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Jeongguk doesn't understand how this soulmate shit works, honestly.

One moment, he's sitting in front of his game console, immersed in a game of League, and then the next he's changing to jeans and shirt and getting ready to head to the YG headquarters.

For what reason? He doesn't know. All he knows is that there's an unexplainable ache inside of his stomach, barely there, and that if this doesn't disappear in the next hour he's going to seriously admit himself to the hospital, as over dramatic as it seems.

While changing into a pair of slip ons, he thinks about the last time he saw Lisa. It had been a week ago, January 16th, he remembers, and they spent an entire day together to test out a theory that's been brewing in the other's mind for quite a bit.

Said theory is: if they spend at least 8-10 hours once a day, the pain wouldn't come back for at least more than a week or two, and they'd be able to do other things besides breathing in the same space with the other.

Conclusion: it's effective. Weirdly effective. Makes him think that Lisa actually thinks about other things besides her cats and her odd obsession for guitar pickets (she showed him her collection a few days back. Man, there were a lot.)

Result: they now have to spend 8-10 hours with each other once a week... which is new because they usually bond for like, 2-3 hours, but 8 hours would suffice, he guesses.

Problem: the pain isn't supposed to come back until next week, so why the hell is he hurting this much? It worked fine the first time, they spent the entire day combing through the sketchy vinyl stores in Myeongdong. So why...?

As he exits the apartment complex, he weighs the pros and cons of this new arrangement.

Pros: Jeongguk will have more time for himself, therefore more time for practice, for League, and if he's lucky, maybe he can learn to master Valorant, too. (He has priorities, okay.)

Cons: less of Lisa's face, less of Lisa's voice, less of Lisa's presence--less of Lisa.

But then again, he isn't really sure if those are cons... as far as he knew his mind was conditioned to think this way. Biologically speaking, he and Lisa used to have the same body which explains the constant longing and craving for each other's presence, so it's only normal for his body (his body, not him) to miss being around hers.

(Right? Right. It's not like he misses her himself, nah. Those are just soulmate instincts.)

So, yes, those aren't fully cons. They're 50% pros and 50% cons. He's elated because he gets to see less of her, but he's disappointed that he also gets to see less of her. Does that make any sense?

Anyway, this brings us back to the problem: why is he hurting? He already spent a huge chunk of his schedule bonding with his soulmate, therefore there's no valid reason for the pain to come back again.

Unless...

He gets into a cab a little while later, telling the driver to get to the YG headquarters and opening his Naver app in the process. With rushed hands he scours through various soulmate blogs, spotting a few keywords until he finally lands on a blog post named I Can't Seem to Part from my Soulmate: What to do?

His eyes skim the entire page in a rush, feeling the rumble of the cab's engine just below him.

Can't seem to part form your soulmate? Always wanting to be by their side always?

Jeongguk cringes at the corny opening lines.

Well, dear soul, you've come to the right blog! Night Songs to Aphrodite offers advices, tips, and answers to all of your burning questions. Drop a question in the small tab below and we will answer them as soon as possible.

"Number one, constant yearning is a normal occurrence in the soulmate dynamics, you feel intense pain, with a pain intensity of 10/10, yada yada yada," Jeongguk reads under his breath. "Number two, blablabla, pain intensity of 5/10."

He pauses reading at that point because honestly, the answers were already to his knowledge. Before resuming, he exits out of Naver and opens his messages, where lets Lisa know that he's on his way.

With a few taps he's back on the blog again, he reads the remaining words and then freezes when he gets past a certain sentence.

However, if you're feeling little to no pain at all, then that is not a part of the soulmate bond. The pain that you feel from the soulmate bonds only begins from the scale 5 and lasts until 10, ranging from frequent shivers, severe migraines, to chest constrictions. Below that would be your normal pain scale.

In an instant, his hand goes to his belly. The ache is still there, barely noticeable, but he is sure that it's because of their bond... isn't it? It has to be. A stomach ache can hurt as bad as a migraine.

And then, it's as if the universe is playing tricks on him, the next section of the post makes his eyes widen.

If a part of you hurts a little and you're craving for your soulmate's presence, baby, that only means one thing: you miss them.

He... misses her? What even...

Ah! An idea pops into his mind. Surely, if he's feeling this way, Lisa would be the same too, right? She must have stomach ache as well. She has to. So, without hesitation, he dials her number and waits until he finally hears that voice he's learned to like during the past few months.

"Hey," Lisa says as soon as she picks up, voice sounding normal, like she isn't having any pain at all. "What's up? Why did you call?"

"Hi, um," Jeongguk clears his throat. "Are you hurting?"

The sentence is vague, although the both of them know what it means. Background chatter occupies the current silence, and Jeongguk has to wait for a few seconds before she finally replies. "Uh, no? I'm not supposed to hurt until next week. I mean, we saw each other last week so I don't think...?"

Oh shit. So it's just him then? "What? Then why is stomach hurting right now? What does that mean?"

He's painfully aware that he's dancing around the obvious fact, but he doesn't want to admit it. No. It couldn't be.

"That's probably stomach ache, you dummy. Did you have oysters for dinner?"

"Hey! How did you know?"

"I saw your Instagram story."

"Huh," he finally leans back and exhales. What is this feeling? "So, if this isn't a soulmate kind of pain, then why do I have the sudden urge to see you?"

When Lisa responds, he almost hears the smile in her voice. "That means you miss me, Jeon."

His cheeks start heating up. What the hell. "Yah. Who said that?"

"Come on. Think about it, dumdum. Why else would you want to see me if you don't miss me?"

"I don't miss you."

"You do."

"I don't-- where are you right now?" Jeonbgguk tries to deflect from the topic. He isn't ready to be slapped by the truth. Is it even the truth? "I'm on my way to your company building, just so you know."

"Oh?" She muses from the other line. He suddenly hears the clinking of glasses and conversations flowing in and out of coverage. "I'm not in YG right now."

Jeongguk almost flees from his seat. "What? Then where are you?" If the taxi driver recognizes his voice, he doesn't show it.

It takes a few moments for Lisa to respond. When she does, it sounds almost hesitant. "Um, I'm with Bambam right now. We're having dinner in Yeoksam-dong."

"Wait, what?"

"He was craving lamb skewers and he asked me to hang out--"

"Why?"

"Because we're friends? I mean, we've hung out a couple times before so... I don't get why you're asking."

His brows start to furrow.

Jeongguk doesn't know what to do with this fresh piece of information. Since when have they become so close for them to spend time together? The last time he recalled them being in the same vicinity as each other was last year, when they first met at that Thai restaurant.

Have they been hanging out all this time and he didn't know? And Lisa didn't even bother to tell him? Neither did Bambam, his close friend, for years?

"How-- why... when did this start?" Jeongguk manages to stutter out, brushing his hair. There's a reticent bitterness coursing through his system at the thought of Lisa and Bambam together at this very moment, at this exact second, when he's supposedly on his way to see her. His soulmate. He feels betrayed.

A bell-like laughter sounds from his phone. Lisa takes a few intakes of breath, and then says, "Why do you make it sound like I'm cheating on you?"

He blinks. Halts. "Do I really sound like that?"

Another round of laughter, and Jeongguk almost smiles, not until he hears a familiar male voice in the background. Bambam, he thinks bitterly.

"You do! I didn't ex--"

"Okay, fine, I won't be going to YG now. I'll go home," he cuts her off with a frustrated sigh. An uncomfortable feeling settles in his chest at the thought of both of his friends together, but he pushes it down with a clear of his throat. "Have fun, you guys. See you at the SMA."

"Wait, Jeon, I didn't--" End call.

He slips his phone inside his pocket and huffs. Both of his hands come up to rub his face in vexation, the heels of his palms pressing into his eyes in an attempt to ground himself. He doesn't know why he's feeling like this out of a sudden, like the mere thought of Lisa with another of his friends makes him feel all kinds of annoyed.

"Love life problems, kid?" The taxi driver suddenly asks. Jeongguk blinks to see him more clearly, sitting straighter. "Can't help but overhear."

He shakes his head and releases an awkward chuckle. "Ah, no, no. Just... a few issues with my friend."

"Don't worry, we all go through that stage. It's just a matter of time." Through the rear view mirror, he catches a glimpse of the driver giving him a wink. He suddenly wants to curl into himself and disappear.

"Uh, yeah. Nice." He cringes inwardly. "Oh, excuse me, can you also drop me off to a nearby convenience store? I changed my mind and I won't be going to YG anymore. I'll pay you extra!"

"Yeah, sure. A few thousand won would suffice." The driver waves him off. He adjusts a few things in his phone, and rests both of his hands on the wheel. "Also, last thing, stomach ache isn't a side effect of the soulmate phenomenon. I just thought you should know."

"I... uh, okay."

"If you miss them, you miss them."

With that, he resumes driving and doesn't say anything for the rest of the ride.

Jeongguk eventually leaves the taxi with red cheeks and a confused mind.

If you miss them, you miss them.

Does he?

are we still going to meet tomorrow?

7:12PM

:

uhh i don't think so

seoul music is tomorrow

id be tired by then

7:41PM

mkay

if u ever change ur mind,

just text me

7:41PM

:

okay

thanks hwayoungie

8:54PM

Seoul Music Award is probably one of Jeongguk's favorite award shows. Not only because of the limited crowd, but also because of the way the idols' seating arrangements are made. They're usually sat in these round tables just in front of the stage, making at accessible to secretly converse and exchange snacks with other idols within their range.

And yet now, as he sits at the front, he can't find it in him to talk to Bambam who's conveniently sitting right behind him. Sure, he can just turn his head and whisper a word or two, but he just can't. He doesn't know why. Plus, it's not like he's holding a grudge against the guy. He still respects him, after all. He's a friend. But he can't.

Before he knows it, the night goes by in a rush. Jeongguk doesn't quite remember who won which awards due to the influx of 4th generation groups, but he remembers Queen of Disaster winning a bonsang as well as 7FOR7, and then a few rookie awards for some new robot girl group and another boy group.

Piece of Peace garnered their third daesang as well, which almost brought another round of tears. By the time they finished delivering their speeches, his bottom lip was red and bruised due to the way he bit it out of nervousness.

(Lisa threw a pack of gums at his head while he was delivering a speech, to which he ignored.)

They take numerous group photos in the stage afterwards, and as soon as the camera man takes the last shot, Jeongguk heads straight towards his dressing room, already eager to get this night over with and sleep to his heart's content.

When he finally steps into the familiar backstage hallway, he begins to loosen his tie while walking in a brisk pace.

"Gguk-ah?"

He freezes. The light up ahead suddenly seems too bright, and he gulps. Dread starts creeping towards his heart at the voice, so he takes a deep inhale and forces himself to walk again.

"Gguk," the voice repeats, louder this time. "I know you heard me, I just... can we talk?"

Jeongguk resumes walking, although his heartbeats sound way louder than his footsteps. His hands shake, so he balls them into tight fists, his nails forming little crescent shapes into his skin.

This can't be happening. No. Not here.

"Please, Gguk."

He stops.

He doesn't turn around, but he manages to speak.

"What do you want, Jinwoo?" It comes out harsh, the bite in his words so sharp that he himself flinches. He hears an sharp inhale from behind him. "I've got things to do."

"This won't be long, I promise."

Promise. Jeongguk almost wants to scoff at the word.

A hand suddenly grabs his elbow and pulls him backwards that he jumps in surprise. When he looks up, he's face to face with his ex, looking down at him with urgency and desperation evident in his face.

Jeongguk loses the ability to move.

Song Jinwoo has always been a handsome man. He's four years his senior, a member of the rock band named EXIT who debuted a year before Piece of Peace. Striking eyes, charming mouth, a voice like any other--it wasn't surprising that 15-year old Jeongguk was in awe of him when they met one gloomy night in the Han River all those years ago.

Of course, like all relationships, theirs began with a friendship. It wasn't until wide-eyed, naive Jeongguk began to grow feelings for the older, resulting in a secret relationship that both made and unmade him--both physically and emotionally.

(Little did he know that that same relationship would scar him forever.)

Back then, he used to think that Jinwoo was the sun--all bright and hot and burning. Jeongguk was blinded by his rays, enveloped by his warmth that everything he did, whether wrong or right, didn't matter.

To him, Jinwoo was the center of his world.

And yet as quickly as the sun rises, the quickly it sets. Their relationship eventually faded into dust, the five years worth of love crumbled into nothing but a distant memory. A memory he never ever wants to remember again.

"Gguk-ah," Jinwoo repeats softly. That same damn voice he always used when he wanted something from Jeongguk. "Baby."

"Don't call me that," Jeongguk hissed. He sees Jinwoo's eyes widen by a fraction at his unanticipated burst. "It's been years, Jinwoo. You don't get to call me that anymore. We're over." He doesn't bother with the honorifics. Not anymore.

"I know. I'm just--" Jinwoo lowers his gaze, shoulders slumping in defeat. "I miss you."

This time, he couldn't control the scoff that escapes his mouth. "Miss me? How hypocritical of you."

"It's not too late, we can fix it, we can--"

This is a conversation that's happened too many times, although it doesn't wane the anger in Jeongguk. "You can't fix what's already been broken, Jinwoo. I gave you everything that I had, what else do you want?!"

"Gguk-ah, please, I don't--"

"Babe!"

At the sound of her voice, Jeongguk immediately turns around and spots Lisa jogging towards him with the biggest smile on her face. Unbeknownst to him, he starts to back away from Jinwoo and meets her halfway through the hallway.

"Babe," Lisa repeats again, holding out a hand to which he takes without a doubt. Touching Lisa's hand makes him feel like he's been pulled out of the sea, all the water in his veins leaving his body in an instant. "I've been looking everywhere for you!"

"I'm sorry," he tells her, gripping her hand tightly in hopes that she'd get the message. He wants to leave. "I was just here, um, talking to--"

"Oh, you're talking to a friend!" She suddenly exclaims, having now noticed Jinwoo lingering at the back. She pulls him so he can stand behind her, and stands in front of him in a protective stance. "Hey there, I'm Lisa, Jeongguk's soulmate." She holds out her other hand in greeting, "And you are?"

Jinwoo gives Jeongguk a glance, surprise and confusion evident in his eyes. He steps forward, unsure. "I'm Jinwoo from EXIT," he says slowly, as if digesting the fact that Queen of Disaster's bassist is acting all friendly with him. "His ex."

"EXIT? What's that?" Lisa frowns, and now at this point Jeongguk knows she's lying. He's seen a few EXIT songs in her rock playlist so she can't be serious. "Like, a dance group or something? A trot group?"

At the mistake, Jinwoo frowns. "Um, no. It's a rock band. Like yours."

If his words struck a cord in Lisa, she doesn't let it show. "Ah, sorry, never heard of it." She waves dismissively and Jeongguk can practically see Jinwoo's ego deflating. "Anyway, it's nice to meet you! Cool outfit, by the way."

"Um, thanks."

"He looks good, doesn't he, Gguk-ah?" She turns to him with a grin, mischief dancing in her eyes. "I love how you put zero effort to your appearance and somehow, you're still confident!"

Jeongguk startles at her choice of words. Did he hear that right?

Jinwoo blinks. "Excuse me?"

"Like, if I had the same confidence as you do, I'd never show myself looking like this to anyone, like ever, but normalise not following the Korean beauty standards I guess!"

Jeongguk's mouth falls open at the backhanded insult. If there's anything that Jinwoo prides himself in, it's his face. "Lis, what are you saying?" He whispers, eyes wide and unbelieving.

Instantly, her smile disappears. "Oh, did I say something wrong?" She looks from Jinwoo to Jeongguk in faux worry. "I was just admiring how cool he is to not care about what anybody thinks. Seriously, Jinwoo-ssi, I could never do what you do. It takes so much guts to go out looking like that."

Now, Jinwoo finally gets what's happening. Ever the clueless. He steps forward, glaring, and raises an accusatory finger towards Lisa's face, "You're stepping--"

"His humor makes up for everything, too. Is that his normal face or does he really look like a joke? Dang. Didn't know you had a thing for funny people, Gguk."