《A Silent Lover》23. Imani

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"Mom it's too early! I don't feel like going to school anymore, can't we stay home today?" My son whined as I once more attempted to pull him from underneath the covers of his bed, trying in vain to get him ready for the day ahead. I watched as he flopped himself around in the bedsheets to avoid my hands and I stepped back in irritation, fed up with his antics. Jae had been like this for the better part of the month and he was getting increasingly worse each day. Huffing under my breath, I felt my patience snap.

"Jae, that's enough. You wanted to go to school during the summer and these are the consequences. Now move it mister!"

Hearing my tone, JaeHyun got up out of his bed with a sulking noise, clearly aware that I was fed up with his actions but still wanting to resist in some small way. I watched as he shuffled himself into the bathroom and I made sure I heard him turn on the water and step into the shower before I left him to his own devices.

Jae had been acting out of character ever since TaekWoon had left for Japan and I knew it was because he was missing his presence. It had been hard on him these last few weeks but instead of sadness, defiance had been his expression of choice. They were small acts and just childishness mostly, but coming from my little boy who had always been more grown-up then he should've been, I hadn't been ready for that sort of behavior. But how could I blame him for acting out because he missed TaekWoon when I missed him even more?

Somehow, he had wormed himself into our lives so strongly that we both felt empty without him, our little family incomplete. I almost envied Jae his ability to act out because I had no such recourse. Instead I had to hold in my feelings, getting more frustrated as each day passed. Because the truth was that I loved TaekWoon fiercely and his absence had made me examine my emotions until I had no other choice than to admit it. But no matter that I was feeling his loss too, we still needed to continue on with life because school and work waited for no man.

We were finally out of the door two hours later, and unable to keep up his churlish mood for long, Jae was back to his usual self by the time I dropped him off at his school building. I got out of the car and took Jae's hand in mine, ready to walk him to his class just like usual but today he stopped me.

"Eomma, I'm big enough to walk to class by myself now," he told me with a happy smile and the sight of it made the breaking of my heart ease just the tiniest amount.

"Oh, gurae? Well then, have a good day sweetie," I told him in as steady a tone as I could manage while I dropped a kiss on the top of his head. I watched him until I couldn't follow his small body behind the glass doors of the entryway, so quickly swallowed up into a life that was completely removed from me and the world we shared. Feeling more than a little despondent, I made my way back to the car and began to drive to the construction site of my new building.

Already JaeHyun was getting too big to be coddled and I felt that loss acutely; ultimately the fate of all parents would be that at some point their children would no longer need them. I suddenly wished for his petulance of this morning to last just a few more days, the need to keep my baby a baby for just a little while longer grabbing hold of me.

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I wanted to talk to TaekWoon suddenly, to tell him of this new development, to discuss the ironies of parenthood and how lonely it could be. However nowadays there was no simple way of communicating with my husband. Between photoshoots, music video filming, variety show appearances, practices and live performances across Japan, there was very little time for Leo of Vixx to be my TaekWoon. Of course, he made sure to text me a few times every day and saved his phone or video calls until nighttime when he knew Jae would be home.

Those moments were easy to handle since TaekWoon and Jae did most of the talking, each of them desperately curious about every minute fact about the others' day. But the more private calls that took place after JaeHyun had gone to bed for the night? Those ones made me shiver in anticipation. It felt different now that I knew I was in love; every phone conversation, every Skype or FaceTime session, seemed to have a deeper meaning to it.

Listening to TaekWoon's calming voice in my ear as we talked and imagining him there next to me was both painful and euphoric. And the video calls were anything but soothing; they were full of hot looks, innuendos, and promises of what we'd do to each other when he was back in Korea.

He made no secret of the things he had seen and read about over the years, his chosen celibacy in no way impeding him from being full of curiosity. And as he had begun to point out of late, I was his wife. Not that I would've complained; getting a call from TaekWoon was like waiting to go on vacation to Disney World; the excitement of the moment before I answered took me over each time I saw his name flash on my screen.

Distracted by my inappropriate thoughts, it seemed that I reached my new facilities in no time at all. I parked my car in a side street and made my way to the front of the building, trying not to breath too deeply of the dust-filled air around me. I walked on to the construction site, noting that the outside of the property looked mainly untouched except for the change of sign and paint color that now advertised the former hospital as a place of learning. Like so many other buildings in this part of town, repurposing old buildings instead of getting new ones built from the ground up was a common occurrence. On the word of my real-estate agent, I had hooked up with my current contractor and they had gone to work quickly to make my hagwon into what I dreamed it could be. But of course, in life there were always difficulties, and my own personal one happened to be named Choi Joon.

I picked up a hard hat from the pile of them that had been discarded at the door's entranceway and placed it on my head, taking mental notes of what had been done since the last time I had been here and what still needed tending to. Everyone was busy and I watched as they spackled walls, put in doors to classrooms and painted the whole place in calming tones of light yellow and grey.

I stopped one of the workers as they went passed and they directed me upstairs when I asked where their manager could be located. The somewhat absentminded and needy contractor that I had hired to basically redo the whole hospital into workable learning spaces currently had half of his body wedged in between two walls and a nervous tingle went through me. If the man ever looked busy, it could only mean more trouble for me.

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"How's everything looking Choi-ssi?" I asked the now startled contractor. He came out of the wall he was ensconced in rather too quickly, his arm crushing through the thin inner boarding of the hole he'd been inside of. Smiling slightly, Choi patted his sweaty face nervously with his handkerchief as he greeted me with a short bow.

"There's been a problem boss. This wall here," he said motioning behind him, "along with two other class rooms that were once operating areas. Originally, we were just going to close off the plumbing, refinish the floors in hardwood and add in the necessary seating, but it looks like the pipes burst at some point. There's been a lot of internal water damage and it's causing the cement to lift free from the foundation."

I sucked in a sharp breath at his words, feeling a sense of doom washing over me. Cement wasn't cheap and neither was plumbing. I peeked my head inside the wall, afraid of what I might find. The water had indeed come through at some point and parts of the floor had standing water in the crevices. Bits and pieces of concrete floated in the puddles and grey specks of crumbling stone lifted from the floor as I placed my foot inside the rough space. Luckily mold hadn't taken root or I'd have been even more screwed.

"How much is this gonna cost to fix?" I asked Choi, expecting the worst. He was hesitant but I prodded him until he gave me a definite figure.

"About three thousand," he mumbled into his clipboard.

"Three thousand won?" I clarified in a hopeful tone.

"No, three thousand US," he responded with a quick shake of his head. I gasped out loud in astonishment, and seeing my expression he was quick to explain.

"We have to scrap the walls completely, redo the plumbing for all the rooms to make sure they're up to code, and then we have to get some machines in here to dry it out the concrete before we add in the new flooring. In the places where the damage is too great, we're going to have to lay down new cement completely. It's expensive but if we don't do it right now, it could cause problems later."

"I know, I know," I replied with a tired sigh. I could almost feel my pockets emptying as I wrote yet another check for the industrial manufacturer that Choi used for his materials.

"Let me know if anything else comes up. I'm going to the school." With a curt nod, I left Choi and his team to work, feeling more stressed out than I had in weeks. This could potentially put us behind schedule by several weeks, and during that time I would still have to pay Choi and his workers, as well as any additional costs incurred. I rubbed my face in frustration, glad I hadn't worn makeup because it would've been a mess.

Between JaeHyun, the new hagwon, and my feelings for TaekWoon, it was almost restful to fall into teaching my classes. Watching as the students tried hard to understand what I was explaining to them was deeply satisfying and made me put my full attention into my lesson. The intensive course was over after two hours and most of my students left in a rush, the young adults eager to be away and on with their lives after spending so much time cooped up inside. And I couldn't exactly blame them; the view from my classroom was enticing in the extreme and I thought of teaching my next lesson outside in the bright sunshine. A few stragglers were still left in the classroom, but I was pleased to see my two favorite students were still here and waiting to speak to me.

"Annyeong! Chal chinaeseoyo?" I said greeting JunHo and SoonAe as they walked over to me.

"Sem! We just heard about your marriage and omona! Is that the ring?" The younger girl exclaimed as she grabbed my hand, turning it this way and that so that the diamond on my finger sparkled in the sunlight.

"Just who did you marry Sem?" JunHo asked in a stern tone. "We didn't get any kind of invitations; is this guy legit?"

I felt a slight warmth come into my cheeks at the thought of my impromptu wedding and told them both that the affair had been small.

"You guys remember the man from the hallway a few months ago?" I refreshed their memories and like light bulbs being turned on, their faces lit in recognition.

"Wah! Imani Sem you're so lucky, that guy was so gorgeous!" SoonAe gushed.

"I thought you said he looked like a gangster?" JunHo asked SoonAe accusingly.

"Gangsters can be hot; I was just saying he reminded me of one. And besides, he must be great if Sem married him," SoonAe reasoned.

"He wasn't that good looking," JunHo grumbled as SoonAe continued to wax poetic about TaekWoon's good looks. I listened with a smile, laughing inside at the thought that she had surely been struck by a case of LeShinSet herself.

"Sem, nan meonjeo kanda," JunHo said gruffly, cutting off SoonAe mid speech. The girl's bright flow of chatter stopped as JunHo stomped away, his Judo bag swinging listlessly on his shoulder.

"What's up with him, he had to know you'd get married someday? Who told him to crush on the teacher?"

"I don't think that's why he was upset SoonAe," I said with a giggle at her obliviousness.

"Well, then what is it?" she huffed, genuinely confused while staring at his retreating form.

"Sweetie, don't you know that JunHo has had a crush on you for years? I think he was more upset that you said my husband was hot then by me getting married." I manage to tell her gently and without laughing. In quick succession, SoonAe's face fell in confusion, then rose again in surprise, until finally her lips broke into a smile.

"See you later Sem!" she called out, already racing after JunHo. I didn't bother to stop my laugh then, the young romance taking place before my eyes making the earlier part of my day well worth it.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and the ringtone was immediately familiar to me, Vixx's Say U, Say Me chiming merrily.

"What are you up to today?" TaekWoon asked me, his voice tired but clear.

"Being a matchmaking genius. I think I should give up teaching and set up a shop," I replied back quickly, knowing that his time was precious. This conversation could only mean that he was giving up precious moments to rest or sleep to speak to me. My body melted as I listened to his voice fill my ear, the steady quiet of his tone familiar and very welcome. It hadn't been a perfect day, but with this call, he had assuredly made it ten times better. We talked about numerous things during that fifteen-minute break and I was able to settle that part of me was only stable when I had TaekWoon to lean on.

"Mom! I saw you this time; we agreed on no cheating!" My son laughed, slapping his hand on the money I'd just moved to my steadily growing pile.

"Jae, how could you accuse me of cheating? I would never cheat at Monopoly!" I gasped in mock outrage, my hands clasped to my chest while I tried my best to look the picture of innocence.

"Then how come you just added 7,000 dollars to your pile?" He pointed an accusing finger at my admittedly large stash.

"I got a chance card for that amount. See here?" I told him, pointing to the card in my hand. It was clearly a card denoting that I should give up a thousand dollars for taxes, but there were no numbers on the card and nothing to tell my young son that I was lying through my teeth. Jae took a long look at the card and then back to my face in stark disbelief.

"You're doing this because I can't read in English yet, huh?" He asked me astutely and it took all I had not to burst out laughing. We'd been playing Monopoly together for years and half the fun of playing with my son was tricking him. Only in the last few months had he begun to question my success at the board game and the more he paid attention the more I got caught. But honestly who could blame me? For such a kid, JaeHyun had amazing luck when it came to games. How would I have looked losing to a six-year-old?

"Jae I'm telling you, the card says take $7,000. I had no choice," I continued, willing to milk the untruth for as long as he'd let me.

"Mom..." he groaned. "Aren't you worried about being a negative influence on me?"

"Well, not so much, I replied, truthfully this time.

Just then the door to the apartment opened wide and it was a long moment before I could believe what my eyes were telling me.

"Appa!" Jae yelled and ran to the man standing in the doorway. TaekWoon dropped his bag on the floor and opened his arms wide, staggering at the force of Jae's hug but managing to steady himself as he picked the boy up. He crushed JaeHyun to him just as fiercely as he'd been grabbed and I found myself walking to them in daze.

"What are you doing here, you've still got a whole week left of promotions right?"

My husband didn't respond but grabbed me into a kiss instead, one that seemed to be filled with all of the longing that we had both felt since he'd been away. It was a long moment before I had thoughts of anything other than getting as close to TaekWoon as I could, marveling at how he'd made feel with just a kiss.

"I asked my manager to let me come back early. I missed you guys too much," he mumbled into my hair and I felt tears well up in my eyes.

"I'm glad you're home," I told him honestly, the sense of completeness that came over me a warm flood.

"Appa, now that you're here you can help me beat Eomma, she's cheating."

"No way! We've got to take her down," TaekWoon said with a laugh and just like that I became embroiled in the most difficult game of Monopoly I'd ever played. It was much later, as JaeHyun was being put to bed by his dad and I was resting after the high TaekWoon's homecoming had injected into our lives, when my phone rang.

The ID was unlisted but I answered anyway because Choi had been known to call me from such numbers and if anything was wrong with the building, I needed to know immediately.

"Yeoboseyo?" I paused, waiting for the person on the other end to respond. "Hello?" I tried again and still nothing but the crackles of someone breathing into the phone. I looked at the screen and the call hadn't been dropped. Once again someone was playing games and I'd had enough.

"Who is this? Why do you keep calling me?"

The voice rasped again with no coherent words, only a harsh breath exhaling into the phone. I sucked my teeth in irritation, fed up.

"I'm blocking this number, don't try calling again!" I say in my sternest voice and I'm about to press the end call button when a voice speaks out.

"Jamsinman jebalyo!" a high-pitched tone says in desperation, the woman's voice sounding close to tears.

"Who is this?" I say letting my frustration leak into my words.

"My name is Kang SooRi. I'm... I'm JaeHyun's mother. I-I want to see him."

I stare blankly at the phone as I move it away from my face in disbelief. The woman on the other end continues to speak but I hear it as if from distance, too caught up in what she had revealed. JaeHyun's biological mother was on the phone, speaking to me about seeing him sometime this week, saying that she had found out that I'd adopted him and that she wanted to get to know her son. I fell apart as my heart filled with panic and my head filled with thoughts of her taking Jae away. I've stopped thinking and now acting purely on instinct, I tell her to call back tomorrow, my fingers numbly pressing the button that would end the call and turn off my phone, hanging up on the woman, on Jae's mother.

Breaking down, I can't get enough air to breathe, tears clogging my throat and mouth until I'm gasping. I put my head on my knees, trying my best to get it together when my whole world seems to be falling apart. So, it's no surprise that TaekWoon manages to sneak up on me, his hands around me before I even realize it.

"Imani, what is it, huh? What's wrong?" His voice is almost close to panic from seeing me like this and I try to get it together. I wiped my tears quickly, my hands shaking too much for it to be convincing. I give him a watery smile, hugging him close so he can't get a good look at my face.

"It's alright, its noth-"

"No, Imani! Don't tell me it's nothing. Don't try to make me believe that nothing has you crying like this when you're the strongest person I know. Don't lie to me when I want to help you. Lean on me, like I've been asking you to every day since we got married," he whispers to me harshly, pulling me out of his embrace so that he can look me in the eyes.

"Just trust me."

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