[24]

I lean my forehead against Riku's, finally putting an end to our kiss.

"You okay?" he whispers once again. I only hum in response, my mind still too empty to form any kind of sentence.

He moves his hand up my bare skin a bit further, causing goosebumps to crawl onto my skin. I quickly grab his hand but don't attempt to move it away, I just hold it in place. "We should take it slow," I mumble, resisting the urge to place another kiss on his lips.

This whole situation is stunning and shocking to me. Never in my entire life has something that I was fearing so badly felt so damn right. I don't want to let him go. Is that normal? Does that mean I'm gay?

I mean, I've never been attracted to anyone at all since I never really had the energy to even think about things like that. So, I don't really know my sexuality. But right now, I don't really want to find out about it either. Right now, I only want to be with Riku, no matter how much I tried to deny it before.

Suddenly, the bell booms through the building signaling the beginning of third period. Slowly, I pull my head away and open my eyes, instantly meeting Riku's gaze. "I-I should go." He doesn't say anything but instead sends me a small nod and finally lets go of my waist.

I untangle myself from him and grab my bag before I carefully swing it over my shoulder. Sending him one last glance, I leave the room in silence. My mind feels more at peace now than before we kissed. It feels calm up there and not like a wave of emotions and thoughts is going to slam into me any second.

The only thing that bothers me right now is the growing urge that wants me to go back to him.

However, the urge is soon pushed aside when I spot Cooper in front of my locker, chatting with Kai and Gwen. Dread bubbles up in my stomach. The last time I saw him was- . . . I don't even know why he did what he did. I don't know why he wanted to be so close. But seeing him now makes me think of all the possibilities that could've driven him to do what he did.

Despite wanting to turn around and run in the opposite direction though, I continue walking into their direction with the hope that Kai's and Gwen's presence will stop him from doing anything stupid.

"Chase!" Gwen exclaims as soon as she catches sight of me, engulfing me into a hug. I awkwardly pat her on the back while my eyes are fixed on Cooper. He is staring at me with an undecipherable expression plastered on his face, resembling the one he had in the kitchen two weeks ago.

"I'm so glad you're fine now." Gwen beams at me after pulling back. In return, I shoot her a small, barely visible smile, which makes her grin widen even further.

"I'm also glad you're fine." My eyes snap to Cooper. The undecipherable look is gone, replaced by a sheepish one that spreads on his face as he scratches the back of his neck.

I send him a short nod with the smile still playing on my lips, trying to ease the tension that has suddenly overcome us.

"Well, we should go to class, shouldn't we?" Kai suggests, ready to usher us through the hallways. However, Cooper's voice stops him from doing so.

"Wait." Kai raises his eyebrows in a silent question, whereupon Cooper adds, "Can I talk to Chester for a second?" My stomach sinks. "We won't be long."

Gwen and Kai exchange a confused look. "Sure, but make it quick, you know how much the biology witch hates latecomers," Kai warns, sending us a last glance of curiosity before he turns around and walks down the hallway with Gwen right behind him.

My gaze lingers on them for a few moments until Cooper clears his throat, gaining my full attention as I turn my head around and lock eyes with him. The hallway suddenly feels a lot smaller than it did just a few minutes ago, the walls seemingly threatening to close in on us if we made one wrong movement. It causes my heart to pick up its pace and speed up to a point where I feel like it's running a marathon inside of my chest.

"I wanted to apologize," Cooper speaks up, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

"For what?" I ask with a clear of my throat. The memory of his chest pressed against my back pops up in my mind. Is he sorry for coming too close? Or for messing with my mind?

"I shouldn't have invaded your personal space like that. I went too far, I don't know what had driven me back then. I'm sorry."

I look at him skeptically. "Why did you do it then?" I voice my thoughts.

"I- . . I don't know, okay? I just-" He sighs in frustration, running his hand through his hair. "I think I- I like you, Chase," he whispers with his eyes cast downwards.

My eyes widen in surprise. He likes me?

I take a step backwards when a wave of dizziness slams into me with full force, the words ringing in my ears. He's the second one who told me something like this today. The second one.

I'm not used to this. I'm not used to people liking me. I'm not used to people being like this to me. I'm not used to it one bit. I'm used to the exact opposite. I'm used to curse words, beatings and hatred. But this? This somehow scares me even more than the violent stuff.

What do people see in me when they say they like me? My body? My personality? What is it that attracts them? There's nothing attractive about me. So what on earth is it?

"Please, Chester. You don't have to answer. In fact, you don't have to say anything at all. Just- . . Please, don't run away." Something tugs at my heart at the desperation in his voice, but the situation in itself overpowers the guilt I feel for wanting nothing more but to hide from him. So, I stumble backwards and turn around in a hurry.

Unfortunately though, his hand prevents me from running as it grabs ahold of my wrist. I feel panic build up in my stomach, hating the feeling of his fingers wrapped around my frail wrist so tightly. Again, his touch feels like acid burning my skin - exactly like it did back then.

"Wait. Please, you- I know it's wrong. You're a boy, I shouldn't like you, but I just do," he mutters quietly. Instantly, I whip my head around. Is that why he thinks I want to run from him? Is that why he acts so weird? Because he thinks it's wrong?

"That's not it . . . " I mumble, unconsciously digging my teeth into my lower lip. "I-"

"What is it, then? Why don't you like me back?" I let my eyes travel over his face in an attempt to avoid his gaze. My level of confidence is too low to look him in the eye, so instead I settle on studying his features. My silence seems to agitate him though, because he takes a step closer, his grip on my wrist preventing me from backing away. "Please. I know I said you don't have to say anything, but please, tell me."

I already like someone else.

The thought sets free a wave of emotions, out of which not one feels bad. They stumble around in my stomach like newborns and kick against the walls of my tummy, but in a way that makes me feel good rather than hurting me.

I really like him, don't I?

"Chase." I'm pulled out of my thoughts by Cooper's voice.

I avert my gaze with a small sigh. "Cooper, I-" However, before I can finish my sentence, I cut myself off when I spot Riku in one corner of the hallway. My eyes drop to his clenched fists.

Shit, how much did he hear?

"I should go, Cooper. Let's talk some other time, yeah?" My gaze stays fixed on the hard glare that Riku is shooting into Cooper's direction, while I try to wiggle my wrist out of his tight grip. Thanks to my weak arms though, he doesn't even budge.

I start panicking. Riku looks like he wants to kill someone.

"Please." I lock my eyes with Cooper's. "Please, some other time, okay?" The desperation in my voice must've struck something inside of him, because next thing I know, his face is stricken with worry.

"Fine," he eventually says, loosening his grip on my wrist. I instantly use the opportunity and pull my arm to my chest, a breath of relief escaping my lips.

"I should go." He nods his head in disappointment but doesn't say anything as I wave at him and walk off into the direction where I saw Riku just a few seconds ago. But as I walk there, I notice that Riku's no longer standing there, whereupon I furrow my eyebrows in confusion.

Where did he go?

The thought vanishes as soon as I round the corner though. Because before I can even realize what is happening, my back is already slammed into one of the lockers and I'm pinned against it. I let out a shriek of surprise, my body flinching violently.

"God, do I hate him." I hear a familiar voice hiss, his hand finding its way back onto the exact same spot on my waist where it had laid just a couple of minutes ago. I instantly relax into his touch as he puts his forehead on my shoulder and pulls my body closer to him. "Can't he just stay the fuck away from you?"

Humming in response, I lean my head against the locker behind me and shut my eyes. So many things happened in such a short span of time again. Sometimes I really ask myself if life is as draining for other people as it is for me. It's like my mere existence is soaking all the energy out of me.

And now, I got another problem. Cooper. What am I supposed to do with him? Just reject him?

"Can I punch him?" Riku suddenly asks, ripping me out of my thoughts.

My eyes jolt open. "What?"

"Can I punch that bastard?" I stare at him, searching for a hint of humor that'd show me that he is just kidding. But instead I'm met with the same expression that I have seen so many times already. A blank look with eyes full of fury and a dangerous desire - a desire to hurt someone.

This time though, it doesn't scare me like it did when he punched me in that alleyway. Or like it did when I shielded Kai from his wrath.

This time it brings something out of me that I haven't felt for such a long time. It brings out a genuine feeling of amusement and causes a soft chuckle to slip past my lips. It feels foreign, but at the same time, it feels comforting. It feels comforting because I know now that I still have that side, it's just too out of reach for me to bring forth on my own.

Upon hearing me chuckle, Riku's face softens and he lets his other hand travel down to my waist as well, holding onto me rather possessively, all the while gazing at me with another one of those unreadable expressions.

"I hate it when he's so close to you," he declares with a firm voice, sending a shiver up my spine. "And I hate it when he touches you." My heart starts beating faster with every word he says, the meaning behind them tugging at my heart strings.

"I hate it so damn much," he repeats in a whisper before he pulls me into his chest and puts his head into the crook of my neck.

Hey there.

I decided to put the book off hold (if you say it like that) because my motivation for it is just too high to ignore, so yeah, lmao.

Anyway, what do you think will happen with Cooper?

Love ya guys! Stay safe!

❤

- L I S A