today,

I ate lunch alone

in a bathroom stall.

away from my friends

away from the bullies

and the misfits

and all jigsaw pieces trying to form a puzzle but the pieces are all wrong.

the perfect puzzle is

idealized

favored

worshipped

so we mold ourselves into shapes

we are not familiar with

take up less space,

uncomfortably shoved into a standard

into an expectation.

today,

I ate lunch alone

in a bathroom stall.

no, I was not sad

or bullied

or lonely.

I sat away for I had realized

we crave attention and company so much

that we forget about our own.

the only attention directed towards ourselves is negative

wearing self criticism and insults

around our waists

in hopes of shrinking it

and we cannot be trusted

in our own company

we cannot be trusted

to be left alone

for we will craft jewelries of pain

then wear it like a noose

we will craft knives of hatred

and so gracefully draw valleys and paintings

on a canvas.

I don't need to taste it

to know its flavor;

I don't need to see it

to know it's there.

today,

I ate lunch alone

in a bathroom stall.

no, I did not feel lonely

for I have learned to enjoy my own company

to stop punishing myself for the things out of my grasp

and if something shall happen, so be it.

let it be.

I have learned to love myself

despite the stains and scratches.

I will not paint myself

for fear of rusting.

I will not paint myself

for your pleasure.

if I shall rust, so be it.

for immortality is but a mere joke

if I shall rust, so be it.

for I can say with pride that I have made a masterpiece

out of scraps and remains.