"you are about 4 weeks in" the doctor said at our appointment to check on the baby. "14 more weeks till you can find out the gender"

"that's awesome" luke said holding my hand and helping me off the chair.

it had been a week since we announced the new album. three weeks till it is coming out. luke and i picked out the guest room down the hall for our baby's nursery

we planned on painting it gray with yellow accents in the room. no one knew about the pregnancy besides karl.

we planned on announcing today since we knew the baby was healthy so far.

luke and i walked out to the doctors hand in hand and made our way to the car. luke swung our arms as he walked

"what is wrong with you?" i laughed which made him

"just happier than ever" he said which made me smile.

"you are adorable" i spoke as we got into the car after he opened my door for me. he got in shortly after.

"wanna go get food?" he asked me and i nodded. he started the car and made his way to panera since i had been craving a salad.

---

"am i going to have to deal with your weird cravings for the next 9 months?" luke asked

"yes. you will" i said kissing his cheek before getting off the couch to throw away my bowl from panera

i went back to him and laid my head on his lap as he watched the tv. he looked down at me and smiled before running his fingers through my hair

"i love you" i said staring at the boy above me. he looked down at me smiling

"i love you too kayla" i let out a breath as his other hand held my waist. he looked back at the tv and i got on my phone

we stayed like that for a few minutes before i set my phone down and looked up at him. he was still looking at the tv and didn't notice my stare even though it was harsh

i sat up and cuddled back into his side and he held me while rubbing my side

"you okay darling?" he asked making me smile

"yeah just tired and feel gross" i answered and he kissed the top of my head

"i'm sorry. can i do anything for you?" he asked and i shook my head no.

"i'm going to go spend some alone time in my writing room so if you need me that's where i will be." i told him while standing

"go write some good music" he said and i gave him a thumbs up before walking up to our room

i need some time alone before we spend time telling everyone that i was having a fucking child.

i got into the room then closed and locked the door and sat on the couch with my guitar and notebook ready to write more of the song i was writing earlier in the week.

"i run and run past the pumpkin patch and the tractor rides "

remembering my small happy childhood made me extremely happy. i missed having parents who cared about what i did.

"look now, the sky is gold. i hug your legs and fall asleep on the way home"

i took in a deep breath as i wrote down the lyrics before staring at the wall in defeat

i missed my mom even though she made me hate my life most of the time. it just hurts to lose a parent.

13 was the year of drama and depression. so i figured that was a good year to hit in the song

"i'm thirteen now, and don't know how my friends could be so mean."

everyone is so fake in middle school.

"i come home crying and you hold me tight. and grab the keys, and we drive and drive"

my mom would take me on drives on nights i struggled to go look at the stars and shop

"until we found a town far enough and we talk and window shop till i forget all their names"

i let a tear shed and wrote down those lyrics before setting down my guitar and going to my piano. i couldn't keep working so i would just sing songs i already knew.

"i knew a boy once when i was small"