Dec sighed heavily.

"You're right Ant,things are a bit,I don't know how to explain it,just a bit off between me and Mam"

"I can't imagine things not being right between you two,has this ever happened before?" Ant enquired.

"No never,unless you include my childhood strops" Dec smiled weakly."we've always talked about anything and everything,you and her are the two people I've always been able to open up to the most,to speak my mind with,to share everything with"

He paused for a while and Ant sat silently,waiting for him to continue.

"I've obviously always talked more to you though because,you know,she's a mam,she'll just worry"

"Yeah that's what mams do" Ant smiled "it's in the job description"

"Yeah" Dec mumbled to himself more than to Ant.

"So...?" Ant turned to Dec observing his tired,tear stained face.

"So,will you talk to her?"

"I guess" Dec reluctantly agreed "I have no idea what to say though?I can't believe we have this awkwardness between us"

"Just say whatever comes to mind and remember she is probably feeling just the same as you are,give her a chance,you managed with coming to the cemetery didn't you?"

"That's a bit different ain't it?" Dec snapped "I was basically talking to a stone"

"That may be so,but it still helped didn't it?" Ant asked,ignoring the hint of sarcasm in Decs voice "and yes it'll be harder to talk to her,but it'll be fine,you'll see"

"I guess" Dec sniffed wiping away the last remnants of all the tears he'd already shed that day.

"Wanna go now?" Ant smiled.

"Not sure,I need to pull myself together a bit first,how about going for lunch first then I'll go home afterwards" Dec knew he was just postponing the inevitable but didn't really care about that too much.

"Ok" Ant agreed "let's go and get a bite to eat then go home"

Ant proceeded to call a taxi which dropped them off at their favourite restaurant.The staff knew them well and seated them at a discreet corner where they couldn't be bothered by too many curious eyes.

They were soon paying the bill and tipping the waiter generously before deciding to walk home as their houses weren't too far from the restaurant.

Although Ants Mams house was nearest to the restaurant,he insisted on walking Dec to his door.

"You really don't need to walk me home" Dec laughed "we're not on a first date"

"Aren't we?" Ant joked "nah,seriously kidda,I just wanna see you're alright,it's no bother"

They were soon standing outside Annes front gate.

"Coming in?cuppa tea?" Dec asked.

Ant knew he was just stalling for time.

"No Decky,I won't come in,I'll go and spend some time with my own Mam,I'm sure she'll appreciate that"

"Yeah she will" Dec nodded.

"Well thanks" he uttered awkwardly while looking down at the floor.

Ant shook his head affectionately.

"Come here" he pulled Dec into a tight embrace,rubbing his back soothingly.

"You've got this Dec"

He watched as Dec slowly walked up the garden path,stuck his key in the door and entered the house,turning around briefly to wave at Ant.

Ant smiled to himself as it did remind him of when he would escort his girlfriends home in his younger days,watching to make sure they got in safely.The only difference now was that Decs mam wasn't peeping from behind the net curtains,watching his every move like those other mams.

"Mam,are you in?" Dec called out.

"In here sweetheart" came the reply from the kitchen.

Dec made his way to the kitchen.

"Just making a drink,want anything?" Anne asked.

"No thanks,me and Ant just had lunch out,I'm totally stuffed"

"Ok,how was the cemetery?" Anne asked cautiously,not sure if Dec would want it mentioned.

"Fine" Dec quickly replied,not giving anything away,which just confirmed to Anne that she definitely shouldn't ask anything else.

"Mam?" Dec whispered almost inaudibly.

Anne looked up,slightly taken aback at the serious tone in Decs voice.

"What is it Declan?"

"Ca..can we talk please?" He stuttered.

"Of course we can" she made her way over to the sofa and placed her cup of tea on the coffee table before patting the space next to her.

"Come on sweetheart,come and sit next to me"

She watched Dec intently as he sat down,observing how his usually sparkling eyes looked so sad but she couldn't be surprised at that,he had just visited his Dads grave for the first time since the funeral after all.

"What's bothering you Declan?"

"Us Mam it's us,me and you,that's what's bothering me" Dec replied,tears already pricking the back of his eyes.

Anne sighed sadly,she didn't need any explanation from her youngest child, she knew exactly what he meant.She knew he was feeling out of sorts because she was feeling exactly the same.

The truth was,she had been worried sick about Dec,She knew he wasn't himself whenever they spoke on the phone and Decs siblings had confirmed they had the same concerns whenever they'd spoken to him too.

Of course Anne was still struggling to come to terms with the loss of her husband of many years but she was a mother after all and Dec was her main concern at the moment.

"It's hard isn't it Declan?" She thought if she led the conversation,it may encourage him to open up.

Dec looked up at her curiously.

"It's hard losing someone you love isn't it?" She continued.

"Yeah it is,so hard" Dec replied.

"Yeah" Anne patted Decs leg "it's so strange you know,waking up and he's not there next to me,to give me a good morning kiss,I even miss his snoring"

Dec suddenly felt like he'd been hit by a ton of bricks,when a certain realisation dawned on him.Tears streamed down his exhausted cheeks,he made no attempt to stem the flow and his shoulders were soon shaking uncontrollably with emotion.

"Oh God,Mam I'm so sorry,I'm so sorry" he sobbed.

"Declan what on earth...?" She pulled her emotional child into her arms and held him close.

"I'm so sorry Mam" he repeated "I'm so sorry"

"Please Declan,you're scaring me now,what is it?" She wasn't sure she'd ever seen Dec this upset,not even at the funeral and she was seriously concerned.

"I've been so selfish" he sobbed "all I've thought about these last few weeks is myself,how much pain I was feeling,how much I was going to miss him,how was I going to live without him?I never once thought of you,how this was affecting you?how sad you are,I'm so sorry"

"Declan you stop that now" Anne snapped,causing Dec to sit up abruptly "I know that's not true so don't you dare try and convince me you have only been thinking about yourself,that you've not given me or anyone else a second thought because that's absolute rubbish"

Her voice softened slightly as she looked onto Decs eyes.

"I know you Dec and you are without a doubt the kindest,most compassionate,caring,loving person I know.I know our conversations have been strained lately and I hate that as I'm sure you do too.

Things have been difficult since your Dad died for both of us.Yes I've been struggling some days but other days have been ok,everyone tells me it will get easier with time,I can only hope they're right.Im just sorry this wedge seems to have appeared between us,it's the last thing I wanted"

She rubbed Decs back and he nestled into her again,there was nothing more comforting than a motherly hug as far as he was concerned.Her steady breathing having the desired calming effect on him.

"I'm still sorry" he mumbled into her chest "I don't know how or why things got so weird between us?but I don't like it"

"Me neither" Anne nodded "but it's not too late is it?we can put things right can't we?it's not a competition to see who's suffering the most,it's obvious we both are but instead of being there for each other like we usually are,we've pushed each other away.I don't know how it came to that?"

"Me neither" Dec agreed.

He sat up and took Annes hand in his.

"We can get through this can't we Mam?"

"Of course we can Declan,I'm so glad we've had this chat" a lone tear rolled down her cheek,she had been trying to keep her emotions in check for Decs sake,knowing how he was,but couldn't hold it in any longer.

"I'm your mother Declan,it's my job to take care of you no matter how old you get,I'll always be here for you,you can always talk to me about anything,you know that don't you?"

"Yeah I do,thanks Mam"

He looked thoughtful for a moment.

"But what about you?"

"In case you haven't noticed Declan,you come from a rather large family" Anne smiled "I promise you,I'm being looked after,there's someone here every day,checking up on me.Of course things are still difficult and probably will be for a long time yet but I'll be ok,I promise I will so please stop worrying about me.You're the one who needs to be worried about by the look of it"

"No Mam,I don't want you to worry about me,please don't,I've got Ant,he's been brilliant and he's looking out for me"

"We're a right pair aren't we?" Anne smiled "I don't know how it came to this,?I guess we thought we were looking out for each other but in the process managed to alienate each other slightly,I could never have imagined that happening between us two of all people"

"Me neither" Dec sighed "I'm so sorry"

"Will you please stop apologising,you haven't done anything to be sorry for,I guess we were both just dealing with things in our own way and got slightly lost somewhere along the way,I guess we were trying to protect each other but it backfired spectacularly"

"Let's make a promise" Dec suddenly announced assertively.

"Let's promise to never hide things from each other again,let's always tell each other if something is bothering us,if we're worried about something.I promise to do that,do you Mam?"

"I absolutely promise to do that" Anne smiled,pulling Dec in for another hug.

"I'm so glad we had this chat,are you?do you feel better for it?" She asked.

"I really do feel better Mam" he paused for thought for a moment "this was Ants idea"

Anne laughed affectionately.

"Why doesn't that surprise me?wasn't it his idea for you to go to your Dads grave too?Knows you well doesn't he?"

"Certainly does" Dec grinned at the thought of how amazing his beloved best friend was being.

"He's a keeper!" Anne smiled "don't let him go"

Dec giggled loudly "don't worry,I have no intention of letting him go"

"So?" Anne attempted to lighten the mood "gonna see the rest of the family while you're here?"

"I guess I should" Dec replied "but we've only got tomorrow then we go back to London on Monday"

"I've already thought about that" Anne smiled "everyone is aware of how much you've been struggling,so they know it's totally up to you if you want to get together with them or not.It's absolutely fine if you don't feel like it,but if you are up for it though,how about i get everyone round for Sunday dinner tomorrow?They're actually all just waiting for me to give the go ahead"

"You're so crafty" Dec smiled.

He thought about his Mams suggestion for a few seconds,maybe this could be exactly what he needed.His wonderful family and his Mams delicious cooking.Yeah it was definitely what he needed!

"That will be great Mam,let's do it!"