaroe.

Troy and Cloey Jackson.

When the report on "Cloey's fall" came out on public record I thought with Greg and Kai's reported negligence that that was bound to happen without anyone else in the house to take care of the kids for them. I mean for God's sakes their two-year-old had to have a full mouth of cavities filled for their negligence.

But, it was the sex tweet that raised my suspicion in the matter of the fall. Why the fuck would he be tweeting about sex while in the hospital with his injured daughter? Even then I didn't think of things as deeply as I do now.

It wasn't until I read the police report in July 2020. I think? That I got scared. That I realized that maybe there was some foul play involved in Cloey's fall. The more I dug the more I realized something wasn't right. Because while in the hospital with her, after she fell out a 2-story window, this is what Onision had tweeted:

Now look me in the eye and tell me that's normal. That there's nothing wrong with that and everything's fine.

I tried to ignore it. The thoughts and conclusions I were coming to. I thought I was being stupid.

I dunno if it had something to do with Aleister almost dying. It was the morning she went to the hospital did I start writing what I thought to CPS and the police in Perice County. Where Onsion and Kai (now Lucas) lived at the time.

I still can't read the first few emails I sent to the Peirce County's Sheriff's Department without feeling absolute cringe. I was manic with piecing together the information. Some of it was false. Not that I intended it to be. It's just that what I thought was so, wasn't.

Then I followed along with Greg's social media. Something told me he was seeing everything. I now know, based on the call I had with the lady in the department that he was. Good Citizens Records made me aware of that too. I didn't know my documentations were going on public record at the time.

Why the Peirce County's Sheriff's Department would ask victims and witnesses to send information to a public record email domain WHERE HE CAN SEE IT is beyond me but hey. That's the system I guess...

When I realized what was happening is when I called "another department". I was very surprised they listened to me. Even more surprised they called back a few days later.

I'm sure that sent him in a frenzy.

The emails that followed in 2021 were of my own doing. No one told me to do that nearly 50,000-word documentation. I just wanted the authorities to be aware of everything I could make them aware of. I wanted to say more. And I'll admit. That breaking up with Him had a push to it. I remember talking to Him about Onision all the time. He was encouraging. Until he wasn't. Until I was a mental patient. That's what He called me.

I'll show you a fucking mental patient. I thought.

The novel's worth of information I sent still feels beyond me. Like I didn't write it. With my laziness, depression and demotivation. With my sloth. How did I get that far? How did I do so much? I still ask myself that.

The Peirce County's Sheriff's Department probably wants to know what drug I was on during all of that. If they'd ask, I'd tell them the drug was pure unadulterated rage. Rage at Onsion for all of what he did. And rage at them for doing FUCKING NOTHING for soooooo long.

When I saw that Twitter post coming from another person like myself. The one where a user posted videos of a friend of Kai's (now Lucas) at their house. Hearing her little voice in the background worried me deeply. I was wrong about the kids being safe from them. So very very wrong. Cloey was still there. There with them.

I wonder if I'm wrong in thinking maybe Troy was gone. He's older. Would've been able to tell "another department" more. He did talk to a teacher once; public records would show. He wasn't being fed properly.

I was worried about Cloey and I still am.

I pray that she's okay.

I'm worried about Troy.

I pray that he's okay.

I found other things. But at this point. I'd like to think the authorities found it before I could send anything else. I'd like to think they found more than me.

Onision's as quiet as a mouse right now. Meaning more than usual that is. He's never truly quiet. He no longer says Kai's name. New one or old.

I don't think he's doing too well right now (get rekt).

I'm thinking of the last thing I did. What came of it. How it is or isn't affecting his life right now.

5.57 pm

I don't have much good to say that's going on with me right now. I'm starting to hate the Risperidone. It gives me so much energy that I can't take depression naps like I usually would. I lay down and I just end up restless until I find something to do. Sounds great in a way, right? Wrong. I need the psychological reset sleeping gives me. A simple sighing and some cigarettes just doesn't do it the way sleep does. I'd leave the house messy if I could just get back that sleepiness that helps me. And that's another thing. Sometimes I do feel exhausted mentally. But I just can't fucking sleep. And I can't stop taking it now. Least I fall into extremely heavy mania and depression. It's ugly. Worse. The withdrawals. You feel so bad. And with my isolation mania, even when taking my meds. I dread what'll happen or what I'll do while off them. Especially when alone.

And speaking of isolation and mania. I've opted to spend time with the overbearing Adam just to rid myself of it in any way I could. I'm in his room right now as I'm typing this, and it makes me sad. That I've been so isolated and impoverished that I can't even visit a friend. Not that I have many to visit in the first place. And those that I can are living their own lives and can't have me over for one reason or another.

Last night I had to tell myself. In a meditative way. That it's not the end of the world. There were things I expected to happen this year. That ultimately didn't. Big things. All those hopes crumbled away to nothing. Leaving me right where I left off and in some situations. Worse off. My only hope right now. Is this. My words. The ones I give birth to for you, the reader. I wish I could say I had more going for me. I wish I had more exciting things to say. For each chapter. Each paragraph. But I don't.

I get manic about that. When I feel like I won't reach a word count I expect for a chapter. And ya know. I met someone who said they were the same way. In regard to having angst about any venture they take on not being successful fast enough. It comforted me in a way. A symptom of being a hermit is thinking your issues are unique to you, and no one else experiences anything like it. But others do. I'd like to think it was the universe speaking to me through him. I met him again in the back of Adam's car. T. Adam was helping his dad with something, and he tagged along. Then Adam had to pick me up. And I met him for the first time again. Last night I had to mediate on his encouragement. But not just his. A vine member told me not to force things. To treat this as my therapy. And as usual. Keep at it. They'd asked to hear a reading of a few paragraphs, and I did my best to relay the story. They said it sounded like an audio book.

That boosted my confidence I'll admit. Made breezing through the last chapter very easy.

But, in my angst. And for what it's worth. I'd left the house for exercise this morning. As in I chose to go down the hill and to the bar for some cigarette's vs the shorter, more expensive walk up the hill. I got through it like nothing. Didn't alleviate much. But I felt alive. Like I was doing something.

Anything.

4.11.2022 9:20 am

In light of me working on my Octophobia I'll say that quite coincidentally. My book was #88 in non-fiction on Wattpad:

9:26 am

Last night a headache came on strong, had to take a lorazepam to ease the tension. And got to sleep. I found that it worked for a couple of hours. Until I work up at around 4 am this morning. The headache was still there. I have to pass through Adam's room to get to the bathroom and when I did, I saw he was up. He has issues sleeping too. So, I asked if I could chill with him. He said yes right away, and it was a go. I'd slept on the other side of the bed once I'd taken another half of my lorazepam and eaten some eggs. It was a food headache, that I knew. So, I thought the eggs would do me some good. It did I suppose. The headache was relieved until I woke up again at 7 am.

I took to taking a bath and washing my underwear by hand. I run out of clean underwear faster than I do clean clothes. Didn't feel like doing proper laundry today.

10:15 pm

I'm in the back of Adam's car right now. He had to drop someone off somewhere. I asked to tag along to help with escaping the isolation. It's been helpful in the sense that I don't feel like a rat trapped in a cage. He got me breakfast from Aleister's shop. Hearty chicken livers in a sandwich. I'd always preferred Eve's. More sauce, more seasoned. Very delicious.

11:05 am

I'm at the house again. Adam's got stuff to do, errands I can't run with him. But on the bright side I have somewhere to type comfortably. I saw some apartments as we drove around and that made me think of an old friend of mine. Kyra. And thinking of Kyra made me think of my theory of The Human Connection. It's probably already been discussed by non-pseudo intellectuals. It's a theory of human beings being designed to need each other to ultimately exist. And not fall into bad decisions. I remember the both of us being on the cusp of 18, Kyra and I. Just wrapping up secondary school. She'd wanted a baby. Badly. Would talk about it all the time, to a point I got alarmed one day and intervened. Me, being a part of the zero kids squad wanted to know why she wanted a kid. She said something along the lines wanting to have someone who would love her unconditionally.

And me, being a best pal had said Kyra. You hate your mother. How are you so sure it won't be a repeated cycle? Are you sure you have what it takes to break the cycle? How are you so sure your little girl or boy won't grow to hate you?

She'd shut the hell up about having kids after that.

The Human Connection did not work with Simone, however. Mostly because I didn't advise her. She was another girl I went to school with. Also wanted a baby. I wasn't close to her like I was Kyra. And for the most part I'd only listened to her speaking on wanting a baby once or twice. And she was serious. I know this because about a year later she had one. I remember thinking Oh well, good for her. I guess she knew what she wanted and was ready. So imagine my surprise or lack thereof when I got a Facebook message at around 2 in the morning. It was Simone. She needed help with something in regard to her child's daycare and I could not help her in her lack of preparedness. But I felt her frustration. The father of her child was supposed to do something to make the daycare process smoother and he did what some baby daddies do. Which is nothing.

In that moment I wished I could go back in time and speak to her the way I did to Kyra. So, at the very least, she'd know not to message me about her daycare plights.

Just the other day I saw Kyra happy and celebrating being child-free.

Anyway, I remember as we were about to finish school, Kyra had talked about us renting together. That moment I believe was the human connection working. Her giving a suggestion that would help me like our no-baby-having talk helped her. I dreaded the idea. Because "see me" and "come live with me" are two different things all together. I doubted we'd make good roommates for each other despite being friend-classmates for years. I broke the connection on that, but now more than ever I wish I took her up on her offer. I'd have been better off today. I think. And not slumped down, sleeping on Adam's couch and hoping to survive off of Welfare.

Man, I fucked that one up big time.

Big time.