I stare at Jax as he holds himself right in front of me. The temperature and tension in this room is unbearable and I can't take it anymore. Everything between us has been building to this moment and I know he's with Poppy but I had to tell him the truth. I wish I would have picked him instead, not because Jacob and I didn't work out, but because Jax makes me feel like I'm important, cared about and cherished.

"Don't play with me Ry." Jax spits out as I shake my head no. "I'm not. I don't regret the way things happened, I don't. And I don't regret my choice because he's gone. I regret it because I was lying to myself and lying to you when I said that I just wanted to be friends. I care about you and I'm sorry that I put you through so much Jax, I know you're with her and I'm so happy that you're happy, but I can't lie about it anymore. We both know that we're more than just friends. We have to cut each other off for our sake since you're with someone now I don't want to be the cause of a relationship ending. I was her, and it hurts and I can't do that." I tell him honestly.

"Fuck" he whispers to me rubbing my thighs under his palms.

"Rylee." He uses my full name as I nod. "Jax I care about you." I whisper as he grabs the back of my head and holds me into his chest.

I rub my hands over his neck as he rubs my back and I breathe in his scent as he holds me. "Please tell me I'm not crazy." I whisper.

"You're not crazy." He whispers as I nod and pull away. He pulls away and runs a hand through his hair before pulling his phone out of his pocket. He dials it as I sit looking at my hands calmly. I don't know what's going through his head right now at all.

"Poppy?" He asks as my heart cracks and a single tear falls out of my eye. "Poppy we need to meet somewhere." He tells her as I slowly stand up. I didn't just hear that, I didn't.

"We just need to talk." He tells her as I walk away from him. I just told him everything that I know I needed to, and it's done. It's over, he can have her.

I move out of the way as I go to my bedroom and change clothes. I slip on scrubs and my nursing sneakers as I grab my items and start getting ready to leave while he's on the phone. I start packing my lunch and take a cold coffee out of the refrigerator to take with me and I don't talk to Jax.

"Ry." He whispers trying to come back in as I turn. "Thanks for staying. I have to get to work. Lock the door when you leave". I tell him opening the door with my keys and grabbing the stuff for Jacob. He just stands there before I walk out and leaving him standing there.

___

When I'm off the phone with Poppy I'm waiting at her doorstep. I didn't have ten seconds to fucking think before Rylee left this morning. Carter was right, she'd come around when the time as right. And fuck if the times not right. I didn't want to date Poppy at all, but I did it, I happened in a moment of weakness and it's got to end. I can't wait another minute without having Rylee.

"Jax hey" she answers her apartment door as I walk in. I haven't even brushed my teeth or done shit this morning from being at Rylee's. Not that it matters because I'm making this quick before going home to feed Bee and going to the gym.

"Hey." I tell her as I sit down on her couch and she sits next to me. "So what was so important that you needed to talk about?" She asks sitting down as she lands her hand on my thigh and I remove it.

"Poppy you're amazing." I start as she rubs my hand in hers.

"But what's wrong Jax?" She asks me seriously.

"I wish that I felt something more for you in a different life. But I don't. I thought I could but I don't." I bluntly tell her as I sit holding my hands together.

"I know." She tells me surprisingly as she closes her hands over one another. "I know Jax." She tells me calmly.

"Poppy you'd do anything for me and fuck if I don't think you're amazing. But I'm not it for you, sure we messed around but we both know it wasn't anything more. Poppy I can't do this with you, it feels wrong." I tell her as she nods slightly.

"Jax I know. I think we just know each other better in a sexual way than a relationship way and we both know that. I kind of find it exhausting worrying about you now, which is why I remember I don't do relationships. I think my judgement was just cloudy with the amount of sex we had been having and I know I kind of pressured you into being my guy and it was wrong." She tells me rubbing my hand and thigh.

"I'm not upset. So go get Rylee." She tells me as I look over at her. "What?" I ask as she nods.

"Jax I know you better than anyone. Tell me she's not on your mind." She tells me as I sigh and then nod.

"I don't know where my feelings for her came from Poppy. I don't know how, but I know I care about her a lot." I tell her as she nods and smiles.

"Well then I'm happy for you and Umm, there's something I need to tell you." She whispers looking down at her hand before removing it away from me.

"I didn't come over last night because I was bartending and working late. But I met a guy." She tells me as I smile.

"Really?" I ask as she nods. "Jax we weren't even flirting he's an older man and we just started talking and I really like him. He owns a yacht club, he's a business guy, and he's only thirty five." She tells me as I stare over at her.

"You go ahead." I tell her as she smiles. "Nothing happened. I told him I'd been seeing someone recently and I didn't know where we were going. But I knew when I saw her standing on your doorstep that something was up. She looked like her heart broke in half when she saw me." She tells me.

"And I also know you Jax, and I want you happy just as much as I want to be happy. I'll always support you, I just think it's time for us to find people we see a future with. We're not the same twenty year olds who met at a bar to have sex." She tells me as I throw my arm over her shoulder to hug her.

"Thanks Poppy. You're amazing. I wish you all the best, and if this man lays a hand on you call me and I'll beat his ass." I tell her as she laughs and smiles.

"Thank you too Jax. You taught me a lot about who I am now and believe it or not I'm going to try and not look at guys for sex anymore." She tells me as I smile. I hug her fully one time before standing up and going to her door.

"Bye Poppy." I tell her as she nods and smiles, "Bye Jax." She whispers back waving. And that's the last time I'll ever see her.

___

The gym is as expected. Carter is whipping my ass and I don't hate it, I need to train harder and get better. Which is why my foots healing and I'm doing everything in my power to get stronger for my fight in a few weeks.

"How did the flowers work?" He asks holding the black punching bag as I kick my rounds into it and punch using left hooks and upper cuts.

"Yep." I tell him as he stands there smiling. "I knew it would. Women love the emotional shit." He tells me as I nod laughing at him.

"She told me she made the wrong decision choosing him and honestly I know she thinks that I'm never going to want her. But I care about her." I tell him as I keep punching.

"Little advice. Don't let anyone in the underground know she exists. If they find a weakness in you they'll hurt her, just like they did with you gramps. They found out about his investments and almost killed the poor man." He tells me as I nod. He's right, I know he is.

"So you're telling me not to make her my girl?" I ask as he shakes his head no.

"I'm telling you to keep her a secret. Nobody but you, knows about my son and wife and it's staying that way. You don't give them a weakness. If they ask, you fuck the girls from the underground for fun. You don't do that strings attached shit." He tells me as I keep punching and wiping my sweat.

"And you don't let her mess you up." He adds as I punch the bag ending my round. He steps back from around it as I grab water chugging it and stands in front of me.

"How's that?" I ask wiping my forehead.

"You don't let her in to mess with your emotions. If that happens she's your every thought, and that can't happen." He tells me as I nod.

"I know." I tell him as he pats my back.

"We're done for the day. I'll see you tomorrow bright and early." He tells me walking out of the fighting room and into the real gym.

I grab my shit and head home time we're done. When I get there, I park in the garage get out and go into my house. The first thing I do is take a shower, once I'm done I go into the kitchen to make lunch with Bee down at my feet.

I know Rylee's at work, but everything in me is wanting to call her and tell her that Poppy and I aren't together anymore and that I need her with me. But I can't do it, not right now at least, not until she's off the clock at eight tonight.

So I wait, once I eat dinner I clean up my laundry and the house before making my way outside and cleaning the gutters. I even pressure wash the tan siding and hang the ferns back up that my mom used to love having on the front of a house. She wouldn't even recognize this place anymore after I changed it up, she probably wouldn't even recognize me.

When she died, and my dad died, I was a shrimp. I was so small I didn't weight more than a hundred and fifty pounds, and now I'm busting two fifty. I didn't have muscles, I didn't know how to take care of myself and I didn't know anything.

Now I'm a grown man and I know what I want. I want Rylee Jane Parker, more than anything else I've ever wanted.