I was asked for angst, here it is. They are both like 21 or something in this

Alex(F)

"Mr. Fierro, my son will no longer be taking pottery lessons from your studio, because of you he now thinks he is a girl. I hope you're ashamed," The voicemail ended on my studio's receiver.

I usually got a few angry messages from parents every few months, they wold be mad about me being trans and genderfluid so they usually took their kids from the class and that was that. I was Miss Fierro, not Mr, usually at least.

"Alex, you alright?" my secretary asked after seeing me glaring at the receiver.

I looked up and smiled weakly at James "I'm alright, whichever kid doesn't show up on monday just got moved out of the class. Those idiots should really just tell me their names in the messages."

He nodded and handed me my bag and coat and smiled "I'll lock up, you go and get some rest. See you monday!"

Jason was a sweet kid, I had found him on the streets crying because his parents kicked him our for being gay. I gave him a job and helped pay for a little apartment to get him started. He really helped, he controlled the money, most of the scheduling with classes, and he was good with kids.

"Thanks Jason, have a good night, get home safely."

I put my coat on and clasped my purse before heading out into the cold.

I needed a drink.

I knew at least three bars within walking distance, but I wasn't really wearing clothes that were appropriate for going out, and no makeup so that meant people would think I was a dude. I decided against it and went to my local grocery store, heading straight to the alcohol isle.

There was a guy standing there that looked eerily familiar. Grey, empty eyes, golden hair tied into a ponytail, and skin the shade of a pale summer morning. He was wearing a deep green coat over a grey hoodie that was over a black sweater, how cold was he? His pants were tight and black, showing off his pretty cute legs. His shoes were black and beat up. I caught myself staring at him for a moment and mentally slapped myself. Sadly there was a very small percentage for the Boston population who would actually date someone like me, and the likelihood that a hot guy like him was one of them was very slim.

I turned back to the liquor, nothing looked very appealing. I turned once more and ran straight into the blonde guy.

"Oh, fuck, I'm sorry," I sighed, nervously scratching the back of my head.

"No need to be, I'm fine. Wait, I recognize you from somewhere," He said.

"Maybe I've just got one of those faces," I sighed.

"Hardly," He chuckled "Did you by any chance stay in a down town shelter when you were younger?"

What business did he have knowing that?

"I'm only saying that because I used to stay there a lot," he said quietly.

"Oh, uh, yeah, I did."

He smiled "Well, I'm Magnus. I'd recommend some Absolut, the brand makes some stuff that mixes well."

I nodded, taking his advice and grabbing one of the bigger vodka bottle on the shelf "Have a good night Magnus."

"You too," he called after me.

I paid and hurried home. I threw my door open, locked it behind me and got out a cup. I poured a coke and some of the vodka into the glass and downed it quickly. After a few of them I started feeling it. The ground swayed slightly and I started thinking about my dad. He would yell at me a lot, locking me away from the world in hopes that I would change and just be his little boy again. He called me a freak for wanting dresses, maybe I was one, it fit me better than other adjectives.

Freak.

Alex Fierro, full time potter and freak, part time alcoholic.

I flipped through pictures on my social media, hardly any of what I looked like when I was younger but the few that I found I had stacks of bracelets covering my wrists. I had stopped covering them after I was kicked out, what was the point of being ashamed of hating myself, there was no family to disappoint, no friends to worry, just me. Just me and my scars.

The people at my pottery studio when I was younger used to seem worried, though nobody really asked. At the place I ran the kids had asked about my scars, so I told them I used to be mad at myself and hurt myself because of it. I told them to never do that because they were all perfect and didn't deserve that.

I drank that night too, I was reminded that I would never live without something like that, I'd never live a life where I wasn't asked why I did what I did.

I did it because I didn't want to be alive, I didn't see the point. I was surprised that I lived long enough to be kicked out, then to be old enough to legally drink. Being alive wasn't fucking fun, I had to deal with idiots, dysphoria, and keeping myself alive. I didn't usually want to deal with it.

I took a sip as I looked out my apartment window, at that bridge that had always looked appealing.

I took another swig and turned my music on, slow beats that meant nothing. Just like me.

I laid on my couch and stared at the ceiling. The vodka wasn't doing enough, after a few minutes I sat up and went to my room to get ready.

Thankfully I was sober enough to be able to apply makeup, I put on light eyeliner, pink eyeshadow, mascara, did my eyebrows, and applied some dark red lipstick. I then headed out my door, not forgetting my wallet, and walking to the nearest bar.

"Alex, your usual?" The bartender asked.

"Yeah," I sighed, plopping down into a stool.

"Why is that guy wearing makeup?" A girl whispered behind me.

I was not a guy, I just hadn't transitioned.

"I think that's a girl Maddie," the guy she was with said.

"No, look at his cheeks, totally a man."

As soon as the bar tender gave me the familiar green drink I downed it and ordered a round of shots.

"I think he-"

I turned and said "Shut the fuck up, I'm a girl."

The couple looked surprised "S-sorry."

Even with makeup I still didn't pass for a girl, god damnit.

"Here ya go," the guy said.

I downed all the shots, then paid and walked outside, stumbled across the town until I got to the Longfellow Bridge. There were no other people on the walking paths that I could see, and the cars were quiet. It was a good night to die. I climbed onto one of the concrete pillars and smiled into the wind. When I looked up to the sky I could see millions of stars, I was like one of them. It wouldn't matter if just one star went out in the small blanket of insignificant ones, because I didn't make up any constellations or save any planet. I, like many stars, had also died years ago, people were just seeing the remains of me.

When I took a step forward there was a sharp shout "Stop!"

I turned somewhat violently to see the same guy from, well I couldn't remember where at the time. His hair was down and his face actually looked a little worried, which made me laugh.

"Why?"

He seemed flustered by that "W-well why are you gonna do it in the first place?"

I shrugged "I got a lotta reasons why, Maggie."

"You're drunk, please come down so we can talk about this," he pleaded.

It almost made me want to get down, almost.

"No, I came here to do thissss, I've been planning it for years now."

His breath hitched "Please, just talk to me about it. Your name is Alex, right?"

I nodded stupidly.

"Okay, Alex, why do you want to kill yourself?"

I looked him dead in the eyes "I haven't felt alive for the past ten years."

"W-why?"

"My dad kicked me out because I'm trans and gender fluid, and nobody would notice if I just jumped."

He looked really sad about that "Your dad probably just doesn't understand, and more people than you think would notice, Alex."

"Who the hell would! Nobody knows me unless we met at a bar or work, I don't have any fucking friends! I-"

"I can be your friend," Magus interjected.

"The only reason would be because I'm up here," I laughed, twirling on the cement.

"No, you seemed interesting when we met at the store."

"I'm not Maggie boy, I'm not interesting. I'm a pile of shit that was animated and forced to live."

He shook his head and extended his hand "Please come down, we can talk about this."

I shook my head and inched towards the edge, backwards so I didn't see it.

"No, please, come here Alex, I want to help, it's not worth it, just get down!"

"I'm sorry," I whispered as I stepped into nothingness.

I didn't fall as far as I wanted to, I didn't feel the icy water consume me and fill my lungs. Instead I felt a soft hand gripping onto mine as tight as it could.

Magnus had caught me, I could see the tears streaming down his face in the low light of true bridge.

Why was he crying, we had only just met.

He hefted me up, I didn't resist because I didn't see the point. Maybe the universe didn't want me to die yet, or maybe it was just Magnus.

"Why did you do that" he cried, pulling me into a surprising hug.

He was so warm.

"I-I don't know," I whispered.

At that point I really didn't know, I was just drunk and sad. I started crying.

After a few minutes my phone rang, it was Jason.

"Uh, hey, kid," I sniffled.

"Alex, hey. Are you okay? You seemed kinda down when you left work."

Shit.

"Yeah, I'm fine, just one of those dayssss, you know?" I fake laughed.

"I see. Well, that's all I needed to know, be safe!" He said right before hanging up.

"Boyfriend?" Magnus asked.

"What? No, he's j-just my sssecretary, ch-checking in on me."

That seemed to make Magnus calm down a bit, "Ah, so you do have friends."

I shook my head "Not really, I just helped him out some."

Magnus shrugged "Alright, but, um we should get you home. It's cold out and you're really drunk so I don't really trust you to drive."

"I don't use a car," I said dumbly.

He nodded "What's your address?"

"It's in my phone," I said, handing him my phone.

It took him a second to find my address but he eventually did, helping me walk back, slowly, he stood closest to the road with our arms linked, like he was afraid I might run into traffic.