What possessed me to do that? Why did I just—

What's wrong with me?

I never wanted to hurt her, I initiated it, for some reason my brain saw only one solution. To just leave her there in hopes someone would find her. I didn't want to have sex with Sarah near her but what else was I suppose to do?

I mean, I needed to end it. And I did, this is what I wanted.

I couldn't help but look up at her as she entered the room, she showed no emotion on her face. And for the first time since we started seeing each other, I couldn't read her.

That's how I knew she was hurt. At some point in our brief time together, Yasmin let me see the real her and I fucked that all up.

"Listen, Yasmin—" she got up abruptly and walked out as I was beginning to speak.

If that's not a hint then I don't know what is.

Barely a minute later, Sarah came in. I began to wonder why I ever doubted karma, the proof is within this room.

"Hey, baby!" She smiles wildly and wraps me into a hug. Anytime I had thoughts of Yasmin, Sarah had a way of grounding me. This is what I did it for, for Sarah.

"This is a surprise," I kiss her softly on the lips and she steps away to fiddle with some things on my desk.

"Well... I wanted to have dinner with you tonight. I don't know, I feel like things between us have been really tense. And this weekend helped, so I want to keep it up. If— you know, if that's what you wanted to do." She brushes a strand of hair behind her ear and looks down shyly.

I hold in a smile, "I would love that, Sarah." She giggles and does a happy dance, cracking us both up.

"Okay, great! I don't know why I was so nervous. So what time would you like?" She leans against my desk, picks up the picture frame of us that I never had the urge to move.

"After work is good, babe." Her face lights up at the tone of endearment, she claps her hands.

"Oh! That reminds me, dad wants

to—" Yasmin walks back and actually smiles at Sarah.

"Morning, Sarah."

Her eyebrows raise in surprise, she sputters a "good morning" back.

"So, I was wondering if we could have lunch together today, as well to discuss some things. My dad has some topics to talk to you about." Sarah continues where we left off.

"Yeah, sure." She kisses me hard, which I knew was due to the presence of Yasmin.

"Bye, baby." She waves at me and leaves the room. The two of them together in the same room immediately brought on some anxiety, even if she threw something at my head while I was speaking, it needed to be said.

"Yasmin, you don't have to say anything, just listen. I know I fucked up and I hurt you, and I'm so sorry for that. But I— I need to know that you won't say anything to Sarah about

us—"

"There is no us, get over yourself." Well she didn't ignore you this time.

"Look, Yaz, can we at least be cordial wi—" she cut me off again and looked straight at the wall as she spoke. She couldn't even look at me.

"Say another word to me and I promise you I'll have a little catch up with your wife." I clenched my jaw and nodded stiffly before walking back to my desk.

Fine, I'll leave you alone.

Lunch with Sarah and her dad had been all business, he had some clients he wanted to talk about and managed to bore the shit out of Sarah and I. He wanted Sarah there to listen, which I found odd. Sarah hates "business talk." But regardless of that fact, she tried her hardest to stay engaged for my sake. It was already three o'clock when I came back and Yasmin was busy working.

Throughout the rest of the day, she wouldn't acknowledge my presence, look up at me or turn in my direction. I stopped existing in her world now, and that pill was weirdly hard to swallow.

The emptiness I've always battled against settled in, once it settles it festers into something greater. I would do anything to avoid that darkness at all costs.

I'd barely gotten any work done when I realized it was time to go home. Yasmin was already packing up her stuff. She pulled out her phone and dialed a number. I knew she could tell I was looking at her but it couldn't be helped. I had the strongest urge to see her smile, laugh, talk to me, anything.

I wasn't sure how long I would be able to go without hearing her voice, we couldn't even be friends?

Whoever she called answered.

"Derrick? You busy?" I nearly flinched at the name she said. Who the fuck is Derrick? She starts walking to the door and I wanted to grab her and keep her from leaving.

Is this how she felt when I was with Sarah?

"Mind if I come over?" Something he says makes her smile widely and I hardly hear the last thing she says but I could make it out.

"Something like that." She smiled.

She smiled at whatever it was that he said. The smile that I thought was only reserved for me. The smile I would've done anything to see because she so rarely ever let it show.

She was done with me.

I did what I did for this very outcome.

So why was I so unhappy with it?