I apologize for the long chapters...but this is also one of them

still, I hope you like it

.................................

"Remember when dad said that I was now the pillar of the house? " Joshua asked me and I nodded

We were both in my room just chatting about anything and everything after we both came from work, then this question popped out of nowhere

"then you should let me know what Is bothering you, I will hold the ceiling so it doesn't fall on you just so you can sleep soundly, Amanda "

I smiled at that and got closer to him hugging him "I know you would, and I love you for that and everything else ..but I'm fine "

"I don't like that 'but' part"

"josh i-"

"you went to Peter yesterday" he stated before holding me from both of my shoulders and looking straight into my eyes with his sad ones ...more than just sad ..worried and fearful ..." you never go to Peter, Amanda, you just call him and send him severe cases, now you went to him and you expect me to just stand still and silent? since this man came here and stayed with us, you changed so drastically .. have you lived the past five years this way? ..crying and running? "

"no, I haven't lived that way ..and I am not fine " I held my hand up close to his face; pushing the gap between his eyebrows with my finger; taking his frown away

"Aman-"

"I lied to myself the same way he did and maybe worse .. I think I liked him Joshua ..but I played myself and tortured it on my own, no one was able to hurt me as much as my own self and I didn't realize it "

"so you like him? that's why you choose to divorce? "

"I don't know why I chose to divorce anymore, knowing this one hidden fact has messed with my mind and everything I once believed in .. now they're all just assumptions that I need to check their credibility ..but the way I lived after divorce, now that I went back on it as if it was a patient's life, I realized that the whole pattern is just revenge on my own self .. I think I divorced to spite my own self because I liked a man I should have never liked ...and I was almost able to convince my own mind that Edwin was just the man for me, no matter who he turned out to be, he was the first and last love, and fate brought us together somehow.."

"that day ..the day we met ...if it wasn't for the ring on Henry's finger, I would've never considered Edwin back as a lover, he would've just been a friend and none of this would have happened, I wouldn't have ruined his and Madeline's lives and made them feel sorry and guilty towards me and I wouldn't have messed with the ties between him and his father i- .. I hurt so many, Joshua..."

"you've only hurt yourself, Amanda "

"no..no, I did hurt them, I –"

"you saved Madeline from my confusion and when she told you about her and Edwin, you didn't blame her nor try to take Edwin by force from her just to spite the two of them and to prove to yourself that you like him ..you didn't do that ..you left the scene just like that so they can be at ease and that was so nice and brave of you to do ..you helped me and Vic, you made our parents happy, and you got closer to Louis again .." his hand reached my face and wiped the falling tears that I couldn't wipe on my own, feeling numb all over

"if you didn't divorce, I wouldn't be able to see you still ..and I would spend my whole life after Vic and not win her over; not knowing what to do and what she wants from me... Edwin would have still been stuck to the idea of loving you and would've pushed away every single girl in his life refusing to love and settle ...there are so many good things that came out of this one divorce Amanda, even if it was with some messed up and bad intentions but it turned out to be beneficial for every single person that was around you .."

unable to contain the emotions that rushed through me with his sweet words, I plunged myself into his arms hugging him as tight as my hands enabled me, knowing quite well that my tears have stained a great proportion of his shirt

"now you got the benefits too, you got to know yours and his feelings" I stopped for a second and pulled away facing him

"I didn't tell you about his feelings" I murmured and all he did was turn his head away

"well...I might have ...you know ..just a little " he kept looking around not giving me a valid answer but I knew what he meant

"you eavesdropped "

"it was Aiden's idea"

"good job; throwing your brother under the bus ..and you say you are the house's pillar"

"Just shut up and keep washing my shirt " his hand touched the back of my head and pushed it back to lay on his shoulder while he patted it slowly ...almost putting me to sleep

"we're fine with whatever you choose, we don't forgive him fully but we understand ..and understanding doesn't mean that we won't reorganize his face if he dares hurt you ever again "

That was warm ...and it made me search for more warmth, so I wrapped my hands around him and hugged him tightly, feeling safe in my brother's arms

Aiden and Henry were in the living room when we went down, they invited us for some brownies and we accepted after some thinking, but not too much of it ...there is food involved ... we need to show respect....to the brownies

"mom and dad are coming back tomorrow morning" Aiden said with a full mouth

"they called you? "

"Yeah, while you two were talking "

"how are they? "

"doing just fine without us" Aiden said annoyed

"oo..you miss mommy? " I pinched his cheeks and he did the same "aw .ok ..let go "

"you let go first "

"fine on three "

"one"

"two "

"three!!" we both let go and move away from each other

I glared at Aiden but noticed the man beside him staring at me with a smile on his face, making my heart flutter again...

"I'm going out with Louis I promised to go to the park and get some ice cream with him so we might come back a little late " I stated and left the living room rubbing my throbbing cheeks and going to the backyard where Louis was playing alone with basketball, throwing it to the wall

"Louis " I called him grabbing his attention "shall we go? "

"yeah" his face brightened and he ran to me taking my hand in his pulling me in and out of the house

"next week, you're going back to school right? "

"yeah " he seemed a little annoyed when I talked about school

"why the grumpy face ? not excited?"

"no "

"why not? "

"cause I don't have a mom now and they will all make fun of me "

"who will? "

"Gabriel and Sid will make the whole school laugh at me again for a whole year"

"I am your mom Louis, we already talked about this "

"But you won't take me to and from school "

"so what ? that doesn't mean you have no mom ..and what if you don't? what's wrong with not having a mother? "

" I ....don't know! I just don't like it !"

"do you have grandparents Louis? "

"yeah "

"where are they? "

"they went on a holiday "

"I'm talking about your biological grandparents "

"no "

"you do have ... but they passed away, if you don't have any then you wouldn't exist because your parents won't exist ..it's a matter of life and death, not a matter of having and not having "

"I know! I have a mom but she's not here with me .. when all of their mothers are there for them all the time "

"Want me to tell you a story "

"no " this one word came out of his pouty small lips

"I will tell you anyway so listen "

he covered his ears with his hands refusing to listen

"Louis!"

"fine" he dropped his hands on the table and ate his ice cream while listening to me

"your mom lived with a single dad and your father lived with his mother, they were about to turn into step-siblings but your grandpa passed away in a work accident, so your grandma took your mommy into her house and took care of her as a one-sided promise to your grandpa after he died that she will treat her as if she was her stepdaughter, real daughter even, and at that time your parents were sixteen or seventeen, I forgot ... anyway, they got closer to each other and they fell in love ... "

he stopped eating and gave me his full attention and so I took his small hands in mine

"your mommy had no parents but God has sent her so many beautiful people around her to take care of her instead of her parents, your papa too he didn't have his father with him and he took care of two women on his own ...so you should be proud of them no matter what your friends say because you know now that even mommy and papa had just one parent on their side but that didn't stop them from doing great things in their lives, the greatest... being you ..."

Right ..this was their love story ...

And here I was thinking I could just get into this love story that easily ...what was I even thinking about ?...

"what's wrong ? you are being weird since you came back." Henry asked after sitting beside me in the backyard

"Nothing, just go to sleep it's already late "

"Amanda wha–"

"Please, I need to stay alone " I muttered annoyed and tired of how persistent he actually was..couldn't he just leave me alone

"did Louis say or do something tha-"

"no!!...whatever you're thinking it's not that, so can you please leave me alone?! "

I turned to look ahead, not giving him any attention so that he would understand and leave but-

"I am leaving tomorrow after I see your parents " he stated

I didn't answer him hoping that that would drive him away now but he remained still in his same spot, still looking at me.

"I was hoping you could give me an answer Amanda, so that tomorrow, I can ask your parents for your hand "

I fisted my hands trying my best not to give him any sort of reaction...

God! Just when will this thing get untangled...

"Aman-"

"it's a no " I stopped him before he says anything else that can manage to shake me again

"you sure? "

"yeah "

"then tell me the reason" I looked at him with wide eyes not expecting him to say that ...what am I to say to this?

"it's just a no "

"you never do things without a reason, so just give me your reasons, tell me so I can understand"

"no need for you to understand Henry, it's just a no"

"do you like.. this... Peter? "

...what ? ...

"yeah " ... I'm terribly sorry peter ..for using you

"Is he serious about you? "

"that's none of your business "

"just answer! please!"

"he is married with kids and she is lying to you "

Both of our heads turned to the man behind us, that interrupted this conversation

"dad?! " I got up, not believing it

"Good thing we came back now, isn't it ? or you would have run away, yet again"

"he told you that he wants to get back with me and you just agreed after telling me that you are never forgiving him and not to ever try and change your mind? ..why? " I closed the study room's door behind me and attacked my father with questions

"he loves you "

"and so? he hurts me "

"you didn't give him a chance "

"dad!"

"all you talked about was Ivy and Louis, you never saw him as a husband how could he treat you as a wife, you rubbed it in his face all the time that he fell for ivy's friend; his dead wife's friend... how was he to get the courage to tell you? to love you? just how? "

"then what was I supposed to do ?!.. I DON'T WANT TO REPLACE HER!!"

"no one asked you to !"

"THEN WHY DID HE TAKE ME IN FROM THE BEGINNING ?!..... I was there to be Louis's mother but ivy is his mother, I was there to be his wife but ivy is his wife and I don't want to replace her! I'm not ivy ! and I don't want to be her ! ..he can't love me, I am so different than her! I am not a replacement dad !"

"I never said you were ..we never said you were " I turned to the now open door finding Henry there

"get in " my dad granted him entry and I turned to him with my angry eyes "we all need to talk now so no more misunderstandings could stain our hearts "

"da-"

"do it for my sake Amanda, just this once .."

"fine" I looked everywhere but the two of them but that didn't stop Henry from talking to me

"you were never her replacement and you could never be, you are your own person, you are Amanda to me, the woman that I dared fall for after I promised not to ever fall in love ever again... I told you I was afraid Amanda but if you were just a replacement to me why would I be afraid? ...you are so different than her that it's unbelievable how you made me fall for you this way ..you are so different that you couldn't replace her but you won my heart anyway ...she's wrapped on my ring finger, while you got me wrapped on yours instead .."

I wanted to believe every word and forget every other thing but ...

why am I so insecure?

"I said it before, I want my own family, my child, my husband...only mine ...but you are not mine .. Louis is not mine .. I have to share with her, her name will pop out every now and then ..I am his mother, but she is the real one, he is from her own blood an-"

" we'll make our own, I'll give you your own child "

"I can't even hold your hand and you expect me to have a child with you? ..."

"then hold it, ju-"

"what hand am I to hold ? when you are still holding onto her ...you said it, she's wrapped on your finger Henry and I can't ju-" before I can even finish my sentence, he took the ring off right before my eyes and gave it to my father

"could you please keep it with you? I was planning on giving it to Louis when he grows up since we lost ivy's ring, I thought this could be used as a reminder of her to him since she never existed in his life ..and will for sure miss her and think about her when he grows" he then turned to me "since Amanda can never replace her and I don't want her to "

"i-" he got closer to me before I can even say anything more, taking my breath away with how determined he looked

"you will get rid of all these thoughts and all these fears inside your head okay? I already took her out of my hand now you need to take every single thing that is burdening you out of yours so I can hold onto them for you " he held my hands tight making me lose my breath...and words... "I promise that I am yours and I promise to be there for you and to help you,..so don't run away for a month, just stay with us here, stay with your family and allow me to be one of your family ..please"