"Thank you, bye." I say lightly, taking the phone off my ear, not even bothering to press the red hang up button. Both my hands fly to my mouth, trying to trap in the sobs that so desperately want to come out, but I'm stood watching Hailee is fast asleep on the other side of the bed. 

Should I wake her? I think to myself. No she's probably exhausted.

I walk around to her side of the bed, standing next to it. I reach out my arm to nudge her, but I retract it. It's getting harder and harder not to cry, so I begin to pace around the room. Thank god she's a heavy sleeper. 

"Um." I let out in a whisper that is barely there. 

"H- Hailee." I say slightly louder. "Wake up." 

I place my arm on her shoulder as she sleeps on her side, nudging her slightly. She begins to stir in bed a little, and I watch as her eyes flutter open. Her back lifts from the bed, waking up groggily, confused as to why I'm standing beside her and not taking my place in bed next to her. 

"Jay?" She asks confused, until she sees my face: the tears, the bloodshot puffy eyes, and the frown that seems to spread for miles. She jolts up out of bed when she realizes the state I'm in, immediately wrapping her arms around me. 

"What happened? Oh my gosh." She says while connected to me, and in that moment I let it all out, streams of saline down my face. 

"She's um." I begin. 

"Let it all out my love it's okay." She reassures me, our bodies still connected. 

"She's gone." I tell her choked up between broken sobs. 

Hailee doesn't say anything for a while, almost knowing that there are no words that could ever come out of her mouth in this moment that would make anything better. All she does is stay attached to me, which is all I need in this moment. We pull away for a moment. I follow her hands as they land on my face, and I notice she's crying too, bringing out the instant urge for me to comfort her. 

"I'm so... sorry." She whispers into my ear, and I don't respond. I let go of her hands, starting to walk out of the bedroom. 

"Where are you going?" She asks me as I walk down the stairs, quickly grabbing my bag by the door. 

"I'll see you at the game tonight." I tell her on the way out, not bothering to speak anymore, as I just want to be alone for a while. 

---

The drive here was not easy, as I had to resist all urges to turn the corner and park in front of the little blue house with the four steps. It feels as if I did, I would open the door to find my Mom sitting in her favorite chair, waiting for me to come inside so she can give me a big hug. I've never wished for something to be a lie more in my life than right now. 

Thankfully there's no one on the court right now, giving me both sides completely to myself. I close the door to my car, taking a moment to stand in front of the court that shaped me to be the athlete I am today, all the memories flooding back. I curse under my breath when I find the tall fence holstered together by a lock. But today, something as small as a lock won't stop me from doing what I need to do. I throw my bag over the fence, then I hop over it easily. 

I don't even bother to put on my headphones. The only sound coming into my ears are the one's I've heard for so many years. 

The swishing of the metal net, the chains clanging together. 

The scratching of my shoes on the concrete floor, the traction on the soles of my shoes wearing down by the second. 

The bouncing of the ball on the floor, the air in it creating an echoing sound. 

If I know one thing, it's that today is one of the most, if not the most, important games of my career. Tonight, I'm giving it my all for my Mom. I always dreamed of the day where I held the championship trophy in my arms, my Mom beside me while we smiled for the official photos with family members. In my mind, winning the championship would have been the greatest gift to my Mom, as it was equivalent to all the ways she supported me throughout the years. It would have been the greatest I did it moment, and she's not even here to see it. 

Worst of all, the sun is really beating down on me today. But after years of getting used to playing outside, practicing out here for the past few hours doesn't even affect me anymore. I would have expected the day my Mom passed away to be rainy and cloudy, but the sun is bright as ever, symbolizing to me that she made it to whatever is up above. 

I take a break for a moment, taking a seat on the hot floor. I pull out my phone from my bag, taking it off do not disturb. 

Hailee: hi pls text me back when you can so i know you're safe, i'm sure you are but i just want to be sure. if you need anything from me, i'm here.

While staring at the screen, I realize that Hailee is now the only other woman in my life that I need to protect and love with all of me. Her existence became so much more important. 

Jayden: yeah i'm at the old court. i'll find you at some point at the arena

Hailee: okay, see you later

---

I arrive at the arena hours before the time I'm supposed to. The only people that seem to be here are the technicians and arena crew members, getting everything prepared for the game. I put my hoodie over my head as I make my way towards the locker room, trying not to be seen. Weaving through the maze of hallways that the arena has, I quickly pass by coach's office, hoping he didn't notice. 

As I'm about to walk into the main locker room, I hear a voice behind me.

"Carter?" Coach Williams calls out behind me. I stay frozen, not knowing whether or not I should turn around. 

"Hey Coach." I reply, now turned to face him. I watch as he steps closer to me. 

"You weren't supposed to be here until 4, it's 1pm?"

"Oh um, sorry I can leave and come back." I tell him.

"Are you good Carter? You don't look too good." He tells me honestly. 

"Yeah um.." I begin, not knowing what to say. 

"Is everything okay?" 

"Um, my- my Mom." I begin, and his expression changes, connecting the dots as to what happened. 

"Oh man." He says, bringing me into a hug. "You sure you're going to be good tonight?"

"This is what we worked for all season, I can't back down now." I tell him, and he nods. 

"Okay well, if you need to be taken out at any time during the game you tell me." 

"Will do." I reply lightly, closing the door behind me once the conversation is finished. 

I switch my shoes to the indoor court ones, as well as putting on my warm-up long sleeve. I grab a ball from one of the racks in the equipment closet, bouncing it all the way through the tunnel onto the court. 

I take shot after shot, dribbling as hard as I can. I don't even realize how out of breath I am from the physical exertion. About my next five attempts are all misses, one after another, and when the fifth bounces off the rim, I just about lose it. I fall to one knee, my hands breaking the impact of my face on the hard wooden court. I'm left there, starting at every line and detail in the floorboards. I'm broken out of it once I hear shoes creaking on the floor. 

"Are you okay?" 

"Jay, what are you doing out here?" They all say at once. 

About four of my closet teammates are on the court now with me, no one else in the arena, signaling to me that it's about 4pm, the time when the team was supposed to arrive. 

"Yeah I'm good." I respond, as they reach out their arms to pull me up. 

The five of us walk back to the locker room to begin stretching, as before we know it the fans will be piling into the arena for the championship game. There are so many thoughts going through my head, but I have to remind myself that tonight is one of the most important nights of my career. This season, Coach chose me to be captain of the team, so when times get rough on the court, they are going to look to me for a solution and I can't let them down. 

The whole team is now gathered around the locker room for the first team meeting of the night. Coach talks to us for a while, and then the assistant coaches make their speeches. Halfway into the meeting Coach signals to me that it's my turn to speak. I stand up hesitantly, and make my way to the front where the whiteboard is. 

"Ladies." I begin.

"This is it right here. The night we have worked for the whole season, the night most of you have dreamed of your whole lives. Every minute you've spent at practice, in the weight-room, or on your own has led you to right here, right now. And yeah, I could go on and on about all that, giving you the classic team captain speech, but I won't." I tell them, and they look at me confused. 

"Tonight is bigger than basketball. Tonight is about family. I mean, it's always been about family, don't get me wrong, but tonight we play for those who have supported us since we began our athletic journeys." I add on. 

"Um." I start, my voice breaking. "I wasn't going to get into this with anyone tonight, but as you guys know my Mom has been sick." They all look at me with an anticipating expression. 

"This morning I got the call that she passed. One of the hardest phone calls I've ever had to receive. I quickly realized, or was reminded, that she was the only blood relative that was left in my life. But I was wrong. The family I've built here with everyone seated in front of me is a family I'm going to have for a lifetime, blood related or not. That's what tonight is about, just playing the sport that brought us together. So let's do just that, and bring it home." I finish, and the team erupts into cheers and claps, their encouragement making me smile for the first time today. 

---

We wrap up our usual pre-game rituals and warmups, meaning it's time to run out of the tunnel together. The bubble of emotions is building in my stomach, a concoction made of anxiety, excitement, and pressure, the weight of the world on my shoulders. 

"Everyone stand up, and make some noise for your Los Angeles Sparks!" The announcer shouts out, extending the s on Sparks. 

I follow the girls as we run out the tunnel, the fans cheering loudly for our entrance. I wave and acknowledge a few fans on my way out. Once we reach our home bench, I place my stuff on my designated chair. The rest of the team heads to our side of the court to warmup, but I stay behind, looking for Hailee in the crowd. I look to the section where her tickets are, and it takes me a while to find her since the arena is so full tonight. She looks up from her phone, and spots me below. I walk past the security guard by the stairs that lead to her section, making my way to her seat. 

"Hi." I tell her, giving her a hug immediately.

"Hi my love, how are you feeling?" 

"It's hard to feel anything negative in your arms." I truthfully tell her while we detach from our long hug. 

"I don't have much time to be here, but I wanted to see you before the game like I promised."

"It's okay, get back down there. Good luck Jay, you're going to do amazing." She tells me in my ear. "And even though it hasn't started yet..." She begins her sentence.

"Just know she's proud of you." She finishes, and her words mean everything to me. Before pulling away, she gives me a kiss on the cheek, the contact making me feel the warmth I've been missing all day. I head back down to join the few team members that are on the bench. 

I pull out the sharpie from my bag, taking off my shoes as well. I connect the ink to the sides of the white rubber soles. I write my Mom's name on one side, her birthdate on the other. 

On the other shoe, I dedicate it to the other person I'm playing for tonight. 

H.S <3

I take a quick look at both shoes before putting them back on and tying them up. By now, the rest of the team is by the bench, some sitting some standing. The rest of the starting five take their seats next to me, awaiting for the announcer to call out our names. He begins with the Mercury first, as they are the away team. 

"And lastly, Maya Higgins, point guard." He says unenthusiastically. I watch as Maya makes her way to the court, locking eyes with me, and I quickly look away. 

The announcer calls out the starting five from our team, finishing with my name.

"All-star point guard, number three Jayden Carter!" He shouts, and I get up from my seat, high-fiving anyone I see. 

All 10 players are on the court now, the next four quarters of play will determine the outcome of the whole season. I follow the ball as the referee throws it in the air for the starting tip-off. Liz jumps as high as she can, and is able to bump it behind her to our side, meaning we start with the ball. It gets passed to me, the ball now in my hands, making me responsible for opening this game. 

I dribble it down the court slowly, carefully investigating the movements of every player to help me determine what to do next. The Mercury are expecting me to do what I usually do, which is to pass and find an opening to shoot a corner three, so I don't go for that route. 

Instead, I decide to open the game with an Isolation play. A one versus one against Maya, which is risky, but I want to assert who's in charge here. 

"Iso! Iso!" I call out, alerting the rest of my team to fall back, allowing Maya and I to face each other. 

"Really, and Iso to start the game?" Maya taunts, and I roll my eyes. 

"Stop shit talking and actually defend me." I spit at her, looking up at the shot clock quickly to see I only have 10 seconds left to score. Before she can even reply, I crossover the ball in front of her, allowing me to blow past her defense giving me a straight shot down the middle lane to the basket. I take one last dribble, placing both hands on the ball. I use the force from my legs to allow me to jump further, and I finish by throwing down the ball in the basket with a dunk.

"Jayden Carter starting the game off with a two-hand slam!" The announcer yells, and I can hear the crowd cheering. As I run backwards to the other side of the court, I raise both my hands up, shrugging my shoulders, mouthing sorry to Maya.

The first quarter is pretty slow, and the score stays pretty low, making it clear both teams are at their bests tonight. The Mercury are a pretty good team, so it's no surprise they made it this far with us. By the end of the first quarter, I already have 11 points and 5 assists, the score being 23-19 with us winning. 

I decide to sit out for a few minutes in the second quarter to sit back and watch the game for a little while. I pick apart the Mercury's defense, watching their every move to try and figure out their plan of action. Coach Williams puts me in about halfway through, and I watch as Maya get's put in during the pause to allow substitutions to come in. I wipe my shoes of any dirt, wiping my hands on my uniform. 

I get right back into it, making plays and taking good shots. However, it seems like whenever I put up a three to try and give us a lead, Maya puts one up as well. This annoys me, since it's clear she's been practicing her shots from more of a longer range. I move back down to more mid-range shots, since the Mercury defense is expecting me to still be shooting threes. The second quarter ends with a lead by two points, 39-37. By this point, we should already be chipping into that lead, but the Mercury did not come to mess around. 

Halftime gives the team and I time to catch our breaths during the 15 minute time period we are given. We walk back to the locker room, I spend most of it drinking water and talking to my teammates, discussing our weak points. Coach jumps in on a few of them, giving his opinion on where we can improve. With five minutes of halftime left, we walk back out to the court to see the WNBA dancers finishing their routines. I take off my warmup long sleeve once again, placing it on my chair. The buzzer goes off, indicating that the second half of play is commencing soon. 

The starting five from both teams appear on the court, meaning both coaches chose a similar strategy. I look over to Coach Williams, and he looks at me, meaning we both are thinking the same thing. We need to change our game plan once more at the next time-out. 

The third quarter is a little more fast paced, making it a test to see which team is more conditioned. The answer is obviously us, as we start to nice the Mercury tiring out.

"I'm not tired! I can play the whole rest of the game Carter." Maya tells me. 

"No one asked." I spit back. 

Halfway through the third quarter, the score is 51-46, with us still in the lead. Coach decides to call a timeout to go over our plans, and making the necessary changes. He sits me out again, saving my best for the whole length of the last quarter. I watch our team nervously, as every single play and movement is crucial to the outcome. Once the buzzer for the third quarter goes off, the substitutions for the fourth are made. Liz, Rae and I take a kneel by the referees table, waiting for the whistle to blow, signaling to us we can step on the court. 

"Come on guys let's go, we got this!" Liz says encouraging us. I high five and fist bump Liz and Rae as we head to the court. 

The fourth quarter is different from the rest. There is an ambiance in the air that both teams are ready to give everything they've got, especially the Mercury since they are losing by a few points. 

I start the fourth quarter off with a few three pointers, which upsets Maya. I watch as she brings the ball down the court, trying to copy what I do, except she misses her two attempts at the three point line. With every mistake, I can see her start to get angrier and angrier. 

I jump up to grab the rebound from Maya's missed shot, sprinting to the other side of the court on a fast break. I notice Maya behind me, but I steer clear towards the basket for an easy layup. When I take the jump to roll the ball in from the right hand side, I feel hands on my back. 

Before I could even jump as high as I could, I was pushed down, my body plunging towards the hard floor. I break the fall with my hands, and I immediately heard the referee call a defensive foul. 

"Maya Higgins, defensive foul." The referee calls out while I'm still staring at the floor. When I hear her name as the cause of being pushed to the floor, I get up in a rage, wiping my nose while I walk over to her. 

"Why the fuck did you do that?" I tell her, slightly pushing her shoulders back.

"Because I fucking hate you that's why. You're not even supposed to be here, you're not even a girl. This is a league for WOMEN, that's why it's called the WNBA, incase you needed a reminder." She spits at me, and I shake my head smiling. 

"You don't want to do this Maya." I tell her, our faces close to each other. 

"What? Play against some freak bitch with a small dick? You're right, I don't want to do that so how about you run away to your little girlfriend, who I bet doesn't even have the guts to tell you how much of a monstrosity of a person you are." 

"What did you just say?" 

"You heard me Carter." 

"Keep her fucking name out of your mouth." I tell her, my teeth gritting and my hands clenched into a tight fist. 

"Or what?" 

"Or this will happen." I reply angrily, my fist raising up by my head.