I know I've said a lot of things to make you think I still resent you.

But now I need you to hear the things that 3 years apart

have made me feel in regards to you.

I'll never be able to get back the part of my soul

that died when you destroyed the light inside of me.

When you made me feel unworthy of your time,

and unable to give you what you need.

Pieces of my heart that were left on that garage floor,

can probably still be seen.

You brought out fears in me that I never had before.

You opened up insecurities that I thought you had cured.

And when my heart was breaking right in front of you,

You closed your eyes and I saw someone with your smile that I never even knew.

You showed me that I wasn't enough anymore,

to receive the love that you used to give to me.

And I had to change everything about myself to make you see me.

I haven't been the same since.

And I'll never be that girl again.

Sometimes that's still a hard pill to swallow at night.

But most of the time,

I'm thankful for the fact that I had to go through that hell

to understand that I should've loved myself more the whole time.

When you were making me believe that I wasn't deserving,

There was 20 other guys telling me I was perfect.

The only one I wanted to hear that from was you.

But you couldn't put down the pipe long enough to let me love you.

So when I left our love where it started to die,

Please understand that I wasn't giving up.

I was too afraid to waste another year of my life.

I admit that I wasn't perfect in the end.

I probably could've tried a lot harder when I saw you starting to want us back.

But all I could see in your eyes,

Were the memories we left behind.

It broke my heart even more to try to start over without you.

But I didn't understand back then that all I had to do

was let go of the doubt I had in you.

So I guess what I need you to know,

Is that I'm really fucking sorry and I wish we could rewind and redo.

I think about it everyday and it fills my eyes with tears that I try to push away.

Not a day goes by that I don't think about the way that you hurt me and how it made me start to hurt you, too.

I never meant for you to ever feel the pain that I was feeling everyday.

Although, I believed it was the only way for you to see that you were slowly killing me.

I should've listened to your parents.

I should've tried harder to see that you were trying to be a better husband and father.

I'm sorry that I cut you out of the family and attempted to start to a new life.

But I need to you to understand that I was absolutely terrified.

I never stopped loving you, despite what you still think.

I'll always want the old us back.

I'll never move on from that pain.

Please know that I see you hurting and it kills me inside.

I'm still hurting too and I don't think those feelings will ever die.

I've never been so afraid to forget a memory,

Even though it hurts to remember.

I'm scared that if I stop remembering the good times,

I'll move on and forget the only happiness I ever felt inside.

That's pretty fucked up, isn't it?

No one has ever hurt me like you can.

But I don't ever wanna replace you with another man.

I know we can't get us back and we might never be together again,

But watching you try to move on from me,

Is a level of pain that even I can't understand.

I hope you see that I'm sorry for who these last few years have turned me into.

I never meant to change.

But it's probably for the best that I'm not the person I used to be.

I just wish I didn't have to watch it change you into someone that can't live without me.

It's fucking killing me!

I still love you with every piece that's left of my heart.

And watching you kill yourself is tearing me apart.

I fucking love you!

And that will never go away.

I'm really am sorry, my love.

I never thought you'd be this lost without me.