It was the only place where he could be alone without anyone questioning him. He lay face down on a pillow that rested on the couch in Thomas's studio, trying to calm down from the mixture of emotions that he felt. Lucky for him, it was empty, as he figured Thomas hadn't come home just yet. Each of them had a key to the small space, but they were required to let Thomas know if they would be in there, just out of respect, as it was his own private area. But this was one time where he just didn't have the forthright to consider doing that.

Alan took deep breaths as his entire body shook, his head eventually turned towards the couch as he needed air.

"No thanks, you fag."

The words kept playing in his head on constant repeat, as he tried his best to fight back the urge to cry. Tears began to fill within his eyes, the green color in his iris becoming hazy as he blinked them back.

Why... would he call me that? What have I done to him... for him to treat me like this?

He pulled his knees towards his chest as he rotated his body to face the inner cushions of the couch, staring off into nothingness as he processed every possible scenario he could think for why Jonathan was so hostile and aggressive towards him.

"You admiring the fabric of my couch?"

The sound of someone's voice made Alan gasp and jump in fear, his head immediately looking upwards to see Thomas leaning his forearms against the back of the couch, a small smile on his face.

"You scared me..." Alan said with a relieved sigh, laying his head back down onto the pillow as he rolled onto his back, staring up towards the ceiling, trying to calm down his beating heart.

"I don't know why, considering you're in my place..." Thomas teased lightly, as he watched Alan aimlessly stare off into space. "What's wrong, Allie?"

Alan blinked and adjusted his gaze towards Thomas's face, seeing a rather concerned expression. He opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it not too long after. "I'm just thinking..." he muttered softly, averting his gaze.

"About...?" Thomas asked, titling his head to the left as he did so.

"I don't... want to talk about it." Alan spoke calmly, closing his eyes as he did so.

There was a moment of silence, a slight tenseness between the two of them as it passed.

"It's nothing against you or anything..." Alan added, not liking the sudden quiet.

"I figured as much." Thomas stated, yet his voice was much clearer and closer. Alan frowned in confusion as he opened his eyes to see Thomas hovering over him from the right, his face rather close as he stared down calmly. Alan jumped in surprise once again, a small yelp of shock coming from him. Thomas laughed at the reaction.

"Are you trying to kill me or something?" Alan shouted out, holding his chest as his heartbeat rapidly increased again.

"No, just trying to figure out why you decided to come to my place unannounced instead of going home to your own bedroom." Thomas joked with smirk as he sat back onto his heels, having kneeled on the floor next to Alan while he laid on the couch. He watched Alan catch his breath, before hearing him sigh deeply.

"Sorry... I forgot to ask... I just needed... a place to be alone for a bit." Alan admitted, a look of sadness coming to his face.

"Why? What's wrong?" Thomas asked once again, adjusting to sit cross-legged on the floor.

Alan glanced over to Thomas quietly, seeing his blue eyes looking towards him with genuine concern and interest. He looked away again, before sighing. "I'm not trying to start anything... Let me say that first..." he stated firmly, his gaze still remaining on the ceiling.

"Ok..." Thomas replied carefully, uncertain of where Alan was guiding the conversation.

"Jonathan... said something really... mean to me today after practice." Alan stated calmly, his expression beginning to change once the words came back into his mind.

"He always teases you, Allie-" Thomas stated, only to see Alan look over to him quickly.

"No. I'm not accepting that this time." Alan interjected, looking over to his friend in annoyance.

Thomas's eyes widened in surprise as he sat there, not expecting such a reaction.

"He... showed a few other guys on the team this... really inappropriate picture... involving two guys..." Alan spoke, yet he was finding that he could barely speak straight the more he recalled the situation. He looked away once again, becoming uncomfortable with Thomas's gaze. "And he said that... one of them looked like...me..."

Thomas didn't say anything as he listened to Alan speak, his expression rather blank as he did so. The image was very clear in his mind from earlier in the day, having seen it himself.

"So... I got mad. I couldn't help it, and threw his phone at him." Alan stated, his words beginning to not make much sense the more he spoke as he could feel those same emotions coming back. "I just wanted to leave, so I grabbed my stuff and walked out. But... before I could leave...."

Thomas watched Alan stop speaking, hearing his voice trailing off as he continued to observe Alan staring at the ceiling. "What... happened, Alan?"

The words kept sounding in his head as he stared intensely at the ceiling, his chest tightening as he did so. "He called me... a fag." He softly spoke out, not realizing that he had actually started crying, tears rolling down the sides of his face as he gazed off, having completely lost himself in his thoughts. What Alan was trying to understand was why this was hurting him so much. While he had heard this word before, he had never heard it in such an insulting manner from someone towards him, and it hurt him deeply, more than he realized.

With no warning whatsoever, Alan felt his lips having been coupled with someone else's. He blinked away tears at the connection to clearly see that Thomas was the one that had created this link. He blinked one more time to make sure his mind wasn't playing tricks on him. But they weren't: One of his best friends was kissing him.

And it felt good.

He wasn't sure how to react, his mind still processing all of these new sensations and revelations, and so he laid there, accepting the kiss without any movement. After a while, Thomas moved away from his face entirely, his blue eyes staring back into Alan's green ones with a strong intensity that made Alan actually shiver at the sight.

"Stop... crying, please." Thomas spoke softly, a hand reaching over to wipe away any stray tears that rested on his face.

"....Ok." Alan stated softly, still in shock.

"Good." Thomas stated with a relieved smile.

"What... was that?" Alan asked, his mind still unable to process things.

"A... kiss. You do know what that is, right?" Thomas lightly joked as he reached up to gently pat Alan's head.

"That's not.... I mean... why did you do that?" Alan asked as he organized his thoughts, which seemed to be racing to all types of possibilities.

"Because I wanted to." Thomas answered calmly, uncertain of why Alan asked this question.

"You... wanted to kiss me?" Alan repeated, confused completely.

"Yes, I did." Thomas replied, confusion on his own face.

"But.... WHY?" Alan asked, sitting upright on the couch to properly look at his best friend's face, as if he would get a better understanding of why this unexpected kiss happened.

Thomas watched Alan calmly, a smile not helping but to come to his face. "Hormones?" he answered, only to see Alan's eyes light up in shock. "I'm kidding... I just wanted to, Alan. Nothing more."

Alan stared back at him, completely bewildered at everything. "Wow."

Thomas laughed at his reaction, getting to his feet as he did so. "You probably feel better now, don't you?" he asked as he stood upright, looking down at Alan.

Alan blinked in surprise, seeing as how he was completely distracted by the kiss. "I... actually do..."

"Good. That's all that matters." Thomas replied with a warm smile. "Come on, you might as well eat dinner with me and my family." He offered, beginning to head towards the door to exit.

Alan watched Thomas walk away, still completely unsure of what just happened. "OK... sounds good..." he replied back, following Thomas out of the small studio.

-

After dinner, Alan decided to go back to his house, figuring he should probably get home to actually do homework. He chatted with his family for a bit before retreating to his room, his mood having been lifted after leaving Thomas's house. However, that entire situation confused him entirely. He sat at his desk, music playing from his laptop speakers as his mind began to wander back to the scene at the studio, where Thomas and he kissed. As soon as he thought about it, seeing it in vivid detail, he felt his face heat up. He took his glasses off and put his face down onto his desk. The more he focused on that kiss alone, the more excited he got. And not just any kind of excitement: he was aroused.

He sat upright immediately, as if something had awakened in him. The only other time Alan had been kissed in his life was by some random girl in elementary school and he had mixed feelings about it. The second time was by a boy a couple of years later, and while he wasn't bothered by it, it didn't make him this excited either.

But this kiss was entirely different. It felt amazing, warm and electric. So much so that he was actually shivering in his seat recalling it. "Do... I like... guys?" Alan asked, a bewildered smile coming to his face at the revelation of it all. It was beginning to slowly piece together in his mind, considering there was no other time something like this felt quite accurate.

Yet, he then began to recall the image that Jonathan showed him earlier that day, and he wondered why he didn't get the same reaction. Considering it was two men, it seemed normal for him to react to it. But, he did react to it. He reacted in anger. It was then that he connected the dots: Alan was offended and angry at Jonathan's teasing because he was teasing him for being gay.

He stared at the wall in front of him in silence, his mind having solved the emotional riddle he had been stuck with for years. A very, relieved smile came to his face, knowing that this was indeed the truth and he felt quite comfortable in his skin for the first time in years.

But then something else came to completely sidetrack these emotions, and he felt a building ache in his chest the more he thought about it.

Does this mean... I like... Thomas?

He leaned back in his chair in shock, his mind not seeming to deny it the more he thought about it. The more he focused on how he felt, the more embarrassed and excited he felt. And when he thought back to the kiss... he had to cover his face in his hands. After a while, he slowly removed his hands, his face blank.

"I do."