My head ached. It was throbbing. I wanted to open my eyes but they felt heavy. My throat felt dry. I heard voices, Alex was here, I could tell it was him holding my hand. I heard Luke arguing with someone. He was speaking so loud that it made my head hurt worse.

Angie.

I couldn't hear her.

I forced my eyes open, the brightness of the room almost too in contrast to the darkness that had invaded my sleep. I struggled to focus on the man next to me, his worried hazel eyes staring back at me.

"Alex," I croaked out.

"...here...can...hear me? Baby...okay?"

I tried to sit up, but he pushed me back.

"...rest Eileen...sleep."

His muffled voice soothed me back to sleep, when all I wanted to do was know where my daughter was.

"Water," I mumbled. Alex lifted his head from his hands. Bloodshot eyes met mine.

He gave me a glass of water and helpes me sit up. The coolness of the water eased the dryness in my throat.

"How do you feel, baby?" He asked with a small smile. It didn't meet his eyes. It was almost as if he hadn't wanted me to wake up.

"The room.. It spins a little." I lifted my hand to touch my head which was bandaged. Alex stopped me, taking my hand in his and kissing it.

"Don't touch it, babe. You have to let it heal."

The memories of what happened dawned at me.

Gerald.

The gun.

The yelling.

The car.

My dad.

Angie.

My eyes widened when I realized Angie wasn't here. The car had been almost completely smashed from the back. It was almost non existent.

"Angie?" I asked. "Where's Angie? Is she okay? Can I see her?"

Alex let out a breath, his grip on my hand tightened. He let out a humorless laugh and cursed.

"What, Alex? Where is she?"

I struggled to get off the bed but he immediately held me in place.

Dread.

It invaded every inch, every cell in my body. His face said it all.

I began pulling at the IVs, trying to free myself from everything holding me back. Alex took place next to me on the bed, pulling me to his chest with one hand, with the other restraining my hands.

"No, Alex," I said with a sob, "she's resting too, right? She's healing too, please tell me she's healing."

His hold on me tightened even further. If I hadn't needed it, it would have been suffocating.

"Say it, I won't believe it if you don't say it, Alex." My grip on his shirt was just as tight as was his.

"Fucking say it, Moretti!"

"She's dead, baby. Angie is dead."

*******

"Earth to Eileen," Luke's voice brought me back from my thoughts.

"Hmm?"

"What were you thinking about?" He sat down next to me on my bed. He was visiting once again.

"Nothing," I said. In just three days it would be her birthday. No parties, no celebration. Just a visit to a cemetery. I try not to dwell on the pain but there is no medication to ease this ache.

It tears at your very soul.

"Angie, huh?"

"Yeah," I murmured. "Let's not talk about it now, though. We have to talk about the trauma I now endure after finding you and Adeleine like that."

Luke removed the arm he had placed over my shoulder, now running his hand through his dark locks.

"What do you want to know?"

"When are you telling Alex?"

"I've thought about it," he said with a sigh. "There's nothing serious between Addie and I. We're just having fun. Or fighting, I'm not sure. It doesn't mean anything."

"Then why don't you tell him? He won't be happy when he finds out you've been hiding this from him. Much less to know that it's been going on for so long."

"That's exactly why I can't tell him. He puts up with my shit but I don't think he would tolerate this. Besides, Addie has not to tell him anything."

I smiled. He cared about her, even though he didn't admit it.

"Anyways, have you seen Alex?" Luke asked, eager to change the subject.

I shook my head. We had agreed to dinner but when he received a request for a job interview at a local university he had to cancel to prepare. I was proud of him, he was going to do something that he would actually enjoy. Lucas was doing well with the computer system business, he liked it. 

"No," I said.

As if he sensed that we were talking about him, my phone lit up with his name. It was a single text message.

Come over, bring Luke with you. See you in a bit. -Alex

Luke smiled when he saw my excitement. 

"Let's go."

I had so many ideas on my mind on our way. It seemed to me as if cold, clear skied nights were always the one's that made me think the most. I was planning on throwing Marty a small celebration for his cafe. It had been a long time for him in the business; he deserved someone to acknowledge him.

I also had begun looking for wedding dresses for Nicole. She was very excited for her wedding, as was I. Though they weren't planning on actually trying for a baby, they had brought up the idea of adopting a child. In their field of work and with what I lived through alone, they had decided that they wanted to helps kids off the streets, provide a home for those who were in foster system.

Needless to say, I approved of the idea as soon as they mentioned it. 

If possible, one day in the future I could possibly adopt a child also. After all, I knew what it was like and maybe could help with the potential traumas those children carried. I had more goals than when Angie was here, because now everything was to honor her.

Luke and I walked into the house. We were met by Alex, who was sitting in the dining room, a glass of whiskey in his hand. He merely raised an eyebrow at us.

"Hey, Moretti," I said with a smile, despite the uncomfortable feeling that settled at the pit of my stomach. 

Addie sat across from him, with her head lowered. 

Taking another sip of his drink, Alex stood up. He walked towards Luke and I, stopping in front of me. He cupped my face in one hand, but it was deceiving. He was angry.

"You hide things from me," he murmured. 

My lips parted and I glanced over to Addie, who sat there looking ashamed. 

"And you," he said, glaring at Luke, "you've been going behind my back for years, fucking my sister and didn't have the nerve to man the fuck up."

"Alex," I breathed. "Things aren't like that."

"It isn't?" He asked, with a sarcasm laced tone. "Because, Addie just told me everything. Neither of you did, so please, tell me how things are."

"Look, Alex, let's just go talk somewhere," Luke said. "We should have said something but Eileen has nothing to do with this. She barely found out. Besides, Addie is old enough to make her own decisions."

"Is that why you told her that you didn't want me to fucking know?" Alex snarled, placing the glass on the table. "You Eileen, I thought that we didn't hide shit from each other. But volunteering to not tell me? Really? Encouraging Addie to keep this a secret?"

"Encouraging?" I gaped. 

"You said that it would be best if we don't say anything for now," Addie said in a small voice.

"Oh, Addie," I said quietly shaking my head.

A feeling of disappointment rushed through my body, leaving only cold behind. Such a stupid situation was causing a huge problem. 

"Let's go talk," Luke insisted. Alex scoffed, shaking his head. 

"Now you want to talk, now that Addie had to tell me everything."

Luke exhaled, walking up to Adeleine and forcing her to stand up. He spoke quietly to her but I saw the anger written all over his face. 

"Can we just talk, Alex? It wasn't like that."

"What do you want to say?" He asked. "I trust you, Eileen. You should have told me. I wouldn't have been opposed if you all would have been fucking honest with me."

"It wasn't my place to say anything, Alex. And things aren't exactly how Addie made them-"

"Just, don't Eileen. Not now." He lifted my chin up, placing a kiss on my forehead. "Seems like shit never goes well for us."

I met his eyes. 

Things weren't ever going to work out between us. Our relationship had been too troubled from the start for it to ever have a chance. With Addie standing in the middle it would never be stable, not until we could figure out how to get past whatever she had against me.

Lucas was now arguing with Adeleine, who seemed to look regretful. If her purpose was to cause problems, she had reached her goal.

"Fuck you, Adeleine," Lucas hissed. He walked out of the house, but Addie followed behind him. Alex and I stood in silence, it was too much to bear. 

"I should go," I mumbled. 

"That easy, huh? Just walk away."

"What do you want me to say, Alex?" I asked. I kept my cool, despite the fact that the whole situation was becoming a burden. I hated that we were arguing over something that wasn't even our concern. "You don't even want to talk."

"Why should we try to make this work, Eileen?" He finally questioned me. "Why? It seems that the good moments are few and far in between. I don't want to hurt you but I sure as hell don't want to hurt either. That's what seems to be happening all the time."

If things weren't going to work and he was complaining about honesty, then I guessed, what the point? He wanted honesty, he was going to get it.

"I still love you, Alex. With all these issues, I still love you. You said it wouldn't be easy, and I know that it's been hell for you but this isn't our business. If you want to let it ruin us, then that's on you. I won't take responsibility for us."

He hesitated for a moment, then once again only shook his head.

"I'm tired, Alex. Can't you see? I'm so fucking tired of the back and forth. Do you want me or not?"

Time froze in that moment. This was a fight we would either decide to fight with every part of our hearts and soul, or that we would give up then and there. There was no half-way, there was no maybes. We either fought or gave up. As Shakespeare questioned, "To be, or not to be."

He was confused, perhaps part of him was still grieving. It wouldn't have surprised me. Maybe all we needed was to grieve together, to be weak together. Or as he had said before, we needed to be broken together. Maybe all our pieces were there, waiting for us to decide and pick them up, glue them back with our love and let our souls unite them forever.

His answer came suddenly, when his hand went to the back of my neck and his mouth met mine. A year without kissing him, a year in which I craved his touch, his lips, all of him. 

His tongue parted my lips almost forcefully, and I gave in to him.

There was never an option.

Things may never work out as we planned them, but I knew that there was no way I could ever be another man's. Despite the fact that he'd been with another woman in the past year, I could tell in the way he kissed me, in the way he desperately tore at my clothes that he was as much mine. 

Maybe if life hadn't dealt us some terrible circumstances we wouldn't be doubting everything. However, even with all the doubts, we were true. We were real. 

The rest of the night only proved it.

A/N: Oh, Addie, Addie.

When will you learn?

Maybe one more chapter tonight, I think we'll be done with TJH by next week. :)

Leave your comments/thoughts.

-Luz<3