《Lose Myself》Chapter Sixteen Part One: Understanding
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I had already finished getting ready fifteen minutes ago and Amara was still in the wardrobe. She'd run out about three times grabbing smaller bags from her bigger bags and one of those things that make your hair straight, or was it curly?
"What could you possibly be doing that's taking so long?" I muttered under my breath whilst replying to Leo's urgent text telling me to come downstairs, everyone was here.
"Well rejoice, I'm finished."
I looked up to find Amara stood just outside the walk-in-robe with the most beautiful dress on, her hair was – I guessed it – in waves and she was wearing another pair of Louboutin's. The dress was a light pink peachy colour that stopped mid-thigh and the Louboutin's a nude peach as well. I stood slowly and she stood there watching me, I approached her then held my arm out for her link with hers and she did.
"You look stunning. Perfetto." I purred in her ear. I smiled as she turned beet red.
I looked at my watch again. 'Take your time, it's all about you' was probably a stupid thing to say to someone who was already fifteen minutes late. Dominic was really stretching it on this one. I took my seat at the table for the third time in the last twenty minutes, Claire gave me a weird look and I just shrugged. The sounding of heels clicking on the floor gave away their arrival, the quiet chatter quickly died down to nothing but silence.
For many in the room who hadn't met Amara yet – let alone knew her name – this was a high tension moment. The silence, footsteps, all of it was like a build-up. A lot of high expectations were put on her. Rumours had been going around that she took after the Greek goddess Aphrodite, she was so beautiful in fact that she put all models to shame. That was only one of them. She was also supposedly so graceful that she practically floated everywhere she went and so agile that even the best could not pin her.
The door opened, Dominic stepped into the room looking like he usually does which is pretty great, all the time. Amara stepped in and the chorus of 'Slow Motion' by Trey Songs started playing in my head, she wore a shapely dress that hugged all her curves and I whole-heartedly regretted helping Dominic find her because now he had dibs.
The heads of all the people in the room turned following their every move as they walked to their seats, it was still silent even after they sat down and I could see Amara was quickly becoming uncomfortable. For Dominic this was the usual whenever he entered any room. I cringed a little as he leaned over and whispered in her ear.
I stood, "As many of you may have realised, we have a new member joining our familia today." I smiled at Amara, she visibly relaxed as the attention was turned to me. "I hope you can be accepting of Amara, if not I don't know what Dominic will do to you." I joked. A small buzz of laughter started with a few mutters here and there, though they all knew I was serious.
"Thanks for that Leo," Dominic stood as he spoke, I tipped my glass to him. He continued, "The air has gotten thick, I suggest we go on with our gathering as normal. Before that, I would like to welcome you all to our home. We will be in each other's company for a long while, we should try our best to cooperate – no sleeping with each other's sisters." I choked on my drink and turned to see Dominic raising a brow at me. I gave him a short fake laugh and he gave me one in return.
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I stood with my glass raised, "To Amara, welcome to the family!" Clinks of glasses sounded as people said their 'Welcome's in unison.
Amara smiled, she drew the attention of everyone and I believe it was in that moment that every person saw exactly what Dominic saw. Perfection.
The awkwardness of the first twenty minutes had died down and everyone was munching on their dessert. I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder, I turned to find Belladonna smiling at me and I smiled back.
"Hi." I was about to say 'how can I help you?' in the most polite voice I can manage but I refrained from doing so, I know it would've come out sounding rude.
She smiled at me then turned her attention to Dominic, "Can I snag her for a second?"
"Si." He nodded before smiling at me.
I got up and followed his mother out the double doors and onto the terrace. I could see the reflection of the building in the water of the fountain, Belladonna leaned on the railing of the terrace and gestured for me to stand next to her. I walked up and stood straight.
"Why did you agree to come here?" she asked still looking ahead. Now I know where Dominic gets his bad manners. I didn't really mean that.
"I'm not surprised at the question. I am surprised that you do not know." I replied, "I don't have much going for me since I refuse to work for the government, I have a number of felonies on my record that I haven't done the time for. I also tend to keep to myself so getting married and having kids... I can't really have that."
"Of course you can."
"I'm sorry I-I can't. In my experience anyone I've ever gotten close to has gotten hurt, it takes a toll on your conscience."
"Not to be rude but I was under the impression that you do not have a conscience. Like all other agents."
"Mine is a rare case. I didn't lose my emotions, I can feel what you feel just as you feel it. Guilt is something I just try very hard to ignore though whenever I do cause death I have a practice in which I commemorate those who've lost their lives. That is one way I deal with my guilt. But there are those few in the world that deserve it, I do not pay my respects to them."
"I admire that." She breathed.
I let out a breathy laugh, "Thank you."
"So joining the mafia is a way to get out of doing the time."
"In some aspect, if I'm in the mafia then I don't have to do the time not only that but I don't have to be in hiding anymore. I can be 'free' as free as a woman can get in the mafia." I laughed.
"Yes. Not very much freedom."
"But it's all for the wellbeing of ourselves, the men worry too much."
"You sound like you've been in a familia before."
"Believe it or not I haven't."
We stood for minute, I presumed she was simply taking in it all in. I had revealed a lot about myself to Belladonna without even realising it, the woman sure had a way with interrogations. She turned to look at me, "Would you like to know something about Dominic?"
"Sure."
"Ever since he was young he had been training for this, constantly being taught things that would make him a better agent. I was totally against it at first, extremely upset. I didn't know what I'd gotten myself into by marrying a mafia man and well this was one of the first times I found out. I had to let them do whatever they needed to do to Dominic. It hurt." She paused, "Amara I'd like you to know that I am ever so grateful for your cooperation, though I cannot lie the idea of not having Clarissa as a daughter-in-law is exciting. Having children in the mafia is not a walk in the park, if that is what you want you must be prepared to let them go through what you went through. No child born in the mafia is not sent to the institution. That is something that cannot be allowed."
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"You believe I'm not strong enough to let my children experience what I experienced?"
"That is not it – "
"If they do not like it, someone else will have to force them because I do not want to be the mother that forced pain onto my children."
I want to be like my mother. She tried so hard to stop me from going to the institution, she told me we could manage without it. It was my choice. But I wasn't in the mafia. Things are different now.
"That is understandable. You and I are quite alike."
"Belladonna – "
"Please just call me Donna."
"Right," I breathed, "Are you being serious?"
"What is this a joke to you?" she frowned.
"No!" I squeezed my temple, "Do you actually want me to have your grandchildren?"
"Oh yes," she laughed, "Even if you don't end up – you know, nobody knows what Clarissa is capable of – I would always rather it be you who had my grandchildren. Your genes are much more..."
"Perfect." I droned. In a way that let her know it wasn't like that, people never held back from saying I had the world's most perfect gene pool.
"Tell me, what is your ethnicity?"
"Scandinavian slash Cuban-American. I grew up in Canada and obviously went to school for six years in Germany." I smiled softly as her expression brightened.
"Wow," she shook her head slowly, "That's a lot more than I bargained for, so you speak Scandinavian, Cuban, French and German?"
"Yes."
"Well, yes. Your genes are much more perfect."
"Honestly I don't think so," I started as she led me back inside, "By the looks of it I'd say Dominic's genes are much more perfect than mine. Too perfect."
"Aren't you a charmer." She chuckled.
"Well you did a good job." I smiled.
Donna's laugh drew the attention of the hall and she waved them off, they slowly went back to their own conversations. I grinned at her, she reminded me so much of my own mother and I hoped she would be someday.
('Suka is a russian swear word meaning: bitch)
I hate her. I hate her right down to my inner core. 'Suka. Dominic was mine hook-line-and-sinker before she got here. Now she's ruining my chances. Her gossiping with his sister, joking around with his best friend and now laughing along with his mom. Ugh.
"Are you okay?" the lady sitting beside me touched my shoulder, she had the grossest stretch marks just peeking out of her maxi dress, plain brown hair and an obvious boob job. Well I thought she did anyways. She was starting to smell like heavy B.O and it was wafting into my air. I turned to glare at her and she dropped it. I can't believe I'd been sat at some random table, I should be sitting where Amara is. I cringed as the woman's dirty child came running and got salad dressing all over her dress, though I wouldn't be missing the dress too much - it was hideous in flower print - gag.
I got up and walked towards her, she turned to face me at the last minute and I brushed past her making sure to barge her in the shoulder. I could see out of the corner of my eye, her mouth fall slightly open and her expression change to a frown.
I sighed as I watched Clarissa get up with a snarl on her face, walk towards my mother and Amara, and barge her. Amara looked surprised but didn't confront her about it and continued to walk, I heard my mother tell her 'not to worry about it' and Amara snorting in an unladylike manner.
"What's her problem?" she muttered as she sat down, Leo quickly looked down at his food not interested in getting involved with this confrontation. I kept my mouth shut. "Whatever."
"How about we go out to the gym?" I turned to face her. She looked excited at first but that excitement soon died down to just a glare.
"What are you trying to say?"
"Uh – that it would be fun if we went to the gym..."
"Are trying to say that I'm fat?" her voice went higher.
"Oh c'mon don't be like that." I groaned.
"Like what?" she crossed her arms.
"You're just angry because you didn't get to confront Clarissa. You know what?" I said, she raised her brows, "Why don't you just go talk to her now?" I looked over to the table Clarissa was currently standing, talking to some of the married men. She just doesn't seem to stop does she?
"Fine." She stood, "Maybe I will."
"You do that." I shook my head.
"You know for a blonde she seems extremely hot-headed, nothing compared to you though." Leo chuckled.
"She's just pissy she didn't get to stand up for herself." I replied ignoring the insult.
"Do you really think it's a good idea setting her up for a confrontation like that?" Claire spoke up putting her fork down and glaring at me.
"She needs to show people that she won't just be pushed around. It's a way to earn respect."
"Though the tactic is a little rusty." Abrielle mumbled.
"Yeah I'm worried exactly what she's going to do." Leo looked over watching as Amara swerved her way through the crowd.
Clarissa took notice of her then turned to face her with a devilish grin on her face. Amara made it to face her, everything went in slow motion as Clarissa aimed to pour her drink on Amara's dress but Amara hit the glass and it went smashing into the wall, wine covering it including the floor. The sound of breaking glass drew the attention of the whole room, I sighed getting up with my hands shoved in my slacks and walking over.
"That is going to be a bitch to get out." I mumbled bringing one hand to rub my temple and taking a good look at the mess.
"Oh Dominic," Clarissa moved around Amara who then put her hands to her hips and huffed, "You have no idea how sorry I am this happened – "
"No – uh," I removed her hand from my arm, "It's my fault, hadn't I provoked Amara she wouldn't have done anything. Thanks anyways." I gave her a small, fake smile. I held Amara's hand and led her out into the hall. As soon as the door closed a loud murmur began. Amara took her hand from me and crossed her arms again, looking at anything but me.
"Hey look, I didn't mean to say you were fat." I was pinching the bridge of my nose, "I just didn't know anything else to do on tomorrow since you're spending that day with me. I figured if we have one thing in common its wor – "
"Do you do that when you're stressed out?" she was now standing in front of me looking up with wide eyes.
"Uh yes, when I was little I would get nose bleeds whenever I got stressed." I let go of my nose, "Bad habit."
"You have a lot of those."
I frowned.
"Okay," she smiled.
"Okay what?" I frowned.
"Okay I'll go to the gym with you." She said over her shoulder as she returned to the dining hall.
My heart skipped a beat.
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