[25]

"I know you don't like it, Chester. But after what happened and after that break down of yours, I think it's the best option for you to go to therapy," my aunt explains to me in a calm voice while rubbing circles onto the back of my hand.

However, her touch feels like it's hurting me rather than soothing me. And with every word that leaves her mouth and with every knot that forms in my stomach, the urge to swat hear hand away grows.

"I don't need it, Nicole," I reply quietly, trying to keep my voice from cracking. I hate therapy. The one time I actually went there, the number of scars on my wrist only multiplied. The therapist did nothing to help me, the words he had said just made me feel even more insecure, even more abnormal. He told me how wrong it was what I was doing and that I should stop. But it resulted in the opposite.

Therapists don't help you, they just try to stop you from committing suicide so they get their paychecks.

"You do. You've been through a lot, and you should talk about it," she continues, giving me no time to catch my breath as my chest tightens further. "Please, Chester."

"No," I whisper and rip my hand away from hers before I stand up so quickly that the chair I sat on falls to the ground with a thud, and run upstairs.

Betrayal.

That's what I feel. Betrayal and fear. She promised to not make me go to a therapist, and now? Just because I broke down? I'm getting better.

Or am I?

I slam the door to my bedroom shut and let out a chocked sob. Don't they understand that I don't need fixing? I only need someone to catch me and don't let go. Not someone who wants to 'heal' me. I don't need healing. I only need someone to care for me, to love me.

I let myself fall onto my bed with a sigh, gaining a screeching noise as my bed protests, and throw my blanket over me before I curl myself into that pitiful ball that I always curl myself into when I feel helpless. I do this sometimes; I just throw my blanket over my body, hoping for it to swallow me whole, and just stare into the darkness that it provides until my thoughts become too much to bear with, and I have to force myself to do something to try and pull my attention away from those thoughts because otherwise I would lose myself to them.

Usually, I last at least half an hour, but this time, it doesn't even take five minutes until my thoughts nibble on my self-esteem with teeth so sharp that I kick the blanket off me and grab my phone instead. Turning it on, I notice the symbol of WhatsApp glowing brightly on the dark background, indicating that I had an unread message.

My eyebrows furrow as I click on it and wait for the messenger to reveal the message to me. As soon as the app is opened, I notice that the number is an unknown one.

Hey.

- 5:21PM

After staring at the word intently for a couple of minutes, I find myself tapping on my screen, texting a reply as my curiosity gets the best of me.

Who's this?

- 5:26PM

While waiting for a reply, I tap on the screen anxiously. Thoughts start plaguing me with every minute that ticks by. That was stupid. What if the person can track me, now that I answered? What if it's some pedophile who's gonna send me pictures I don't want to see? Or a stalker?

I flinch in surprise when my phone suddenly buzzes in my hands, tearing me away from that train of ridiculous thoughts.

Riku.

- 5:32PM

My eyes widen. Riku?

How did you get my number?

- 5:33PM

The answer pops up almost immediately, as if he knew exactly what I'd ask and was just waiting for me to send the question.

Your friend told me.

- 5:33PM

The frown on my forehead deepens. Does he mean Kai? But Kai wouldn't just give him my number, would he?

Willingly?

- 5:34PM

I had sent the text before I even thought about what I just wrote. The minute I realize it though, I bite my lip, suppressing a gasp from slipping out of my mouth. Mentally, I face palm myself, my anxiety rising in my throat.

What if it offended him? Does he even care about that?

Not quite.

- 5:35PM

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding, relieved that he isn't mad, but I draw it right back in when I realize his words. However, before I can overthink anything, another message pops up on my screen.

I didn't hurt him though.

- 5:35PM

This time I don't draw the breath of relief back in and instead drag it out longer than necessary, feeling dizzy from the amount of air that I had held in but never let get through to my lungs.

Okay.

- 5:36PM

I glance at the number at the upper left corner, debating on whether or not I should save him. But, why not? I kisse- . . As soon as the thought crosses my mind, heat rises to my cheeks, the image of his lips on mine flashing in front of my eyes.

In an attempt to push the image away, I quickly click on the number and edit it.

What should I save him as?

If I just saved him under his name then the risk of someone finding out about whatever the hell this was would be fairly high. But I couldn't just save him with some cheesy nickname like a teenage girl in some chick-flick either.

Maybe just, 'Him'? Doesn't sound all that cheesy, does it? And I'd know who it is.

Deciding to just go for it, I change his contact's name and save his number just when a new message has my phone vibrating under my fingertips.

What're you doing?

- 5:41PM

The question seems harmless but somehow it completely throws me off. It shoves my aunt's words back into my mind and lets them echo through it like words spoken in a cave, and sends me back into the state that I was in before Riku's message had reached me.

My aunt wants to force me to go to a therapist after telling me she wouldn't.

I really don't want to go back there. Looking down at my phone again, a thought crosses my mind.

I need to get out of this house. If only for a few hours.

And then, I do the probably most stupidest thing I could've ever thought of. But I did it anyway.

Can I come over?

- 5:44PM

I suck in a breath when I reread my message, regret instantly seeping into my bones. But before I can delete it, my phone buzzes again.

Sure.

- 5:44PM

My eyes grow wide, a shaky sigh leaving my lips. What have I done?

Suddenly, a knock on the door steals my attention, giving me no time to ponder on how Riku just practically invited me over.

My head snaps up as my cousin's voice sounds out from the hallway. "Chase, dinner's ready," she yells, before she walks off without another word.

Instinctively, I lay my hand over my stomach. The thought of eating something makes me feel sick for some reason. I just ate this morning, I don't want to be forced to shove more food down my throat. I just feel so caged in here, my aunt gives me the feeling that she wants to fix me. And I hate it.

I know she's just worried about me. But just because I'm not hungry, doesn't mean that I'm starving myself.

So, with those thoughts nagging me and with that heavy feeling in my chest, I bring my fingers back down on my phone's screen, probably making a horrible mistake.

I'll be over in a few.

- 5:49PM

Before the fact that I just agreed to go to the place that I ran from like a maniac only a week ago can drown me, I stand up and leave the warmth of my bed. I shove a few things into my backpack, including a couple of clothes because who knows why, and then, I walk over to the window.

I pull it open, whereupon the wind hits my face rather aggressively, making me shiver. Sticking my head through its frame, an unsettling feeling forms in my stomach as I gaze down at the ground. Maybe I should just sneak downstairs.

I nod my head to myself in a silent agreement before I shut the window and instead trudge into the hallway. Inhaling softly, I tiptoe my way down the stairs, avoiding the creaky steps as best as I can.

Unfortunately though, the last step gives an excruciating squeal when my foot comes into contact with it, whereupon my breath hitches.

"Chase?" Nicole's voice rings out from the kitchen, causing my heart to speed up.

What should I do? What should I-

My gaze falls on the door; it's only a few mere inches away from me. My eyes dart between the doorframe that leads to the kitchen, and the front door - the only thing that is still holding me back from escaping.

Without sparing my aunt another thought, I dash for the door, ignoring the voices of common sense that scream at me in my mind. I open the door as quickly but at the same time as quietly as humanly possible, and slip through it so fast, that the crisp air that suddenly brushes past me sends a shiver up my spine.

I ignore it though, and take off into the only direction that leads into the city part of the town with held breath.

When I finally arrive in front of Riku's home, I hunch over and finally listen to my lung's screams of agony, inhaling large amounts of oxygen.

I feel my legs burning as I raise my head and look up at the building that I hadn't had the time for to get a good look at the last time I was here. It looks pretty run-down, with a few cracks running along the windows and with so much dust caked on them, that it could almost serve as curtains.

The building itself also has its flaws, for example the color that is peeling off the walls here and there. It looks like it fits into the neighborhood, I notice as I turn around and let my eyes roam the other buildings that are lined up on either side of the street that I had just run down.

Turning my attention back on the buidling that Riku's apartment is in, I walk over to the entrance of it, just as a droplet of rain drops onto my cheek. It has me looking up at the sky for the first time since I left my aunt's house.

Clouds are obscuring the sun from my sight and the sky itself is painted grey, almost black in some areas. It looks depressive, almost like the turmoil that is going on inside of me every day. All in all, it looks like the weather plans on caging me in Riku's home again. Letting out a sigh, I slip into the building.

The warmth that the thin walls provide instantly engulfs me, ushering away the cold from outside. I wrap my fingers around the straps of my backpack and make my way up the staircase.

Dread blooms in my stomach, accompanying the weird sensation that had grown with every meter that I came closer to Riku's apartment, as I approach the door that I hoped to be the one Riku is living in.

I glance at the small sign that is hung up underneath the peephole and try to make out a name of the few letters that are still visible, but fail miserably. So, with the little confidence I had at the idea of seeing Riku after not seeing him the whole day, I raise my hand to knock on the door.

But just in that moment, the door is pulled open, leaving my hand frozen midair and my breath stuck in my throat.

Hey there,

I know, I know, I'm an ass, lmao.

Sorry for the cliffhanger there, but I just needed it to be there, so leave ma alone.

Just kidding, love ya <3

Anyway, do you think Chase opened the right door?

Stay safe y'all! Love ya!

❤

- L I S A