Fourteen days.

Fourteen fucking days.

Two full weeks since Jamie ran out of my room and left me completely confused.

"I really like you. Not just as a friend."

Those words never left my mind and I don't know what to do with them. I haven't seen her ever since that day and I miss her.

Jamie

Can we please talk?

I know you've been avoiding

me for the past weeks

If you don't want to see me

or answer my calls it's ok

But can you at least text me?

i'm ok allie

i just need some time

I put my phone away and stare at the ceiling above my bed. She didn't show up to have lunch with us as usual, at Calc she would sit on the other side of the room and leave before I could get to her.

I'm not going to her room because I know she needs some space and I don't want to push her. And even if I did go after her, I don't know what to do or say. I'm still trying to wrap my head around what she told me.

She likes me.

I don't know how to feel about that. I mean, of course I like her! She is one of my best friends. But what about the things that happened on Valentine's Day? I've been so overwhelmed these weeks that this hasn't even crossed my mind.

The surprise of her telling me she liked me completely threw me off, and she left in such a hurry I wasn't able to say a word. I guess it was a good thing she needed time because so did I.

Could this be Matt still messing with my head all over again or is it really me? Just the mention of his name makes me feel grossed out now. How could I have ever loved him? Well, at least I thought I did. But that was it. Loved, as in the past. I am completely over him and the shit he put me through, the whole page has been turned long ago and I'm not adding any more words to it. Ever. But what is the next page?

Could Jamie be it? I never felt for Matt what I feel for her. She makes me feel things he never did. Jamie is a friend, we're equals and she's always there for me. Matt was just a boyfriend, he never never gave us the opportunity to build a friendship within our romantic relationship. Isn't that a huge thing that should be present in the person you choose to be your partner? Shouldn't they be you friend too?

Holy fucking shit.

I like her. Really like her. But I can't rush to her right now. I have to let it all sink in and make sure this is what I really want. I am not hurting her like that, she means too much to me. She asked me for time and that's what I'll give her.

Fuck time.

I've been laying on my bed for almost three hours and I know what is going on.

I like her. A lot. I can't wait anymore.

Hey Jess

Are you with Jamie?

No

I'm eating right now

But when I left she was

in our room

Is anything going on?

Kinda

I need to talk to her

Is it asking too much of you

to give us some time to talk?

Of course not!

I'll go to Daisy and hang

out with her when I go

back upstairs.

Thank you!

You are awesome

I owe you big time

Shut up

I put my phone in my pocket and stare at my door.

It's now or never.

I get out of my room and walk down the hallway. I stop in front of her door and stare at it. I can't move.

C'mon, Allison. Don't chicken out right now.

I raise my hand and knock.

Nothing.

I knock again.

"Come in." Her voice is muffled by the door.

I put my hand on the doorknob and take a deep breath. I open the door and my eyes lay on Jamie sitting on her bed, her hair messy and eyes tired.

"Were you sleeping? I'm sorry if I woke you." My voice comes out softer than I planned. I close the door behind me.

"No, I was just laying down." She scrunches her face up. "What do you want, Allie? I told you I needed some time."

"I know. It turns out I needed time too, but I just had this insightful thought. Let me share it with you." I clear my throat dramatically. "Fuck time." She laughs. "I'm serious! It's been two full weeks, Jamie. I miss you."

She frowns. "Allie, I can't do this right now. I miss you too, but I can't do this to us."

"Why?" I raise my voice.

"Because I don't want either of us to get hurt!"

"But aren't you already hurting for being away from me? Because I know I am!" I take a step forward. "I know things would be a little different, but I miss my friend! We spent almost two whole months attached to the hip and when you ghosted me it hurt." My voice cracks at the end on the sentence. Her eyes make it clear that she is hurting too. "It hurt a lot. And I know you felt the same." I take another step forward and a tear falls from my eye. "I miss you, Jamie. So much."

"Allie, don't..." she whispers and lowers her head.

"Don't what?" I yell. "Don't miss someone that means a lot to me? Don't try to fix things between us? Don't tell you how much you mean to me?" Now I'm standing in front of her and lower my voice. "Don't tell you that I feel the same way you do?" Her eyes shoot up to mine. "Because I do. And I miss you. I want to fix this, you mean the world to me. And I really like you too."

We stay quiet and neither of us move. The ball is in her court right now. I said what I needed to say.

What could have been hours go by and we stay the same.

"Don't say that." She whispers.

"What?" My voice comes out a bit too loud. "What do you mean 'don't say that'??"

"Don't just say it. Not if you don't mean it." Her eyes meet mine. "Don't do this if you're just feeling confused."

"I can't fucking believe you, Jamie!" I step away from her bed. "I'm not 'just saying', I really mean it." I stop and go back to her. "I really like you, Jamie Bell. Truly." I grab one of her hands and hold it in mine. "I'm not confused and it's not something coming out of the blue. I've been feeling like this for a while now. And how could I not? You're amazing!"

"Shut up." She giggles and a weight lifts off my chest.

"No!" I chuckle. "I say fuck time and how things are 'supposed' to be." I sit next to her. "We make our own decisions." I lower my voice. "And this is mine." I reach for her face and pull her towards me.