like an albatross, clawing and menacing me to drag it around in circles of time based memories. Memories that are sweeping back to me in leather bound lashes of broken colourless pieces. That defray in me with forceful reality I'm not all too comfortable to face alone. Making it clear that I really don't have much to fault Malik for.

See, it goes back to the past, to a time where the details are bit of a blur now. Yet the effect of has endured through something as flimsy as time. Proving what my father used to brick into my daily mantras. 'Time is a storm in which all men are lost, so watch how you feed and handle yourself in the present because it'll come back to you son.' He'd usually scream this at the back of my head in upper level training classes, sex studies and nutrition. It's only now I realize with full clarity how far his wisdom extended to nothing short of everything.

I wish I'd caught a warning me of the road ahead, perhaps if I'd been shown my cards. I'd have changed the course of my love life today. Changing with it the course my pack was now slipping down.

But that's not my life and it all comes back to a past that haunts my very life. To a time where I was ruled by a toxic strand of immaturity that hurts second party feelings. Thus destroying future relationships, opinions and respect for it.

When I was young in age and blood strength, I used to be sick with a desire to hold all the confidence around what I thought of as my playground. My father - a blue blooded Alpha had his loyal pack. I was the blue blooded heir so it only made sense for me to begin my rule as soon as possible. I felt deserving of my birth right and I was indulged in my misguidance. So, I picked my own territory which was the playground filled with kids close in age to me. Without them realising it, I even collected loyalty from oblivious humans in school and around town too. With my successful conquer, my confidence thickened with promise and my reputation soared with every single inexplicable antic I drowned in to earn my peers' respect in the first place.

Being young and leading the impressionable young was a sad story in itself. Because it meant that all my battles were unprovoked, designed to abash and won at the expense of teachers, service men and other kids. Especially one pretty eyed boy...Malik Larkatos.

I don't remember much but one instance has stuck with me through the years; we were at the meadow the first summer after my birthday. All young pups were gathered for training by Mr. Hannez and his then alive wife.

The rough bark of the tall thick tree pressed through my skin as I hastily climbed down in fits of giggles running away from my friends and their friends in a game of cops and robbers. I'd managed to stay ahead of the cops and the further I ran the more assurance I felt that I was winning and the more inflated my confidence and joy grew. Driving me to seek more adventure from the game by staying ahead and finding better places to run to for hiding. So I searched the field until I found another tree, this one large and wider. It was perfect, I knew it could hide me better than the rest, so I charged with full speed towards it. The closer I grew to it, the more I spotted with ease the small figure that sat slouched. Its back leaning on the thick bark, legs folded, head full of hair buried in a Marlene King novel. Making it clear I'd found my favourite target.

His big soft eyes widened at the words he was reading, thick long lashes wet and flattering to the pages he was devoted to. His lips were a little too red, a little too full for a male and I thought the way he smiled was adorable and contagious. He was my favourite target because of the way I felt drawn to torment him. I wanted to poke at him, cradle and hear him lament my name over and over like an unanswered prayer to the gods themselves.

At the time I think I just wanted to be like a big brother to him. I also wanted to baby him like the youngest in a friend group. Never mind that at twelve I was a pup myself. "Malik" I called looming over him, hands shaking with excitement and voice heavy with the thrill of all possible adventure I could dive into with him by my side, like a trophy.

He raised a small delicate hand over his forehead, squinting those big expressive eyes at me. They now began to swirl with specks of blues and flecks of greens. "Hi, Brady. Umm is Mr. Hannez looking for me?" he asked sweeping his stunning gaze at our surroundings. A fearful tale in his wide colourful eyes. Mr. Hannez was popularly known as the roughest and strictest disciplinary head our pack had ever known. Yet even with this knowledge, he'd dipped into the rebellious pool us werewolves couldn't resist against authority. I liked it, a streak to rebel - it was something I could claim I shared with him. I smiled watching his eyes grow soft and shine an angelic shade as they turned back to me all innocent and consuming.

I sighed. No one feature made Malik a guilty pleasure to look at, though his eyes came close. At Alpha camp, everyone and their father often spoke of the color a were-person's eyes were and how they were of great importance to Alphas and their subjects. As a male Beta, Malik's eyes should have been shaded like Tyler's, his twin sister's or his father's. But he'd gone and inherited his mother's eyes. That meant they would change shades of all ranks for no reason at all.

For as long as I could remember I was simply fascinated and mesmerized by his eyes.

The older I would get, I would squeeze and groan in the confines of my sheets, their memory behind my closed eyes in the dark. With each year of mountainous laundry, I would soon realize why, but at twelve. At much simpler times - I just wished he spare me some of the attention he gave to his fictional stories. I also liked to simply stare at his beautiful features. Admire them and watch them contort in a mirage of different expressions and colours. Sometimes they'd be indifferent to me and me wanting my fill of satisfaction. I would poke and taint him for a visual reaction.

I couldn't have known though, I did it to all my favourite things. Case in point; one year my mother stopped buying me toys altogether and sanctioned my use of gadgets until I was older. Because I would wreck and tear into them to see how they functioned.

With, Malik though I was mercilessly drawn to his eyes most so much I publicly claimed him as my toy to protect and taunt whenever I pleased. I was blue blooded - the Alpha's son, my friends were all offspring of highly ranked parents and we knew we could get away with murder if we chose to. Nobody in the pack, my family, the Alpha camp or as far as I knew the Beta camp had explicitly taught us that. But it was an unsaid fact that hovered around us in a thick cloud that had us self aware from birth.

I extended my hand out for him to take "No, but you should come play with me and my friends." I saw his expression change with an answer I wouldn't like so I quickly added. "...we're playing cops and robbers. You and I can be on the same team." I offered him the honour perfectly sure he would accept this time. Because, unlike other times, I had included my friends too in the offer others would've paid and bribed for.

Malik scrunched his face up the same way he'd done before every time I'd ask him to hang out. He made a face, linked a finger to his long shiny hair and lifted up this whole aura that implied that he was better than us, better than me. "I don't like any of the games you and your friends play."

He was the only one that could dismiss me and I remember my heart swelling with hurt and even more so when I realised I didn't have a better offer for him to hang out with me. Using my friends was the best I had after myself and he didn't want that either. Oh, it hurt, so bad and so much so for a second I lost all words and I felt dizzy though I remained steady on my feet.

Then he continued. "Can I please finish this book?"

It was my turn to make a face.

"Pretty please? In silence." he was basically shooing me away with his words softly spoken words. And that made my heart heavy and my walls of confidence crack.

Without thinking I snatched that damn Cale Dietrich paperback away from him and he cried. "Give it back Brady!...Give me back!" helplessly he jumped up and down trying with all his might to get his book back but to no avail. Since I held the book up in the air with my right hand and towering height laughing because the way his voice screeched and begged was adorable, really funny and supplicated for a hangout with him. Not to mention the fascinating rainbow of sea colours in his pretty eyes. This was better than nothing.

"You're making noise loser" Tyler snorted at a tear stricken Malik.

"He's trying to get us caught for dodging battle shifting lessons," Greg said conspiratorially looking behind him, in case the disciplinarian head had sent senior students to look for us. "Keep making noise and all of us will be in trouble."

Malik sniffed away his tears as he spoke a in a soft submissive voice that only gave us power over him. "I just want my book back and then I'll go away."

"If I give you the book back what will you give me?" I battered, softly and reached for something I couldn't even name.

"Pretty pretty please Brady, with a cherry on top?"

"Aww he said pretty please," Tyler pointed.

"With a cherry on top." I reminded with a proud grin breaking over my lips. Because I was happy I'd broken him and was hoping I'd be the one to put him together once he agreed to play with us. I was a blue blooded Alpha heir, there wasn't anything I couldn't do if only he could be patient with me. "He's such a baby," I said, searching for a fun filled reaction. "That's why you should come play with me."

Tyler and Greg broke out in fits of laughter, Evan even fell over a twig laughing and toppled over Tyler who then fell too. Hands wrapped around their ribs in uncontrollable laughter. I joined in barely standing straight. Onlookers from afar rushed closer to join us, to where the fun was. Most of them already laughing before they even found out what had us laughing this hard.

Malik acted like such a toddler he huffed, jumped for his book and fell over the tree. Hard enough to break skin until his soft, small palm bled at the corner. Then he started crying, afraid to be found out I passed the book to Tyler and then grabbed Malik roughly by his hair. "Shut up!" I screamed into his face hoping to intimidate him into silence. He only cried harder until Tyler passed the book to Greg and came next to me to assist any good Beta would for his Alpha. "Shut that mouth or else I'll shred that useless book of yours like I did last time." He promised.

That managed to quiet Malik, reducing him to quiet sobs and begging.

"Now come play with us," I ordered.

He failed to take the order, "I'm hurt, I need to see my mom or any elder."

His refusing me equated to him spitting on my pride and that pissed me off but I tried to be mature about it. So I easily offered, "I can kiss the wound for you but only if you agree to play with me." I took his hand in mine and he snatched it back.

"Yea, kiss the gay kid's hand Brady, that will shut him up for sure." Someone laughed. "...but that will get you a stalker dude."

I didn't get to add anything to my trade because Malik was up in a second, crying some more and like the child he was he stomped away from the meadow altogether. Crying rivers of tears for Mateo. At his name, we scrambled off before his merit and blood ordained big brother would come to reprimand us. No one liked to be punished for having a little fun and it seemed Malik was hell-bent on getting us in trouble all the time. The only reason I remember that incident is because later in the week, we plotted and got back at him for this. How we got back to him, I don't remember but it couldn't have been rosy.

A few more incidents happened after that but a little over three years later. When I'd grown closer to his twin sister Malia, we were over at their house on an assigned were-wolf group study with her and my friends. However, instead of studying all we did was talk about myths and politics around a bonfire. The discussion turned toward the origins and conspiracies of twins.

"Malia how come you don't ever hang around Malik?" I wondered out loud.

"We hang out, just not when you or any of you idiots are around" she playfully threw pebbles at each of us.

"Right because we're baaad influence?" I think it's Greg that said this.

"No it's because we'll teach him how to be a man, gods forbid," I remember it was Tyler that supplied the explanation we all thought was pretty sound.

"Ha-ha and the games we play are too much for him." It may have been Evan that said this.

Back and forth my friends mocked her twin brother. We all teased her with exaggerated eye rolls, and hand and hair flip gestures. That was all meant to mimic her twin brother at an exaggerated point.

Malia scowled then smacked Tyler on the back of his head. "It's because he doesn't like any of you idiots. And I can't say I blame him, you four and your lackeys are horrible."

For some reason which I summed up to be ego at the time, my feelings hurt but I masked the pain with a joke. "Well we don't like him either, so it's whatever." the joke earned me a kick from Malia, howls of agreement from my friends and a snort from Danielle who had just arrived. Danielle was a fellow pack member and a best friend to Malik who never found me or my friends charming. I'd truly never liked her because she encouraged him not to let us hang out with him. We hated her and it was clear in the way her gaze would judgmentally roam over us that she hated us just as much.

Another time when I was just beginning to be sexually active I was in a big football game, where I'd scored the winning goal for my team. Everybody cheered me on yet instead of thinking of the after party or the girls or the praise. My mind was enveloped with make believe images of those soft gentle sea colored eyes looking into my own with awe, admiration, lust maybe even love. I couldn't explain it then, but I needed his approval and I admit I kinda wanted to fuck my frustration into him. So I scanned for him in the field when that didn't work I strained my abilities to find him. That didn't work either and my mood was dampened.

Later on after a fresh shower, and a change of clothes I was on my way to the parking lot. Where I found him alone leaning over Mateo's red sports car. It was perfect, Danielle wasn't with him and my friends weren't behind me to witness their Alpha fail. Which was the most likely outcome whenever Malik was concerned. My hands trembled, my abdomen muscles tightened and suddenly I was like a gangly freshman asking out a hot senior to the dance. I ran a hand through my hair, sent a half made prayer to gods and advanced towards my prey.

His ever pretty face was buried yet again in another novel. A book with two shirtless guys kissing on the cover this time. His even white teeth captured his full rose colored lower lip. I was almost eighteen then and utterly curious about exploring his body deep and ravenous. Truthfully I'd been fantasizing about him for the past years but he hated me and that Friday after the game in the parking lot I decided to shoot my shot. Regardless of my nerves, regardless of him having a mate...which I now know the mate was actually me and not his best friend - Danielle.

"W-What's up?"

He dropped his book with a slight yelp....startled. He was cute without effort. My heart took notice, it slowed then sped as I crouched down to help him and even as I handed him the book back he hadn't replied me. Instead, his expression was unreadable which made it all so nerve-wrecking. I began to feel my pores open in heat and sweat. Damn it! I was a blue blooded Alpha, heir to my people and a god to these humans but at the height of it. I was just a fool in front of this pretty boy that didn't even give me the time of day. "Did you see me in the game?" I dropped a flirt into his ear. Working my way up to ask him to the party, Tyler's girlfriend was throwing the football team. My intentions with him weren't pure, not even in the slightest even when at the time I believed he had a mate.

He took one bored look at me and scoffed. "Are you seriously flirting with me? I have a mate."

Before I could reply a football swirled in the air and hit him on the temple of his head. He toppled over and fell into my arms. A Starbucks cup hit the back of his head just then, iced tea drenching and coloring his neatly styled hair and fashionable clothes I planned to rip off him.

The guys from the football team howled, whistled and sauntered toward me with excitement. I suppose they thought they were saving their captain from the scrawny kid.

"Yo! Scram," Tyler ordered Malik who huffed, pushed out of my arms and left on foot.

That very day I went to pick Malia up for the party, and when I saw Malik coming up I jumped out of my car hoping to finish what I'd started but he very deliberately walked around me in a wide arc clearly avoiding me. My heart sank but I was stupid and I should've done more. In fact, I did try harder even after he had supposedly found a mate.

But that was in the past, where I'd also once overheard our pack's Oracle refer to eyes like his. Saying eyes that blushed in colour came with an intensity of honesty and gentleness.

Oh, how wrong we both were.

Perhaps this is what the gods' meant to teach me; to be a true Alpha. Not one ruled by weaknesses of the heart or trite politeness to a pretty thing. But to be an Alpha of great spirit and noble ways who could accept defeat and trust the gods', for nothing occurs without their reasoning.