I don't know why I never appreciate what I have

until it's not mine anymore.

I have this fucked up way of always thinking

That I want more.

I push everyone away

And then I get depressed when they're gone.

I wish I knew what the fuck is wrong with me.

It's probably the reason that I can never let myself be happy.

And why I never sleep.

All I know for sure is that I'm sorry;

To everyone I hurt along the way.

I swear I never meant to be so ruthless-

and I'm ashamed.

Can someone tell me what the fuck is wrong with my brain?

I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to always feel this way.

I'm just so emotionally drained.

There's an emptiness in my soul and it's killing me.

I wish I could fill the void that makes me believe

I'm never good enough.

'Cause I don't think I ever will be.

It really fucking hurts

and everyday it's so much worse.

Either I feel constant pain

or I'm just completely numb.

There's gotta be a better way

To drown the pessimism when the sun is gone.

Who the fuck did I think I was,

Removing the only thing that ever came back to me

and calling your bluff?

I never thought about the reality behind the words

when I was screaming that 'I'm done'.

And it still fucking hurts!

My 'in the moment' thinking is my curse.

'Cause I believe my irrational emotions when I'm manic.

Then I come back to life and wish that none of it ever happened.

You keep saying that I'll be okay

But you must not know the thoughts that race inside my head.

'Cause I've never really been okay.

But I've been complacent.

It's a never ending fight with myself

And I swear to god I hate it!

If I keep going on like this,

I know I'll never make it.

I wish I knew why I never appreciate what I have

Until it's not mine anymore.

I just wish I could go back

And undo the mistakes that led me to the trauma

Because I can't fucking take it anymore.

There's gotta be a way to fix me.

'Cause I can't seem to figure out how to do this life thing.