Sometimes,

I wonder if I have anger issues,

When the sound of the balloon that is my patience pops under the pressure of everyone's else's bullshit.

When I have to take five minutes out my day to breathe,

just to remind myself that

I can't throw a chair at the window,

after being asked a question four more times after I answered it,

cause they "couldn't hear me."

Sometimes,

I wonder if I have anger issues,

When someone talks over me and I wish I could rip their vocal cords right out of their throat.

When someone asks me a question I don't know the answer to

But still keeps on cornering me,

like my anxiety will jump start my brain

to help it magically find the answer.

Sometimes,

I wonder if I have anger issues,

When I get so mad

I start to cry,

But get even more mad at myself

because of how weak I am.

When my voice breaks under the pressure of their judgmental eyes.

When I have nightmares of hands

sprouting,

from the nonexistent shadows of their words,

Grasping at every consonant and ripping out every vowel.

When they unknowingly weather my voice

But I still have the strength to join the conversation.

Sometimes,

I wonder if I have anger issues,

When my anxiety claws at my throat casting illusions of doubt.

When my heart screams at my brain

while banging a broom against the ceiling telling it to be quiet

before it ruins everything again.

When my tears echo in my brain

like laughter.

When I look out of the window

wishing for a rainy day because it's just to bright outside.

When I don't show my parents this poem

so they don't ask if I'm "OK."

When I feel like my book is more of a friend then the girls that. won't. even. pick up

my phone calls.

When I don't want to write

but my heart aches to those that can't stop shaking

trying to poor out their feelings on paper

like I do.

Sometimes,

I wonder if I have anger issues.

When I don't have the energy for anything but:

Eating.

Sleeping.

Reading.

And the occasional bathroom break,

But somehow still have the strength to throw my chair at the window

Just to prove

that I'm fine*

*I'm not fine

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So I wrote this when I was feeling really insecure about my anxiety and being soft spoken

and sometimes I just want to throw something,

i never do though 🙃 anyway.....😅 this poem gave me the inspiration

to make this a series of all the things I say or think in this loud mind of mine...... but never say

I've always been social awkward and during covid it got worse,

poetry helped me, along with other things, to help me not feel lonely 😶

Because I could feel what the poet felt and what they went through

and sometimes it comforted me when I wasn't feeling the best.

So I hope poetry [and my poems] help you in the lows and be there in the highs

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