I think another part of me dies

Every year on October 16th.

I'm not quite sure if it's closure I'm feeling

Or fear that I'll never be the same.

Either way, it's heart breaking

And I'd rather be doing anything else than feeling this way.

But I can't even distract myself because there's still so much pain.

I just hope that you're getting through it better than me.

I'll never stop loving you

And that's why I fucking hate this day.

I still remember the pain in my heart when we moved out of that house and it was so fucking hard.

I stood in every bedroom after it was emptied.

I cried in every corner and I felt like a part of me was being ripped away.

It might've been the hardest thing that I ever had to face.

And maybe that's why I always felt some kind of resentment towards you after that day.

I don't think I've ever said it.

But I kinda feel like you always knew and you get it.

You were my entire world since I was 16.

And now it kinda feels like you're nothing to me.

I never would've imagined that this is who we would turn out to be.

I wish I could hate you for what you did to me

But I'll always love you and that reality fucking stings.

I wear the fakest smile so no one can ever see,

But deep down I'm still dying inside

And I just hate that there's no more you and me.

I can't even look at the photos anymore.

Those smiles were so genuine

and I hate that I can't feel that kind of happiness again.

I'll probably never move on from this feeling.

I've been so empty inside and I don't think I'm healing.

I really hope you're doing better than me these days.

'Cause I'm still falling apart every year on October 16th.

Happy Anniversary.