I am slipping. My resolve is slipping. Having our girl back in our life has cracked the walls I've spent 9 years erecting and it hasn't even taken much. Though I am still angry at her and her family's betrayal, I can't deny what she does to me.

We take the elevator this time. We find a girl in her floor that was waiting for it. When it opens, we enter, and Leo gives her a glare and she shrinks back out. It closes.

I look at all our faces. Mason has no emotion in his eyes, Jose looks like he is ready to leap back up and give her a bath and Leo seems like he's in pain.

We all know we are sinking but I wonder if they will admit it. I choose to keep it to myself and just watch where these dominoes are going to fall.

"The plan is still on." Mason says as the elevator arrives on the ground floor before it opens. I stiffen a little, knowing exactly what that means. But I have to agree with him. We can't abandon everything we've worked towards our whole lives just because she's back in our lives.

If the choice is between her and my empire, then I choose my empire. Our mission is too important to let feelings get in the way. And as we've all learned, feelings are unreliable. We all hated her a month ago and now our feelings are slowly turning to something even more ugly: love.

But it is a vow we made to each other. We made an irrevocable pact: it was us against the whole world, and that world included her. She wasn't part of our new vow. She was an outsider, like everyone else.

When we finished with her, she would hate us anyway. She will never want anything to do with us. That knowledge makes me wants to throw up everything in my stomach. But sacrifices need to be made for the survival and prosperity of many. There is always collateral, and this time it would be her and our own hearts.

We exit her building, and we get in the car.

"I wanna hit something." Mason says in the driver's seat, his knuckles getting white

We are all there with him. We all see how this is going, and where it will end, but still, we are doing it. By the end we would have lost the woman who is possibly the love of our lives in favor of our legacies.

I guess our fathers were right: this is our final test. And there really couldn't have been a bigger test for us than her. It had to be her. It was always going to be her.

We drive out of the campus, and we leave Charlotte. He joins the highway that's going to St. Eden. None of us say anything or question him.

"It doesn't matter what we feel, we still need to do it. We can't choose her." Leo spits the conclusion we are all a bit pissed about. But we all know, there is no getting around it.

"So, you all jackasses admit you have feelings for her?" Jose asks on the passenger side

"They don't matter. They don't make a difference." I share what we all know

"We will fall in love with her, then we will betray her, but we will move on, like we have before." Mason says coldly.

Leo stays silent. Out of all of us he is the one least eager to get in her pants. Leo can never do anything in halves. It's hard for him to get on board with dating her because he sees it as a betrayal, and he doesn't betray people he loves and love her he does, and always has, like we all do.

"We made a vow." I say

"Us against the world." Mason adds

"No matter what." Jose finishes

I look out the window at the stagnant trees as we whoosh past them. They don't have these problems, these worries. They just have to worry about growing and farting oxygen. They don't fall in love. They don't betray. They don't get heartbroken.

We arrive in the city an hour and a half later. He drives in the abandoned warehouse 15 minutes later that houses the underground fighting ring, Buddenz. He parks us in after we got verified at the entrance.

My blood starts getting warm as we get out the car. We walk to the run down, rusty elevator that looks like it will drop you as soon as you step into it.

"You fighting?" Jose looks at Mason's direction

He just smirks.

And I know I will get my fill of blood permeating the air. No one can make people bleed like Mason. We start hearing the rowdy crowd as the elevator clanks down.

We walk in the club and the smell of beer, sweat, blood and something that smells eerily similar to vomit permeate the air. Mason and Leo visibly relax. This is their dome, their domain. Jose plays with his knife between his fingers as we head to our booth. This ring is one of Mason's organization, so we are kings here.

The waiter with too short a short and tits almost spilling out comes to us to confirm our usual orders and we give her the nod. Mason raises his hand to Santo, the man who runs this place.

After greeting us he talks to Mason and Mason gives him instructions, no doubt squeezing himself in the fights.

Like I had hoped I get my fill of broken bodies and shattered lives, but my mind stays on the brown eyed girl who is my reason and will be my end.

I close my journal when I finish writing in it. It's been a long day and they dropped me off here in the afternoon. So many feelings to sort through. So many things to analyze. So many decisions.

Even as I wrote it down, I couldn't get any of it coherently enough. I think if someone were to read it, they wouldn't understand anything.

But so many things happened from yesterday to today. It felt like I had my old friends back. But I know all too well how all that is just false. So much stands between us and I think we are all trying to revive something we all know is dangerous. Because what can we do with it outside of this school.

They can never introduce me to their fathers as their girlfriend and I can never bring them to my father.

It's all fucked up how none of us kids started this but not we are active members of keeping this feud alive and burning.

A knock pulls me from my thoughts. I rise, my heart skipping a little, hoping its one or all of them back.

Simba stands on the other side of my door and his gaze travels all my body. I can't help the smile on my face. He was really worried about me.

"You are a bad friend, you never answered me." He zaps my smile from my face, and I sigh and move so he can come in.

"Sorry, I was just...held up." I close the door

His eyes narrow at me, and I want to laugh because he doesn't look the least bit intimidating with those glasses.

I stifle my laugh.

"You slept at their house?" his tone comes accusing

I harden my eyes at him. He's acting way too much like I should have run that past by him first and last time I saw my father was over 3 months ago.

"Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. They just...they are dangerous, Willow, and they are cruel."

I head to my cupboard, and I grab a bag of chips. I need something to chew on because that's not going to be my tongue.

"You do realize that I've known them since we were born right?" I pull out the puffs.

"But you guys haven't seen each other in 9 years. They've been horrible since I've known them."

I move my eyes to him.

He sighs. "I...I just want you to be careful, Willow."

'Says the person who doesn't even know the right name to call me.' I think to myself.

It's not that I think he's wrong, but maybe I don't want to hear it because I want to be blind. I want to believe I still get under their skin like they get under mine. I want to believe I'm special.

We ate dirt together when we were babies, we were there when we lost our teeth. I know them with missing teeth for goodness sakes. That's got to count for something.

But I know it's coming from the right place. I honestly would be worried for me too if I wasn't me, but he just doesn't understand. He doesn't understand what pulls us together. No one can.

"I know you are worried, bro, but I know what I'm doing." A lie. "I'm not saying they aren't assholes, they are, but...we share a long history, and we are just trying to see what happens." I pick up a bowl and empty them there. I don't even know what I'm saying honestly. There are no words to explain what I'm doing with them without sounding dumb.

"What happened between you guys anyway, that first day at the hall..." he drifts off. "They looked like they wanted to kill you."

"It's our families who got into a feud and we got roped in." I tell him that. It's not a lie but not exactly the truth either.

"I see. That makes sense." He nods

He takes the puffs when I sit on the bed next to him.

"So, when did the switch happen that you guys are no longer hating each other to spending nights?" curiosity flows out of him

"I guess, last night."

He nods.

"They are very protective of you." He says thoughtfully

"Why do you say that?"

"Last night, how they were watching you. They are really into you, a little obsessed maybe." he chuckles before he gets serious. "I just...I hope it works out for you."

I nod. then I remember something suddenly. "They told you to stay away from me weeks ago..." I look at him and he knows what I want to ask. Did they place him to watch me?

"Look, don't get mad. I went to their house after they isolated you and everything, I asked them to let me be your friend."

I arch an eyebrow. "You did that?"

"You are cool, and I missed you. Plus, I figured it'll be fine seeing that I don't have romantic feelings for you."

"They could have beaten you."

"I guess I'd brave death for this friendship." He grins and I can't help but grin back.

Silly boy.

We spend hours talking before we part when he goes to sleep.