"so you left from there? "

"yeah "

"he didn't follow after you? he seemed to be persistent, how can he just let you go like that ?"

"don't know but I am happy that he did "

"so ?.. what do you want to do Amanda? "

"I don't know .. I truly don't .. I have so many questions I want to ask him but at the same time, I don't want to talk to him "

"you don't want to or you are forcing yourself not to want to? "

That shut me up right there .. I had no answer for that...

After that conversation I had with Henry, I went straight to Peter's clinic right after calming myself down in a park just near it .. I just couldn't wait for an appointment, I was slowly feeling lost and scared .. I just don't know what to do anymore and that scared me..actually ..terrified me.

"Listen, Amanda, have you ever thought that this knowledge you have on human's mind is depriving you of so many things in life "

I just kept looking at him dumbfounded before I managed to ask "what is that supposed to mean? "

"if I was to treat my children and wife as a psychologist, trust me, they would've left long ago.. one of us will leave actually, either me for realizing every small issue in their system or them for being treated like a patient .."

"you've treated him as one of your patients ..actually you have treated everyone that way, including yourself ..that is how you reached this point .. " he added when I kept silent unable to argue with what I was hearing from him.

He put his hands on the table, decreasing the space between us

"I might sound sexist when I say this but work is so hard for women, I'm talking about your mental health, not that you can't manage the pressure or the responsibility cause you are more than capable even more than any man on this planet but your mind is fragile .....you are sentimental by nature, so it's normal to mix work with personal life and when you do, you feel lost like you have no place to rest and no home, it all appears like work to you ..."

"for those five years .. well seven years including the two years before marriage ..you went from work to work, you had no home, Amanda .. 'cause in your mind, you deprived yourself of one "

"don't forget that they are humans, family, friends, enemies, whatever category you can think of, but not patients, the moment you are out of your office, there are no more patients. Look at me, even though you are in my office now, I took off the coat the moment you came in ..cause you are not a patient and I am not treating you like one "

I sigh at that "I know ..but I had no other label to give him, Peter ..even I was confused, whenever I see weakness in someone I just treat them as a patient and try to fix them, all I saw in him was a weak, hurt and scared patient, he never once showed me this side of him "

"he had a label that is 'husband', and now a new label 'your ex-husband' .. you are confused, is he your ex-husband or still a patient? you want to throw tantrums at your ex but you can't cause he is your patient ..do you see where this is going ?"

"I'm mixing my work with my life, unconsciously " I nodded my head understanding

"and you are suppressing some great emotions that are now bringing you down slowly since they want release..stop this one-month policy you have ..ten minutes is all you need to calm down and just talk .. talk like mature people, and if you don't want to be civilized then just kick his ass, hit him, yell at him, empty a bottle of water over his head like in those dramas "

I laughed at that and so did he, he was truly helping me get rid of so much tension and untangle so many strings in my head

"I wish I could do that but I just can't, I'm not that type of person"

"that's why I'm saying this confidently, cause I am not the slightest bit worried that you will hurt someone neither physically nor mentally "

"but it's strange how he showed up as a totally different person, I just can't seem to know who he truly is"

"and that's good, he can't be your patient now, since you can't understand him, just take him as he is "

"but he might be suffering from DID"

"And you didn't notice that for seven years? DID is hard not to notice Amanda, you know that "

"the only second option I could think of is...that he truly was running away from me and hiding knowing that I might notice his feelings"

He sighs before opening his mouth "you said this before, there is no conflict between two only when the two are at fault, you both were wrong and he doesn't deserve to be the only one to be punished ...just treat it as your punishment and talk it out with him without running away..that is what you need "

"your father and Aiden might be helping for this one reason; for knowing the stupid nature of men ..we are stupid " he threw his hands in the air "we are also cowards, we run away from love, we're not as brave as you women are, we don't give in easily for the fact that we have some really strong emotions for this one girl, no, we keep turning around finding every kind of excuse to run away from these feelings ..why? cause we're stupid!"

"All I ask of you is to act like the woman you are ...to hear him out and hear yourself, because if I had to talk as a psychiatrist, I would say that I see something in you and in your actions since the divorce that you turned a totally blind eye on ..and I need you to realize it on your own "

"where were you? " Aiden asked when I came back and entered the kitchen with groceries

"Did anything happen while we were away? " Joshua eyed Henry when asking that

"just went shopping "

"and that took you this long? " Joshua asked not believing me

"and I met Peter "

"Peter who? " Aiden was the one to ask beating Henry to it since all he did was open his mouth with his furrowed eyebrows then close it again

"her senior in college " Joshua answered "you were busy rebelling in those teenage years of yours to even know "

"gee thanks " Aiden gave him a tight smile and a glare

"what do you want for dinner? " I interrupted the possible bickering that was about to take place

"already done sis, it's in the oven, waiting to be reheated " Aiden opened the oven showing me the roasted chicken and veggies

"you cooked? "

"what do you think? "

"I'm full, don't want to get any food poisoning "

"I have no time and energy after the shooting to cook, it was Henry and Louis"

....no comment... I had nothing more to say so...I turned to the groceries putting each of them in its designed place

"where is Louis by the way? " I asked opening the cabinet to put the cereal in

"taking a shower " Henry answered... and to that .. I had shut my mouth

"he can do it alone? " Aiden asked

"he learned to do it alone a year ago " it came out of my mouth before I can tell and I got a big blow as a reward for that

"I asked Henry " Aiden stated which made my blood run cold with embarrassment but not for too long since my blood started boiling with anger right after that

"Sorry, sis i -"

"it's not like he knows " I muttered and left the kitchen

"here" a plate filled with chicken, veggies, and mashed potatoes was hanging in front of my face while I was sitting on the grass in our backyard ...

"Louis made it with me, he will be disappointed if you don't eat "

"you found a good excuse " I took the plate from his hold and laid it on my lap

"haven't I ? " he said taking a seat right beside me

"I should get in then, so he can witness me eating it "

" keep running away, this time I'll be chasing you to the end of the world, Amanda"

"really ?"

"I might have been stupid to let Edwin get into your life but I won't be leaving anyway for this Peter to "

"what are you implying here? that it was your choice and decision to let them in and out of my life ?.. that you control my life? "

"don't twist it that way "

"no. I will twist it anyway I could, I have the right to understand anyway I like " I glared at him, not liking the way he spoke but all he did in return was stare at me

"What?!"

"for the first time ...now you are acting like my wife"

That made my face fall, all the anger disappeared and all the tension reappeared ...Peter was right ...

Ten minutes ...he said ten minutes are enough ...

So then minutes it is, I turned to my plate taking a bite and chewing on it, finding him concentrating on my every move.

"it's good " I stated hoping that that was what he was waiting for.

"happy that you like it" he said, still not turning his attention away from me.

"just eat and stop staring at me "

"I'm fine "

"I'm not, so just eat ...we will talk after "

"we will ?"

"yeah"

"I wore her ring on my finger, just like the ties I had with each of you, I was able to touch her with this hand " he held his hand up pulling my attention to it

We stayed silent for more than just ten minutes; we had our dinner and stayed just staring at the trees, their branches, their slowly shaking leaves but then he just decided to talk and that was the first thing he said

" and I loved her so deep... just like you know this finger is the only one that is tied with the heart"

true ..the ring finger held so many meanings

"I know that you love her Henry" I looked at his face now, meeting his eyes with mine "and you still do, you don't need to remind me every time" I muttered the last part but he heard it giving me a small smile

I turned to look at the ground knowing what Peter meant when he talked about something in me that I didn't notice ...

My heart fluttered at his smile ...my heart fluttered again ...

i-

"I had yours in a necklace, a place that is closer to my heart but far away from my hold .. I hate myself for this ..but I ...I love you more than I've ever loved her and that has always made me feel like a jerk" I looked at him finding him staring at me adoringly but also with sadness ..or is it pain?

i...

"you leaving was the best thing to happen, 'cause only with that I realized just what you meant to me, but I was still in denial ...knowing that I can never get to you again, you loved another man and that fate brought you two again right in front of my face like it was mocking me for losing you ..Louis had it bad after you left, he blamed himself but also me even though he tried not to show it...then came the day where your father came and showed me his wrath .. I was ashamed Amanda ..to hurt someone's daughter that was a shameful thing to do, especially that I loved her ..but no one knew "

"then how come dad changed his mind about you? "

"I begged, for forgiveness, and mercy... 'cause... I really just can't be without you" he breathed deeply then said " no more running away ..no more being stupid, I promise and I swear on my life..so please think about it, I'll be waiting for your answer, so take your time "

i... I'm stupid

I had feelings for this man

and I ran away the same way he did